Post-doc to full fledged scientist? I was hired here as a post-doc, mentor sucked pretty much the entire time. Many of my colleagues in this position have ongoing interactions and project relationships with their post-doc mentor. Post-doc mentors often get their post-docs hired on permanently. I was hired on by my mentor's boss, probably out of spite. He is a heavy handed guy who doesn't like my former mentor (the feeling is mutual between them), and he hired me on, without consulting my mentor, in record time for the group. I was a post-doc for 15 months. My mentor was skeeved that he was never consulted. It WAS a slap in the face to him. (It took him a full 3 years to the day to be hired on with backing.)
Anyways, this relationship with my former mentor just isn't working and needs to end. I have been missing project meetings because I have this really great, shiny, happy project that I am choosing to focus on. It is going places. And in addition, it is this project that will get me promoted. I have worked on the other project for sometime with no hints of promotion and outright statements by former managers to the effect that it was keeping me back.
Yesterday former post-doc mentor e-mailed out a reminder for the meetings. I had three choices. First, I could start going to the meetings, heading out early from my other teleconference with the client to go to his meetings where I can sit and offer nothing and listen to where to buy FPGA's. I shouldn't have even listed that as an option, because I don't see it as one.
That leaves two viable options. I could ignore the meeting reminder and continue on as such, missing the meetings and never confronting the elephant in the room. Or I could e-mail and basically in a more formal, but yet still kind way, work at extricating myself. (Or expatrioting myself... as this project probably views it.) I sucked it up and chose the later. I probably had the guts to do so based off of the other day. (Aside, this proposal is not funded yet, but it has repeatedly been listed as a "new start" and in talking with other colleagues yesterday in my poster session, I was the only one selected among these particular peers to present the concept to the DOE reviewer. My optimism of having a funded project is growing.)
I wrote a nice e-mail (I thought) explaining the conflict and that my role on the other project was expanding and mentioned how well this project was going. I said that I would like to schedule a meeting to discuss my ongoing role, if any, on this project. I tried to be as tactful as possible without making accusations, (and I have a whole list of them I could have used).
I got an e-mail back last night saying that he wanted to speak with me as soon as possible (tomorrow, which is now today) and that he wanted an update on my task (which I give him almost every time I see him) in addition he "reminded" me that I had "agreed" to help with a ULVA project yet, he hasn't seen me work on it. Well THAT project is not associated with the project I am trying to extricate myself from.
No, THAT project is an exploratory funded project that I helped originate the idea, but then the dickhead never put my name on the proposal. I told him about 6 months ago I would help IF I had time after I found out my name was left off. And well, I haven't had time. Basically there was no tact in his reply to me.
I e-mailed back politely telling him my schedule for today, essentially I had no time available to meet with him, but that my team for my task and I were meeting this afternoon in the lab to work on my task, please stop by and we can talk. He didn't stop by, he is gone. Gone for almost 2 weeks now.
The elephant is still there, yet it is shrinking little by little.
I feel like I have failed at this project. Yet, I *know* it is not me. I have confirmation of this from others. I AM a good scientist. I was simply unwilling to continue on as admin support and lead procurements for the project, or turn fricking bolts on a re-engineered piece of (shit) equipment that has no scientific basis to it. Those tasks do not a scientist make. Still, I am not accustomed to failure and this is what it feels like.
I remember back when my grad school advisor asked me if this project was really something I wanted to do, noting it was SO outside my field. I replied that it sounded interesting and if it didn't work out I could find another project. I was quite flippant about it. He was a little more skeptical and said that could be tough. It wasn't hard logistically speaking, it is hard politically. I don't usually have political difficulties in the work environment. This one will haunt me.
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