One confusing Wednesday

Today is a confusing day. I don't know how else to describe it. Everything seems clouded.

After assuming (and basically being told) that Leif won't get into the Montessori school this year, the possibility has sprung up again. They moved some kids up, got some siblings in and still have one space it sounds like. This is confusing to me on what to do since Leif is about next on the waitlist.

1. On one hand, he and Cate appear inseparable at daycare and are real buds, I do want them to stay together. It would be really nice for them to be able to transition to new classes together. I know they stress independence at Montessori and so this may not be a selling point to them... i.e., please, please, please let Cate start too?

2. On another hand, Hans is "uncomfortable" at the notion that we can't go visit. We can go "look in", but visiting the classroom isn't allowed. I am not thrilled, because I love my Leif breaks. But at the same time I really like the Montessori ideaology and practice. And then a sibling comes along some day (not anytime soon mind you), I want to be able to spend my lunch hour with the new baby. So it is just a transition I will have to get used to. Additionally as Leif gets older I do think that he will need that predictability of when I come we go home and not when mom comes we might play and then she leaves again or we might go home. Oh and, Hans for being quite opinionated on this, rarely goes to visit Leif at lunch, but he does want the option.

3. And then there is the frightening aspect of the toddler room at daycare. They went down today for a visit and Leif fell and split his lip right off it sounds like. Some "big" kid took a toy away from Leif, which Cate proceeded to deal with that for him... Stories of humongo one year olds that don't crawl yet frighten me. Leif isn't tiny, but he isn't big either. He is right in the middle of the Gaussian.

Teleconference was today. My project manager caught me outside the room and updated me before going in. Apparently there is talk that they will make a decision in 3 weeks as to whether or not to do a client demo on my project. So here it is, the very real possibility that the client could say "well thanks for doing all this research for us, but we aren't interested", when they have given all the indications of otherwise to this point. So confusion here on what do we do in the next 3 weeks, how do we approach this? How do we get the results to sway them? What can we do differently? Do I have to really explain the research issues yet AGAIN to my well meaning team members who keep suggesting alternate experiments?

Then there is my tasks on the project I hate. One task of mine, a controller doesn't work, we have 8.5 weeks to get results and the damn controller is broken. I e-mail project manager to see if there is a replacement available. (Like I really thought he would consider e-mailing me back, silly me.)....wait...wait...wait...

So switch over to that other stupid project task... I made a list of things that need to be done and asked the mech engineers to tackle them. Stupid PM reads the list and notes that one of the items is to modify some bolts, i.e., cut them off because they are too long. He e-mails me (*gasp*) and tells me the bolts are in the lab. Umm yeah dipshit, those are the ones I have that are.too.long. But gee thanks for that *insightful* pile of horseshit. Did you ever think to read the e-mail to see what the problem was??

I e-mail him back making some vain effort to be nice and subtract out the words "dipshit" and "pile of horseshit" and pulled *most* of the sarcasm.

I really think that he is doing his best to make sure I don't succeed. From "stealing" (my words) components off of my task setup... things he doesn't need, we look all over for, and then they are found sitting on his desk. To never returning my e-mails. To doing the bare minimum to complete the things I ask. Example,

Me: "I need the pump to hook up to the system".

Him: "Sure, I will get it tonight."

(Repeat the above daily for 2 weeks.)

Then I go into the lab and see the pump sitting there as I think to myself: 'Oh looky, he brought the pump in! I am going to hook it up! Oh wait here! There is no connector.'

Me: "Hey, I need the hose that connects the pump to the system."

Him at each of the attempts today to convey the issue: (silence) (no response to e-mail) (on the phone when I stop by his office) (on the phone) (doesn't even look my way as he is headed to his car and I am waving). You know, some might have even interpreted my wave as a friendly wave, and not an attempt to flag someone down. In which case, most people would wave back. No, not PPM, he pretends to not see me as he walks faster.

Does this sound like someone who is trying to enable success on projects? Or maybe I just don't have enough experience in project management to have any idea how annoying it is to have people work for you and do things for you, yet still need your assistance on a rare occasion.

My solution now... I am going to ask once and keep record of it. Then when he comes storming into my office wondering why I am not working on his project and why it isn't going anywhere? I can pull out a folder and say "well I asked you for the pump connector on August 2 and August 3rd, both in person and by e-mail. I am waiting for you to get it."

I know, it is a sucky, non-self starter attitude to take. But frankly, it's ridiculous. I can spend a day ($1000 of taxpayer money on that project) to go look through his labs for something I have never seen before. Or he can tell me where it is for a lot less $$ and quit wasting my f'ing time when I, like he and everyone else here, have a boatload of things to do before September 30th.

There. I am still confused.