Why I don't buy fish

It started out something like this yesterday:

"Why don't you pick up some more halibut," AB asked me as I was headed to the grocery store.

I paused and thought about this. Me pick out fish? After 13.5 years of being together he trusts me to have learned the nuances of picking out the fish? This is knowledge that is born with you and cannot be learned. Particularly by someone who was raised near the mountains, i.e., days of driving to an ocean.

Part of being a true Alaskan is having an intimate knowledge of fish and/or wild game that no one from the lower 48 can possibly possess.

One of the worst moments in mine and AB's relationship goes back to when he first met my mom and stepdad. Not only did my cat attack his head and he hit her (my stepdad cheered, I nearly cried), but my mom made salmon. Pink salmon, chum, dog food that is. AB didn't touch it and I was so appalled. My boyfriend was a salmon snob.

My mom and stepdad have long since been schooled in salmon (thanks mostly to AB) and have achieved the near Alaskan standards for selecting quality salmon varietals. They too can be classified as salmon snobs. We wear our Salmon merit badges with honor.

I got to Albertsons and went to the fish counter. I knew enough when the fish monger started pushing the fresh Copper River salmon for $12.99 a pound to turn my nose up at the way they were tossed willy nilly in the cooler looking as though they had been hacked in half with a rusty blade. For shame... the best salmon you can buy here locally treated so poorly.

I saw the goods, the halibut. I balked at $15.99 a pound, but it was perfect looking, white through and through, layed out neatly, and no bruising and fresh this morning the fish monger informed me. I didn't stop at one pound, I bought a whole two pound filet at just over $30. AB would be so proud and maybe I would be one step closer to earning my merit badge in Fish Selection.

I hauled it home happy with my purchase. I encouraged AB to open the package and examine the awesome looking fish I bought. He trusted me he said. I walked around all afternoon with my head held high!

We were making fish tacos for dinner. This is an excellent make ahead meal. If you are going to spoil your freshly cleaned kitchen by frying fish, you might as well do as much as you dare and freeze it, as it freezes excellently. And since I am returning to work on Monday (booo) we decided to stockpile by frying up about 3 lbs of halibut. All that we had left in the freezer and the big two pound filet I just bought. AB does the first pound and then opens the package I bought.

Silence.

"This is cod," he tells me.

"It is not, it's halibut," I respond defensively.

"No it isn't. It's cod."

I am nearly to flipping my lid. "I am NEVER buying fish again, ever!" I say to him in a fake cheery voice so that Leif doesn't realize my displeasure.

"It's not your fault," he tells me, "but you were screwed. How much did you pay for this?"

I tell him.

Fireworks as his face drains of blood.

I held steadfast to it being halibut, they look similar. AB fries up a piece of this mystery fish and hands it to me.

Damn, I think. He's right. It's cod I announce. I may not know the difference raw, but I certainly can taste the difference.

Thankfully cod is our second choice for frying. AB fried the rest of it up without another word of displeasure though I know there were two things going through his mind... 1. I am buying the fish from now on. 2. Once again we are boycotting Albertson's fish counter, the remodel did nothing for their fish quality.

Congratulations AB!

Anyone have a job for a new graduate with a Masters in Environmental Engineering?

AB graduated on Friday and actually decided to march! I didn't march for my graduate degree. I never really regreted it... at the time. I had to get up here and start my job - or so I thought. If I knew then what I knew now I would have hung out in Reno and started the job in mid-May. They didn't need me asap as I had been lead to believe. Anyways, this post is about AB and not me...

AB decided to walk across that stage, shake the governor's hand (despite the fact he can't stand the woman) in full graduation and hood regalia. I had Leif and the Bean. That was a challenge and I finally relented on actually sitting/playing around the seats and we moved to the grassy area where Leif could run around and I actually got better pictures anyway.

I am just so proud of AB. It took him 7 semesters to complete his Masters in Engineering all the while working full time and adding two children to our family. He rocks!

Fleeting thoughts from Nuclear Mom on Mother's Day

Will my couch cushions ever remain properly placed on my couch?

Can I just freeze this moment in time?

And can we just fast forward through this tantrum.

It's 3:40pm, wine is perfectly acceptable now.

Exactly what other options are there for rinsing shampoo out of hair?

How in the world did poop get there?

A bath is just easier than 14 wipes.

The blowdryer on the changing table advice offered the other day might be worth considering.

Whoever invented bubble blowers is evil.

A real Mother's Day present, both kids napping.

When are they going to wake up? I miss them.

My husband is the best, flowers and chocolate and a cat card whose paw waves when you open the card... (I will never get to see said card again, Leif picked it out for a reason).

I am positive that was a giggle, positive.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Regarding the story of AB taking Leif into a Hallmark store... chaos.)

My mom is really cool. I'm so lucky.

I understand that statement that you never know how much you are loved until you have your own kids. I really do.

What is it about my husband's sweat that puts my daughter to sleep?

The white balls from the Hungry Hippos game really do fly far. (And the plastic is amazingly painful to toes.)

Can I just eat those cheeks up?

A nearly three year old making a decision? Painful.

Independence? Also painful.

What can I bribe my husband with to start sitting to pee so that my son emulates THAT?

Wow I love being a mom.

I am the luckiest mom ever.

Filed under things that Leif says that slay me

Leif: "Mommy, I want to do tree pose."

NM: "Ok, let's stop and do tree pose." (Yoga in the kitchen time...)

Leif: "Mommy I need yoga movie. It makes my insides feel good."

Thoughts on two

Two kids is great. Ok, so it is insane at times. But seriously the best thing I could have done for Leif is to give him a sibling.

I have seen Leif evolve in so many different ways in the last seven weeks. It started out as 100% jealousy and a complete lack of understanding of what happened to his former life. I would get tears in my eyes when he would scream, "no, that's my mommy!" when I would nurse Skadi. It tore me apart to have AB drag him off my lap screaming as he would jump on it an inch from Skadi's head.

About 75% of the jealousy has abated. It might decrease a little more over the years, but I think we are at a settling point in the pond. A tantrum will occur if I dare bring Skadi into our bedtime routine. His going to bed time is one on one time with AB or I, and that needs to not change for the time being.

What has replaced that 75% of jealousy is love in many forms. He is protective of his little sister - as shown by the growling that has ensued when strangers stop to admire her. Growling followed by "my sister" and then growling again until they leave. (It hasn't helped that AB edges him on in this behavior.) I only hope that his protective nature grows as she grows. Isn't that the dream for all little girls is to have at least one protective big brother?

Tenderness has also entered Leif's life. We were riding home from daycare tonight and Skadi was doing her usual fussing in the car. I turned up the music (hey, it used to work with Leif!). Leif on the other hand showed genuine concern.

"What's wrong boy?" (He still calls her "boy" regularly.)

"Where's your pacifier?"

"Mommy, where's Skadi's pacifier?"

"Anything I do make you happy?"

"Oh don't cry, it's ok!"

All things I heard from the backseat in the most tender little boy voice. Tears.

And his favorite book right now? Ok, second favorite behind "Sam I am I am" is "I'm a Big Brother". Of course you have to substitute his and Skadi's names in for the little boy and gender neutral baby.

When I had Leif I would cry at the thought of him growing up. I wanted him to stay tiny forever. I wanted to savor every minute. I still want to savor every minute with Skadi, but I look forward to watching her grow, I am not fearful of losing the little baby because I know that there are so many fun experiences just around the corner and that it only gets better and the love only grows stronger. Oh and maybe since I think I have a good shot at selling AB on having a third...

Little sponges for learning

AB: "Do you want to go for a W-A-L-K tonight?" (We spell this to prevent our dog from tearing our house apart upon hearing the word "walk". Pavlovian response.)

Leif: "I want to go for a walk!!"

Quick note

If anyone has e-mailed me through my blog (i.e. my spam account acarman72@yahoo.com)... sorry, I didn't get it. I usually check it every few days and I got so far behind while being out of town. I had over 1000 (99% spam) e-mails and so I just dumped the whole thing. Post here and let me know and I will contact you if you don't have my other e-mail address.

A warm spring afternoon

Probably just what I needed

A few posts ago I expressed a very not ready to go back to work sentiment as I bemoaned the fact that my maternity leave was closing in on being 75% finished. Most all that I have really heard about work in the nearly eight weeks I have been off has been bad. How awful things are right now, the layoffs, life in the "lack of funding" trenches. Couple this with AB's growing discontent of this area (and no one pounding down doors to hire him) and I was nearly ready to call it quits. Key word... was.

I had even found a few jobs online to apply for. One of them, AB stated was a nearly sure thing. My qualifications were perfect and it is working for one of my major client's client. And so we started dreaming about what life would be like in Portland. (Among other cities.) Restaurants. Culture.

Then I checked my work e-mail today and had a five minute conversation with my mentor. Amazing what a little appeal to one's ego can do and knowing that I have someone pulling for me in a recent, and extremely political proposal call, can do.

My mentor talked to a division director (in the group I want to move to). She didn't know my name immediately though apparently stated she felt as if she should know who I was. My mentor told her what big (and extremely profitable) project I had been on and she knew me immediately and recalled me receiving my award for that project in March. When he told her I had a "really well written and intriguing proposal" to put out for this call she "suddenly became very attentive". The conversation ended with the division director stating she would contact a particular person and ask him to work with me on the proposal.

Note to self... next time I see her dropping off or picking her son up at daycare... introduce myself!

So 10 minutes on the internet and 5 minutes on the phone has me thinking returning to work won't be SOO bad. And it has me reminding AB of everything we love about the area... though the summer weather might have been a little forced and definitely garnered an eyebrow raising from AB (remember AB = Alaska Boy). He admitted that the shakedown of a reorg could definitely move me in a very positive direction and my four weeks paid vacation a year is a hard thing to walk away from. It probably also helped that he got two pretty positive responses from headhunters in the area today and sent out about 10 resumes.

For now, thoughts of jumping ship have been shoved onto the backburner. Talk to me in a month though.

Starfish continued

Starfish... found.

V phoned this morning to tell us that the starfish has been found.

Immediate confusion. They didn't come to the cabin with us... how did they find the starfish?

Turns out that she smelled something in the car that smelled like spoiled milk. Then noticed it was coming from the pack and play... the one we borrowed for Skadi to use at the cabin.

Yep. You guessed it. The starfish was put in the pack and play by one little somebody. Then evidently the pack and play was broken down and packed up by one big somebody. (Note, that was NOT me.)

This was a big and stiff starfish. How AB packed up the pack and play with this starfish inside I have no idea. Put some muscle behind it I guess.

Mortified. I think I would have rather it been at the cabin and be facing ribbing for the rest of our lives from family.

Vacation

On the whale watching trip... we saw no whales. It remains on my life list. (And I am seriously questioning the claim on the charter companies website citing whales seen 99% of the time during the April to May season... hmmm...)

Skadi smiles!

Leif and AB and a seal... AB tried and tried to get pictures of the seals that were playing around the boat and we left bummed that there were no seal pictures. That was until we were going through the pictures a few minutes ago. Apparently I got very lucky! See it? (Or is it too small here?)

Having fun on the swing!

How to pack for vacation and other stories

"Leif do you want to pack your bag for vacation?"

"Yes mommy!" and he runs off to his room.

A few minutes later he hauls back his little rolling suitcase packed...

with a roll of paper towels (where did those come from?), Green Eggs and Ham, and a matchbox car. "I ready now!" he announces.

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And from the annals of where did he pick that up?

"I tell you what...." starts about 75% of sentences currently.

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The story of the most unluckiest starfish... ever.

AB was retrieveing oysters (from our seeded beds) to haul back home and decided to bring a starfish up to the cabin for Leif to touch. It was a large purple starfish and Leif was enamored. He touched the spines and called them "little teeth". We looked at how the starfish ate and touched the little tentacle suction cup things. (It is SO fun showing a child a new thing.)

We manhandled the starfish for a little while and Leif decided he wanted to bring the starfish home. I found a bag to put it in. Leif marvelled and dragged the bag around the cabin.

We were driving home and Leif starts wailing, "MY STARFISH!!"

I calmly told him daddy put it in the back of the car. AB looks at me and raises his eyebrows, "I did?"

"Yes," I tell him, "I put it in a bag next to the cooler."

"Umm, no," he tells me, "I didn't put it in the car."

More wailing from the back seat. "MY STARFISH, MY STARFISH!"

"Leif where did you put your starfish?" we ask him.

"In the garbage," he says.

"Which garbage," AB asks hopeful it is the garbage bag that is in the back of the car to go to the dump on the way home.

"The garbage," he says between wails.

Lucky AB gets to paw through the garbage while dumping it. No starfish.

Yeah, we are going to NEVER hear the end of it if the cabin is stunk up by a starfish.

Six weeks already?

Today is the last day of my maternity leave. Six weeks, poof. Gone. I have opted to take another two weeks off unpaid and will go back to work on the 21st. As a currently single income family while my husband finishes up his degree and job hunts in his new field, I have to admit that this two weeks unpaid is painful. My vacation time is on the low side from holiday travel and I need it for upcoming family visits and a few things *I* want to do this summer. So I could use a couple days vacation, but not having sick time for another year essentially, and having a toddler and new baby... yeah, better keep the vacation time.

Before I had kids I tended towards the hard line... what's the big deal, go back to work and get over it. Having done this twice now myself I can officially say that six weeks maternity leave is unjust. I had eight weeks paid off with Leif, but my company has since then opted to outsource the administration of their disability program to an underwriter group who prides themselves on lowering the bottom line. To take an additional two weeks off paid I better have a damned good, documented doctor's excuse. This is despite the fact that I have an additional two weeks time banked that I could use.

I was always the voice of dissent on discussion boards when people would whine about how much better women in other countries have it. My response (as your typical fiscal conservative) was always "who pays for this? The people do! Look at their tax rates! How do you expect small businesses to survive?" Yadda yadda yadda.

Tune changed.

It isn't that I balk at leaving Skadi at daycare. I am truly lucky that I have outstanding infant care and that I have two women who are so excited to have her in their care. Maybe it's that I just am not feeling like going back to work. I am relishing how much I can get done in a day with just Skadi at home, while freaking out at how little I get done with Leif and Skadi at home. I don't know what it is, maybe my feelings of indifference will have abated in two weeks and I will look forward to going back and writing proposals and taking over my project again. Maybe.

Doubtful.

Spontaneity

How quickly can you be packed up and ready to be gone for 5 days? How about when you add a toddler and an infant in there, how long will it take? All of us and one large dog and an SUV - thereby limiting the items you can pack to under the kids feet, the soft roof rack carrier and what you can reasonably fit around the dog in the back?

Sounds like we are fleeing the country doesn't it. Nope, just fleeing the city for 5 days.

We had planned on going to the coast next Friday and staying at AB's family's place. Today I sat down in front of the computer with the phone and started calling to make reservations for grey whale watching while over there. Leif will love it and it is something on my life list. but imagine my horror when the woman I talked to at the first charter tells me that our dates might not work, it appears the whales may be moving on. This was confirmed by the rest of the charter companies on our list.

I thought we were out of luck. Then my husband, Mr. Spontaneity, jumps in and says "well let's pack up and go tomorrow!"

I (Mrs. Non-Spontaneity) was reluctant. Finally I worked through in my mind. We don't have anything that we can't either reschedule or bail on our friends with (sorry guys). So I called the first charter back and booked a whale watching trip in a town 7 hours away for Saturday afternoon. The real tradeoff for the trip is that we won't be able to be gone for quite as long, we were planning 7 days before, but now the trip will just be 5 days, but will include whales. A worthy tradeoff in my opinion.

We are leaving tomorrow morning and driving 5 hours to the family cabin (which AB confirmed was open for the weekend). Spending the night there and then driving across the Olympic peninsula to the ocean side to Westport, WA and meeting our 2pm charter.

Leif is going to FLIP when he realizes he gets to go on a boat (something he has been asking to do for weeks now, my MIL even checked into a boat tour to go on this past weekend so we could address this). He might just fly over the moon though when we get out and he gets to see whales! Ok, *I* might fly right over the moon with him.

We have a few other things planned for the trip. AB wants to go to Olympia and visit a boat building shop. Now that he has defended his Masters he gets to make a decision and order either a kit or plans to start his new project. We want to do some clamming. And Leif and I plan on beachcombing at every daytime low tide that we can. This is a special treat for those of us (that would be me) who didn't grow up next to an ocean.

So instead of fiddling around on the computer anymore, I need to go continue packing and get a grocery list made for once we get to town tomorrow. We will return next Tuesday evening!

Visiting NM and AB anytime soon?

I have to admit, there is something you probably should know. You can't cook in my house. It just won't work. We can deal with someone acting as a sous chef, but flat out cooking for us? Can you say controlling? One exception, my mom can come and bake all the wants. And I might make an exception for other extraordinary bakers... I won't balk at anyone baking me a pie!

My poor MIL has found this rule out the hard way on her visit the past few days.

AB and I love to cook. We love to cook good food and on top of that we are particular about the foods we cook and how they are cooked. Example, you might get some serious ribbing if you bring 4 lbs of good quality $11/lb meat into our house and intend to boil it to cook it. That is called making stock, not cooking meat for dinner.

My MIL finally lamented about how my BIL and SIL let her come in and cook and fill their freezer with food after the birth of their son in December. AB and I felt bad. We ARE a *little* overbearing about food quality (see above), kitchen techniques and the proper way to do things (a fresh cut onion is not wrapped lightly in Saran Wrap and put in the cheese drawer and my top of the line, freshly honed Henckels never ever ever go in the dishwasher).

We need to back off. There is more than one way to do things... or so I hear. We really are grateful for the assistance, particularly that part of cooking dinner AB and I both loathe, cleaning up. Or... easier yet, come to our house and let us cook for you!

(Tonight we are ordering out Mexican and making margaritas... this will make everyone happy!)

Leifism

Heard over the baby monitor while he was having "quiet time".

*ring ring* (play phone)

"Hello, hello?" Leif says.

"Mommy here?" he says, "no mommy in bathtub with Nemo and Lightning McQueen."

(Note to self, it will be a long time before Leif is allowed to answer the phone!)

Fun with the camera

Skadi

Skadi at 3 weeks

Leif at 3 weeks

The news

Normally the news is on in our house far too much. I often get annoyed with my news freak husband about the TV always being on, and not only that but on news channels that just rotate through the stories repeatedly.

I should have known something was up the other day when the TV never hit a news channel. AB knew I would keep the TV on cable when I watched and never mentioned the VA Tech massacre to me. He knows me right now.

I am almost 4 weeks post partum and I have the same post partum "issues" this time around that I did with Leif. Some women get post partum depression. Thankfully I don't, my "issues" are being extremely emotional (read sappy, I cry when Leif says his prayers at night) and paranoia about something bad happening (how many times exactly did I remind AB to wear his seatbelt on his way to drop Leif off today?). All the different realms of post partum feelings are normal as hormones return somewhere near where they should be.

AB knows this is me right now and we have talked about it. This is why that awful day our TV never hit a news channel and AB silently got his news on the situation from the internet. (I feel obligated to remind women to keep open lines of communications about their feelings post-partum... they are normal.)

That is until I surrendered to the realm of bad TV and decided to flip to Days of Our Lives so I could whine about it. It wasn't on, it was a news conference with an interview with the university president and the chief of police. I can't dwell on the horrific act right now. I have just gotten to the point where I don't have to flip the channel within 2.6 seconds of a related news story coming on, but I am not to the point where I can discuss the happenings without breaking down to "my children are never leaving my house".

However, this morning there was a story on about how other students and faculty had recommended this student for counseling and how did he slip through the cracks. This took me back to my 3rd or 4th year in grad school when I was teaching Physical Chemistry Lab.

It was near the end of the semester, the students were turning in their final papers to the professor. The prof asked me to coordinate them all and make sure all materials were turned in. I noticed that Michael (aka The Postman as named by his classmates nearly 4 years ago in their dorm hall) had not turned in his first draft and I sent him off a quick e-mail asking him to drop it by my office when he had a chance, reminding him it needed to be submitted with his final draft, which I had.

Within minutes I was e-mailed back a rambling, ranting e-mail telling me where I could go and saying that everyone in the department, but particularly me, needed to be watching our backs. I had no idea where this came from. At first I was more perplexed and sent it to the professor of the class. Then I started thinking more about it, realized he was really threatening us, and I sent it to the chair of my department.

The prof blew it off and said, "I don't know where that came from, make sure he gets the paper in". I didn't hear from the chair immediately.

About a half hour later the door to my lab flew open and The Postman was standing there. He was raging. I don't remember what happened very well, other than he was still outside the door and had not entered the lab. I grabbed the door shut it, locked it and told him to leave. I called the professor first, who finally saw the gravity of the issue and then the police were called. I was sent home for the day as the police tracked him down. (Eventually about 6 hours later in his dorm.)

What finally happened? He could have been kicked out of school. He went to Judicial Counsel and was given a warning for his behavior, he claimed I misinterpreted the e-mail (which the counsel saw as bologna). He was "given" a grade of a D+ in the class I taught (since he had completed the class nearly to that point, the prof didn't want him taking the class again) and was told not to attend anymore that semester and to stay away from me as long as I was a student. He was also required to attend counseling until the day he graduated.

The university had problems with this guy from the first day of his freshman year. He had the nickname "Postman" for a reason... his dorm mates all thought he was going to go postal someday. I don't know if anything would have happened, how far he would have taken it. I do know, as did many faculty members and students, that the guy was nuts.

It frightens me to think about what could have happened with how unstable this guy was. How lucky was I that when I yelled at him to leave the building, that he actually left. Was he not as crazy as I thought? Or was I just lucky?

Geek Busted

When I was home on maternity leave with Leif I got hooked on one TV show, Starting Over. It was on at 10am. Everything else on daytime TV I could take or leave, but I was addicted to this show - planning my excursions around that 10-11am block. It was bad! It was good we didn't have Tivo then, I would have recorded it when I went back to work.

And it was stupid! It was about women who were "starting their lives over" by living in a house (ok, a mansion) in LA together. Psychiatrists would come in and see them and they had tasks to complete. A kind of reality show for women who needed help... lots of it.

I have to admit that I was a little bummed to find out that Starting Over evidently didn't survive the last couple years in the highly competitive industry of daytime crappola. But I am more embarrassed by what has replaced Starting Over as my daily TV ritual. It's 100% AB's fault. I would have never stopped on channel 51 had it not been for him.

(See how I am bringing AB into this? Truth be told... it isn't just me with the addiction.)

Mythbusters. There, I admit it. I am a Mythbusters addict.

11am to noon AND 4-5pm! Score, two episodes a day! Two whole hours where I can sit with Skadi on my chest and vege in front of the TV.

The premise of the show, should you be among the unfortunate MANY who haven't seen it is that they address through science and engineering, myths and urban legends. This morning it was whether or not a car would explode if the full gas tank was shot with a bullet (it doesn't). Also whether or not you should hide behind a door in a gun fight (you shouldn't). You know, things we all face on a daily basis. The other day it was whether a car could be made too stinky to sell (stuff a dead pig in a car - Corvette nonetheless, put the car in a hot storage unit for 2 weeks and remove and clean). I could nearly smell the carnage through the TV... nasty. Oh, but the car sold... cheap... but evidently there are serious bargain hunters out there! Another one was whether people could really be sucked out of an aircraft in flight if explosive decompression occurs (no, you can't... very reassuring!). Ok, so I have seen a few of these.

What I love about it is they start with a hypothesis, do small scale lab tests, address what could happen and why, then take it full scale doing all the science experiments that we all wanted to do in high school and college. Ok... the experiments that those of us who were geeks wanted to do.

Geek, me? Fully. (Check it out, seriously!)

Why does your baby sister have chocolate on her forehead?

Leif: The Easter bunny put it there!

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NM: Leif what are you doing? (Seeing him put my sling on.)

Leif: My carry baby Skadi now. (As he holds to pouch part open.)

NM: (giggling and thinking to self, I don't think so.)

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Leif: My turn to play elephant trunk game now. (Lifts up shirt and holds breast pump to his chest.)

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Leif: My want to drink mommy milk! (Said seeing me carry the cup of expressed milk to the kitchen.)

NM: Not now sweety. (Reserving this tidbit for dinnertime as a possible way to get him to drink his milk for dinner... COWS milk not mommy milk!)

Later at dinner...

NM: Leif please drink your special milk mommy poured for you. (Really it is cow's milk.)

Leif: No.

On being 16

AB asked me the other day what my 16 year old self would think of me today. Hard question.

As a 16 year old I was just very confused. But I think most 16 year old girls are. Here are my thoughts.

Regarding work... I think my 16 year old self would be impressed with what I do. At that age I wanted to be a doctor. I thought I would be a physician and was aiming that way. I thought I was a biology person, which I found out later I was much more physically minded than biologically. Though I still wonder what it would be like to be a physician.

Regarding family... At 16 I either didn't want kids or I wasn't going to have them until I was in my 30's. So no real surprises there. What does surprise me is how thoroughly happy I am being a mom. I never knew I could love two little beings so much. I looked at motherhood in my teenage years as a chore, something you were supposed to do. I am so glad I waited to have kids... this is one area my 16 year old self had it right... having kids when I was older was best for me. (Had I had them in my 20's I would have 12 now and be so poor, kids are just way too cool.)

Regarding marriage... I didn't think I would be in my mid-30's and be so happily married. Everyone I knew, including myself, had divorced parents. It seemed the norm, which meant that people couldn't possibly be happy in marriage. Simply not true.

Regarding politics... what is that statment... "if you aren't a liberal when you are young you have no heart, if you aren't conservaative when you are older you have no brain". Ok, so not that extreme, but like most teenagers I saw the gross inequities of the world and wondered why people didn't do anything about it (but of course that didn't apply to ME actually lifting a finger). I vowed never to commit myself to a party and to vote on each issue individually. While my political beliefs may have moved more centric as opposed to my left wing teenaged time, I have maintained my non-party affiliation through the years and fully intend to for the rest of my life. The aspect of politics that my teenaged self is probably reeling over is that I married a Republican! Aw well, it makes for good dinner time conversations!

Regarding life in general... I would look at myself and think, "sell out". That was the first statement that came to my mind when AB asked the question. Sell out. I don't listen to or know the new college list music. My listening tastes are almost exactly the same as my mom and stepdads... that can't be "cool" can it?

Side story - My mom ran the 100th Boston Marathon in 1996 (I think) and my sister and I went with her. We stayed with a cousin in Boston who always prided herself in being cool and up on music and such. Then she asked us if Hootie and the Blowfish were considered cool, she really liked them. She freaked a little when we told her they were pretty mainstream. I am at least honest enough to admit that my music tastes probably don't qualify me as cool anymore. I get the fact that my favorite music station (LUCY on XM) is making jabs at me at nearly every chance... "the music that made you cool then, like car seats and stock options don't now".

I have trouble reconciling to myself how my first impression would be "sell out", yet in nearly every other aspect of my life, broken apart, my 16 year old self would be proud. I guess I have to chalk it up to the dichotomy that is being a 16 year old girl. (So dreading 14-17 years from now...)

A disturbed little boy or just typical male?

Tonight was movie night. AB slid Nemo in as he was walking out the door and the kids and I were on the couch. (Still weird to write "the kids".) I reached for the remote as usual to fast forward to scene three. If you have never seen Nemo, then you probably don't realize how horrifying the opening scene is. Marlin and Coral have their dream house, a hole full of fish eggs ready to hatch when a barracuda shows up and chomps Coral and all the eggs but one. Marlin mourns and finds the one egg, promising never to let anything happen to him, and names him Nemo, the name Coral wanted.

*Gulp*

I can hardly even give a synopsis without tears. So since day one, we start the movie on scene three. Until tonight. Of all nights... not like I am hormonal or anything like that, you know.

Leif insists on seeing "Nemo mommy". I spend about 5 minutes telling him there is no Nemo mommy. Crying. Screaming. Finally I give in and start the movie from the beginning. That can't possibly be what he is referring to is it? He has never seen that part before. Or so I thought.

Somewhere, somehow along the line, Leif has seen the opening scene of Nemo. And wow was he ready for the barracuda. It chomps Coral and he squeals with delight and screams "again, again". When I sit and look at him (with tears in my eyes) like he is insane he takes it a step further and starts signing "again" along with squealing. That means he is serious.

In an effort to keep the peace, and out my guilty feelings of slighting Leif at this point in our lives, we watch the opening scene, oh about 18 times. Each time squealing ensues when Coral is munched. At least I am immune now. No more tears on my part.

Then later I was wondering if Leif really got the message that Coral was fish food... he told me "Nemo daddy beat him up". Ok, so you never actually see Coral biting the big one, or any of her remnants... so maybe he just doesn't get it?

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Today I went and got my haircut. I gave my former stylist a second shot when she told me she could fit me in today. I needed my hair chopped. Needed. She took nearly 4-5" off I would guess.

At one point she asked me if I was alright with this... like I could go back at that point. I was fine, I was thrilled, but I became paranoid that it would be just one more thing in Leif's life that changed. When my sister was about his age, my mom cut her hair off, like from waist length to shoulder length and my sister went for days without looking at her and would cry if she did. So if anything, I was second guessing my decision for Leif's sake.

I walked in the house this afternoon and not a word... from either of my boys! Ok, so I never really expect one from AB. But apparently Leif IS his son. Not a word from Leif either. So maybe he is just a typical male.

Tuesday and Thursday nights for the next month = movie nights

Truly, parents of two children who stay at home or single parents of two... I have no idea how you do it. Granted it was my first time with both Leif and Skadi at home by myself. But oh my goodness.

The problem is that Leif is an attention hog - always has been, but it is a little worse right now. Plus, he is my little wild man. Then there is Skadi, all 8 lbs of her.

I tried. I really did try to entertain Leif with Skadi hanging off me in various positions, in the bouncey seat, and in the swing. Finally when Leif said, "I want to watch Nemo", I cracked.

None of the usual, "are you sure you wouldn't rather play trains/read books/draw/play play-doh/play Little People?" Nope. I caved.

Nemo and a bottle - err, I mean a glass of wine. It worked. When AB called to say he was on his way home and asked how everything was going I think he was surprised not to find me in tears.

Axel and Bean

There have been a lot of questions to this point about our daughter’s name. Everything from the simple, “how do you pronounce it?” to “what does it mean?” and the simple just “why?” Reactions to her name from friends and family members have been varied, like “what?” or “hmm, well ok” or “I am sure it will grow on me” and a very few “I like it” sprinkled in there. This is part of the reason AB and I don’t share names before the birth… the expectation that no one will actually say anything negative once the baby is here. Wow! Imagine the comments if we had shared it before she arrived then!

Skadi is pronounced like “Katie” with an “S” in front. Skadi is the Norse goddess of snow and snow sports and the goddess for whom Scandinavia was named. We both trace our lineage back to Scandinavia (AB Norway and me Sweden) and we have decided to honor our combined heritages in our children’s names (Leif being the other). Well and it helps that we like a lot of Scandinavian names and that on both sides there are lots of names to choose from in naming a child after an ancestor. So that brings up another question, no, she isn’t named after anyone in our family.

So how did we come across the name? If you are like others in our family you have possibly searched her name on name sites to no avail. AB and I were married for a year and opted to spend our one year anniversary in Mammoth, California. While there we ate at Restaurant Skadi for our actual anniversary after a truly fantastic day of skiing (I met Warren Miller that day). The food was FANTASTIC, the view wonderful, we enjoyed watching the slopes lit up for night skiing and a procession of lights down the mountain. We became intrigued by the restaurant name and were told the meaning.

At one point during that following year an online friend of mine posted the question, “is there any event or place in your past you would name a child for?” I asked AB this and he said Skadi. Not only for the event – our one year anniversary, and definitely not to name her after a restaurant (my favorite meal was at Moose’s – I am not naming a child Moose). But because we liked the name and the meaning and the legend of Skadi. We have had the name in our repertoire for the last six years approximately.

After all this Skadi, as a name choice, has come and gone. AB had me convinced when we had Leif, but then he was a boy. This time around we had it narrowed down to three girls names, Skadi being one. My only hesitation is that I questioned whether or not it passed the Supreme Court test… can you see someone on the Supreme Court named Skadi. AB has countered this for months with, “well there are CEO’s named Bunny” (to which I replied one or multiple?)

I finally settled on Skadi as one of my top names after a few points – first, if she wanted a more professional name, she could go by her middle name, Jeanne, just like my grandmother did. Second, how could I deny the person I love the most in the world the name he truly loved. Third, if I didn’t use it now I would always regret not naming her Skadi when it held a lot of meaning for us.

Point number one brings us to her middle name selection… Jeanne. Jeanne is my middle name, my mom’s middle name and my grandmother’s middle name… it is given to the first daughter of the first daughter in my family. So her middle name was a given… or so I thought. Funny though that the person she was named after did not get it.

Even though my 84 year old grandmother was told a number of times her name, both first and middle, there were still issues. Last week the conversation went like this:

“I am still having trouble with her name,” grandma tells me.

“It’s Skadi, like Katie with an S in front,” I tell her.

“Oh,” she says, “what about her middle name?”

“Jeanne,” I say nearly laughing at the fact that it is her middle name and the name she goes by.

“How do you spell that?” she says.

“Seriously you need to know how to spell your name?” I had been wondering why she hadn’t commented on her middle name to this point.

“Oh, I thought it was Bean!” she exclaimed.

“Bean!!” I cried wondering how many people she had told that she had a new great granddaughter named “Something Bean”.

“I figured it was a family name on AB’s side,” she said.

I rolled my eyes.

You see if this was the first time you could probably chalk it up to old age. But truth be told it happened once before, just over 35 years ago.

My grandmother wrote to her family in California announcing the birth of her first grandchild, a girl! One thing I guess you should know is that my grandmother has notoriously bad handwriting. She was a nurse who should have been a doctor.

Everyone in California was happy to hear of the birth of Axel Jeanne! Axel… the nickname I carried for many years among my grandmother’s family. My great uncles all called me Axel for years, and I hated it.

Skadi Bean has stuck and I told my grandmother yesterday that once again she has the notoriety of granting the first nickname to one of her grandchildren.

I love her name. I hope that Skadi loves it too and will appreciate the fact that even though it is unique – and we all know how children don’t always revel in being unique – that her name represents a lot to us and AB’s and my relationship.

The birth story

Should you be interested in the whole story... click Skadi's Birth Story.

Skadi pictures

Welcome Skadi Jeanne!

Baby girl, Skadi Jeanne, was born Friday, 3-23-2007 at 1:59pm! She weighed in at 7 lbs 15 oz and is 19" long. We are home and doing well.

Oh and one more

Stranger Than Fiction... Rent it now.

Tivo has saved me

I have ranted about Disney and other "kid friendly" movies before. There are a lot of movies out there seemingly aimed at kids that are just not what I deem appropriate. Then sure, I notice that they are rated PG. Why? I mean yes, they should be PG, but why make an animated movie that you don't want little kids watching. One Leif would love is Shark Tale. He is all about sharks right now. But 15 minutes after AB Tivo'd it and sat down to watch it with Leif he shut it off. Said it was hilarious, but not for Leif. Yeah, rated PG.

Ok, so here is where I probably go over the edge as an overprotective parent. Even the G movies get me. Do you know how many Disney rated G movies out there have the line "shut up" in them. I ignored it in Finding Nemo, I thought it was played cutely in Brother Bear, but wasn't thrilled. Then I was even less thrilled when Leif was repeating it verbatim from Brother Bear. I don't think he gets what it is, but at 2.5, I am just not thrilled with "shut up" becoming part of his vocab. So AB and I catch it on Brother Bear and skip that part most of the time.

Then there are other problems with the rated G movies, The Little Mermaid, which is one of Leif's favorites right now. Oh wait, the part where the shark chases Ariel and Flounder is one of his favorites, the rest of the movie isn't so great. But as a woman I have a problem with Ariel having to use her body to woo her potential suitor. Spirit, Stallion of the Cimmaron I mentioned previously I found too violent for toddlers... The list goes on. Yes, I am an overly protective mom.

Oh and if it isn't being overly protective it's the music! Does Phil Collins need to do the score for every.single.Disney.movie? No, the one he didn't do (Spirit), Brian Adams picked up. Just shoot me now.

So there's my litany of problems with children's movies out there. There are very few that don't fall onto my list of dislikes for any various number of random reasons. Monsters Inc is great, but has taught me son how fun it is to scare people. Great.

But you will be happy to hear that I was saved last weekend! I occasionally run across TV shows or movies while surfing on Tivo for things to record. I found and recorded, with loads of skepticism this last weekend, Curious George. The animated version with Will Farrell as the man in the yellow hat and Drew Barrymore as a teacher.

Love it. Oh and guess who does the entire soundtrack? Jack Johnson.

Leif loves "George movie" and will watch the whole thing (if I let him).

Another? For those times when shows less than 30 minutes are sought after, and the Little Einsteins might just send you careening over the edge? Babar, the animated series on some obscure channel... Quobo? Leif LOVES "elephant movie". I like that each one aims to teach a lesson, he likes the elephants. The only drawback is that there is a block of commercials smack in the middle of each one. And so far the episodes we have seen, that block of commercials starts off with Tana (from Apprentice fame) trying to hock her "Bedazzler". (Rolling my eyes.)

Leif has yet to "get" commercials, so we have to be quick and fast forward it or else is he disappointed it is over already. But Tana's irritating voice will soon prompt us into action.

So there are our two recommendations, animated Babar series and animated Curious George.

(And I need advice from other parents... Happy Feet comes out on DVD this week. Yay or nay?)

Because I can't help it

I hate those blogs that are simply whinefests. Yeah, yeah, so and so said this and you didn't like it, yadda yadda yadda. Substance please. But it is Monday night, I am past term pregnant, give me my 10 minutes (or more) of whine. (Particularly since the red version is off limits for at least a few more days.) Skip it if you are like me and can't stand to hear moaning.

The bright spot of my day today was the non-stress test at the hospital. It reassured us that despite be overly pregnant, the baby is strong and healthy. For details skip over to the pregnancy blog.

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Let's start with daycare. When you call me and tell me my child is sick, when I or my husband shows up to pick him up AT naptime, he better darn well have some type of symptom of what you are accusing. AB questioned it upon arriving, but didn't want to be *that* parent. The teacher apologized (why apologize, if you believe he is sick, back it up and tell us why).

He apparently had (for a whole 10 minutes) conjunctivitis (aka pink eye). The symptoms? His eye was red and he had a little white gunk in the corner. Yeah, so not pink eye. But what can you do? AB hauled him home, I got him into the doctor (one we hadn't seen to this point) while nearly in tears to the nurse saying "I am sorry but I am 40 weeks pregnant and if he does have pink eye, we need to get him and I treated as soon as possible". They heard the desperation in my voice.

AB walked in with a smiling little boy (who should have been napping). Pink eye? None. And I am a seasoned veteran. Magnet for pink eye. We hauled him into the doctor's office to either get a prescription or a note saying he did not have pink eye. The nurse took us back and rolled her eyes... "he does not have pink eye," she says then adds, "but the doctor will take a look".

Doctor agrees. But then starts the questions about which daycare is this? When we tell her, she rolls her eyes and says, "aww yes, we have had more than our fair share of kids from there with supposed ailments". Then she adds that this is going on her list of documentation because they are about ready to go down and educate the caregivers themselves on what a sick child is and what common ailments are. She told us of one woman who had been in three times in one week with her son, never sick, but after $60 in copays and three doctor's notes to go back to daycare she was at her wits end and begging her to help her do something to end this litany.

Sorry daycare. Hate to do it, but this is not the first time Leif was sent home "sick" and was anything but.

And he consequently had no nap. 5-7:30pm? M.I.S.E.R.Y.

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Second rant... my husband wants a job. He got a call back from a job he wanted badly today. It was a no go. The guy was super nice and said they were impressed by his resume but had found someone with a little better qualifications, asked him to keep in touch. Hey, so that was a good contact at least, they called which was far more than some others do. But it was a job he wanted so bad.

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Third rant... a close family member owes us a little bit of money. It isn't a case where they actually asked to borrow money. It is one of those Christmas, everyone chip in for the gift things where AB and I did the collection and purchase of said gift. Evidently the person can't afford it, I get that, I understand it, but don't commit to it. We have written it off and aren't bringing it (or the other no-show gift up she committed to in our gift exchange). But then when we get gifts for Leif from this person it is hard to just ignore the failed commitments we have forgiven due to her lack of money situation.

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Or how about the underwriter for my short term disability (aka maternity leave). I went on disability last week since I was having constant contractions and was considered full term pregnant. They called today to find out the day I had my baby since I went on disability 5 days ago for contractions. I had to have had it by now.

Ever seen those people on TV who get so mad their phone ends up in bits?

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Last one, I promise. We had portraits done over 4 weeks ago. The proofs were to be online within 2.5 weeks. I asked the photographer at the time to try to be timely with them because I was getting so close to my due date.

Over 4 weeks later and her website has been revamped, she started a blog. But do I have my proofs? Nope.

After 4 attempts at contacting her she return e-mailed me this past Saturday saying her daughter had been sick last week. Great, but that doesn't account for the first 3 weeks... whatever. I cut her some slack because she said she would have the proofs by the end of the day Saturday, and if she couldn't do that it would be absolutely by the end of the day Sunday.

It's Monday night. Do you think I have proofs?

Methinks she has my $200 gift certificate in hand and isn't too worried about it.

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But you know what went a long way to cure things today? Going to Maggie Moo's for ice cream mid-afternoon and hearing Leif marvel about his "special yellow ice cream".

Or sitting in the bath with him this evening and hearing him modify the song "If you are happy and you know it" for his little wind up dolphin. ("If you happy know it flap your tail dolphin...")

(There I at least ended on a happy note!)

Why do I pay people to photograph my son?

Seven years ago today

AB and I stood in a church at Lake Tahoe vowing before all our friends and family to love each other forever. It was a great day. The weather was perfect, the photographer did a fabulous job, the flowers were perfect, the reception outstanding, the DJ... left lots to be desired (who plays Greg Kihn Bands "Our Love's In Jeopardy" at a wedding?), but at least there was no chicken dance or macarena. Best of all was having our friends and family there to celebrate with us.

I cannot believe it has been seven years. It seems as though it was just yesterday. Seven year itch? None here. (AB jokes that we got married right about the time of our seven year itch.)

We are celebrating a low key anniversary today. I hate to admit I haven't even bought him a card, though I did promise a boat building book if he wanted to pick one out. It does appear though that our anniversary will continue to be our anniversary though and not the "second child's birthday/our anniversary".

AB made Swedies for breakfast. We went for a walk this morning. AB has pulled his lamb out of the fridge and has started giving thought to preparation. So far, it's a perfect day!

The best cookies ever

The best chocolate chocolate chip cookie ever.

For a long time I searched for a good chocolate chocolate chip cookie. I found these a year and a half or so ago. I first made them when a couple of my coworkers held a few packages of mine hostage at work in exchange for baked goods while I was on travel. I returned with a plate of these cookies and got rave reviews and recipe requests. I hadn't made them since then, the recipe had been scootched to the back of my binder. But I found it today and Leif helped me.

This week I have been doing a lot of cooking in addition to baking. I did a corned beef today in honor of St. Paddy's day, even though we all forgot to wear green. I baked some new red potatoes and AB made a cabbage dish that was quite excellent too.

Tomorrow we are enjoying, for our anniversary, lamb shwarmas, which we are hoping will give us some little taste of the wonderful lamb shwarmas at Truly Mediterannean in San Fran. AB has been marinating the leg of lamb for two days now and is anxiously awaiting tossing it on coals tomorrow.

A hockey puck and a baseball bat

I was lulled, ever so gently, into a false sense of security. You see I made chocolate chip cookies. They were delicious. AB even commented that he didn't know why I didn't make them more often and told Leif they were going to have to make me make another batch.

I blame them. It is their fault and their inhaling of my chocolate chip cookies that made me think that baking bread was a good idea. In one of my magazines recently they showed a picture of a tangy sourdough loaf filled with decadent chocolate chunks. Ok, so I knew I needed to master the sourdough loaf first before the addition of dark chocolate.

The recipe was easy enough and I have good starter in my fridge (we have been enjoying sourdough pancakes about every other weekend). It's that yeast addition thing in baking that just KILLS me. Absolutely kills me.

Thankfully I had some raising effect throughout the.entire.day due to the sourdough.

AB has been good at humoring me. "Mmm, this is good bread," he announced before dinner while trying to chew a slice. (I rolled my eyes at him.) We had decided to have baked rigatoni so we could have fresh garlic bread with it. We didn't even make garlic bread. Why ruin the meal of baked rigatoni?

The round loaf resembles a hockey puck in consistency and likely durability. The long French loaf probably has that same hollow echoing crack as a baseball bat when used for the same purpose.

Yeast is hereby banned from my kitchen.

Follow ups

Just to follow up on a few recent posts...

The owl. Apparently the owl lives in the creek gully. We have gone down and watched him a few times. I took my digital camera and snapped some pictures, but none came out well. I did buy a roll of film and pulled our uber expensive (7 years ago) Canon EOS Rebel with telefoto lenses out the other day to take on our walks. Of course yesterday when I did this, he wasn't there. I will get some good pictures!

This evening we went to the river after picking Leif up from daycare. I know, I know, it isn't a good idea to feed the wildlife, but I brought two hamburger buns with for Leif to feed the ducks. Or snow geese as the case was. Those things are huge! They went nuts. In fact, at one point Leif and I were about to get mauled by snow geese and AB had to release Winny to control the situation. ;-)

(It was kind of like my in laws stories about feeding the moose in Alaska, they knew they weren't supposed to, but how can you resist? Until the moose tries to come in your house...)

Leif was over the moon!

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The third room. We visited the other room at daycare and were 100% completely sold. Ok, AB was sold before I was. I took a little convincing to give up the language aspect of the one room and to realize that the animals were cool in the other room, but they were just an ornament of such. What really sold us was the warmth and the cultural aspect of the room. The head teacher is from Bangladesh and the kids do a unit on Bangladesh that is a real hit. One of the work stations was a traditional Bangladesh tea set that the kids could go and make tea at. I loved it.

Not only did the teachers interact well and warmly with the kids, but also in a fun and joking manner with each other. I loved seeing them wander around the kids and interact. I also recognized that there was more "partner" work in this room than the others. We have a winner.

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I am home on maternity leave even though there is no baby yet. For the current update click over to the pregnancy blog on the side. I am enjoying my time at home and I plan to do some sewing tomorrow. The main drawback is that I have to share the computer with AB. But it is fun being home with him - though he really wishes he was working.

Coveting

I have never been a Lladro fan. Until I saw this in my Food and Wine magazine tonight while I sat in the bathroom watching Leif splash water all over.

Both Vargas Girl and I have collections of wine stoppers. We used to find cool stoppers and buy two. (This was back when I had more cash floating around and more willingly spent money on frivolous pretty things.) I saw this new line and immediately thought of her this evening.

We started this tradition when we first caught up with each other after about 8 years. We bought these heavy stoppers from Williams Sonoma and the tradition just evolved.

Among the quirky and cute little stoppers we have found, we also have a few collector pieces from Neimen Marcus and my personal favorite is the Versace Medusa head stopper made by Rosenthal.

If AB gets this new job HE is coveting... I am ordering two. (And a Coach purse)

Nature Nuts

The topic of vacations came up on one of my discussion boards recently. Essentially, where would you take children under 5 on a family vacation? I was very surprised by the responses.

I lived in Central Wyoming until I was about 13 years old. I would venture to say we were a pretty average family for the area. My dad worked in the mines, my mom was a SAHM and we took a summer vacation each year. I looked forward to these vacations and still remember many of them very distinctly.

The first vacation I remember well must have been when I was about 3.5. My little sister was tiny, and it was still hot out. We drove to South Dakota and visited Mt. Rushmore (we rode the tram and my mom was afraid of heights - and holding a tiny baby), Reptile Gardens (I rode a turtle) and Flintstones (yes there really is a Bedrock). It was probably the next year that I remember going to Jackson Hole and Yellowstone. I was so excited to visit Yellowstone and kept my eyes peeled for bears the entire drive. I remembered seeing pictures of bears coming up to cars and couldn't wait to see one myself. (We never did see one.)

Jackson Hole was at that time a scenic little fun town, not the bustling high end movie star haven that it is now. I remember seeing Old Faithful in Yellowstone and asking lots of questions, why does the water come up every 45 or so minutes, where does it come from, I was riveted. We stayed in a little cabin and our number was C-5 (I had to memorize this and remember it because all the cabins looked alike).

The following summer we went to Denver and stood in line to see one of the first showings of a new movie called Star Wars. I remember driving into the huge city and gawking at the sky scrapers. My big score that trip was a cassette tape and book for the movie Star Wars. I am pretty sure I wore it out simply on the 6 hour drive back from Denver. We shopped that trip and I remember my parents buying a pachinko machine that my sister and I played with for years to come. We went to Casa Bonita and I think that was my first trip to an amusement park, Elitches. I still have the ruler I chose using the tickets I won from Skee Ball.

There were many other summer vacations. Some were just weekend trips to Thermopolis, WY to swim in the hot springs. Other times we went north to Devil's Tower. Or maybe even just camping trips out to Alcova or Pathfinder Reservoir with friends. (Where I would scout for arrowheads and eventually amassed a pretty good collection.)

AB had similar experiences growing up in Alaska. He grew up in a middle class family of six. If they were flying out of Alaska for vacation, it was to the Seattle/Puget Sound area to visit his dad's family. Leaving Alaska was horribly expensive and so their vacations consisted of lots of camping and fishing. From an early age AB became a woodsman and still has very fond memories of arriving at a campsite and heading out to collect wood and as he got older, get the fire started. My MIL tells stories of packing up the three little boys and their camping gear and heading down to the Kenai Peninsula to go camping. AB remembers catching his first Sockeye when he was 7.

A few years ago a woman I work with told me (as she rolled her eyes) that she and her husband were taking their son to Disneyland for their summer vacation that year. I commented that she didn't seem that excited about it. She replied, "I'm not, but if he doesn't get to Disney before he is in kindergarten this fall, he will be left out". The way she said this was similar to how I hear parents talk and worry about their kids entering kindergarten without the necessary academic skills.

My grandmother took my sister and I to Southern California and to Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, SeaWorld and the San Diego Zoo when I was 13. I was at that horrible awkward age and add to it too old for the kids stuff and too young for many of the older rides, plus the fact that amusement park rides in general are not something I find fun. I spent much of the time arguing with my grandmother. It was fine. I suppose I had a good time. I actually attribute most of my indifference towards the trip as being at "that age". Had I been younger, I would have likely enjoyed it a lot more. My main concern was finding an authentic Swatch to buy and dreaming about getting a tan (something that has never happened in my entire life).

Frankly the thought of hauling even one child under 5 to any theme park strikes me as pure misery. Yet I was very surprised to hear theme parks being the recommendation of choice on where to go for summer vacation with kids under 5.

If you read my life list you may have noted that many of the things I want to do in life and want to take my kids to see are among natural wonders. Ok, I admit it, AB and I are nature nuts. Last summer we went to Mt. Rainier with friends and I know that Leif and C loved it. They walked the shorter (about 2 miles) nature loops, they played around camp and never seemed bored. In October we went and spent 4 or 5 days at the coast. Leif and I beachcombed with grandma and grandpa, we picked blackberries and we hung out on the deck. Not once did I ever wonder if he was bored. Leif has an intense fascination with animals, not surprisingly, and enjoys walking and hiking. We plan to encourage this.

This isn't to say that Disney isn't on our list at some point. I know Leif would love it - he points out Mickey Mouse regularly. But the crunchy side of me really rebels against the commercialism and the waste (the environmental impact as well as the piles of money to maintain these sites). So what is my point? Not to make anyone feel bad for opting for theme park vacations... truthfully would I rather have the millions tromping through the national parks instead? Probably not. I suppose my point is a reminder of all the wonderful places and things we have in our own backyards and to give even little kids a chance to fall in love with nature and history, not to assume that they will be bored by it.

I love this quote

"You may have tangible wealth untold; Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be - I had a mother who read to me."

Strickland Gillilan, American writer 1869-1954

The coolest thing

I convinced Leif to leave daycare today with promises of a walk where we would go look for ducks. We got home and headed out on our walk with Winny and Daddy. Down the path to the creek near our house. No ducks. AB and Leif headed on deeper into the brush while I stayed on the level ground waiting. I looked across the creek and at the nests in the trees, magpie nests I assumed.

Then I saw one of those owl decoys in the trees, just like the one I bought at Walmart to try and scare away the stupid robins that attack our windows in the spring. (That doesn't work.) I couldn't figure out why someone would actually hike down and put a decoy in a tree though... Suddenly the decoy moved. Then it dawns on me... it wasn't an owl decoy, it was a huge owl! A horned owl of some sort, my guess is a Great Horned Owl.

I called AB to bring Leif, told him I saw an owl. It was close enough that Leif could make it out and marvelled at it. After a few minutes it flew off. Leif looks at me and says, "see again, I want to see again!"

So cool. I have never seen a live owl in the wild before! I can now add it to my growing list of wildlife I have seen.

Open mouth insert foot - communicable disease or trait of the physicist?

A nuclear physicist friend of mine stopped by my office today to check on my status (as did seriously everyone else who has access to my building). He has a daughter who is about 6 months older than Leif and so after he finds out that yes, I am still here, we of course talk about kids. His daughter is enrolled in preschool a few days a week and I asked how that was going.

"It's going well," he tells me, "E is just so smart. I know a lot of people whose kids are enrolled in that Montessori school and she is just so much smarter than all of them, and they are older than her!"

Which reminds me of while I was on maternity leave and I remember seeing Dr. Phil roll his eyes and say, "everyone thinks their kid is the next Einstein".

I remind my friend that Leif is actually enrolled in that school.

That should serve as a hint not to go bashing the program. But no. My friend delved into the "depths" of his interpretation of the fundamental problems with the Montessori program. Funny though, how none of these complaints were things I have ever heard before, nor would even characterize as part of the Montessori program. Statements like "well I just think that kids can't possibly learn from play" (most people I know bend the opposite way and say they can't enroll their kids in Montessori because they need to play and be kids) and "if you give a child a choice between playing a game or sitting and learning a fact, they will always play".

I just didn't have anything to say. I made a few very slight attempts at correcting his misconceptions, and then decided forget it. They want a preschool program that his daughter can go to for 2.5 hours a day and he has made it clear that having a teacher standing at a chalkboard in a classroom is important to him and that he believes that the Montessori kids inevitably fall behind. (Seriously contemplating sending him the October article from Science magazine...)

I guess I just wasn't in the mood to defend my choices. And maybe part of it is that right now I feel as though I am so engulfed in the choices surrounding my son's eventual transition to preschool that I just didn't have the energy for it.

See we are right now getting ready for the kids to move up to "primary", the real Montessori preschool/kindergarten program since what the kids are in now is a modified Montessori toddler program. In our school we, as parents, get a choice of a number of rooms that all offer different things.

My brain is flooded. It wouldn't be so bad if we were talking about one year. But no, we are talking about one room for the next three years. Two years of preschool and then one year of kindergarten (should we keep Leif there for kindergarten over public school). Given that, it seems like such a huge decision. Add in the fact that all the rooms are different, it is inevitable that you hear stories about the rooms, and the teachers... and our heads are spinning.

We have, at present, narrowed the selection down to two rooms. Of course tomorrow could complicate our decision as upon advisement from Leif's current teacher, we have opted to look at yet another classroom she thinks he would like. Leaving out the possibility of the third room complicating the decision this is where we stand:

Room number 1 (named so because we saw it first this morning) - Has a focus on animals. They do lots of nature walks and a variety of field trips each year. The teacher has been there for 12 years and is a very grandmotherly sort. They also have a close relationship with a local nursing home and visit every other month. Leif has been wandering in that room since he started at the school. He is enamored with the animals and the teacher has always shown a fondness for him. She stopped us on the way out and expressed her gratitude in us taking the time to come in and visit. The downside is that I have "heard" that there are a couple "difficult" children in this classroom right now.

Room number 2 - They teach Spanish, they have a few animals in the room (will be getting a hamster, they have a fish bowl and a walking stick insect). It is said to be one of the warmer rooms (wrt to the teachers) and we saw this, children were routinely given hugs. They study particular topics (right now it is Africa) and do activities associated with those topics. We got great vibes from the teachers and at the end of the day when I picked up Leif (we visited in the morning) one of the teachers came by and talked and met Leif.

If it were a one year program, we would choose room #1 without a doubt. Let Leif get his animal fill of the animals and then move him to a more learning oriented room. (Strictly my impression.) If we were choosing a room based solely off what Leif would want and love, we would choose room #1. He whines most afternoons to go in and see the animals on his way out.

But if we are choosing the rooms based off what we think is "best" for Leif, it will be room #2.

I suppose I hope that room #3 will clarify things for us. But the only way it can is if we walk in and are wow'd. Somehow I don't see that happening and at best I can add a room #3 conundrum to my mix.

I swore when I had Leif that I wouldn't get caught up in all the parent madness and obsessiveness. Kids are versatile, they are resilient, they aren't perfect and they really need very little. But here I am, neurosing about which class to enroll my son in, in what I believe and hear to be one of the top preschools in the area. Obsessiveness has set in.

Lesson learned today...

I really do know my kid and I need to not be afraid to speak up and be his voice. And I hope the dental hygienist who worked with us also learned a lesson too. That not all kids fit into one category and to listen to the parents, sometimes they do know what they are talking about. Also that it is sometimes worth giving the kid the benefit of the doubt.

Leif had to have a filling repaired that was done in November. Back in November we went through the whole sedation thing. He was sedated, given nitrous oxide, anesthetic, was restrained and he STILL fought tooth and nail. It was an awful experience. Pure misery for both Leif and I. So in January when he had his routine exam and they found the filling had cracked, fear set in. However, it was at this appointment that I noted (as did the dentist) how well he did. He had x-rays (without anyone in the room), he let the hygienist clean his teeth and the dentist examine them, all sitting in the chair by himself.

I told the dentist with as how bad as the first filling appointment went as compared to how well the exam went, I was refusing to sedate him and to only use nitrous if necessary. Surprisingly, he was on board for the most part. He told me he wasn’t convinced it would work, but we would give it a shot.

This morning I suppose we didn’t get off on a good footing with the hygienist when she asked if he ate or drank anything this morning. I told her he had some cheerios and some apple juice. He was hungry. She huffed and puffed about instructions were to not eat because he could vomit with the nitrous and then choke. I blew it off much to her dismay.

At that point she was quite insistent that Leif lay on the table, with the nitrous mask on. My mistake. I had been under the impression that we would attempt nitrous as a last resort. I should have spoken up. Leif flipped. He was having none of the nitrous. At that point AB and I both suggested that we just try it without the nitrous and see how it goes. The hygienist literally rolled her eyes at us and said she needed to go talk with the doctor. She came back about 10 minutes later with the dentist – Leif was calmed down again.

I could tell he wasn’t overly thrilled at our requests, probably had forgotten what we discussed 8 weeks ago, but was willing to go with it as long as it didn’t get ridiculous. I am not looking to cause pain to my child, in fact, the opposite. I truly believe that if you take your time with Leif, show him the tools, explain to him what is going on, he will be receptive. He is a smart kid.

I win.

The dentist commented a few times how well Leif was doing, he asked AB if he wanted a job as a dental assistant. He also said that it is truly easier to do work when the child is calm and doesn’t have the nitrous mask on. He said he couldn’t believe that one of the easier fillings he would do all week was on a 2.5 year old. Then the hygienist actually commented to me that she could not believe how well Leif was doing, she had never seen a kid that young do so well. She offered Leif two toys instead of one from the special drawers when finished because he had done so well, but he really only wanted his two dinosaur flossers he pilfered from the exam room.

I am so proud, my 2.5 year old had a filling repaired without sedation, without nitrous, without restraint and without anesthetic (it was shallow) and without throwing a fit or a single tear. I DO know my kid.

Exactly how old are we?

I got an e-mail this morning when I came in. It was to me and five of the other task leads on my big industry project. We were recognized this evening for this project and its associated successes. Namely the $5 million in 5 years milestone, which is nearly unheard of when working with private industry. Anyways, the e-mail notified us that “individual performance awards would not be distributed at the celebration in an effort not to detract from the awards ceremony or to highlight any one contributor over another”.

Awhile back, before I had kids, I remember hearing rumors that some schools quit giving letter grades to discourage competition among the kids and disappointment among those who didn’t score the highest. Similarly and more recently I saw that a principal in a particular region had opted not to have the honor roll printed in the newspaper because those who didn't make it would feel bad. The idea I suppose is to put the kids more on an even keel and thus minimize any hurt feelings. Having your feelings hurt as a kid sucks, no doubt about it. But isn’t it inevitable? Instead, mediocrity is the name of the game. When I was a kid I was always at the top of my class. I loved being done first, I loved competing with others (I rocked at “Round the World”) and I loved being recognized for achievements. I wasn’t good at everything, I sucked at track and didn’t care for track and field day where I invariably would let down my relay team and leave with a handful of 5th place ribbons. This was my humbling among my peers.

I ran my first foot race as an adult when I lived in Reno. It was a 5K race, three times around a one mile dirt trail. I was training to run my first Bay to Breakers and figured I would give this little race a shot. People flew past me as I resisted the urge to keep up with them all. And when I finally crossed the finish line in the way, way back of the pack, people were still there cheering me on, telling me what a great job I did. And they were genuine. I was walking on air because I did it! I finished, which in my mind was better then the people who were standing on the sidelines did. I went into it knowing I didn’t have a chance at a top place, my only hope was to finish. I knew I was not a great runner and I know that I never will be. But you know, someone has to finish first and someone has to finish last. How about that for a life lesson?

So in some effort to bring this back around to my e-mail this morning… What this comes down to is what is wrong with recognizing the investigators of the project who worked hard and succeeded AT an awards ceremony? Apparently it is more conducive to have your performance award stuck in an envelope and put in plant mail by your manager? We certainly don’t want to hurt the feelings of those PI’s whose projects were cut by the client, or deemed not in their business interest. They didn’t fail, in most instances they weren’t given the chance to fail simply based off of a successful business model.

I realize that I am 100% completely lucky that the company was interested in my research AND that I was successful in integrating it with their production line. I am at that critical point in my career where I need people to know what I do and what I do well since I suck at tooting my own horn.

Teamwork has its place and I don’t mean to belittle it in any way. We are being honored as the team that brought in $5 million in private funding and I am more than proud to have had a hand in that. But here is where my analytical analytical side is called into question… but what about ME… recognize ME!!!

Apparently I need to guard my house better

Because yesterday as I was putting Leif's pajamas on him, he got VERY serious and told me that he has been bitten by lots of bears recently.

"You have?" I asked him.

"Yes, lots of bears bite me," he says somberly showing me his shin that he scraped up about 2 hours previously after running down the hall and tripping over a box from Costco that apparently holds an amazing resemblence to a bear.

"What have you done to the bears for biting you?" I asked him.

"I put them in time outs," he says.

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This morning Leif came across AB's heel scraper. AB has heels from hell. Seriously, biologists should look into the mechanism behind what exactly generates the armor plates that are his heels for answers into new defense systems, because they are frightening. This also means that his heel scrapers are akin to cheese graters... sharp.

I told Leif this morning to bring me daddy's heel scraper, it is sharp and I don't want him to hurt himself. He walks past me stating, "I put it up out of my reach for you". And puts it on top of the bar.

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Leif told his teacher the other day that he is having a baby brother and that his name will be Rock. Rock and Leif... hmmm... I think not. Then again C said I was having a girl and her name should be Butter. ;-)

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When all else fails, blog with pictures... here is one that I loved from swimming yesterday. They had to sit out upon arriving at the pool because the class prior had an "accident" in the pool and it was being treated.



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This blog has been lacking lately, mostly because I have been completely preoccupied with the pending birth of a new being into our family. The pregnancy blog, otoh, I could write in pretty regularly.

So stealing a page from other blogs I have read... any questions for me? Anything you want to know? Comment and I will answer what I can!

Follow up: A good movie

Last night AB and I sat down and watched Akeelah and The Bee. Really good. I stayed awake through the whole thing, which says something. I would recommend it to families in particular with girls (8-12 years old). Boys too, of course. But I really liked the message that academics and excelling at academics can earn you respect in your school, among your peers and in your community. Also that girls can be as good as boys.

AB was skeptical in putting this movie in, but it was this or Marie Antionette (which I had already watched half of). It ended and he said he liked it a lot. So there you have it!

Great movies? Nonexistant?

AB and I haven’t been to a movie in ages… think the last Harry Potter movie. We used to love going to movies, but it has fallen off our priority list. Leif isn’t quite ready for the whole movie theater experience yet, and so we rely on whatever has come out on DVD.

Am I just picking poorly, or are there just a serious lack of decent movies out there? Or maybe it is just me and our 32” (non hi-def) TV just really detracts from the movie experience rendering all movies in the less then great category. (AB would love that to be the problem, he is clamoring for a new TV.)

Before I get too far down the road here I should say that we did rent The Illusionist this past weekend and really enjoyed that. So much so that when we didn’t finish it Saturday night (due to my cinematic narcolepsy) we clamored to put it on right away Sunday night despite Amazing Race being on. Lately with other movies we don’t finish we eventually get around to finishing it simply so we can return it and rent something else. But while we enjoyed The Illusionist (love Edward Norton), it still wasn’t that flawless wonder. It was a good movie and I recommend it, but where are the big blow you away movies?

I would say the last really great movie I have seen was Return of the King. And while I don’t expect every movie to live to that caliber, I hope for one a year to make the run.

We rented Little Miss Sunshine after hearing rave reviews. We walked away going “hmm”. It was good. Love Toni Collette and William H. Macy in nearly anything. But this movie just didn’t do it for me. It had such wide swings from hilarious silliness to real and provoking losses. I finished it feeling like my moods were all over the place. I was confused about how I felt about it. Ok, I am still confused about how I feel about it.

Another on the list of referrals was Idiocracy. Remember that song by Harvey Danger, Flagpole Sitting, with the line that “only stupid people are breeding”. Take that line and turn it into a movie starring Luke Wilson and you have Idiocracy. The premise is that the intelligent people are all waiting to have children (often too long) while the stupid people are breeding like rabbits. What happens after 500 years of this? The planet is overrun by stupid people. When a guy of average intelligence is frozen and suddenly revitalized in 2505 what happens? Ok, I can’t tell you what all happens because my cinematic narcolepsy set in. But I will say that the movie quality was reminiscent of a B movie. It actually wasn’t bad, there were humorous parts. AB watched it all and told me that there really weren’t any new jokes beyond the first hour I watched. Mediocre but funny was his statement.

Then there is the just plain bad list. I tivo’d Freedomland the other day after noting it was on cable. I suppose there are reasons movies that I swear just came out on DVD end up on cable so quickly. Julianne Moore, Samuel L. Jackson and Edie Falco, can’t be bad, right? Wrong. Someone tell me that race relations are not *that* bad in the US? Tell this currently rural mom that society is not so freaking hateful. Tell me that the police aren’t so biased and oblivious to HUGE clues that something is amiss. We watched the first hour last night. AB has no desire to continue it. I only want to fast forward to the end to find out what happened to the kid… I have to know the kid is OK. (Warn me now if he isn’t, because I cannot take violence against children right now.)

I need to watch a great movie. Help, someone?