Friday, June 29, 2007

How to put a toddler to bed

1. Bribe child with a gummy frog to get in the shower.

2. Put said child in shower after eating gummy frog to clean the grime of the day off of him.

3. Bribe child with ice cream to get out of the shower.

4. Grab a pair of pajamas to put on child.

5. Go back and grab a second pair of pajamas when first pair caused a screaming fit along the lines of "I DON'T WANT MONKEY JAMMIES!"

6. Go back to get the monkey pajamas back when screaming switched to "WANT MONKEY JAMMIES!"

7. Scoop a small scoop of ice cream in the bowl.

8. Decline to add more 14 times.

9. Insist child finish eating ice cream in a timely manner.

10. Put toothpaste on toothbrush and start brushing toddler's teeth.

11. Seriously consider duct tape to keep hands off toothbrush while trying to brush.

12. Give child drink of water in one particular Mater paper cup. (What to do with all the other unacceptable paper cups... see post about bandaids.)

13. Insist child go to the bathroom despite not needing to go.

14. Watch in amazement how much child pees considering he didn't have to go.

15. Night night kisses to sister and daddy.

16. Walk to bedroom.

17. More night night kisses to sister and daddy (with much giggling as he runs across the house).

18. Bribe with books to return to bedroom.

19. Pick out a lesser favorite book to avoid reading favorite book over and over the entire time.

20. Read second place book loudly over whining about The Sneetches, the current favorite.

21. Pick up The Sneetches.

22. Read The Sneetches.

23. Read The Sneetches again.

24. Go cut a star out of construction paper, put tape on the back and return to put on child's belly.

25. Read The Sneetches again WITH a star on child's belly.

26. Say prayers.

27. Kisses and hugs.

28. Take child to bathroom again.

29. Wait while child smiles and giggles and pretends to go potty.

30. Insist child is done.

31. Endure screaming of "NOT DONE!"

32. Cheer about the two drops that fall and then send him back to bed.

33. Decline five invitations to join child in bed.

34. Leave.

35. Return with drink of water.

36. Decline six invitations to join child in bed.

37. Leave.

38. Do your best to ignore screaming.

39. Realize screaming is about the star.

40. Grab flashlight on the way back to the room to find star that fell down between bed and wall.

41. Decline seven invitations to get in bed with child.

42. Leave.

43. Sit on couch.

40. Relish the silence for the 30 minutes before you fall asleep.

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