It finally happened!

That proposal that I thought was scooped... I was given the go ahead last Friday! Stoked!

So now I have to file scope, complete the EPR, write the lifecycle plan and then do a presentation and defend my ideas. Oh wow! I don't know if the review will be here or in DC. I am asking for a half million dollars to do my research.

Oh and the guy who schooped my idea saw I got the go ahead, e-mailed me congratulating me and suggested we all get together and talk about it. Umm yeah, I will get right on that.

Klutz with a capital K

So last night I headed out the door with Winny to go get the mail. I got about 5 steps out before I tripped over the garden hose and went chin first into the sidewalk. I suppose my hands must have gotten in there somewhere because they are scratched all the pieces on the palms. But I can't remember. I whacked my chin pretty good, sent my glasses flying and just discovered this morning I chipped one of my bridges.

I crawled back in crying. It hurt so bad. Leif sat and smiled and did his best to console mama. It started swelling, but didn't seem that bad, albeit, was extremely sore.

We went on with the night and I kept Advil in me. This morning Hans said, "maybe you should go to the doctor". My chin is black and purple and blue for about a 2" diameter. And it still hurts like hell.

Today is our 5th anniversary. Hans said that when we go out to eat tonight that they will probably think he is taking me to a nice restaurant to buy me off for having beaten me, not that we are actually celebrating our anniversary. LOL. I look horrible.

When we rolled my car in 1996 I had a major black eye then. I had more people come up to me and give me information about domestic abuse, and hotline information, safehouse information etc. And poor Hans endured so many dirty looks, lol. Here we go again...

Happy St. Patrick's Day

5 years ago today I was at my wedding rehearsal in Lake Tahoe. Afterwards we went and ate at The Christmas Tree (wonderful restaurant on the NV side). I went home and slept while apparently everyone else in the wedding party went out drinking up at Lake Tahoe. So when I called my soon to be spouse the morning of the 18th to scream about his so-not-responsible buddy who wasn't at home when I went to drop off the dog, I am not sure he even knew who I was. Oh he was in trouble.

So we painted Leif green for St. Patrick's day. Well most of the way, and even have pictures to prove it. We were of course doing footprints and handprints with green paint, they were a little out of control because as soon as Hans sat down to rest I was yelling for reinforcements. I was covered in green paint, Leif was covered in green paint (and in his mouth), the table was covered in green paint. Even the floor of the bathroom where I set him while I ran the bath was covered in green paint.

I have corned beef and potatoes in the crock pot for dinner tonight. Which I am ready for now. I am having a crappola of a day and am ready to just go home.

But tomorrow is our 5th anniversary! We are going out to Anthony's Homeport for dinner, which should be spectacular if past experience is any indication. I can't wait!

This doesn't bode well

So I checked the office property map. Supposidly the TGMs were dividing up property. Awhile back my TGM contacted me and asked if I really needed to be out in the area I am in. Well since this is where all my work is, I would say "yes". Ok, end of that conversation.

Out of curiosity, I keep checking the property map to see what the latest is. If anything has been updated. Lo and behold, today, the answer is yes. Everyone in my new group who has an office, most all of them, now are listed as having an office under my new manager. Everyone of course, except me. My office still belongs to my former TGM. Great.

So where are they going to move me and when is that word coming down. This division seems to like to put stuff out there on the internet before actually talking to the individuals involved first. I am feeling sick to my stomach over it all. I went through every single other person in this area, looking for another inconsistency. There had to be someone listed in the same situation as me, space that belongs to my TGM, but occupied by someone in my former TGM's group. Somewhere... somehow... anyone... Buehler... ??

And yes, mama IS the first word

Leif is fussy... "mama mama mama" with arms outstretched to me.

Leif is hungry... "mama mama mama" with arms outstretched to me.

Leif wants attention while I am cooking dinner... "mama mama mama mama mama mama..." (Repeat ad infinium until I am finished cooking dinner).

Now that the point is made that "mama" IS indeed his first specific word, he can now add in another just for variety! ;-)

Leif update

I finally got Leif in to see his doctor. I called yesterday morning, bright and early at 8am. His cough is back and he sounds awful. We started nebulizer treatments. At 11am, the secretary calls me back to get more info. (Rolling my eyes.)

Why can't I just schedule an appointment, preferably the next available one? Sheesh. But no, everyone is prescreened for an appointment to determine priority. Wow, glad to hear my doctor and her nurse have the rare ability to diagnose over the phone. Why do they even bother to have an office?

So after the secretary calls, I wait. At almost 4pm, the nurse calls. Glad it wasn't much of an emergency, huh? She wants to know all the details I just (ok, hours ago) gave the secretary. I end by telling her that this is the second time in a month that he has had an "asthma" episode and that I REALLY want him to be seen this time, JUST to have her listen to him since she couldn't last time.

Ok, we are in. Appointment tomorrow at 10:30am. I have two, yes two, conflicting appointments. One meeting from 9-11am and one meeting from 10-11am. Since I have perfected cloning that means that one project always gets the shaft on Wednesday mornings. Guess what one that is? Hmmm?

Ok, I take the appointment and fast forward to "tomorrow". Tomorrow is now today. We get there at precisely 10:25am, 5 minutes early. Leif hasn't had a nap and only had 2.5 oz of EBM at daycare. I *knew* he was going to be hungry. And yes, he is sick and coughing. Sounds like a beast, but despite that makes an effort to smile and play peek a boo with EVERYONE in the waiting room. The one sourpuss old lady sitting next to us just glared at me... I mean how dare I sit down next to her with a sick baby??!!

So we sit and sit and sit. Yes, I know I was fit in, but 45 minutes wait with a 7.5 month old. Not fun for me, him or the rest of the patients.

Finally we are taken back. Leif is 20lbs 12oz with most of his clothes still on. So he hasn't gained much if at all in 6 weeks since his 6 month appointment. What's up with that? She listens to his lungs, yes they sound like crap. Ears, however, look good. Yay! So back on the albuterol, but this time add in prednisone, oh wait, prednisolone... the same medication Calley took. We got back Monday for another listen and most likely a prescription for Pulmicort, a longer acting, maintenance medication.

My poor guy!

Why torment myself?

I mean why, in the neighboring tab, would I even open the salary schedule? I have looked at it over and over. Nothing about that changes what I make or that I was not promoted.

Speaking of torment... exactly how much caffeine should I have in a day? Not as much as I had today. Combine that with adrenaline of a fast paced meeting analyzing statistical data and I have been zipping around in my head at 500 mph. I am headed for a big crash in about 30 minutes I have a feeling.

So a 2 hour meeting this morning about how to statistically analyze a serious amount of data. I have pounded it through, so did R and C. C and I not only came to about the same conclusions, but our data mirrored each others. That made me feel good. R had taken a different approach. So while C, R and I compared and tried to compare and decipher our results. T and D, who hadn't looked at the data previously, contemplated it at a higher level by simply absorbing the data through the oils in their fingers and transforming it into matrices and vectors and unknowns variables.

5 years ago I felt smart. I was on top of my game. I questioned what was written in my textbooks when I got a different answer. And you know, I was frequently right! I wasn't afraid to speak up and challenge or offer differing ideas. Because I was very smart, one of the brightest in my class - or so I thought at least.

Fast forward to now and things have changed. I work with some of the smartest people in the world. I have to work hard to keep up with them intellectually. It is very humbling. I love it, but it sure keeps me grounded.

Speaking of keeping myself grounded... I went and saw Leif at lunch. I was hoping I could relax spending some time with him. Slow my mind down a little since it was still flying from my meeting earlier. Nope... I wore off on him or something. He was a spazo baby! He nursed, then played, then nursed, then stood, then nursed, then laughed. I could relate. Stress does that to me, I can't stay focused and become an amazing multi-tasker.

Sometimes I think it would be super awesome to be a stay at home mom. Then I realize how much I would miss interactions and data analysis, especially on days like today when we are making actual big steps with outstanding results. What kills it for me and makes me think I would be better as a SAHM is when I have to work on my other project where I am treated as the intellectual equal to the administrators in my group.

Remember that crash I was talking about... it is hitting.

Thursday

After staring at numbers for the last 5 hours I think I deserve a break. My eyes are feeling all googley and I am sure I have made at least 50 mistakes in my statistical analyses. Oh well, I am sure they will all be picked out and scrutinized by others tomorrow morning, bright and early at 9am!

Anyone else watching the Mt. St. Helens VolcanoCam? It is quite addicting. I really wish the pictures would update faster than every 5 minutes. Do you know how long 5 minutes can be? Especially as the plume emanating from the volcano is growing larger and larger...

I forced Hans into the other bedroom last night, which I don't think he was thrilled about. He has a cold or allergies or something. Whatever it is it has him snoring like a freight train and he is up and down blowing his nose all night. I really was hoping for another repeat performance with Leif sleeping well and maybe I would not wake up every hour to check to see if he is breathing since he hadn't made a peep. So out of fear of having one more unpredictable variable in there I pushed Hans into the guest room. I also hoped that maybe if Leif had a bad night, that Hans being in there, at least he would still get some sleep. I will quit being mean tonight and let him into our bed again. ;-)

Well I suppose I should get ready for my meeting tomorrow. Which means putting 296MB of data onto a thumb drive or cd... ok, that would be a cd since my thumb drive has a measly capacity of 128MB...

GOOD morning!

Wow, what a night! Leif slept for longer than an hour at a time!

Went to bed at 8pm, I woke him up to nurse at 10pm. He ate and went back to sleep until 3am!! Can you believe it? Now if I can just quit waking up every hour to make sure he is still breathing. He konked out again until 5am, nursed and was up for goot at 6:30am. Yippee!

We will be repeating EXACTLY the routine we had last night tonight.

Is "mama" really the first word?

Leif went to bed about 6:30pm last night. He had quite the busy day. We went on a walk with friends and went to ice cream, thereby missing completely his afternoon naptime. Bad idea.

At about 1am Leif was up, and therefore, the rest of the house should be too. No screaming, just soft babbling and singing. I was laying there listening to him softly and then woah! What was that, my nose was just grabbed, then ouch, my eyebrow and oh I do have lips too! Leif was there on all fours, rocking back and forth saying "mama! mama! mama!" Hans conceded immediatly that it was a "specific mama" as opposed to "nonspecific" where he calls whoever "mama". This also meant that Leif wanted ME and not Hans... how convenient! Of course this morning Hans said that Leif has to repeat performance saying mama in order for it to be his first word. I am crying foul.

I fear my days of listening to my little baby coo and breathe next to me are numbered. Had he been able to he would have just crawled in the bed with us and performed "fishhooks" with our lips and lifted our sleepy eyelids.

Spring already?

Today the thermometer in my car dashboard said it was 80 degrees. Ok, I know enough to know that it is not correct. I have actually seen the thing read 122 degrees in the summer. And no it doesn't get *that* hot here. So after driving it cooled down to 68 degrees. Wow! Spring has sprung. It better be here to stay. My fruit trees are budding, bulbs are coming up and I am just plain ready for spring.

I was never a spring type person before, surprise considering my name is April. But I really like it here. Probably because winter just sucks, grey, dreary, foggy, drizzley. Blah. Ick. But spring comes early here and is therefore fairly long. I am planning my vegetable garden and can't wait. There will be no Preen allowed within a 10 foot radius. That stuff is death to vegetable gardens. I am looking forward to getting my seeds and planning it out. I cleaned out the front flower bed last weekend. Hans and Kenton are moving the weeping cypress tree this weekend (or next). I am ready!

This also means that Leif needs new clothes. Today he is wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and heavy cords. Yesterday he wore his fleece lined overalls and a turtleneck. Oy vay. These ultra-cute clothes will be packed up soon, while they still fit. Sacrilige.

Update on Leif... he is still the cutest, smartest thing you will ever meet. Red hair is coming through, poor boy. Sure everyone says it is cute, it really is. But I don't want him to be the subject of ridicule and stupid jokes as a child. Maybe he will get Hans' strong personality and then it won't be a problem! He is trying oh so hard to stand up, forget crawling. He can pull himself up to stand if he has something within reach that is the right size. He can see that it is far more efficient to move on two feet than on all fours, so why crawl? LOL!

He is getting over a bad spell with his "asthma" and ear infections. We will all be happy when this is over. Poor guy!

Just curious... does anyone read my blog? We have been having a discussion about blogs on my women's board. No one ever responds or comments. Which is fine. I am not going to quit writing it, just curious who is out there lurking...

Husbands are so funny!

Hans just cracks me up... he will probably kill me for telling this story, lol. No he won't, it's about clothes, he can laugh.

He called me and asked me if he would wear "wine colored shoes". Umm, I don't know, will you? He didn't know. Well if you don't know if you will wear them, you probably won't. I really do value his frugalness, but after looking for shoes for 3 months, it really is time to just give it up and buy some!!

I, of course, have never had trouble buying shoes. If there is a chance I will like them, they are in my closet. As can be seen by the fact that my closet has no floor. Hans OTOH, has 3 pairs of shoes. His hiking boots, his daily shoes that need to match everything (wine colored matches very little), and a pair of sandals (that really are NOT supposed to be worn with socks).

Hump day

So 1 month after being in my new group my manager called me! The topic of the conversation was space. Where do I work mostly and where is my office. Well she said, you will probably need to stay out in that area. Well umm, yeah, if you want me to work on the same projects, that would be most convenient. She told me that after dealing with the space issues she will schedule meetings to come meet all of us she doesn't already know. Typical manager, space issues are far more important than staff. Moving on...

Leif wants SO bad to be crawling or walking. He watches the other babies at daycare and really does think that he can do the same thing. He is trying! He is such a joy. I can't believe how connected I am to him. He is so cool.

Medical "care"

Or lack there of.

So I am probably just being a paranoid new parent. But in my American Academy of Pediatrics book it says that when an infant has had a cough for 5-7 days, and it doesn't go away, take them to the doctor. Now a paranoid mother would have ignored that advice and taken the baby immediately. That makes me officially NOT paranoid.

I called the doctor at 8:30am. First off my complaint there. I could.not.get.through. I finally left a message on the appointments answering machine. After a number of calls back, apparently my messages got somewhere. The nurse calls me to tell me that they are too busy to see Leif both today AND tomorrow. If he has a cough to take him to the emergency room, and she follows that up with "you do have insurance don't you?"!

The emergency room, you have got to be kidding me! Ok, April going off here... that sounds like total abuse of the insurance system and a waste of the ER staff time. Leif had signs of asthma when he was a few months younger and we bought him a nebulizer and have albuterol for him. We have been giving treatments as a preventative measure with the strict instruction that we call the doc when we do this so she can listen to him. But no... we are to take him to the ER for a cough? We WILL take him to the ER if he shows signs of difficulty breathing, but seriously now.

Oh and I should add that according to the doctor an Urgent Care facility would not be appropriate because they wouldn't do a blood gas to check his O2 saturation. Really? I am just beside myself. At least an Urgent Care facility would listen to his chest!

I know it is a busy flu time, but I think it is appropriate for his doctor to listen to his chest since she was the one that diagnosed him with asthma. But they apparently didn't have this written in his chart or something, because the nurse was unaware of his asthma background.

I decided to do the Urgent Care thing and just called them. Yay, they are open till 8pm. But wait, they have a 2 hour wait right now! What?! So Leif could go sit in the waiting room where he would likely pick up more and nastier bugs. Or we can just go home and have an evening at home. I will choose the later. Ok, hereby classify me as a horrible parent.

I just can't believe the quality of doctors here. It really is good that we are on top of our medical care and knowledgeable, intelligent people. Because if you aren't, forget about it. Is it really too much to expect that the phone get answered and at least talk to a receptionist? To know that your call is being addressed by someone - it might take an hour or two, but someone WILL call you back? Is it too much to ask that when said person calls you back that the doctor might have actually read the history instead of just prescribing the standard "get off my back will ya" response?

The medical field sucks. When *I* worked in medicine we actually cared and tried. And man, if the doctor I worked with ever found out patients weren't getting to talk to a real person, there was hell to pay.

I am hereby jumping from the medical professions bandwagon that states that healthcare is best privatized, and that doctors are not overpaid over to the consumer bandwagon that says "hello have you ever tried to see a doctor and to speak to one for longer than 5 minutes?" I hereby am calling for REFORM!

No funding, yet again.

So another cycle of exploratory proposals has come and is going. I submitted two, very excellent proposals. Last year I was told it was a 50-50 shot if I got funded, but next year I will for sure. Well here it is, next year, and welp, no funding of my own.

Ok, I should qualify that this is simply based off my chatting with R.C., who doles out the cash-ola today previous to another meeting.

In one instant my "collections platform" proposal received acolades. It really is unique and a good idea, but it is just one in a stack of 5 collections proposals. So his solution is to consider getting them all together along with the currently funded sorbents project and revamp them under one heading for a large chunk of money elsewhere. What? You mean there is other money elsewhere?? I doubt it, I think "elsewhere" is a place that exists where they don't want to tell you it is a bad idea, cause it's not, but it's that place where no one ever wants to go to retrieve ideas. Who actually puts money in "elsewhere"?

The other proposal, everyone says it was a shoe in. The biggest problem was that I asked for 1/3 of their complete budgets. Yeah, I could have asked for less, but by my calculations I can't even BUY the equipment for less than $50K, and then I still have to pay people to work on the project. So R.C. told me that it is a long shot because I asked for $100K and unfortunately he thinks I was correct to ask for that much money, he doesn't think it could be done for less. He did throw me one bone though... get off my lazy duff and submit it as a concept paper for a life cycle plan (my words- he phrased it much nicer). Hell it probably shouldn't even be labelled "exploratory", it can be done, it is just a matter of logistics, putting it together, modeling it and making it work. So... with any luck the big talked about "plus up" for the program this year could result in my first funded proposal for FY06. Imagine that... to skip the entire exploratory phase all together... just dreaming here... don't mind me.

Leif is doing awesome. He is such a happy baby. I don't know what we did to deserve him and I only hope that I can prove myself as being deserving enough to parent him. He is truly amazing. He is saying (imitating) mama and dada and today I swear he waved at me. I always wave at him when I leave after visiting daycare. And today he raised his hand and opened and closed his fingers. His teachers got excited and everyone tried to get him to wave after that. He is such an attention hound. I am sure he just played coy after that!

Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day. I asked for and got this year, an electric fondue maker. I even got to pick it out! Hans is always so good at picking up flowers and chocolate for me, but this year I thought I might ask for something that I want. While I love the ambiance of fondue with flame, I royally dislike the scrubbing of the burnt cheese krinkles out of the bottom and not being able to get the pot hot enough for oil fondue. So now, I can not only control the temperature precisely with my non-stick pot, but I can turn it up really hot to get that satisfying sizzle when you plunk a piece o'meat into the hot oil.

Leif took cookies to his teachers today. Actually he did his best to prevent me from actually getting the cookies in the door today. He has definitely got his daddy's monkey arms! How he could still reach the plate of cookies while I held him on my hip and walked with my arm extended carrying the cookies I don't know. I really can't believe we actually made it in the door.

A friend I work with came in with another Leif story for me from when he was dropping off his son at daycare. He told me that when he put Nathaniel on the floor in his carseat, Leif just stood there staring at Nathaniel. The staring doesn't get me, more the fact that he told me that Leif "stood there". Actual standing? It can't be? I am so confused. I must ask daycare.

Friday again!

Already! I can't believe it. No complaints here.

We are going to have a reclusive weekend. I don't want to visit or correspond with anyone we know, lol! I feel very privileged to have a number of friends in the area. But lately it seems as though we have something planned every single day of every weekend. And many times it is AT our house. We frequently get volunteered for these things. And while I am thrilled that people like to come over, it is sometimes overwhelming.

So tonight we are going out to dinner at the Olive Garden. Ok, I admit, the likelihood of encountering someone we know there is high. But I can deal. Then Leif is going to sleep all night long tonight (ha ha) and we will get bright and early at 6am, fully refreshed from a full nights sleep (I really am funny aren't I?). Tomorrow we are going to enjoy our very clean house thanks to our housecleaner, Wendy. I am completely spoiled and will never be able to survive without a housecleaner for the rest of my life. I am going to fix a nice dinner, but spend most of the day just hanging out with Leif and working on my scrapbooks!! I MUST get some pictures put in scrapbooks.

Oh I need to go to Target and get a few things for Valentine's day. I will do that, but no pressure!

So Valentine's day is on Monday. I was such a slacker this year. I didn't even realize it until too late to send cards. I really should have gotten them out, but I didn't. I asked Hans for an electric fondue pot for V-day. He will probably get some candy from me. We don't have much planned. We have cheese for fondue and king crab. We might celebrate on Sunday night since Hans has class Monday night.

Well so that is the state of things here.

Blah blah blah

It is just a blah day. I just feel reclusive and quiet today. It hasn't been a great day.

Leif didn't sleep well, however, he did eat last night. He has recently decided he doesn't like solid food, mommy milk only. BUT, we did entice him with some banana/berries blend Gerber mix. He thought that was yummy stuff last night. However, wouldn't you know it is PURPLE! Nothing stains like berries.

Ok, so he was a little fussy this morning after a long night. I was just a little tired. You know those occasions where you are having a really cool dream, something wakes you up and you can't get back to the dream? It is so frustrating. Well I had the opposite problem last night. I would wake up, comfort Leif, fall asleep and fall back into the same, monotonous, tedious, awful dream. Ok, it wasn't awful, but it was a perfect exemplification of my frustration with work right now.

In it I would walk into the classified conference room and sitting there would be my project manager, one coworker and a former coworker who I cannot stand. The former coworker starts complaining and being his general disagreeable self about my presence, my general feeling about this project, I feel like I am the biggest misfit and am sick of being treated like admin. My project manager makes a big deal about that I am not supposed to be there, but if I want I can stay he guesses. Yep, more signs of my feeling like a project misfit and indications of my feelings of always being left out and as if I am the third wheel. All the while my coworker who I do like, sits there saying nothing. I keep waiting for him to pipe up and support me, but in the end, as IRL, he goes with the flow.

So everytime I woke up last night, which was frequent, I would fall back asleep into this dream. No wonder I am exhausted today.

I went to telecon first thing this morning only to be jumped on left and right by a guy on the other side. He was being an inconsiderate jerk. My team backed me up, but it still made me feel inept and as though I am not being thorough in my work, which bugs me. I am extremely thorough. At the end he asked if I was still there, I said yes, and he apologized profusely for the way he treated me and said he felt guilty for being such a jerk. Well he should feel guilty.

I needed some quiet time after that so I worked in the lab working on wiring up a thermal controller. I worked and worked on it, determined to make it work. It wouldn't. I took it to my former team lead and now fellow scientist. I was prepared to tell him exactly all the tests I did and what happened. He didn't need to hear it, he trusted my judgment and tossed it in the trash. I went to my office and ordered a few new ones.

While I was placing my order my former manager, I still have yet to meet my new current manager one on one, came to my office. It appears that *I* am the matter of great concern among my division. He didn't close my door, so I didn't worry too much about this being a bad thing... but still it peaked my interest. I am one of three people that the division leaders met to discuss. It appears that my former manager, former team lead, division leader and current manager have outlined a career path they would like to see me follow. He told me that if it doesn't sit well, or I have concerns to let him know. He really reitterated to me that he wants to stay involved in my career path as much as possible and that he is there for me. It was so nice to hear that.

My crystal ball is propped up in front of me and through the haze I see my manager sitting across from me, I can't tell if it is my office or hers, but she is telling me that I need to dump Jim's project if I want a promotion. Now what is hazy in my crystal ball is if she is actually offering to help me find a project to fill said booted project or if she is giving me her advice and turning me lose to find my own way. Also hazy is the timeframe... is this to happen next week, next month, or over the next two years?

Surprised? Nope. I fully expect to hear this. Why? It's true. My career path under Jim is sketchy at best. I don't care for what I am doing, I don't feel important, I don't feel valued. I am ignored and expected to guess what is expected of me. I am not part of the boys club. Why should I stay on this project? I see no good reason. They don't stand up for me, they don't push for my promotion, they don't praise nor offer incentives for success. They suck.

I don't know why I was ever hired to start with. I mean really, my background was not commensurate with what they wanted me to do. I was easier to hire than a technician. But here I sit functioning as a technician/administrator. I didn't get my Ph.D. to order tubing, or to be in charge of purchasing equipment for the engineers. I have got to move on... how to do that is the only question. I don't even worry about hurting anyone's feelings anymore. Just give me a charge code.

Is it time to go home yet? I felt horrible leaving Leif at lunch today. He cried and cried. He is having a rough day too. I think I need to go home now. Bye!

The calm after the storm

My proposal is in. Yes, it was "in" last Friday too, but not the final draft. I am nervous and scared. I have submitted proposals before that I thought would get funded, but they haven't been quite this nerve-wracking. I think the reason it has me so spazed out is that in the past my proposals have been related to another ongoing project. Not this one. This is completely my own idea and there isn't any supporting staff or infrastructure for it. It is building from scratch. I am scared. I am also scared because the likelihood of funding is scarily real. The level 6 who is on my proposal has asked that it be funded asap so that I can get some particular equipment. My former mentor said he would bet money it will be funded and that I can get follow on money for the year after for proof of concept.

I have already basically designed this system before, I KNOW I can do it. But can I make it work?

So now I sit in my office, quiet, trying to calm my heart. $100,000 for 6 months is a lot of moolah.

Funny Leif stories

He is just becoming such a little man, and a complete riot at the same time.

A guy I work with who has his son in daycare came by the other day. He told me he couldn't believe how big he is. I know. Sad. Then he told me that he had a funny Leif story from the other day when he was picking up his son. Leif was laying on the play mats. Another little boy is about two feet away and waving around a brightly colored scarf. He flicked it Leif's way and my son can't help but have quick hands of course. Well evidently he grabbed the other end, gave it a yank and sent the other little boy rolling. A full roll and a half! The little boy let go of the scarf in his bewilderment and Leif reeled it in and played with it himself.

Leif has been offering Winny her doggy treats. We hand Leif a doggy treat and he seems to know that if he holds it out, that Winny will come to him. Which is just the most fun ever. Winny is SO gentle with her mouth. (Ok if someone actually saw this I am sure they would be comparing us to the Crocodile Hunter and his antics with his baby in front of the croc...) But seriously now, those of you that know Winny know how nice and gentle she is. Winny opens her mouth to take the treat about the time Leif will start waving it around. Making it difficult for Winny, but she is persistant! Finally she will get it, which thrills Leif. And she will ever so gently pull it out of his hand. Then show is over.