Quick post for tracking purposes:
Silas:
Born: 8 lbs 11 oz, 20.5"
Left Hospital 4 days later: 8 lbs 2 oz
7 Days Old: 8 lbs 4 oz
9 Days Old: 8 lbs 6 oz, 21.5" (Length 98th percentile, Weight/Length Ratio Percentile 4th)
13 Days Old: 8 lbs 15 oz
15 Days Old: 9 lbs 3 oz, 22" (70th percentile and 90th percentile)
Skadi:
Age 6 years 1 month well child visit 4/25/13
Weight 45 lbs - 50th percentile
Height 44" - 37th percentile
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Monday, April 01, 2013
Money, it's what I want... or not
One area my two kids are so completely opposite is their treatment/need for money.
Since Leif was very young he has seen value in money. The kid gets a dime and holds tight to it. We used to tell him to save his money for something he would like to buy. He just saves his money. The only thing he wants to buy is more money, so when a game my Dad bought for him (Fortune Street) introduced the concept of buying stocks and he learned that it is really something you can do - make your money grow by investing it - he was all over it.
He has his own Sharebuilder account and keeps track of it.
Skadi is the complete opposite. Can't hold on to a dime to save her life. Part of this I blame on Leif at an early age. She would offer him money and he would take it. We finally had to institute a rule, "your sister does NOT need to pay you off!"
But still, money? In one hand, out her other.
She came home one day with a "Pennies for Patients" box from school and an intense obligation in her heart to fill the thing to the brim.
I tried to stop her, "honey, you don't need to fill the ENTIRE box, maybe you should keep some of your change?" And she looked at me completely perplexed. And I thought about it. What does she do with her money? Nothing. Lose it?
"Nevermind," I said, "if you want to empty your piggy bank into the box, that is fine."
And she did. Then she went to my change jar and filled up the remainder with change from my jar because she couldn't possibly take the box in 2/3 full when there are sick kids who need the money.
Leif came home and threw his box to the side. I thought about pushing him to donate some change, but then I hefted the box that Skadi had filled and didn't pursue it further.
Sunday school has started introducing the notion of the tithe with the kids. AB and I give to our church and feel this is an important aspect of our attendance and following. We are supportive of this with the kids. Most Sundays Skadi is scrambling for change to take for her offering. While Leif looks at us and rolls his eyes, "give money? Why?" Then he rolls them at his sister for even bringing the topic up.
The other day Leif announced that he thought he would like to use some of his money to buy Skylanders for the Wii. Again my first impulse was, "really, you want to spend $50 on that?"
Then AB looked at me. This was a first. We are thinking this is about the first time leif has willingly taken his own money and spent it on anything for himself. Yes, seriously. The kid is patient and will wait until his birthday or Christmas and then ask for the coveted item. And if he doesn't get it, he moves on.
Skadi on the other hand... one of her grandpas sent her $10 for her birthday. That $10 is burning a big huge and ugly hole in her pocket. My recent willingness to go stroll around Target has been about nill since reaching 38-39 weeks pregnant since the $10 bill came in the mail. And this is REALLY cramping her style. She has $10!!! There are TOYS to buy!
I keep reminding her not to lose it as when it is gone, that is it.
"Mommy, if you have to go to the hospital tonight to have the baby, will you take my $10 and keep it safe?" she asked me.
Since Leif was very young he has seen value in money. The kid gets a dime and holds tight to it. We used to tell him to save his money for something he would like to buy. He just saves his money. The only thing he wants to buy is more money, so when a game my Dad bought for him (Fortune Street) introduced the concept of buying stocks and he learned that it is really something you can do - make your money grow by investing it - he was all over it.
He has his own Sharebuilder account and keeps track of it.
Skadi is the complete opposite. Can't hold on to a dime to save her life. Part of this I blame on Leif at an early age. She would offer him money and he would take it. We finally had to institute a rule, "your sister does NOT need to pay you off!"
But still, money? In one hand, out her other.
She came home one day with a "Pennies for Patients" box from school and an intense obligation in her heart to fill the thing to the brim.
I tried to stop her, "honey, you don't need to fill the ENTIRE box, maybe you should keep some of your change?" And she looked at me completely perplexed. And I thought about it. What does she do with her money? Nothing. Lose it?
"Nevermind," I said, "if you want to empty your piggy bank into the box, that is fine."
And she did. Then she went to my change jar and filled up the remainder with change from my jar because she couldn't possibly take the box in 2/3 full when there are sick kids who need the money.
Leif came home and threw his box to the side. I thought about pushing him to donate some change, but then I hefted the box that Skadi had filled and didn't pursue it further.
Sunday school has started introducing the notion of the tithe with the kids. AB and I give to our church and feel this is an important aspect of our attendance and following. We are supportive of this with the kids. Most Sundays Skadi is scrambling for change to take for her offering. While Leif looks at us and rolls his eyes, "give money? Why?" Then he rolls them at his sister for even bringing the topic up.
The other day Leif announced that he thought he would like to use some of his money to buy Skylanders for the Wii. Again my first impulse was, "really, you want to spend $50 on that?"
Then AB looked at me. This was a first. We are thinking this is about the first time leif has willingly taken his own money and spent it on anything for himself. Yes, seriously. The kid is patient and will wait until his birthday or Christmas and then ask for the coveted item. And if he doesn't get it, he moves on.
Skadi on the other hand... one of her grandpas sent her $10 for her birthday. That $10 is burning a big huge and ugly hole in her pocket. My recent willingness to go stroll around Target has been about nill since reaching 38-39 weeks pregnant since the $10 bill came in the mail. And this is REALLY cramping her style. She has $10!!! There are TOYS to buy!
I keep reminding her not to lose it as when it is gone, that is it.
"Mommy, if you have to go to the hospital tonight to have the baby, will you take my $10 and keep it safe?" she asked me.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
The nicest people in the world
Sadly, I am not one of them.
But you know those people - the ones that are just so nice and kind and generous with their time, money, career, etc.? Those of us who don't fit into that mold tend to wonder if it is for real. Well it is. Because no one not genuine could maintain that facade for long, I am convinced.
My ob is one of those people. I, on a rare occasion, have seen glints of frustration as he has come from another room containing a "wimpy" patient. But 99.5% of the time that I have known him, nicest person in.the.world.
I see these women walk into his office, hugely pregnant, finishing the last drag on their cigarette outside before setting foot in the office (but hovering with the door open), hauling their strung out looking boyfriends/husbands who are wearing pajama pants with them, cussing up a storm. And I cringe.
And then I hear him in the room with them next door, full of compassion and kindness. And I feel guilty.
I couldn't do that. I know a little about his history from the occasional friendship we have forged outside of the office. His passion in life is treating not women like me (educated, able to support ourselves), but poverty level women with few options in life. In addition to his MD, he has a Masters in Public Health and has a keen understanding of how the care (or lack of) a woman receives in her doctor's office translates to her acceptance in social situations and her ability to raise her family. He hopes to retire from his practice soon (has scaled it back to 2 days a week in the office presently) and move to Central America and practice medicine among the third world inhabitants there.
I wanted to go to medical school once. And each time I have been in a hospital be it for birthing my kids or having my gall bladder out I have wistfully wondered what it would be like to be a physician and have longed for that experience of walking through the halls of a hospital. I wanted to be a nurse until I was about 5 when my nurse grandmother said, "you don't want to be a nurse, you want to be a doctor!"
I had a stint in there where I wanted to be an astronaut. Then a teacher. But for the vast majority of my school life I wanted to be a doctor. I scored very average on the MCAT. I worked in a doctor's office for 5 years. I had an "in" to the local med school through my college employer (a dermatologist) who was also a professor at the medical school one half day a week.
Then I dumped it all and went to grad school.
I wanted to be a plastic surgeon actually. While in college I would fill in with one of my doctor's good friends when he was short staffed in his Reconstructive Surgery office. I loved it. But wow it seemed like a long haul. Medical School, Surgical Residency, Plastic Surgery Residency...
I told AB about how I noted that I just did not have what it took to do what my ob does every day. See these women and be compassionate about their situation, when I would really just want to slap them upside the head. I would be the most frustrated person around.
"But you would have never gone into obstetrics," AB said the other night. "You would so be spending your days doing boob jobs intermingled with the occasional pro bono case! You would still have your wackos to deal with, they would just be different wackos."
He is right. It's dang good I went into research and not medicine because I do not regularly have to work with wackos at all this way.
And it isn't just in medicine where you find these nicest people ever. I truly have some of the nicest friends ever. And I wonder what it would take - how they do it? If they don't have that same voice in their head that I do?
Well, I guess it is something for me to work on.
After I birth this baby, because right now it just isn't in me!
But you know those people - the ones that are just so nice and kind and generous with their time, money, career, etc.? Those of us who don't fit into that mold tend to wonder if it is for real. Well it is. Because no one not genuine could maintain that facade for long, I am convinced.
My ob is one of those people. I, on a rare occasion, have seen glints of frustration as he has come from another room containing a "wimpy" patient. But 99.5% of the time that I have known him, nicest person in.the.world.
I see these women walk into his office, hugely pregnant, finishing the last drag on their cigarette outside before setting foot in the office (but hovering with the door open), hauling their strung out looking boyfriends/husbands who are wearing pajama pants with them, cussing up a storm. And I cringe.
And then I hear him in the room with them next door, full of compassion and kindness. And I feel guilty.
I couldn't do that. I know a little about his history from the occasional friendship we have forged outside of the office. His passion in life is treating not women like me (educated, able to support ourselves), but poverty level women with few options in life. In addition to his MD, he has a Masters in Public Health and has a keen understanding of how the care (or lack of) a woman receives in her doctor's office translates to her acceptance in social situations and her ability to raise her family. He hopes to retire from his practice soon (has scaled it back to 2 days a week in the office presently) and move to Central America and practice medicine among the third world inhabitants there.
I wanted to go to medical school once. And each time I have been in a hospital be it for birthing my kids or having my gall bladder out I have wistfully wondered what it would be like to be a physician and have longed for that experience of walking through the halls of a hospital. I wanted to be a nurse until I was about 5 when my nurse grandmother said, "you don't want to be a nurse, you want to be a doctor!"
I had a stint in there where I wanted to be an astronaut. Then a teacher. But for the vast majority of my school life I wanted to be a doctor. I scored very average on the MCAT. I worked in a doctor's office for 5 years. I had an "in" to the local med school through my college employer (a dermatologist) who was also a professor at the medical school one half day a week.
Then I dumped it all and went to grad school.
I wanted to be a plastic surgeon actually. While in college I would fill in with one of my doctor's good friends when he was short staffed in his Reconstructive Surgery office. I loved it. But wow it seemed like a long haul. Medical School, Surgical Residency, Plastic Surgery Residency...
I told AB about how I noted that I just did not have what it took to do what my ob does every day. See these women and be compassionate about their situation, when I would really just want to slap them upside the head. I would be the most frustrated person around.
"But you would have never gone into obstetrics," AB said the other night. "You would so be spending your days doing boob jobs intermingled with the occasional pro bono case! You would still have your wackos to deal with, they would just be different wackos."
He is right. It's dang good I went into research and not medicine because I do not regularly have to work with wackos at all this way.
And it isn't just in medicine where you find these nicest people ever. I truly have some of the nicest friends ever. And I wonder what it would take - how they do it? If they don't have that same voice in their head that I do?
Well, I guess it is something for me to work on.
After I birth this baby, because right now it just isn't in me!
Friday, March 22, 2013
All the "holiday" flap
A few of my Facebook friends have recently posted links to blog posts with titles like "Can we tone down the holidays, please?" and other things of that nature.
It's March, Easter is coming up, if you don't have kids in school you may wonder what the big deal is. So here it is... St. Patrick's Day. Once a day when you just made sure your child (ok me, I was that age) wore green when they walked out of the house so they don't get pinched? Now a holiday. Not a holiday in that kids are out of school, but a big celebration with green food, Leprechaun trap building, etc. Then there are the complaints of what some kids are handing out for Valentine's Day - fancy little bags of goodies instead of just a card. Take it back another few weeks to Christmas and everyone points to the "creepy" new tradition of Elf on the Shelf. Some have even started complaining about Advent calendars - which are not a new thing and I loved mine as a kid.
Well I have already blogged about the supposed "creepy" Elf on the Shelf. Basically we bought it and love it and don't find it creepy - which seems to be the key word people use who don't buy in. "It's creepy."
I am a big fan of holidays. Love them. In today's day and age with so much crummy news and things we need to shelter our kids from, I am all for embracing the fun and frivolty of a handful of days a year to celebrate random things.
We aren't really Irish, though the red hair tricks many. More Scandinavian and my red hair (hence my kids' as well) comes from my Swedish grandmother. But St. Patty's day? It's a hit here. The kids love corned beef, which I fix once a year on March 17th. They love building leprechaun traps and they get more elaborate every year. This year my son's was rigged with motion sensors - making things pretty interesting...
Fun. It's all it is.
We pick and choose with holidays. I get tired of all the freaking candy at holidays and my personal annoyance is when every holiday becomes a gift giving occasion. My kids get "presents" on their birthdays and Christmas. For Easter they will get small little things I don't think of as presents out of the dollar bins in their baskets - chalk, jump rope, a stuffed rabbit (for Skadi). For Valentine's Day, my daughter got a pink teddy bear, because she loves that stuff (and her chocolates still sit untouched). I don't have time to spend hours working on Valentine's, so my kids picked out the ones with a card and a piece of candy attached. And so far - neither the nearly 6 year old or 8 year old has complained at all. I like to think they know better.
Back to my point... the blog posts asking to scale back the holidays.
You don't like it? Don't do it! Quit succumbing to parental peer pressure and the assumption that if it is posted on Pinterest that "everyone" else is doing it and your child will feel left out if they don't have baggies of rainbow licorice and gold coins for St. Patty's Day. Your kids will deal.
St. Patty's day? I cooked dinner. My kids built their traps themselves (ok, dad couldn't resist in helping Skadi incorporate her ceiling fan into hers) as they have been doing since they were 3 years old in preschool with access to paper and tape. And that was that.
And you know what, if my children EVER complained that they don't get to do all the stuff their friends do they will get a stern lecture.
My son at chess club (over Christmas) told one of his friends about the underwear episode with our Elf, Mina. (Mina decorated the untrimmed tree with his underwear.) The boy told his mom in my presence and she looked at me, rolled her eyes (not in a horrible way, we have been acquainted for 1.5 years now through the boys) and said, "oh you are one of THOSE moms."
Yes, I am one of those moms who loves to have fun and do silly things with my kids that make them laugh and adds to their magic of the holidays. That when they are 28 will look back and laugh and say to me, "mom, do you remember when you, I mean the Elf, decorated the tree with my underwear?"
Yep, I am one of those moms.
It's March, Easter is coming up, if you don't have kids in school you may wonder what the big deal is. So here it is... St. Patrick's Day. Once a day when you just made sure your child (ok me, I was that age) wore green when they walked out of the house so they don't get pinched? Now a holiday. Not a holiday in that kids are out of school, but a big celebration with green food, Leprechaun trap building, etc. Then there are the complaints of what some kids are handing out for Valentine's Day - fancy little bags of goodies instead of just a card. Take it back another few weeks to Christmas and everyone points to the "creepy" new tradition of Elf on the Shelf. Some have even started complaining about Advent calendars - which are not a new thing and I loved mine as a kid.
Well I have already blogged about the supposed "creepy" Elf on the Shelf. Basically we bought it and love it and don't find it creepy - which seems to be the key word people use who don't buy in. "It's creepy."
I am a big fan of holidays. Love them. In today's day and age with so much crummy news and things we need to shelter our kids from, I am all for embracing the fun and frivolty of a handful of days a year to celebrate random things.
We aren't really Irish, though the red hair tricks many. More Scandinavian and my red hair (hence my kids' as well) comes from my Swedish grandmother. But St. Patty's day? It's a hit here. The kids love corned beef, which I fix once a year on March 17th. They love building leprechaun traps and they get more elaborate every year. This year my son's was rigged with motion sensors - making things pretty interesting...
Fun. It's all it is.
We pick and choose with holidays. I get tired of all the freaking candy at holidays and my personal annoyance is when every holiday becomes a gift giving occasion. My kids get "presents" on their birthdays and Christmas. For Easter they will get small little things I don't think of as presents out of the dollar bins in their baskets - chalk, jump rope, a stuffed rabbit (for Skadi). For Valentine's Day, my daughter got a pink teddy bear, because she loves that stuff (and her chocolates still sit untouched). I don't have time to spend hours working on Valentine's, so my kids picked out the ones with a card and a piece of candy attached. And so far - neither the nearly 6 year old or 8 year old has complained at all. I like to think they know better.
Back to my point... the blog posts asking to scale back the holidays.
You don't like it? Don't do it! Quit succumbing to parental peer pressure and the assumption that if it is posted on Pinterest that "everyone" else is doing it and your child will feel left out if they don't have baggies of rainbow licorice and gold coins for St. Patty's Day. Your kids will deal.
St. Patty's day? I cooked dinner. My kids built their traps themselves (ok, dad couldn't resist in helping Skadi incorporate her ceiling fan into hers) as they have been doing since they were 3 years old in preschool with access to paper and tape. And that was that.
And you know what, if my children EVER complained that they don't get to do all the stuff their friends do they will get a stern lecture.
My son at chess club (over Christmas) told one of his friends about the underwear episode with our Elf, Mina. (Mina decorated the untrimmed tree with his underwear.) The boy told his mom in my presence and she looked at me, rolled her eyes (not in a horrible way, we have been acquainted for 1.5 years now through the boys) and said, "oh you are one of THOSE moms."
Yes, I am one of those moms who loves to have fun and do silly things with my kids that make them laugh and adds to their magic of the holidays. That when they are 28 will look back and laugh and say to me, "mom, do you remember when you, I mean the Elf, decorated the tree with my underwear?"
Yep, I am one of those moms.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
My daughter's clothes
A huge issue.
A way too big of an issue, IMO.
One similarity with Skadi and I is that when I was 5, I wore only dresses too. I had some weird and irrational thought that if I wore pants, someone might think I was a boy. I had long hair. I didn't look like a boy. But I was POSITIVE that someone would think me a boy.
When I was very little - probably around three - my dad's mom bought me a pair of cowboy boots. But she poisoned them. She poisoned them because she said "cowboy boots!" Not cowgirl boots. I still remember screaming my head off and my mom hissing through her teeth at me that I WOULD try them on for her one way or another. It was horrible. My feet were poisoned by boy shoes.
Skadi has these same delusions, sort of, at least. With footwear, she is all about comfort and one of her recent favorite pairs of shoes was a pair of brown hand me down Keens from her brother. I have no idea.
But not only does she want to wear a dress daily, but she adds her own flair to her style.
And it is the flair that she and her kindergarten teacher may come to blows over.
I am pretty sure her kindergarten teacher has labelled me as one of *those* parents. At Skadi's fall conference she mentioned one instance regarding the "class t-shirt" and it not being her issue.
The Class T-Shirt. So the deal is that at the beginning of the year the teacher requested we send in a white t-shirt for our kids that would be decorated in all the same way to give the class a consistent and fun look for field trips, group pictures, assemblies, etc. "The kids are just so cute in them!" She proclaimed!
Great!
Except Skadi HATES hers. Despises it.
So Skadi came home last fall with a sticker instructing the kids to wear the t-shirt the next day. And she refused. Wanted nothing to do with it. Since Skadi goes to morning care and I feared it being taken off and left somewhere (since a pink t-shirt underneath is mandatory in Skadi world) - I don't know, stuffed into some drawer or down the toilet at her morning care? I put it in her backpack and sent an e-mail to her teacher explaining that Skadi didn't want to wear it, it is in the backpack, hopefully when she sees the other kids wearing theirs, there will be positive peer pressure and she will want to put it on.
Well at conferences I was told that was out of line and not a teacher issue, not for them to deal with, it was up to me to get her in the t-shirt, her job is to teach.
Actually I disagree a bit. The Class T-Shirt is not part of a uniform that I agreed to. It was a request by the teacher that she wear this t-shirt. Therefore, your request, your problem. Not to be a complete bitch about it or anything, really. But I was rather annoyed.
That hasn't been the end of The Class T-Shirt. Skadi still despises it and on the days before she is supposed to wear it the teacher puts a sticker on the kids' shirt on their way out the door for the day reminding parents.
Any guesses where those stickers go?
I have no flipping idea because I don't see them! So instead Skadi ends up being the only child not in a matching t-shirt on a regular basis. I do have a secret weapon - friends. I have enlisted a parent friend from the class to let me know when her son comes home with a sticker to wear the special shirt.
But seriously, a battle where I am left shaking my head "why?!"
As I mentioned earlier Skadi has her own flair. She loves wearing a tiara daily. She loves pink. She loves dresses. And she prides herself on her clothing "creations". She argues about what matches and what doesn't. She is a clothing centric child. I was not. I like nice clothing and like shopping for clothes (this she got from me), but I don't push the syle boundries.
One day I got an e-mail home citing a school dress code violation. I was perplexed. I looked at my daughter. She was wearing a dress that she has owned for two years, wore to her grandfather's wedding and wears nearly once a week. And now... out of the blue... a dress code violation? Despite the fact that she had a sweater on covering the bare shoulders each day, it was cited that she wore sleeveless dresses two days in a row. (The previous day she did have a halter dress on, but wore a jean shirt/cardigan/light jacket over it.) If this was a problem, why wasn't it brought to my attention when she wore it first and not after 25 times? How do I explain to my daughter that I know it was ok last week when you wore the dress, but now it isn't?
Skadi gets it I think - and it may sound awful - but I blame her teacher. "Remember Mrs. W said you can't wear dresses without sleeves?" But you know? It works. And there is no battle. And she willingly changes to abide by Mrs. W's rules.
The other day Skadi wore a long flowing maxi-style skirt that she loves. Apparently when running on the playground she tripped on the dress and it ripped. Badly. Skadi came home in a pair of humongous sweat pants. I e-mailed her teacher acknowledging the rip and thanking her for loaning her a pair of sweat pants.
I kind of expected an e-mail back saying, "you're welcome".
Not surprisingly the e-mail back to me was not a "you're welcome" but instead said that she wouldn't need the pants if she would quit wearing long dresses and skirts and recommended that maybe if I let Skadi pick out a pair of sparkley pants that she wouldn't feel so compelled to wear dresses all the time.
I didn't respond. Because if you don't have anything nice to say...
I thought pretty strongly about snapping a picture of my daughter's pants collection - the pink jeans, the cheetah print jeggings, the pink cheetah print jeans, the yoga pants, pink fleece pants... - and sending that off.
But I resisted. I may have cursed a bit, felt as though I was being judged as a mom, wondering if she had even MET my daughter... oh wait, those e-mails about my daughter's stubborn nature recently... maybe she had met her once.
I came to a conclusion the other day... I continually get notes about Skadi's lack of progress when tested linked to her refusal to do simple tasks... apparently she only knows 5 letters, for example. (Yet she can write her and her brother's full names and most of her sight words...)
Maybe if the teacher quit worrying about and focusing on my daughter's clothing, she could focus on teaching my daughter?
A way too big of an issue, IMO.
One similarity with Skadi and I is that when I was 5, I wore only dresses too. I had some weird and irrational thought that if I wore pants, someone might think I was a boy. I had long hair. I didn't look like a boy. But I was POSITIVE that someone would think me a boy.
When I was very little - probably around three - my dad's mom bought me a pair of cowboy boots. But she poisoned them. She poisoned them because she said "cowboy boots!" Not cowgirl boots. I still remember screaming my head off and my mom hissing through her teeth at me that I WOULD try them on for her one way or another. It was horrible. My feet were poisoned by boy shoes.
Skadi has these same delusions, sort of, at least. With footwear, she is all about comfort and one of her recent favorite pairs of shoes was a pair of brown hand me down Keens from her brother. I have no idea.
But not only does she want to wear a dress daily, but she adds her own flair to her style.
And it is the flair that she and her kindergarten teacher may come to blows over.
I am pretty sure her kindergarten teacher has labelled me as one of *those* parents. At Skadi's fall conference she mentioned one instance regarding the "class t-shirt" and it not being her issue.
The Class T-Shirt. So the deal is that at the beginning of the year the teacher requested we send in a white t-shirt for our kids that would be decorated in all the same way to give the class a consistent and fun look for field trips, group pictures, assemblies, etc. "The kids are just so cute in them!" She proclaimed!
Great!
Except Skadi HATES hers. Despises it.
So Skadi came home last fall with a sticker instructing the kids to wear the t-shirt the next day. And she refused. Wanted nothing to do with it. Since Skadi goes to morning care and I feared it being taken off and left somewhere (since a pink t-shirt underneath is mandatory in Skadi world) - I don't know, stuffed into some drawer or down the toilet at her morning care? I put it in her backpack and sent an e-mail to her teacher explaining that Skadi didn't want to wear it, it is in the backpack, hopefully when she sees the other kids wearing theirs, there will be positive peer pressure and she will want to put it on.
Well at conferences I was told that was out of line and not a teacher issue, not for them to deal with, it was up to me to get her in the t-shirt, her job is to teach.
Actually I disagree a bit. The Class T-Shirt is not part of a uniform that I agreed to. It was a request by the teacher that she wear this t-shirt. Therefore, your request, your problem. Not to be a complete bitch about it or anything, really. But I was rather annoyed.
That hasn't been the end of The Class T-Shirt. Skadi still despises it and on the days before she is supposed to wear it the teacher puts a sticker on the kids' shirt on their way out the door for the day reminding parents.
Any guesses where those stickers go?
I have no flipping idea because I don't see them! So instead Skadi ends up being the only child not in a matching t-shirt on a regular basis. I do have a secret weapon - friends. I have enlisted a parent friend from the class to let me know when her son comes home with a sticker to wear the special shirt.
But seriously, a battle where I am left shaking my head "why?!"
As I mentioned earlier Skadi has her own flair. She loves wearing a tiara daily. She loves pink. She loves dresses. And she prides herself on her clothing "creations". She argues about what matches and what doesn't. She is a clothing centric child. I was not. I like nice clothing and like shopping for clothes (this she got from me), but I don't push the syle boundries.
One day I got an e-mail home citing a school dress code violation. I was perplexed. I looked at my daughter. She was wearing a dress that she has owned for two years, wore to her grandfather's wedding and wears nearly once a week. And now... out of the blue... a dress code violation? Despite the fact that she had a sweater on covering the bare shoulders each day, it was cited that she wore sleeveless dresses two days in a row. (The previous day she did have a halter dress on, but wore a jean shirt/cardigan/light jacket over it.) If this was a problem, why wasn't it brought to my attention when she wore it first and not after 25 times? How do I explain to my daughter that I know it was ok last week when you wore the dress, but now it isn't?
Skadi gets it I think - and it may sound awful - but I blame her teacher. "Remember Mrs. W said you can't wear dresses without sleeves?" But you know? It works. And there is no battle. And she willingly changes to abide by Mrs. W's rules.
The other day Skadi wore a long flowing maxi-style skirt that she loves. Apparently when running on the playground she tripped on the dress and it ripped. Badly. Skadi came home in a pair of humongous sweat pants. I e-mailed her teacher acknowledging the rip and thanking her for loaning her a pair of sweat pants.
I kind of expected an e-mail back saying, "you're welcome".
Not surprisingly the e-mail back to me was not a "you're welcome" but instead said that she wouldn't need the pants if she would quit wearing long dresses and skirts and recommended that maybe if I let Skadi pick out a pair of sparkley pants that she wouldn't feel so compelled to wear dresses all the time.
I didn't respond. Because if you don't have anything nice to say...
I thought pretty strongly about snapping a picture of my daughter's pants collection - the pink jeans, the cheetah print jeggings, the pink cheetah print jeans, the yoga pants, pink fleece pants... - and sending that off.
But I resisted. I may have cursed a bit, felt as though I was being judged as a mom, wondering if she had even MET my daughter... oh wait, those e-mails about my daughter's stubborn nature recently... maybe she had met her once.
I came to a conclusion the other day... I continually get notes about Skadi's lack of progress when tested linked to her refusal to do simple tasks... apparently she only knows 5 letters, for example. (Yet she can write her and her brother's full names and most of her sight words...)
Maybe if the teacher quit worrying about and focusing on my daughter's clothing, she could focus on teaching my daughter?
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Influential to Me
So my last post was about influential music as a whole. A lot of it isn’t my style. I am not a Beatles fan (I know, sacrilege), not a big country fan (which is why I couldn’t list a single Garth Brooks album, but knew he needed to be there). So I got to thinking, what is MY most influential music? What music through my 40 – some years has moved me?
A lot comes from my parents and then from people around me. In this list I am painting a broader stroke and not listing the albums necessarily, maybe they are bands, or individual songs. Here it is… my list of 50 influential to Nuclear Mom music (attempting to hit these somewhat chronologically - honestly because it is easier that way):
Musical Foundation – The 70’s
Ted Nugent – Cat Scratch Fever (my first “favorite” song – I am sure this is courtesy of my dad)
Bert and Ernie’s Greatest Hits (And I have this cd for my kids too.)
Rolling Stones
Led Zeppelin
Janis Joplin (my mom’s favorite when I was a kid)
Bob Dylan (still resides in my top 5)
Donna Summers
The Bee Gees
Willie Nelson
John Denver
Childhood – Basically the late 70’s and early 80’s
Grease, The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
Joan Jett and the BlackHearts – (a female hard core musician!)
Billy Idol – Rebel Yell
Squeeze – Black Coffee in Bed (the first video I saw on MTV)
Meat Loaf – Bat out of Hell (“On a hot summer’s night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?”)
Pink Floyd – The Wall
The Stray Cats
Junior High – 80’s at its best
Pretty in Pink Soundtrack (worn out, thoroughly worn out)
Beastie Boys – Licensed to Ill
Prince and the Parade
The Cure
Michael Jackson (oh how embarrassing…)
High School – a switch out of the main stream
Bad Religion
Social Distortion
Elvis Costello
English Beat
Blondie
The Ramones
The Clash
Black Flag
The Descendents/All
Sex Pistols – Never Mind the Bullocks
The Vandals
Dirty Dancing (shhh… don’t tell my friends)
Michelle Shocked – Short Sharp Shocked
The Church
Tracy Chapman
The Doors
College/Grad School – quality music/talent
Richard Thompson
Nancy Griffith
Joe Jackson
The Cranberries – Everybody Else is Doing It
The Best of Gil-Scot Heron
Marc Cohn
Ray Charles
Soul Coughing
Miles Davis
Grateful Dead
Johnny Cash
Dave Matthews
Jack Johnson
What's Influential?
A friend of mine on FB recently took an “Influential Albums” quiz – see how many of these most influential 100 albums you own type of thing. Since I trust his musical tastes – I jumped on it too. Then I suspect that others who maybe trust(ed) my musical taste took it too. And for that I should apologize. It was horrible. Awful. Really?
Of course this then begs the question of what is my list? For me then, I have to define “influential”. An influential album (according to the NM-ipedia) changed the course of music, defined a genre, was copied by others (and those others also made money/benefited from that trail blaze), and has (can be somewhat debatable) staying power – i.e., the music still sells. And you know what? I don’t have to like the music. Like Garth Brooks, really don’t care for him. But cannot deny the man is not influential!
So in no particular order here's my 50:
Led Zeppelin, Zeppelin IV
Bob Dylan, Blood on the Tracks
Grateful Dead, American Beauty
Nirvana, Nevermind
Metallica, Master of Puppets
Metallica, And Justice For All
Ray Charles, The Genius of Ray Charles
Sex Pistols, Never Mind the Bullocks
The Cure, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me
Johnny Cash, Folsom Prison Blues
Madonna, Like a Virgin
Michael Jackson, Thriller
Pink Floyd, The Wall
Rolling Stones, Beggar’s Banquet
Rolling Stones, Sticky Fingers
Rolling Stones, Let It Bleed
Beatles, Abby Road
Beatles, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band
Beatles, Let It Be
Heart, Dreamboat Annie
Simon and Garfunkel, Bridge Over Troubled Waters
Patsy Cline, Showcase
Janis Joplin, Pearl
Grease, Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
James Taylor, Sweet Baby James
Beastie Boys, Licensed to Ill
Run-DMC, Raising Hell
Tracy Chapman, Tracy Chapman
Willie Nelson, Always On My Mind
The Clash, London Calling
Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run
U2, The Joshua Tree
Marvin Gaye, What’s Going On
David Bowie, Ziggy Stardust
Elvis Costello, My Aim is True
Elvis Presley, Elvis Presley
Robert Johnson, King of the Delta Blues Singers
B.B. King, The Blues
Miles Davis, King of the Blues
Joni Mitchell, Blue
Aretha Franklin, I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You
Blondie, Parallel Lines
James Brown, Live at the Apollo
Jimi Hendrix, Are you Experienced
Prince and the Revolution, Purple Rain
The Ramones, The Ramones
The Who, My Generation
Paul Simon, Graceland
48 Garth Brooks, (I have no idea which album is considered his most influential honestly…)
Black Flag, Damaged
REM, Automatic for the People
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
This I love
When I was a kid my mom would let me play in the kitchen and invent my own recipes. Skadi has taken this on.
This is her recipe for her first invention - "Chocolate Fluffy Puff". It is especially neat for her as her brother likes it and requests she make it for her regularly.
I like it because it has seriously upped my kids' milk intake.
Simple, not terribly original, but very cool for a kindergartener. And I am putting away the recipe card.
.JPG)
Recipe: Chocolate Fluffy Puff
From: Skadi
Pour milk in a cup.
Put a scoop of chocolate in it. (We use Ovaltine.)
I stirred it good.
Milk frother it.
(The key component to this recipe is the milk frother. A little <$7 gadget I grabbed at Ikea to froth my milk for my coffee. So I rarely use it. It is getting a run lately as Skadi froths a half a glass of milk to the top. Cool stuff!)
This is her recipe for her first invention - "Chocolate Fluffy Puff". It is especially neat for her as her brother likes it and requests she make it for her regularly.
I like it because it has seriously upped my kids' milk intake.
Simple, not terribly original, but very cool for a kindergartener. And I am putting away the recipe card.
.JPG)
Recipe: Chocolate Fluffy Puff
From: Skadi
Pour milk in a cup.
Put a scoop of chocolate in it. (We use Ovaltine.)
I stirred it good.
Milk frother it.
(The key component to this recipe is the milk frother. A little <$7 gadget I grabbed at Ikea to froth my milk for my coffee. So I rarely use it. It is getting a run lately as Skadi froths a half a glass of milk to the top. Cool stuff!)
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Playdates
Since moving the kids to public school I have struggled with playdates. Actually it is since I moved Leif to public school a year and a half ago.
During this time we have found one boy whose parents willingly let him come over and play on a regular basis. Of course this year the boys are in different classrooms and not so close anymore.
Maybe it was being in a small private school that gave parents more trust in each other? Maybe it was that I worked "with" (at least for the same company) as many of the other parents? Or were we just a much more trusting bunch?
Last year (when Leif was in 1st grade) Leif picked out a few boys in his class and I sent notes home with them through the teacher requesting playdates and sending my phone number and e-mail address. Not a single taker.
This was near opposite of our experience at the Montessori school where the kids' social calendars were things to be reckoned with. Playdate on this day with this family, on this day with another, sleepover with E on this Saturday...
I started Leif's second grade year in the same manner - he picked out two kids (a boy and a girl) he was close with - and is still close with - and sent in a sheet of paper for each with my phone number and e-mail address and a note requesting a playdate. No reply.
I volunteered in Leif's class for the Christmas party and Leif introduced me to the boy who said, "you sent home a pink piece of paper with your phone number!" Probably so - I didn't remember it being pink. I told him I would love to have him over to play with Leif still.
He dropped his head and said, "yeah, I am not allowed to go over to anyone's house".
I decided to inquire - "at all, like ever? Or are you just grounded or something."
He replied, "ever, I can't ever go to anyone's house".
How sad.
If this is the 2nd grade mentality - you can imagine that the kindergarten situation isn't better at all.
Skadi has a girl in her class two houses away from us. She walks home from the bus stop with us and her mom. Her mom loaned me her Doppler so I could listen to the baby's heartbeat whenever I wanted. We exchanged phone numbers - but the little girl has never been allowed to come to our house.
At open house this year Skadi introduced me to another little girl and her mom. We exchanged phone numbers and her mom has never returned my phone calls requesting a playdate.
I had started wondering if it was just me? Do we come off as creepy? Am I way too lax in that if my kids were invited to another family's house for a playdate one Saturday afternoon that I would be dropping them off and waving goodbye? When I was both my kids' age I was constantly walking to someone else's house to play. In kindergarten it was 4 houses down, or my friend whose grandmother lived next door.
My kids are still used to the small Montessori reality that we lived for so many years - and thankfully I still have phone numbers for many of those kids. But it seems nowadays that unless you know the parents pretty dang well - playdates are off limits.
Other thoughts/experiences?
During this time we have found one boy whose parents willingly let him come over and play on a regular basis. Of course this year the boys are in different classrooms and not so close anymore.
Maybe it was being in a small private school that gave parents more trust in each other? Maybe it was that I worked "with" (at least for the same company) as many of the other parents? Or were we just a much more trusting bunch?
Last year (when Leif was in 1st grade) Leif picked out a few boys in his class and I sent notes home with them through the teacher requesting playdates and sending my phone number and e-mail address. Not a single taker.
This was near opposite of our experience at the Montessori school where the kids' social calendars were things to be reckoned with. Playdate on this day with this family, on this day with another, sleepover with E on this Saturday...
I started Leif's second grade year in the same manner - he picked out two kids (a boy and a girl) he was close with - and is still close with - and sent in a sheet of paper for each with my phone number and e-mail address and a note requesting a playdate. No reply.
I volunteered in Leif's class for the Christmas party and Leif introduced me to the boy who said, "you sent home a pink piece of paper with your phone number!" Probably so - I didn't remember it being pink. I told him I would love to have him over to play with Leif still.
He dropped his head and said, "yeah, I am not allowed to go over to anyone's house".
I decided to inquire - "at all, like ever? Or are you just grounded or something."
He replied, "ever, I can't ever go to anyone's house".
How sad.
If this is the 2nd grade mentality - you can imagine that the kindergarten situation isn't better at all.
Skadi has a girl in her class two houses away from us. She walks home from the bus stop with us and her mom. Her mom loaned me her Doppler so I could listen to the baby's heartbeat whenever I wanted. We exchanged phone numbers - but the little girl has never been allowed to come to our house.
At open house this year Skadi introduced me to another little girl and her mom. We exchanged phone numbers and her mom has never returned my phone calls requesting a playdate.
I had started wondering if it was just me? Do we come off as creepy? Am I way too lax in that if my kids were invited to another family's house for a playdate one Saturday afternoon that I would be dropping them off and waving goodbye? When I was both my kids' age I was constantly walking to someone else's house to play. In kindergarten it was 4 houses down, or my friend whose grandmother lived next door.
My kids are still used to the small Montessori reality that we lived for so many years - and thankfully I still have phone numbers for many of those kids. But it seems nowadays that unless you know the parents pretty dang well - playdates are off limits.
Other thoughts/experiences?
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Elf on the Shelf
We have done
this tradition for at least three years in our house – maybe more? Basically
when it hit the shelves, it hit our house. My kids have latched on to our elf
Mina in ways I never expected. One of the worst punishments ever is having to go
tell Mina what you did, because just maybe she might pass the information onto
Santa who could lower their ranking from good list to bad list.
Our Elf has
morphed as our kids have grown – from simply moving around the house and the
kids had to find him/her (we haven’t assigned a gender to Mina) to this year
being a bit more of a prankster towards Leif and into dressing up – like Skadi.
We don’t bend over backwards… some nights the elf is lucky to change shelves and
some days she packs the kids’ lunches (soy sauce, mushrooms, nasty stuff they
will never eat) or makes breakfast (a bowl of candy for each kid – which, no,
they don’t get to eat). Or sets up a science experiment from the kids' science kits.
There is a ton
of bashing out there of the Elf on the Shelf tradition and I routinely see
citations from friends on Facebook that he is “creepy”. There are two divided camps – the people who have one and whose kids love it and
those who proclaim it “creepy”.
Every time I
see someone proclaim it “creepy” I want to post back, “so what is your opinion
on Toy Story?” Are Woody and Buzz and their friends creepy because they come to
life and play around the house and get into mischief? $1.9 BILLION in gross
revenue surmises a guess that those of the “creepy” camp bought into a little
bit of the Toy Story mania that started in 1995. The difference here? Adults
actually playing it out and a story that the Elf reports transgressions to
Santa? Is that what makes it creepy? Really, I just don’t get those statements.
But whatever.
This year Leif told me that he thinks that the
elf is actually just a stuffed animal that parents move around. My response to
him was, “but isn’t it more fun to play along and believe?” He nodded and I
haven’t heard another word out of him. I expect that when baby #3 is to the age
in a couple years of engaging with Mina (3.5 or so?) that I will no longer have
to set my phone alarm with a reminder and that Leif at least will embrace the
tradition and will relish in coming up with hiding places and pranks.
Skadi is full on into the Elf tradition this
year. I have leveraged this to my advantage – she must get dressed before
finding the elf. Because, well, we wouldn’t want Mina to see her nakey. So every
morning she whips out of bed (sort of) and pulls off her pj’s, finds clothes and
goes racing around the house. Then screams an announcement of where Mina is and
giggles about what mischief he/she is up to now. The other night, Mina made it to the
top of the tree somehow and is hugging our angel. A few days ago Mina graffiti’d
Skadi’s gingerbread house a bit with frosting by writing her name and the word
“YUM” on the lawn. Hilarious laughter. Leif’s favorite was when we hadn’t yet
decorated our tree and Mina decided to help us along – by decorating it with
Leif’s underwear. And occasionally there are notes – but not too often because
it is really hard to disguise my handwriting and the kids are getting wise to
that. Laughter and frivolity from my kids – not creepy.
Honestly, whether or not another family embraces
or rejects the Elf has no bearing on my family. We love it, we go with it and
have fun. I might leverage it to my advantage in certain cases and maybe that
makes my holiday season a touch easier at times (like I don’t have to tell my
daughter umpteen times to get out of bed and get dressed) and there are
certainly people out there who think that is wrong – just as there are people
out there who think that driving an SUV is wrong, or putting my kids in daycare
is wrong. Get over it. It works for us.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
No Crying Over Spilled Milk
I got an e-mail from Skadi’s teacher yesterday.
My daughter is opposite my son – she is a food snob and wants nothing to do with the school lunches. “Their cheese pizza is gross mommy, it doesn’t taste anything like what pizza should.” So every day I pack her a lunch. She is also a milk fiend. We have been out of milk boxes and I have been a slacker about going and buying more (plus, they are freaky expensive) and so lately I have been sticking her milk in a sealed cup of some sort – a Sigg, a Camelback mug, something of that nature.
Well I won’t be doing that anymore!
Her teacher e-mailed me letting me know that her milk spilled in her lunchbox, which was in her backpack. She “instructed me” to wash her bag tonight and told me that she wouldn’t send home her library book or folders or any work until the backpack was washed since there was an odor.
Nearly all my communications with her teacher are via e-mail and I have to say that the first third of the year went by with me bristling every time I got an e-mail from her. Her written communications aren’t the best. Then I had Skadi’s parent teacher conference and my opinion of her changed – she was warm and friendly and actually seemed to like and appreciate my daughter and her strange sense of fashion and wow, she really is a VERY, VERY smart little girl (too bad she doesn’t choose to show it very often)! Then I got the choppy e-mail from her regarding the milk incident and I tried hard not to bristle again.
I responded that the bag would get washed tonight and I was sorry to hear about the spilled milk and left it at that.
Then Skadi got home.
“Mom, my library book got ruined and Mrs. W said that we have to PAY for it!” she tells me.
At this point I am confused – there was no mention of the ruined library book in the e-mail. But Skadi is adamant that she needs to pay for it. So I send back a quick e-mail – “Skadi tells me her library book was ruined by the milk. Obviously we will pay for this, please tell me who I should contact to send a check to or to plan for a replacement book.” And she replied quickly with a name – and yes, the library book was ruined.
Ok, so all that is dealt with despite my being a little irksome that the ruined book wasn’t mentioned the first time around, we are moving on. Then there is bedtime.
I went in and Skadi had all her change piled onto her bed and proceeded into a conversation I would NEVER have with my money-grubbing son.
“What is this for?” I ask her.
“I am getting all my money together to take to school to pay for the library book,” she tells me.
“No honey, mommy will pay for the library book,” I tell her, grabbing the change to put it away.
“No. Mrs W says that I will have to pay for it and I AM going to!” she grabs the money back.
“Honey, mommy will pay for the book, when Mrs. W says that you will have to pay, she means ‘your family’”, (or at least she dang well better mean that).
“No mommy, I have my money, I will pay,” she insists again.
“Skadi no,” I tell her. “You are my daughter, I am responsible. You save your money.”
“But mommy, I don’t want to waste your money,” she cries.
“You aren’t wasting it honey!” I tell her, “I was the one who packed the milk in the leaky cup.”
“Yes, you are right, you did do that, it wasn’t me,” she said.
The conversation went on a bit longer as I finally got her to accept that *I* would pay for the book and that she wouldn’t.
I left impressed with my daughter’s determination to pay for the ruined book, something we are pushing with our kids "take responsibility", but at the same time dismayed at her teacher. Why does she tell Skadi she needs to pay for a book, but didn’t convey that to me in the e-mail? She is 5 years old, the spilled milk was an accident, but it made a strong impact on her day. Why, oh why, could she not have dealt directly with me on something that was ruined and needed replaced?
I think I am back to bristling at my interactions with her – starting to think the conference meeting was a good show put on for my benefit.
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Groomers
Leif has a friend named Izabella. Cute little girl – I see her at gymnastics. They enjoy each other’s company but Leif is at that stage where most girls aren’t really worth his time or energy and he gets horribly embarrassed at anything involving kissing or boyfriend/girlfriend. Hans has taken to harassing him by saying “smoochie smoochie” at random times just to see the flood of red up our son’s face.
Last night’s dinner conversation:
Me: “So who did you play with at recess today.”
Leif: “Cody had to stay in and do his work so I just rolled down the hill until N came and chased me.”
Me: “Sounds good. How is Izabella?”
Leif: “Good, she wanted me to play with her at recess, but I didn’t.”
Me: “Why? I know she is your friend, is everything ok?”
Leif: “Yes, but she and Adriana wanted me to be the groomer.”
Me: “Groomer, what do you mean?”
Leif: “You know, groomer.”
Me: “Well I am not sure, like a dog groomer.”
Leif: “No mom. You know. Dad was one once.”
Me: “I don’t think dad was ever a groomer. He cut Winny’s hair once recently since we don’t want to stress her out at the groomers.”
Leif: “No, that’s not it. He was a groomer in your wedding.”
Me: “Oh a GROOM! They wanted you to be the groom!”
Leif: “Yes. They said it was just pretend, but I don’t trust Adriana, she might make it for reals or something bad like that.”
And at this point the conversation just dissolves because I couldn’t stop laughing.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
I just can't even start to explain...
It must be terrible fun to be a 2nd grade teacher and get to read the wacky stuff kids write. This is what came home today.
One sheet of paper with the question at the top, Leif's responses below:
"What do you notice about nonfiction?"
One sheet of paper with the question at the top, Leif's responses below:
"What do you notice about nonfiction?"
- You can't have that much underwear.
- You can't go in public naked.
- You can not fly.
- You can't shoot underwear in public.
- You can't surprise a robot.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The Red Man
Skadi has a set of favorite bath toys. She likes to switch from the Master bath, to the Master shower to the bathtub in her bathroom pretty regularly. But one thing is constant - her toys.
The mermaids come as no surprise. These little girls follow her everywhere.
The weird one though, is "the red man".
That would be Mork.
No matter what, the red man must be there with these girls.
I don't know if he is a bodyguard, father figure, boyfriend?
I tell her his name is "Mork" and she tells me that's a funny name. I told her that he says "Nanoo Nanoo" and she thinks I am even weirder. And when I told her he is actually from Planet Ork and not Earth she thinks I am completely full of it.
For awhile Leif decided he was going to latch on to Mork to drive the airplane that he likes to play with in the bathtub. True that he fits. And might be true that he was the only male action figure around that fit in there. But the fit my daughter threw about not getting the "red man" was legendary.
I suppose I should be a good mom and not cave to her wills. But there is that park of me that found it all so humerous... that I couldn't resist telling Leif that "no the red man is Skadi's special bath toy" and found him an action figure that would fit in the plane.
I have been wondering if I can find an old "Mork and Mindy" episode around anywhere...
The mermaids come as no surprise. These little girls follow her everywhere.
The weird one though, is "the red man".
That would be Mork.
No matter what, the red man must be there with these girls.
I don't know if he is a bodyguard, father figure, boyfriend?
I tell her his name is "Mork" and she tells me that's a funny name. I told her that he says "Nanoo Nanoo" and she thinks I am even weirder. And when I told her he is actually from Planet Ork and not Earth she thinks I am completely full of it.
For awhile Leif decided he was going to latch on to Mork to drive the airplane that he likes to play with in the bathtub. True that he fits. And might be true that he was the only male action figure around that fit in there. But the fit my daughter threw about not getting the "red man" was legendary.
I suppose I should be a good mom and not cave to her wills. But there is that park of me that found it all so humerous... that I couldn't resist telling Leif that "no the red man is Skadi's special bath toy" and found him an action figure that would fit in the plane.
I have been wondering if I can find an old "Mork and Mindy" episode around anywhere...
Sunday, October 21, 2012
How things change...
Way back when I was a naive undergraduate I worked for a physician. It was probably my biggest learning experience in a job ever. My first really professional type position. And the physician I worked with became a strong mentor for me over those 5 years I worked for him.
I remember one lunch we went to he told me about his ex-wife. They had gone to medical school together, but the marriage couldn't survive two medical students and two careers at critical points. He told me that she was moving home, giving up medicine (after hundreds of thousands of dollars of school debt) and was opening a deli.
I remember wondering how this could even be? Is it that these people you hear about just never really know what they want? Are they just flakey? Why in the world would you go to years of schooling and pay so much only to hit 40-ish and call it all quits? What is wrong with them?
Naive. I think if everyone who switched gears mid-stream stopped and paused in college with 20-20 hindsite, very very few people would ever graduate - or at least graduate in 4-5 years.
I work with a nuclear physicist who I cannot imagine him doing anything else in life. Neither can he. We travelled together recently and in his mid-40's, nuclear physics is all he ever wanted to do and all he ever wants to do - even at the expense of having a family, traveling, etc. Nuclear physics is what makes him happy.
He is rare. I think the vast majority of us are NOT like him (at least I hope) and while we aren't necessarily inclined to start over, maybe it is just a slight modification on what we did to get to the mid-career level.
My best friend jumped ship from HP and then bought a flower shop. But I look at her and working at HP isn't what you would peg her for when you meet her. The flower shop suits her perfectly!
Maybe my physician's wife - maybe running a deli in her small town is what suited her.
I never really questioned my own career goals in life - I wanted to be a scientist of some type throughout much of my schooling. Though right now I have to admit right now that science, totally interesting and love the knowledge, doing it is far less interesting to me.
A scientist friend of mine was forced to leave science due to medical issues a few years ago. She finally has her health nearly back and is contemplating what she wants to do with her life - and working in a lab isn't it.
As AB and I ponder our path forward this coming year between his contract end, a possible new job for him or even maybe a move for the family, I start wondering what I want to do. I still love technology and can't imagine running a flower shop, or a deli myself, but I can't help but wonder what else, in the area of technology advancements is out there?
I remember one lunch we went to he told me about his ex-wife. They had gone to medical school together, but the marriage couldn't survive two medical students and two careers at critical points. He told me that she was moving home, giving up medicine (after hundreds of thousands of dollars of school debt) and was opening a deli.
I remember wondering how this could even be? Is it that these people you hear about just never really know what they want? Are they just flakey? Why in the world would you go to years of schooling and pay so much only to hit 40-ish and call it all quits? What is wrong with them?
Naive. I think if everyone who switched gears mid-stream stopped and paused in college with 20-20 hindsite, very very few people would ever graduate - or at least graduate in 4-5 years.
I work with a nuclear physicist who I cannot imagine him doing anything else in life. Neither can he. We travelled together recently and in his mid-40's, nuclear physics is all he ever wanted to do and all he ever wants to do - even at the expense of having a family, traveling, etc. Nuclear physics is what makes him happy.
He is rare. I think the vast majority of us are NOT like him (at least I hope) and while we aren't necessarily inclined to start over, maybe it is just a slight modification on what we did to get to the mid-career level.
My best friend jumped ship from HP and then bought a flower shop. But I look at her and working at HP isn't what you would peg her for when you meet her. The flower shop suits her perfectly!
Maybe my physician's wife - maybe running a deli in her small town is what suited her.
I never really questioned my own career goals in life - I wanted to be a scientist of some type throughout much of my schooling. Though right now I have to admit right now that science, totally interesting and love the knowledge, doing it is far less interesting to me.
A scientist friend of mine was forced to leave science due to medical issues a few years ago. She finally has her health nearly back and is contemplating what she wants to do with her life - and working in a lab isn't it.
As AB and I ponder our path forward this coming year between his contract end, a possible new job for him or even maybe a move for the family, I start wondering what I want to do. I still love technology and can't imagine running a flower shop, or a deli myself, but I can't help but wonder what else, in the area of technology advancements is out there?
A note on comments
I have been receiving a number of comments on my last post. I really appreciate this.
However, if you want me to hit publish on your comment then it needs to NOT come through as Anonymous. There were a few that seemed legit with no links in them and with honest sentiment (I think - or else you are fooling this pregnant lady). I *almost* wanted to hit post...
But the fact that they are Anonymous... just won't do it. Contact information isn't posted publicly. Just your name. Go for it. Comment... but let me know who you are.
However, if you want me to hit publish on your comment then it needs to NOT come through as Anonymous. There were a few that seemed legit with no links in them and with honest sentiment (I think - or else you are fooling this pregnant lady). I *almost* wanted to hit post...
But the fact that they are Anonymous... just won't do it. Contact information isn't posted publicly. Just your name. Go for it. Comment... but let me know who you are.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
The lies "we" tell
There is a family at our former preschool that we got to know on a somewhat decent basis – only through school events and birthday parties though. The husband works for my same company, but in a position far removed from my own. The wife, works for one of the same contractors as my husband. Our kids are the same ages – though the older ones are opposite genders and never really got to know each other. Our younger girls though were fast friends from age 1.
The husband would tend to take their kids to birthday parties where he and my husband hit it off well. They frequently talked about “we gotta get the kids together for a playdate”. Well believe it or not, after 4 years of saying this, it never happened.
It wasn’t for lack of trying on our part – after about the third time I invited the kids over to play and it just didn’t work out, I have to admit, I quit trying. AB kept insisting, “we should have them over for dinner sometime”, and I would usually retort something along the lines of how he and the husband tend to get along, but I had nothing in common with wife and I wasn’t sure they really wanted to do anything with us – that maybe they were just “talking the talk”. And AB would shrug and accept whatever my reason was for that day.
Well then as things happen, we left the school and moved Skadi to public kindergarten (OMG the horror!) and they kind of fell off our radar.
Then last weekend I escaped to Target for a few things and lo and behold ran into the wife with the two girls.
“Hey guys, good to see you. How are you doing?” I ask.
“Good,” wife says seeming apparently uncomfortable and like she wants to run the other way.
“I haven’t seen you girls in ages, how is school?” I ask.
“I thought you guys moved far away?” littlest 5 year old pipes up.
(Duh, I didn’t quite grasp it.)
“Nope, we are still here, Skadi is just at another school,” I reply.
“Mom and dad said you moved far away,” she says again.
(At this point I am assuming she is mistaking us for someone else.)
“Nope, we are still in our same house,” I said. “You should come over for a playdate sometime, Skadi would love to see you!”
I smile at wife and realize the arm waving.
Her arms waving. As in what you do to your spouse at a party when he starts inviting your boss over for dinner and not realizing it is your boss… or something like that.
“Oh,” I stopped. “I guess we will have to talk about that.”
“Well, we will see you later!” says wife and hurries off down the aisle.
Ok.
WTF?
Analysis?
AB assumes that it was just easier to push of little girl’s incessant whining (which we heard every day we picked our daughter up from preschool) for a playdate with Skadi by lying and saying we moved away then to actually make it work? But why wouldn’t they want to just make it work, get the girls together?
Have we at some point offended them?
Do they not realize what a freaking small town we all live in and that we were BOUND to run into each other at some point?
Analysis welcome.
Monday, October 01, 2012
Goulash Post - everything mixed into one
It has been a crazy end of summer and start to the school year. I have a list of blog topics, but know that I am either not going to get to them, or that they are old now and out of date.
I will try to hit the high points and not be too spastic:
Skadi and Babies:
Skadi has an ongoing fascination with babies. If we are at a store and she sees a baby bucket carrier she is over peering into it. I have been trying to catch her as I recall what those early days were like with a new infant and having a potentially germy, sticky kid you don’t know walk up and start peering into the carrier. Ick. Not that my daughter is germy or routinely sticky, but I don’t want her to weird parents out.
She came with a theory this summer about how babies get into their mommy’s tummys: “God picks you and says, ‘you there, you are going in a tummy’ and the baby gets to pick if they want to go to that mommy or not. And as soon as she says yes than God puts her in a bag with a parachute and tosses her off the cloud where she falls and falls and falls into the mommy’s tummy! And that’s how babies get into tummies! That’s how I got in your’s mommy, God pointed to you and I said “yes” and he flung me out of the cloud. It is good you were standing still at the time so I could get into your tummy instead of land on the ground.”
Skadi also has an innate belief in reincarnation – she believes that her grandma, who died when she was three years old, went to heaven and is in the waiting line to be tossed off a cloud and into someone else’s tummy. And who knows, maybe she is already a little girl somewhere!
Sometimes it is hard not to believe every word she says when she recites these stories and beliefs. I am positive she has “lawyer” in her future.
Twohead:
This remains my favorite Skadi-ism and one that I honestly hope she never loses. Though I am sure it is just a matter of time. Yes, Skadi still calls foreheads, “twoheads”. Unless you are big like daddy, then you have a “forehead”.
Camping:
We have had a busy summer of camping. We aimed to get our trailer out every other weekend. We only missed a few of those.
We had one interesting camping trip this summer with a few oddities. Actually it was a pretty miserable camping trip because of all the mosquitos, and I couldn’t wait to get home. But during the trip we encountered a few new things. First off while we were traveling about 10 miles from White Pass – this is major mountain area, not a field, not flatlands, but windy, hairpin road with steep mountain valleys and hills on each side – about 20 miles to Mt. Rainier entrance – we came around a hairpin turn in our Sequoia towing the trailer and nearly hit a calf. As in a baby cow. No idea where in the world it came from or belonged.
Anyways, we got to where we were going after a bit of a scare slamming on our breaks for this lone calf in the road. We happened to be camping on a small, shallow river that had an island and a few little spits of land into the river that were super for the kids (except for the bugs). They immediately started playing in the river as AB and I fished.
AB and I caught nothing. Leif on the other hand managed to catch, with HIS BARE HANDS, two sucker type fish in the shallow areas. He was terribly proud of himself and hugely popular among the children at the shore. And not very happy with us when I told him that he could, in no way, keep the fish and we would not be eating them. “Sucker fish aren’t good to eat,” we told him. Well he suggested, he could just keep them in a fish tank? We made him throw them back. Mean parents we are.
Kindergarten:
I can’t believe it, I have a 2nd grader and a kindergartener!
This year we decided to change things up. We pulled Skadi from her private Montessori preschool/kindergarten/1st-2nd grade school and stuck her into public school! We took her from the mouth of privilege and snobbery and put her with the rest of the world in public kindergarten and the onsite before school care (since she is in PM kindergarten) with germy, sticky toys.
And you know what? The child loves it.
It is a different world for her. It is a different world for me – one where instead of talking to her teacher daily, I have heard from her 3 times by e-mail throughout the year. She has a whole new cadre of friends. She brings home library books – waving them in the air from the moment she gets off the bus. She recites her addition tables and identifies words. She is completely pleased with her new school and chatters incessantly about her day.
Orlando:
Way back when, we told the kids “if mommy’s team wins this big award, we will go to DisneyWorld!”
And then it happened. I got the news we won and Leif and I jumped up and down in the kitchen squealing about DISNEYWORLD!
We went to Disneyworld almost 2 years ago and had a pretty good time. It could have been better, but we weren’t prepared like we will be now!!
So after months of wrangling for permission to even go to the awards and then further wrangling about using 3 days of vacation time while on travel (and taking a hit on what work will pay for because of this - aka manager discretion) we have tickets (airline and park), hotel rooms, dinner reservations, I have a formal dress, AB needs a tux and I need to confirm the babysitter for the night of the awards.
On our list:
Day 1: Epcot (girl’s breakfast with the princesses while the boys ride rides), dinner at Chefs de France
Day 2: Hollywood Studios (family breakfast with Disney Jr characters), Fantasmic in the evening.
Day 3: TBD, dinner at a Cuban restaurant
Day 4: Magic Kingdom, breakfast with Winnie the Pooh and friends, Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party
Day 5: TBD (beach maybe), switch to SeaWorld hotel for awards.
Day 6: SeaWorld, Mommy’s award ceremony.
Day 7: Universal Studios
Day 8: Fly Home
Cannot wait.
The Nugget
Have you made it this far? Stuck with me? Well then you are awarded with a nugget.
Head on over here and check it out.
Carman Baby #3 to arrive in April 2013! Officially will be announced at some point in the coming few weeks on Facebook.
Work blah-ness
Work continues to go reasonably well for me. I have switched over to the "Project Manager" ladder from that of “Scientist and Engineer”. This was initially a hard decision for me. I spent a few years getting rave reviews annually as an S&E3. Then conflicts with a coworker started to gurgle and I suddenly (despite doing the same job) wasn’t exceeding expectations anymore. Nope. I stood up for the project and our very demanding client at the expense of a coworker's perceived security blanket and was immediately noted as a trouble maker and my annual rating suffered, despite the fact that I was bringing in millions of dollars of project work. No, that wasn't the official excuse, it was actually couched as “well you aren’t doing science anymore” – but given that I was doing the exact same thing the year before and received exceeds expectations I knew I was both a victim of the elusive moving target of promotion and also “getting my due” from the coworker experience.
I made a commitment to get back to the science and stop doing the work that people were coming to me to do (lead projects). Well that next year was a hard one for funding. But those people with funding, didn’t stop in asking me to lead things for them and I got to do some really neat little projects and even mentor young staff in their learning to run a project! Then the next annual review came in and once again, I was barely meeting expectations, but was recognized as an “incredible project manager”. Right there and then I requested to be moved over to the other career ladder then upon noting that the elusive moving target to the next level had swung completely out of my reach. And with the usual quickness of government moves, I was transferred over about 6 months later.
I take issue with the S&E ladder and promotions here. For so many years I was “right there” for the promotion. But routinely criticized because I didn’t have my own area of research – I was not an expert at anything really, just did good research for a number of different clients based upon their needs. I had a good reputation for delivery. A Jane of all trades. Someone who could walk in and take whatever research (as long as it wasn’t bio) forward and provide results, present the results, build on the prior research, etc.
Now further down the road and I am seeing all these people with their niche areas of research and funding scrambling for work. What exactly are they encouraging by forcing people to hone in on one area of research in order to get promoted? What happens when you have one client for your niche area and that client goes belly up? I have known too many people who were laid off this year when their clients quit providing and they couldn’t switch gears. I see it ongoing into FY13. That type of promotion? Not sure I want it.
I have been here 10 years and I have this place pretty well figured out. I have accepted that I will never promote to the next level, but am working my tail end off to promote within the project manager sphere.
But you know what? I could go anywhere and manage projects. I could go somewhere where the project manager actually has the authority they are supposed to in the project manager model and not in some obscure space where no real authority exists without one standing up in manager after manager’s office and pounding my fists that “something is wrong here”.
AB came home the other day with the mildly grim news that his contract with his current employer will end in Sept 2013. The big question of the day was would he wait till his end of contract to start looking (thereby securing his end of contract bonus) or start looking early. And when is early?We knew this job was not permanent from the start.
Then we started talking different options. Maybe not just the “next contractor in line” here locally. What if… since my job was no longer reliant on “being a scientist and having a lab”. What if we jumped ship?
Then AB went “home” to Alaska for a funeral. And the talk became more serious. There are numerous engineering firms in Alaska, I could “probably” secure a position as a project manager… and AB is very employable as an engineer. And the idea began to grow with us. Maybe we put off the backyard renovation in favor of saving money to move? How much would we need to move? Could we find an employer or two that would pay relocation? What about a headhunter?
And the idea of moving to Alaska grew with me. AB and I asked ourselves, what do we have here? The answer? Our friends. We have our friends. Sure we have a nice house in a good neighborhood and good schools. But the only thing not replaceable is our friends. But we would be moving somewhere with FAMILY. We haven’t really ever lived near grandparents – wouldn’t that be nice for our kids? Ok, so I have a flexible job with good benefits. But really, is that irreplaceable? I don’t know.
And so the idea took root.
And then AB got a phone call out of the blue the other day offering him the position of his dreams (for this location and what he has currently been doing) at “name your salary” and the expectation that he would be in that role for 2 years after which he would move up the management ranks and “into town” (eliminating his 1 hour each way commute). We hmm’d and ha’d it. We kicked it around for a few days until we finally agreed that he had to at least explore the option. AB sent in his resume with a salary request that made us both chuckle a bit. I mean, if they want him, maybe they would consider it? And if not, if they just laughed us away, where would we be? The same position we are now. Not a bad place.
And so now we wait.
And AB has a bit of a fear that they will actually accept it and his current company (a subsidiary of this parent company offering the job) will immediately know and may counter offer. Then what?
As I put it to AB – we make a decision.
So Alaska? On hold and potentially put off indefinitely.
That’s ok. I like my job. I have work this year (many people I know do not). I have interesting projects I am working on that are going somewhere and a relationship I am building with a potential new client.
But that itch to try it out somewhere else needs scratched. Wanderlust again.
Friday, September 21, 2012
What she gets from me
Recently I posted a picture of Skadi on Facebook. I don't even remember which one it was. But a number of my elementary school friends piped up raving about how much she looks like me at that age.
"Really?" was my surprised response. She looks nothing like me I thought. Strawberry blonde hair is about it.
Still I thought more about this and even pulled out pictures to compare. No way.
Well maybe...
See when I see my daughter her personality shines through so strongly and brightly that her outward appearance falls to the background. When you ask me about my daughter I will answer, "boistrous, adventure loving, physical, she'll take you down when you aren't looking, outspoken, strongly opinionated, will run over the top of you, but will stop if you show signs of pain"... and I could go on and on.
Not my personality. I was always described as "shy, quiet, spoke only when spoken too, embarrassed easily, will cry if you look at her wrong..." You get the idea. A wall flower.
Skadi and I are 100% different... except for that rail thin little body and strawberry blonde hair. And she is lucky - she has these beautiful hazel eyes that get loads of compliments, lips that actually exist and her eyelashes aren't red, they are black.
But one area she did inherit from me is her eclectic music tastes. Her brother desires to only ever listen to one thing - Les Miserable. And sing along. He can recite nearly the entire musical and dreams of playing the role of Gavroche before he grows up. Skadi always one to out do her brother begs not to listen to Les Mis anymore but tells him, "I plan to play Cosette and she has a bigger role."
Anyways. Skadi, she has my musical tastes.
I admit it, the other day she told me one of her favorite songs was the one I play about "doing crafts".
Give up?
Yeah, not one of my finer parenting moments...
Also among her favorites are "I Want Candy" and "Follow Me".
When I was a kid my favorite song was "Cat Scratch Fever"...
The other day Skadi asked me to play "the bell song".
"The bell song?" I asked her.
"Yep, the one about the girl," Skadi replied.
"OH! The Belle song!" I said. No problem. I can do this. We recently went and saw Beauty and the Beast the musical, I will just download the album from iTunes!
So I did.
And then we painstakingly went through every single dang song on that album.
"NO MOM! The BELLE song, you know!" she kept saying. (Though she did latch on again to Gaston...)
I gave up. I surrendered.
Then one day when I was driving her into school I turned up a song that popped up on my existing playlist.
"YAY MOMMY! The BELLE song!" she exclaimed.
Yay me!
"Really?" was my surprised response. She looks nothing like me I thought. Strawberry blonde hair is about it.
Still I thought more about this and even pulled out pictures to compare. No way.
Well maybe...
See when I see my daughter her personality shines through so strongly and brightly that her outward appearance falls to the background. When you ask me about my daughter I will answer, "boistrous, adventure loving, physical, she'll take you down when you aren't looking, outspoken, strongly opinionated, will run over the top of you, but will stop if you show signs of pain"... and I could go on and on.
Not my personality. I was always described as "shy, quiet, spoke only when spoken too, embarrassed easily, will cry if you look at her wrong..." You get the idea. A wall flower.
Skadi and I are 100% different... except for that rail thin little body and strawberry blonde hair. And she is lucky - she has these beautiful hazel eyes that get loads of compliments, lips that actually exist and her eyelashes aren't red, they are black.
But one area she did inherit from me is her eclectic music tastes. Her brother desires to only ever listen to one thing - Les Miserable. And sing along. He can recite nearly the entire musical and dreams of playing the role of Gavroche before he grows up. Skadi always one to out do her brother begs not to listen to Les Mis anymore but tells him, "I plan to play Cosette and she has a bigger role."
Anyways. Skadi, she has my musical tastes.
I admit it, the other day she told me one of her favorite songs was the one I play about "doing crafts".
Give up?
Yeah, not one of my finer parenting moments...
Also among her favorites are "I Want Candy" and "Follow Me".
When I was a kid my favorite song was "Cat Scratch Fever"...
The other day Skadi asked me to play "the bell song".
"The bell song?" I asked her.
"Yep, the one about the girl," Skadi replied.
"OH! The Belle song!" I said. No problem. I can do this. We recently went and saw Beauty and the Beast the musical, I will just download the album from iTunes!
So I did.
And then we painstakingly went through every single dang song on that album.
"NO MOM! The BELLE song, you know!" she kept saying. (Though she did latch on again to Gaston...)
I gave up. I surrendered.
Then one day when I was driving her into school I turned up a song that popped up on my existing playlist.
"YAY MOMMY! The BELLE song!" she exclaimed.
Yay me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)