I have failed as a mother

Someday I will probably look back on this day and laugh. Right now I am just shaking my head and wondering what in the world? How have I failed them so completely??

This is my kids’ first summer at home alone. At least the older two. Silas is still at daycare. It is only day 2 and them negotiating the world is just frightening.

Thursday is housecleaner day. I don’t really want my two underfoot while they try to clean the house, so I suggested that they take some money (that I gave them) and walk down to Yokes and get some breakfast - a couple donuts and something to drink.

Skadi texted me and asked if they could please ride their bikes. I caved and reminded them to wear helmets. Then I didn’t hear anything else. I went into work, spent the majority of the morning locked in a video teleconference. But when I got out AB started telling me a story. And all day, little things have embellished the story here and there.

So the kids rode their bikes down to Yokes. They went in and decided on which donuts they wanted. But no one came to serve them! Apparently, it isn’t like the Spudnut shop where they get you the donuts. They waited for about 30 minutes before finding someone to ask for help with the donuts and whoever they found told them that you help yourself.

My oldest, being the frugal child that he is (ha), noted that you could buy ONE DOZEN donuts for less than they could buy four donuts. So they got the box out and each carefully selected 6 donuts. The donuts were so big that they needed a second box. So two donut boxes full, they got their drinks and headed to their bikes.

Yeah problem. How are they supposed to ride their bikes back, uphill, and carry all those donuts?

At this point Leif calls AB and asks him to come and pick them up and take them and the donuts home. AB and I both work about 15 miles from home - by highways. Hans tells them to go pound sand. Nicely. As in, “Leif go in and get some bags, hook them on your handlebars and ride home. Figure it out for yourself.”

Apparently at this time some unknown person comes up, knows the kids’ names, tells them she works with me (brown hair, with a young blonde daughter) and asks if they need help. She yelled in the phone “hey Hans!” (I still have no idea who this person was.) She tagged another woman that apparently we know and asked her, “hey can you run them home?” This unknown person says she is going the opposite way.

To be honest, this whole exchange kind of freaks me out. Skadi admitted that it made her very nervous that some woman she didn’t know was going to put them in her car and drive them home. I am glad it made her nervous.

Ok, so this couple of people I supposedly know (yes, I live in a small town) leaves and the kids are still standing there with the statement from their dad to “figure it out”.

At this point my recommendation would have been to, sit on one of the picnic tables, eat your donuts, throw the rest away, ride home. Lesson learned.

Nope.

Figure it out to my oldest meant to call his best friend’s mom and tell her they needed help. SIGH. Of course she leaves and heads out with her minivan and shows up at the grocery store for the kids. Plops their box of smushed up donuts into the car, loads up their bikes and hauls them home.

So after hearing this, I am mortified. I immediately messaged her with apologies galore and she reassured me that she was just glad that the kids knew to contact her when they needed something. We listed off the life lessons (you can’t buy in bulk if you have no means to carry or store the bulk items), and we have moved on.

Leif’s version of all this is that it is Skadi’s fault because she decided they should ride bikes.

Skadi’s version of all this has her arguing against every point of failure, “we don’t need 12 donuts”, “we can’t call your friend’s mom, that’s rude”.

I will never really know. I kind of want to forget it all right now! But I am guessing like so many stories out there, I will never hear the end of this one!!

Skadi Update

Skadi is at that really fabulous age. Not yet a tween. Totally a pleasure to be around. Enjoys interacting with people around her. Always has a smile for everyone. Takes every broken or bent being under her wing. I wish I were more like her.

She struggles academically, which is hard for me to admit as someone who has always succeeded. This year we put her in Sylvan (freaky expensive). And we are actually seeing a lot of growth in her both academically and socially. We ended 3^rd grade in the dumps. She hated school. She felt that she wasn’t liked. It was horrible.

I don’t want to think it was because she had a horrible teacher. I felt as though her teacher was “just there”. She wasn’t a leader. She was a warm body in the classroom. She was lenient to start and then when Skadi pushed, she had no where to move to. She became exasperated (my impression) and then Skadi ended her year on a suck-ass note. Skadi wasn’t happy socially, she felt that her teacher wasn’t her friend (and maybe her teacher shouldn’t be her friend, but maybe she should stand behind her?).

I have to admit that I have no actual idea how Skadi is doing this year. We have a very different teacher who is from the dark ages. (Seriously, she could have been my 4^th grade teacher.) She doesn’t communicate, no e-mails, no “newsletters” home. But you know what? Skadi adores her and reports that she is actually on “grade level” by her tests. WTF? Grade level is not a phrase we use with Skadi typically.

Conferences are coming up and we will find out the hard truth. Skadi has worked her tail off. I so hope it has paid off.

Skadi was in tae kwon do – but has decided her priorities lie elsewhere. I really kind of wish she would have continued. And maybe she will at a later date. What has really driven home for me was the confidence builder it has been in her own body. The girl knows how to take down a grown man. No joke. You don’t want to meet my girl in a dark alley – and she is only an orange belt. I asked her one day to show me what she would do if someone attacked her. I was astonished.

Skadi really enjoys swimming – like her dad. She has her goals set on joining the swim team at our health club this spring.

She has a lot of passions she wants to pursue - but until we get her lined out and on a solid path academically, we don't have a lot of time to pursue other activities (which makes me sad). She is in Leadership Club at school and came up with the Club's motto for the year on her own. Well I found the website of "quotes for kids" and she picked the one she wanted:

"Be somebody that makes everybody feel like a somebody." Kid President

This embodies Skadi. She is tender hearted and wants everyone to be included and have fun. There is a boy in her class from Korea that speaks little English. Skadi has been nice to him and offers to partner with him a lot - we have learned that the boy has a pretty serious crush on Skadi now. Instead of backing off (since she doesn't like him "that way"), she continues to be nice and warm to him.

I love her so much.

One thing I love is seeing the interactions between her and her brothers. Yesterday we went to pick her up at Tchoukball (afterschool PE activity like handball). She is the tiniest child on the teams and the boys tend to ignore her. Leif was outraged. He knew some of the boys from last school and was SO upset that they weren't getting the ball to her equally. I loved seeing him stand up for her!

 

 

 

 

Well babies

Ok. So neither are babies anymore. But I finally got around to the well child exams for Silas and Skadi. Well child visits are my favorite. Our Doctor talks to the kids as adults and the responses are often hilarious. 

Silas: "What is she doing to me?"

Me: "The nurse is taking your blood pressure."

Silas: "Oh. Ok." (Nurse finishes.) "Are you happy now?"

Nurse: "Umm yes."

Silas: "Did you suck all my bones away?" 

Nurse: (Laughs) "Umm no."

Silas: "Yeah, ok. I can still feel my bones in my elbows and knees. I guess you are ok now."

She enters the information into the computer.

Nurse: "Ok, just a few questions. Does he know his name?"

I just looked at her blankly for a minute.

Me: "Yes, he knows his name."

Nurse: "Does he speak in complete sentences?" 

Me: "Well..." (Pause.)

Nurse: "Ok, so he did to me, so I am guessing that's normal."

Me: "That and more."

And Skadi is busting up laughing. 

Doctor: "Silas, what do you like to eat?"

Silas: "Cheese."

Doctor: "Anything else?"

Silas: "Yogurt."

Doctor: "Anything else?" 

Silas: "Cheese."

Doctor looks at me.

Me: "He speaks the truth."

Doctor: "Silas what is your favorite thing for breakfast."

Silas: "Most definitely pizza."

WTF? The child has never had pizza for breakfast in his life.

Doctor: "Skadi what is your favorite thing for breakfast?"

Skadi: "Captain Crunch with CRUNCH BERRIES!"

WTF? I buy Captain Cruch ONCE in a moment of weakness. Trying to appease Silas at the grocery store so I can finish getting groceries and now it bites me in the butt! She thinks I give my kids pizza and sugar cereals for breakfast. GAHHH!!

Skadi grew two inches last year and remains in the 26th percentile for both height and weight. 

Silas was 32 lbs and 38.5". About 50-60th percentile for both. He's a lightweight because he eats nothing. Nothing but mango nectar, cheese and yogurt. I need to compare stats, but I am sure he is lighter than both the other two, but height is a forgotten unknown for me. I am pretty sure Leif was taller. Probably not Skadi though at age 3. She was starting to show her shrimpiness at that point. 

Note I found in Skadi's backpack

I don't think I got into writing notes until I was in junior high. But apparently that is the "in" thing in first grade now?

I found this one in Skadi's backpack from her friend, Rebecca.

"Water Princess - Rebecca
Snow Princess - Skadi

Snow melts into water. We are both a pice of snow. Snow is just frozen water. I am abull to turn into snow and ice. We have a different ability. We both can take care of penguins"

I personally loved the last line.

Why Halloween?

Skadi: "I will tell you how Halloween came to be mom. See boys like scary stuff. And Jesus was a boy. And so they made Halloween to make Jesus happy. Ok?"

Me: "Actually..." (Launch into Day of the Dead...)

Skadi: "Ok mom, you are weird."

My daughter's clothes

A huge issue.

A way too big of an issue, IMO.

One similarity with Skadi and I is that when I was 5, I wore only dresses too. I had some weird and irrational thought that if I wore pants, someone might think I was a boy. I had long hair. I didn't look like a boy. But I was POSITIVE that someone would think me a boy.

When I was very little - probably around three - my dad's mom bought me a pair of cowboy boots. But she poisoned them. She poisoned them because she said "cowboy boots!" Not cowgirl boots. I still remember screaming my head off and my mom hissing through her teeth at me that I WOULD try them on for her one way or another. It was horrible. My feet were poisoned by boy shoes.

Skadi has these same delusions, sort of, at least. With footwear, she is all about comfort and one of her recent favorite pairs of shoes was a pair of brown hand me down Keens from her brother. I have no idea.

But not only does she want to wear a dress daily, but she adds her own flair to her style.

And it is the flair that she and her kindergarten teacher may come to blows over.

I am pretty sure her kindergarten teacher has labelled me as one of *those* parents. At Skadi's fall conference she mentioned one instance regarding the "class t-shirt" and it not being her issue.

The Class T-Shirt. So the deal is that at the beginning of the year the teacher requested we send in a white t-shirt for our kids that would be decorated in all the same way to give the class a consistent and fun look for field trips, group pictures, assemblies, etc. "The kids are just so cute in them!" She proclaimed!

Great!

Except Skadi HATES hers. Despises it.

So Skadi came home last fall with a sticker instructing the kids to wear the t-shirt the next day. And she refused. Wanted nothing to do with it. Since Skadi goes to morning care and I feared it being taken off and left somewhere (since a pink t-shirt underneath is mandatory in Skadi world) - I don't know, stuffed into some drawer or down the toilet at her morning care? I put it in her backpack and sent an e-mail to her teacher explaining that Skadi didn't want to wear it, it is in the backpack, hopefully when she sees the other kids wearing theirs, there will be positive peer pressure and she will want to put it on.

Well at conferences I was told that was out of line and not a teacher issue, not for them to deal with, it was up to me to get her in the t-shirt, her job is to teach.

Actually I disagree a bit. The Class T-Shirt is not part of a uniform that I agreed to. It was a request by the teacher that she wear this t-shirt. Therefore, your request, your problem. Not to be a complete bitch about it or anything, really. But I was rather annoyed.

That hasn't been the end of The Class T-Shirt. Skadi still despises it and on the days before she is supposed to wear it the teacher puts a sticker on the kids' shirt on their way out the door for the day reminding parents.

Any guesses where those stickers go?

I have no flipping idea because I don't see them! So instead Skadi ends up being the only child not in a matching t-shirt on a regular basis. I do have a secret weapon - friends. I have enlisted a parent friend from the class to let me know when her son comes home with a sticker to wear the special shirt.

But seriously, a battle where I am left shaking my head "why?!"

As I mentioned earlier Skadi has her own flair. She loves wearing a tiara daily. She loves pink. She loves dresses. And she prides herself on her clothing "creations". She argues about what matches and what doesn't. She is a clothing centric child. I was not. I like nice clothing and like shopping for clothes (this she got from me), but I don't push the syle boundries.

One day I got an e-mail home citing a school dress code violation. I was perplexed. I looked at my daughter. She was wearing a dress that she has owned for two years, wore to her grandfather's wedding and wears nearly once a week. And now... out of the blue... a dress code violation? Despite the fact that she had a sweater on covering the bare shoulders each day, it was cited that she wore sleeveless dresses two days in a row. (The previous day she did have a halter dress on, but wore a jean shirt/cardigan/light jacket over it.) If this was a problem, why wasn't it brought to my attention when she wore it first and not after 25 times? How do I explain to my daughter that I know it was ok last week when  you wore the dress, but now it isn't?

Skadi gets it I think - and it may sound awful - but I blame her teacher. "Remember Mrs. W said you can't wear dresses without sleeves?" But you know? It works. And there is no battle. And she willingly changes to abide by Mrs. W's rules.

The other day Skadi wore a long flowing maxi-style skirt that she loves. Apparently when running on the playground she tripped on the dress and it ripped. Badly. Skadi came home in a pair of humongous sweat pants. I e-mailed her teacher acknowledging the rip and thanking her for loaning her a pair of sweat pants.

I kind of expected an e-mail back saying, "you're welcome".

Not surprisingly the e-mail back to me was not a "you're welcome" but instead said that she wouldn't need the pants if she would quit wearing long dresses and skirts and recommended that maybe if I let Skadi pick out a pair of sparkley pants that she wouldn't feel so compelled to wear dresses all the time.

I didn't respond. Because if you don't have anything nice to say...

I thought pretty strongly about snapping a picture of my daughter's pants collection - the pink jeans, the cheetah print jeggings, the pink cheetah print jeans, the yoga pants, pink fleece pants... - and sending that off.

But I resisted. I may have cursed a bit, felt as though I was being judged as a mom, wondering if she had even MET my daughter... oh wait, those e-mails about my daughter's stubborn nature recently... maybe she had met her once.

I came to a conclusion the other day... I continually get notes about Skadi's lack of progress when tested linked to her refusal to do simple tasks... apparently she only knows 5 letters, for example. (Yet she can write her and her brother's full names and most of her sight words...)

Maybe if the teacher quit worrying about and focusing on my daughter's clothing, she could focus on teaching my daughter?

This I love

When I was a kid my mom would let me play in the kitchen and invent my own recipes. Skadi has taken this on.

This is her recipe for her first invention - "Chocolate Fluffy Puff". It is especially neat for her as her brother likes it and requests she make it for her regularly.

I like it because it has seriously upped my kids' milk intake.

Simple, not terribly original, but very cool for a kindergartener. And I am putting away the recipe card.

Recipe: Chocolate Fluffy Puff
From: Skadi

Pour milk in a cup.
Put a scoop of chocolate in it. (We use Ovaltine.)
I stirred it good.
Milk frother it.

(The key component to this recipe is the milk frother. A little <$7 gadget I grabbed at Ikea to froth my milk for my coffee. So I rarely use it. It is getting a run lately as Skadi froths a half a glass of milk to the top. Cool stuff!)

No Crying Over Spilled Milk

I got an e-mail from Skadi’s teacher yesterday.

 

My daughter is opposite my son – she is a food snob and wants nothing to do with the school lunches. “Their cheese pizza is gross mommy, it doesn’t taste anything like what pizza should.” So every day I pack her a lunch. She is also a milk fiend. We have been out of milk boxes and I have been a slacker about going and buying more (plus, they are freaky expensive) and so lately I have been sticking her milk in a sealed cup of some sort – a Sigg, a Camelback mug, something of that nature.

 

Well I won’t be doing that anymore!

 

Her teacher e-mailed me letting me know that her milk spilled in her lunchbox, which was in her backpack. She “instructed me” to wash her bag tonight and told me that she wouldn’t send home her library book or folders or any work until the backpack was washed since there was an odor.

 

Nearly all my communications with her teacher are via e-mail and I have to say that the first third of the year went by with me bristling every time I got an e-mail from her. Her written communications aren’t the best. Then I had Skadi’s parent teacher conference and my opinion of her changed – she was warm and friendly and actually seemed to like and appreciate my daughter and her strange sense of fashion and wow, she really is a VERY, VERY smart little girl (too bad she doesn’t choose to show it very often)! Then I got the choppy e-mail from her regarding the milk incident and I tried hard not to bristle again.

 

I responded that the bag would get washed tonight and I was sorry to hear about the spilled milk and left it at that.

 

Then Skadi got home.

 

“Mom, my library book got ruined and Mrs. W said that we have to PAY for it!” she tells me.

 

At this point I am confused – there was no mention of the ruined library book in the e-mail. But Skadi is adamant that she needs to pay for it. So I send back a quick e-mail – “Skadi tells me her library book was ruined by the milk. Obviously we will pay for this, please tell me who I should contact to send a check to or to plan for a replacement book.” And she replied quickly with a name – and yes, the library book was ruined.

 

Ok, so all that is dealt with despite my being a little irksome that the ruined book wasn’t mentioned the first time around, we are moving on. Then there is bedtime.

 

I went in and Skadi had all her change piled onto her bed and proceeded into a conversation I would NEVER have with my money-grubbing son.

 

“What is this for?” I ask her.

 

“I am getting all my money together to take to school to pay for the library book,” she tells me.

 

“No honey, mommy will pay for the library book,” I tell her, grabbing the change to put it away.

 

“No. Mrs W says that I will have to pay for it and I AM going to!” she grabs the money back.

 

“Honey, mommy will pay for the book, when Mrs. W says that you will have to pay, she means ‘your family’”, (or at least she dang well better mean that).

 

“No mommy, I have my money, I will pay,” she insists again.

 

“Skadi no,” I tell her. “You are my daughter, I am responsible. You save your money.”

 

“But mommy, I don’t want to waste your money,” she cries.

 

“You aren’t wasting it honey!” I tell her, “I was the one who packed the milk in the leaky cup.”

 

“Yes, you are right, you did do that, it wasn’t me,” she said.

 

The conversation went on a bit longer as I finally got her to accept that *I* would pay for the book and that she wouldn’t.

 

I left impressed with my daughter’s determination to pay for the ruined book, something we are pushing with our kids "take responsibility", but at the same time dismayed at her teacher. Why does she tell Skadi she needs to pay for a book, but didn’t convey that to me in the e-mail? She is 5 years old, the spilled milk was an accident, but it made a strong impact on her day. Why, oh why, could she not have dealt directly with me on something that was ruined and needed replaced?

 

I think I am back to bristling at my interactions with her – starting to think the conference meeting was a good show put on for my benefit.

The Red Man

Skadi has a set of favorite bath toys. She likes to switch from the Master bath, to the Master shower to the bathtub in her bathroom pretty regularly. But one thing is constant - her toys.

The mermaids come as no surprise. These little girls follow her everywhere.

The weird one though, is "the red man".

That would be Mork.

No matter what, the red man must be there with these girls.

I don't know if he is a bodyguard, father figure, boyfriend?

I tell her his name is "Mork" and she tells me that's a funny name. I told her that he says "Nanoo Nanoo" and she thinks I am even weirder. And when I told her he is actually from Planet Ork and not Earth she thinks I am completely full of it.

For awhile Leif decided he was going to latch on to Mork to drive the airplane that he likes to play with in the bathtub. True that he fits. And might be true that he was the only male action figure around that fit in there. But the fit my daughter threw about not getting the "red man" was legendary.

I suppose I should be a good mom and not cave to her wills. But there is that park of me that found it all so humerous... that I couldn't resist telling Leif that "no the red man is Skadi's special bath toy" and found him an action figure that would fit in the plane.

I have been wondering if I can find an old "Mork and Mindy" episode around anywhere...

Goulash Post - everything mixed into one

It has been a crazy end of summer and start to the school year. I have a list of blog topics, but know that I am either not going to get to them, or that they are old now and out of date.

 

I will try to hit the high points and not be too spastic:

 

Skadi and Babies:

 

Skadi has an ongoing fascination with babies. If we are at a store and she sees a baby bucket carrier she is over peering into it. I have been trying to catch her as I recall what those early days were like with a new infant and having a potentially germy, sticky kid you don’t know walk up and start peering into the carrier. Ick. Not that my daughter is germy or routinely sticky, but I don’t want her to weird parents out.

 

She came with a theory this summer about how babies get into their mommy’s tummys: “God picks you and says, ‘you there, you are going in a tummy’ and the baby gets to pick if they want to go to that mommy or not. And as soon as she says yes than God puts her in a bag with a parachute and tosses her off the cloud where she falls and falls and falls into the mommy’s tummy! And that’s how babies get into tummies! That’s how I got in your’s mommy, God pointed to you and I said “yes” and he flung me out of the cloud. It is good you were standing still at the time so I could get into your tummy instead of land on the ground.”

 

Skadi also has an innate belief in reincarnation – she believes that her grandma, who died when she was three years old, went to heaven and is in the waiting line to be tossed off a cloud and into someone else’s tummy. And who knows, maybe she is already a little girl somewhere!

 

Sometimes it is hard not to believe every word she says when she recites these stories and beliefs. I am positive she has “lawyer” in her future.

 

Twohead:

 

This remains my favorite Skadi-ism and one that I honestly hope she never loses. Though I am sure it is just a matter of time. Yes, Skadi still calls foreheads, “twoheads”. Unless you are big like daddy, then you have a “forehead”.

 

Camping:

 

We have had a busy summer of camping. We aimed to get our trailer out every other weekend. We only missed a few of those.

 

 

We had one interesting camping trip this summer with a few oddities. Actually it was a pretty miserable camping trip because of all the mosquitos, and I couldn’t wait to get home. But during the trip we encountered a few new things. First off while we were traveling about 10 miles from White Pass – this is major mountain area, not a field, not flatlands, but windy, hairpin road with steep mountain valleys and hills on each side – about 20 miles to Mt. Rainier entrance – we came around a hairpin turn in our Sequoia towing the trailer and nearly hit a calf. As in a baby cow. No idea where in the world it came from or belonged.

 

Anyways, we got to where we were going after a bit of a scare slamming on our breaks for this lone calf in the road. We happened to be camping on a small, shallow river that had an island and a few little spits of land into the river that were super for the kids (except for the bugs). They immediately started playing in the river as AB and I fished.

 

AB and I caught nothing. Leif on the other hand managed to catch, with HIS BARE HANDS, two sucker type fish in the shallow areas. He was terribly proud of himself and hugely popular among the children at the shore. And not very happy with us when I told him that he could, in no way, keep the fish and we would not be eating them. “Sucker fish aren’t good to eat,” we told him. Well he suggested, he could just keep them in a fish tank? We made him throw them back. Mean parents we are.

 

Kindergarten:

 

I can’t believe it, I have a 2^nd grader and a kindergartener!

 

This year we decided to change things up. We pulled Skadi from her private Montessori preschool/kindergarten/1^st-2^nd grade school and stuck her into public school! We took her from the mouth of privilege and snobbery and put her with the rest of the world in public kindergarten and the onsite before school care (since she is in PM kindergarten) with germy, sticky toys.

 

And you know what? The child loves it.

 

It is a different world for her. It is a different world for me – one where instead of talking to her teacher daily, I have heard from her 3 times by e-mail throughout the year. She has a whole new cadre of friends. She brings home library books – waving them in the air from the moment she gets off the bus. She recites her addition tables and identifies words. She is completely pleased with her new school and chatters incessantly about her day.

 

Orlando:

 

Way back when, we told the kids “if mommy’s team wins this big award, we will go to DisneyWorld!”

 

And then it happened. I got the news we won and Leif and I jumped up and down in the kitchen squealing about DISNEYWORLD!

 

We went to Disneyworld almost 2 years ago and had a pretty good time. It could have been better, but we weren’t prepared like we will be now!!

 

So after months of wrangling for permission to even go to the awards and then further wrangling about using 3 days of vacation time while on travel (and taking a hit on what work will pay for because of this - aka manager discretion) we have tickets (airline and park), hotel rooms, dinner reservations, I have a formal dress, AB needs a tux and I need to confirm the babysitter for the night of the awards.

 

On our list:

Day 1: Epcot (girl’s breakfast with the princesses while the boys ride rides), dinner at Chefs de France

Day 2: Hollywood Studios (family breakfast with Disney Jr characters), Fantasmic in the evening.

Day 3: TBD, dinner at a Cuban restaurant

Day 4: Magic Kingdom, breakfast with Winnie the Pooh and friends, Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party

Day 5: TBD (beach maybe), switch to SeaWorld hotel for awards.

Day 6: SeaWorld, Mommy’s award ceremony.

Day 7: Universal Studios

Day 8: Fly Home

 

Cannot wait.

 

 

The Nugget

 

Have you made it this far? Stuck with me? Well then you are awarded with a nugget.

 

Head on over here and check it out.

 

Carman Baby #3 to arrive in April 2013! Officially will be announced at some point in the coming few weeks on Facebook.

What she gets from me

Recently I posted a picture of Skadi on Facebook. I don't even remember which one it was. But a number of my elementary school friends piped up raving about how much she looks like me at that age.

"Really?" was  my surprised response. She looks nothing like me I thought. Strawberry blonde hair is about it.

Still I thought more about this and even pulled out pictures to compare. No way.

Well maybe...

See when I see my daughter her personality shines through so strongly and brightly that her outward appearance falls to the background. When you ask me about my daughter I will answer, "boistrous, adventure loving, physical, she'll take you down when you aren't looking, outspoken, strongly opinionated, will run over the top of you, but will stop if you show signs of pain"... and I could go on and on.

Not my personality. I was always described as "shy, quiet, spoke only when spoken too, embarrassed easily, will cry if you look at her wrong..." You get the idea. A wall flower.

Skadi and I are 100% different... except for that rail thin little body and strawberry blonde hair. And she is lucky - she has these beautiful hazel eyes that get loads of compliments, lips that actually exist and her eyelashes aren't red, they are black.

But one area she did inherit from me is her eclectic music tastes. Her brother desires to only ever listen to one thing - Les Miserable. And sing along. He can recite nearly the entire musical and dreams of playing the role of Gavroche before he grows up. Skadi always one to out do her brother begs not to listen to Les Mis anymore but tells him, "I plan to play Cosette and she has a bigger role."

Anyways. Skadi, she has my musical tastes.

I admit it, the other day she told me one of her favorite songs was the one I play about "doing crafts".

Give up?

Yeah, not one of my finer parenting moments...

Also among her favorites are "I Want Candy" and "Follow Me".

When I was a kid my favorite song was "Cat Scratch Fever"...

The other day Skadi asked me to play "the bell song".

"The bell song?" I asked her.

"Yep, the one about the girl," Skadi replied.

"OH! The Belle song!" I said. No problem. I can do this. We recently went and saw Beauty and the Beast the musical, I will just download the album from iTunes!

So I did.

And then we painstakingly went through every single dang song on that album.

"NO MOM! The BELLE song, you know!" she kept saying. (Though she did latch on again to Gaston...)

I gave up. I surrendered.

Then one day when I was driving her into school I turned up a song that popped up on my existing playlist.

"YAY MOMMY! The BELLE song!" she exclaimed.

Yay me!

Office Products Addictions?

My mom, when she was alive, coveted office products. She collected them. My stepfather will never ever ever have to buy any type of office product again.

"You know for as much as your mom cleared out everything else and avoided clutter," he said once, "what we all didn't realize was that her 'thing' was office products. She hoarded office products!"

The other day I took the kids to Michael's. I had a few small things I wanted to buy, but one of the main reasons was guilt. I felt guilty with respect to Skadi because AB and I get sucked into these games of Fortune Street with Leif and Skadi doesn't care to play Wii at all. So she plays by herself, or draws, or whatever. It isn't like she complains about it, but I felt the need to give her some kits and some other fun things to do for those one or two evenings when AB and I give in and play Wii with Leif.

We were wandering the aisles of Michaels when it struck Skadi.

There in the clearance bin was a PINK tape dispenser.

And the child went nuts. Yes NUTS!

"MOM!! I HAVE TO GET THIS! A PINK TAPE DISPENSER!" She squealed at the top of her little lungs. I was wondering what other shoppers thought about my daughter's freak out over this pink tape dispenser?

She grabbed it and held it fondly.

Then she HUGGED the tape dispenser. Seriously. She HUGGED it.

I immediately saw my mom's influence on my daughter. Is this office products addiction genetic?

I agreed that she could get the most fabulous pink tape dispenser that she was cradling in her arms.

We went home and I stuck it on the counter that bugs me in the kitchen. I have this "desk" in my kitchen that since the day we moved in has become a landing space for everything and serves no real actual purpose. When people state they want a desk in their kitchen, I cringe. I want the actual counter space as kitchen prep area instead.

Anyways, I put the tape dispenser on the counter. And yes, she has used it routinely.

The other day one of her friends came over for a playdate. The two giggly little girls were wandering around the house when they made their way through the kitchen.

"Oooooh!" Kait squealed, "I LOVE your tape dispenser!"

"Isn't it fabulous?" Skadi squealed back. (The girls are in the squealing phase.) She picked it up, "you can hold it if you want!"

Kait takes it and turns it over in her hands and declares it "cool". Then they put it down and wander off to go giggle and squeal about something else.

I think I am missing something here. But it may be the best $1.50 I have ever spent.

A rite of girlhood - or so I thought

When I was 5 years old I begged and begged my mom to let me get my ears pierced. We talked about it pretty extensively - how they pierced ears (by sticking a needle through) and how it would take SIX whole weeks to heal and how during that time I would have to wear the boring "studs" and not take them out and clean them so so well. Oh and not until I was 12 would I get to wear earrings that "dangled".

One day my mom and my best friend's mom took us to Market Square in downtown Casper.

I don't remember who went first. But I remember the tears welling up in my eyes and I remember the pain. But I remember that I was NOT going to cry.

My best friend didn't have as good of luck - she got one ear pierced and sometime later her mom took her back down to get the other.

I took such good care of my newly pierced ears, cleaning them twice daily, rotating them so that they didn't get stuck and grow into my ears.

My dad wasn't a fan of pierced ears and from my mom's tales, her taking me to get my ears done did NOT go over well.

When staying at his house one summer when I was an early teenager, I pierced my own ears again. I experienced the silence when he discovered my pierced ear.

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I have been secretly buying little earrings - pink "gem" Disney studs, ladybug studs and I have my collection of earrings from when I was a kid set aside for my daughter.

At 5 years old, I kept expecting her to request pierced ears and looked forward to the happy day when I explained to her the process, how it hurts a bit, but doesn't later, how she has to clean her new holes well, rotate the studs and not wear dangly earrings.

A few months ago while watching me get ready, the topic came up.

"Wait mommy, you are putting your earrings THROUGH your ears!" she noted. "Why is that?"

"Well I have my ears pierced," I announced, "so I put earrings through my ears! See!" And I proudly showed her all my earrings and the holes in my ears.

She got this freaked out look on her face and quickly said, "I am NEVER doing that!"

"You don't want your ears pierced?" I asked her.

"Never, no way!" she answered without hesitation.

"Well maybe you will want them done later," I told her.

"Nope, never," she declared.

I dropped it confident that she would revisit the topic in a week or so after thinking about it and she would BEG me to take her and get them pierced.

Nope.

Every few weeks she sees someone her age with pierced ears and whinces just in looking at them.

And every couple weeks she begs me not to hurt myself by putting earrings IN my earlobes when in fact I can simply borrow stickers from her to put on them instead.

And I sigh and then reassure her that I am in no pain and that I actually like my earrings.

And she shrugs and declares once again - because I haven't heard enough - "no way am I EVER getting my ears pierced."

And she is stubborn enough... yeah I am no longer picking up cute little earrings to stash away for her.

Skadi Well Child

She is healthy, happy and got a good lecture about her refusal to eat most fruits and vegetables. We are now four days later though and despite the lecture, there is no improvement in the child's fruit and vegie comsumption.

She is holding steady on the 50th percentile line where she has been solidly for the last three years.

At 5 years:
your child is 39.5 pounds, and that is
at the 48th percentile for weight.
your child is 42.5 inches, and that is
at the 49th percentile for height.

Happy Birthday Skadi!

Five? 5? Not four? Not three? 5? For reals, five?

How can it be?

Dear Skadi,

I remember five years ago walking the halls of the hospital - up and down, up and down, wondering when we were going to get to meet you. By that time, being my second baby, I felt I was an old pro at this. It was just a matter of time and I would have my baby in my arms. But the contractions weren't coming, nothing was moving, except that hand that seemed to be waving at us, giving us an ahead warning of your stubbornness.

I thought I knew it all, but as all babies are, you were different. You are different. You arrived at 1:59pm on March 23rd, 2007. I should have guessed - all prime numbers are in your birthday and time. As someone who loves numbers, this did not escape me.

Over the last few years you have grown and changed in such amazing ways. There are days I know exactly you are my daughter - like when you beg for a pedicure, want your hair braided and jump up and down with excitement when I announce it is gymnastics lessons night.  Other times I look at you and wonder where you may have come from - like when you scream at the top of your little lungs, sass the boys in your class (instead of shrinking in a corner like I did), tell your teacher where she can stick it (not literally, thank goodness) and beat your brother up while playing swords.

I look at you and occasionally see myself as a five year old. I remember the first day of kindergarten well and I hope yours is as magical this year as mine was.

You love to bake and cook and I know you got that from me, your grandma Barbara and your great great grandma Hanna. You are about the pickiest thing around and would live on Dinosaur nuggets if we let you. You don't like berries or stone fruit or pears, but love apples, oranges and bananas - I can't figure this out. You will eat them if they are dried though, so I am assuming it is a texture thing because I can officially say that you have never had a berry in your mouth.

Did I say stubborn? Yeah, that goes without saying.

You like everything pink, though purple and blue are alright too. You prefer that everything be "girl" and an effective marketing campaign to your type would be to mark everything with "Girl" in front of it. "Girl food", "Girl toothbrush", "Girl Hangers", "Girl Paper"...

Amazingly you do eat and enjoy broccoli and broccoli rabe. You seem to like canned carrots for some unknown reason. (Can I just say, nasty?) You like chicken tikka masala, rice, quesadillas, and of course we can't forget cheese pizza. Sweet tooth? Again, goes without saying.

You love Barbies and Princesses (Ariel is the best, followed by Tiana and Rapunzel). But you also like Legos and building. You really like art and your teacher has figured out that is an effective bribe - to threaten to take away art privileges. I only wish the threat worked because too often you end up losing those privileges.

Your best friends are Olivia, Maddie and Raquel. This coming year though you will switch schools and leave them behind. We went and registered you for kindergarten one day. You were so brave as we marched up to the school and filled out the hundreds of forms that are somewhat akin to buying a house. After we left we went for a Starbucks treat and you got a tear in your eye as you told me, "but I didn't even get to say goodbye to my Apple Tree friends". I felt so bad! Of course you were still going to be in Apple Tree for 6 months but your capacity for emotions always amazes me.

When you are asked what you want to be when you grow up it is something like a "mermaid princess". Personally I think you will be an amazing doctor or lawyer. Your teacher thinks you will excel as a fashion designer. Of course, maybe the mermaid princess thing will work out? You are an amazing little swimmer and gymnast.

Whatever it is, I know you have the capacity to succeed. When I tell you that I love you, you always reply, "I love you more". I assure you that you don't, though I can tell you never believe me.

I love you more Skadi Jeanne.

Love, Mom

Elf Calamities

Invariably, if you are going to do the Elf on the Shelf thing, you are going to have mishaps.

Like forgetting to move the Elf and the kids discovering her first. "That silly Elf tried to trick you guys (again?) and came back to the same spot!"

Or the day the housecleaner knocked her off her perch and left her sprawled on the floor. Horror! "Well I hope she forgives the housecleaner for touching her and doesn't give a bad report to Santa."

Or the day that daddy stepped on her.

Our elf was sound asleep on the dolly bed in Skadi's room on the floor next to Skadi's bed. She had survived the whole day there, I THOUGHT we were out of the woods.

AB was putting Skadi to sleep that night and at some point, got up, and stepped right on Mina!!

The world screeched to a halt as Skadi's eyes welled with tears, "DADDY! You hurt Mina. You touched her and will get a bad report and now she can't fly back to the North Pole and so Santa won't get our good reports. WAH!"

It didn't stop there. I heard about it for the next two days. Not only from the kids but AB as well.

"I don't care that it is cute she was in a little bed, she should NOT be on the floor or SOMETHING is bound to happen," and he was probably right.

But as it turned out Mina was none worse for the wear and flew to Santa that night and issued her good reports.

(Thank goodness AB didn't step on her face and smush it in or something catastrophic like that...)

The Bomb Story

Skadi: "Mommy, will you tell me the bomb story again?"

Me: (Sigh) "Are you sure you want to hear that story again?"

Skadi: "Yes."

Me: "What part of it do you want to hear?" (Hoping she doesn't say the Japanese part.)

Skadi: "All of it."

Me: "Wouldn't you rather have a princess story?"

Skadi: "No."

Me: "Ok."

Blame Leif. He is the one who introduced Skadi to the concept of the "biggest bomb ever". Actually, I blame his teacher. Because do we really need to talk about nuclear weapons in the 1st grade? Yes, I know it was December 6th, the 70th anniversary of Pearl Harbor. But I was a bit surprised the depth of questions.

December 6th:

Leif: "Mom, Mrs. H told us about today a long time ago we were attacked."

Me: "Yes, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor on this day 70 years ago."

I could go on and line out all the conversation surrounding this, but I won't. And in fact, I don't remember it well. I just know that he was very concerned that Hans and I had been there (we reassured him we weren't), that it would happen again (we hope it won't), that children were killed (I don't know if children were killed) and then he wanted to know about the "biggest bomb ever" that ended the war.

The conversation ended with me stating historical fact that we actually live near where part of the bomb was made (so nontechnical speak) here and that Daddy's job is in cleaning up the work from making that bomb and that Mommy works in ensuring that nothing like that (we haven't talked about 9-11 yet) doesn't happen to the people of the US again .

And life went on.

Until Skadi, about a week later, asked to hear the "story of the bomb" again. I confirmed, before delving in, that it was the story from the prior week. She nodded her head.

And now it is just after Christmas and the "bomb story" has become a mainstay. I have modified it to suit my needs in speaking with a four year old.

The Bomb Story

Once upon a time, a long time ago before mommy was born, before grandma was born and when great grandma was a school teacher in North Dakota, the bad Japanese (as opposed to the good Japaneses) attacked Pearl Harbor, a US base in Hawaii. They flew planes in and attacked the soldiers there. The United States then said we are at war with the Japanese (for Skadi's purposes, I haven't expanded to the axis and allies...)

Great grandma decided that she wanted to help the US and so she joined the Army Nurses Corp and she went to Spokane where we get to go to see Beauty and the Beast at the end of January to learn to be an Army nurse.

While she was there being a nurse, the bad Japanese started invading islands in the South Pacific and were pushing their soldiers through the islands and taking them over. Roar!

But while this all was happening the scientists that were living here where we live decided to make a bomb with some other scientists at another lab. The scientists here out on the Hanford site made a very special ingredient for the bomb, the plutonium. But they were messy and made a huge mess that Daddy is still working on cleaning up.

Finally the day came that they flew the two bombs named Fat Man (Skadi invariably thinks this is funny) and Little Boy over to Japan and they dropped them on the bad guys. Those bombs were the biggest bombs in the world and so Japan said to the United States, "you win, we give up!"

And all this happened just a few weeks before your great grandma was supposed to ship over and be a nurse in the war! So she didn't have to go overseas after all. So instead she met your grandpa in Seattle and they moved to Casper where they had two boys, then a girl, who was your grandma Barbara and then another boy. And Barbara was a good girl, but when she got mad at her brothers she would chase them into the corner with the broom!

And then Barbara grew up and she got married to my daddy, Perry. And soon after that they had a little girl, and that was me. And my sister just a few years later. And we had so much fun playing Barbies and Little People! I played with those exact same Little People that you have!

Pretty soon I grew up and I went to college and met AB! (At this point Skadi giggles hearing her daddy's name.) And we moved to Reno, Nevada so I could go to more college and we got married at Lake Tahoe.

Then we packed up and moved up here where mommy got a job working to protect us from bad people and Daddy got a job cleaning up the mess from the bomb. Then they had a baby named Leif and a few years later, a little baby girl named Skadi. And Skadi was a good little baby, but she did cry a lot. Her favorite food was milk and applesauce. Once she learned to walk though, she started running. Then she turned one and her grandma Barbara and Grandpa Rick came to visit and they pushed her on the swing. Then she turned two right when we moved into our new house. But she was sick on her 2nd birthday. When she turned three the year after that we had a princess dress up party in our house with all her friends. Another year passed and she turned four and she had her party at Coach Brett's gym! And now we are here, I wonder where she will have her party now

Twisted, huh?

My daughter may be the funniest thing ever...

Skadi: "Mommy, what kind of animals are we?"

Me: "Well we are humans, which I guess are a type of animal."

Skadi: "No, what type of ANIMALS are we."

Me: "Well we are closest to monkeys."

Skadi: "NO, what type of animals are we?"

Me: "Well Skadi we walk on two legs and most animals walk on four..."

Skadi: "So that means we are kangaroos!"

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Skadi: (Whispering in my ear.) "Mommy, your pajamas are old and ugly, you need to ask Santa for some pretty pajamas with roses on them for Christmas."

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Skadi: "Ouch, you bumped my twohead Leif."

(Love that she still calls her forehead, her twohead.)

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Skadi: "No mommy, go to the picking page."

Me: "The picking page? Is there a Dora story about picking apples?"

Skadi: "No, the picking page mommy."

Me: "Show me."

Skadi: (Annoyingly flips the book to the front to the table of contents.)

Duh.

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Skadi: "Why do we have houses mommy?"

Me: "To provide a place to sleep out of the bad weather and stuff."

Skadi: "Ha, you are silly mommy and wrong too. We have houses so that when we change our clothes no one sees us."

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Skadi: "Mommy, I love you more than strangers."

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Skadi: "Once mommy a woman came up to me, but she didn't take me."

Me: "What Skadi? When were you by yourself that a woman came up to you?"

Skadi: "She came up to me and said, 'where is your grandma' and then she said, 'where is your grandpa' and I didn't know and I told her. But I was SO happy she didn't steal me."

Me: "When did this happen Skadi?"

Skadi: "When I was jumping on the trampoline at the cabin."

Me: "Oh, that person was probably one of your relatives!"

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Me: (Reading one of the Mo Willems Trixie books.)

Skadi: "The person who wrote this book really messed up bad. He accidentally wrote my name as Trixie, not Skadi. Will you read it right please?"

Me: (Sigh.) "One time long ago before Skadi could even speak..."

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Skadi: "Mom, let's see how smart you are, what's 16+18?"


Me: "34."

Skadi: "Wrong. I think you better call dad and ask him since he is so much smarter than you."

Me: (Thinking someone better watch her little mouth if she wants Santa to visit her!)

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Skadi: "Mommy, I might not be made of bones. I think I am made of power instead because I am a good fixer."


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Leif: "Pretty please Skadi?"


Skadi: "No Leif."

Leif: "Pretty pretty please Skadi?"

Skadi: "No Leif."

Leif: "I'll say you are beautiful."

Skadi: "Ok."

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Skadi: "Mommy the only thing that will make me happy this morning is to listen to Uncle Kracker."


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The saddest children's book EVER!

Ok, maybe except for that Robert Munsch book - "Love You Forever". Do you want to turn a new mom to mush in 60 seconds or less? Give her that horrible book!! (Ok, so it isn't horrible... plenty of people think it is beautiful...)

I don't often order from the Scholastics Book flyers, but I noted recently that we had very few books about my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. So I decided to stock up on some fall and Thanksgiving books through the monthly book orders at the kids' schools. I suppose this is where the problem started. Because if I had ordered from Amazon I would have read a synopsis of the books before ordering.

But nope. I saw Amelia Bedelia's First Apple Pie and thought in my head... girl theme... apples (my daughter's favorite)... a cute little girl kind of like my own on the cover... and PIE (my families specialty)... no brainer!

But little did I know what awaited me under the cover.

Tears!

See Amelia Bedelia was spending the day with her grandma and grandpa and she and her grandma set about making an apple pie.

Right there my first thought... My mom was THE pie maker and if you have read my blog in years past, or if you know me, you know the importance of homemade pie in our family. My little girl won't ever get to make pie with her grandma. And teaching the art of making a homemade pie was extremely important to my family.

Of course I could wallow in this and feel sorry for us and let the tears keep rolling as I read it.

And yes, I did let the tears keep rolling as I read the book. But I know my charge. I know that it is *my* duty to teach the art of pie to my daughter (who appears to love to bake as much as her grandma).

My next charge is to get rid of that horrible, awful, sad book!

(Ok, so it really isn't a "horrible" or "awful" book. It is quite charming. But it doesn't belong in my house.)

Conversations with the kids

I love asking my kids scientific questions and seeing how they respond. Here was our conversation from our drive home from the eye doctor this afternoon.

Me: "Leif why does the wind blow?"

Leif: "Oh, I know this one! It's because of the moon."

Me: "Nope, that's the tides."

Leif: "No, it works with wind too, the gravity pulls the wind around."

Me: "Ok... why do the colors of the leaves change?"

Skadi: "Because God makes them do that!"

Me: "Ok, good answer, why is the sky blue?"

Leif: "Because space is blue and the clouds get in the way and make the sky."

Skadi: "I wanted to answer Leif! It's because God made it blue."

Me: "Why are there volcanos."

Skadi: "Because God made volcanos."

Leif: "No Skadi, it's because wherever there is an earthquake a volcano pops up."

(Kind of sounds like a zit...)

Me: "Well I don't know if Skadi is wrong, but that's interesting Leif. Why does it get cold in winter."

Skadi (screaming): "BECAUSE GOD MADE IT!"

Leif: "That's easy, because the seasons change."

Me: "What are mountains made of?"

Leif: "Wood. Hey mom, what makes planets?"

Me: "Something like the big bang."

Leif: "Nope, you are wrong, dirt makes it and someone packs the dirt really hard together and a planet is made."

Skadi: "GOD MAKES PLANETS LEIF!"

(Yes, apparently Skadi has embraced Sunday school.)