Conversations with the kids

I love asking my kids scientific questions and seeing how they respond. Here was our conversation from our drive home from the eye doctor this afternoon.

Me: "Leif why does the wind blow?"

Leif: "Oh, I know this one! It's because of the moon."

Me: "Nope, that's the tides."

Leif: "No, it works with wind too, the gravity pulls the wind around."

Me: "Ok... why do the colors of the leaves change?"

Skadi: "Because God makes them do that!"

Me: "Ok, good answer, why is the sky blue?"

Leif: "Because space is blue and the clouds get in the way and make the sky."

Skadi: "I wanted to answer Leif! It's because God made it blue."

Me: "Why are there volcanos."

Skadi: "Because God made volcanos."

Leif: "No Skadi, it's because wherever there is an earthquake a volcano pops up."

(Kind of sounds like a zit...)

Me: "Well I don't know if Skadi is wrong, but that's interesting Leif. Why does it get cold in winter."

Skadi (screaming): "BECAUSE GOD MADE IT!"

Leif: "That's easy, because the seasons change."

Me: "What are mountains made of?"

Leif: "Wood. Hey mom, what makes planets?"

Me: "Something like the big bang."

Leif: "Nope, you are wrong, dirt makes it and someone packs the dirt really hard together and a planet is made."

Skadi: "GOD MAKES PLANETS LEIF!"

(Yes, apparently Skadi has embraced Sunday school.)

Well shack.

Leif is picking up "new" words this summer at summer camps. Skadi's new favorite movie is "Ramona and Beezus" and "guts" has been about the speed of Leif's naughty words to this point.

A few weeks ago this happened:

Leif: "Skadi get in the water and don't be a chicken shack."

Me: "What did you call her?"

Leif: "A chicken shack, you know."

Me: "We do not call each other chicken shacks!!"

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Then there was this week.

Leif: "He said the 'a' word."

Me: "What is the 'a' word? You can tell me, you won't get in trouble." (I am thinking ass, but wanted to see if he knew.)

Leif: "Shit."

Me: "Shit does not have an 'a' in it. And you are right, that is a bad word. Do you know what it means?"

Leif: "Dumb Donkey."

Me: "Uhhh..."

Ok, so maybe he did mean the "a" word?

Definitions Time - Bejeezus

Me: "Leif, you scare the bejesus out of me sometimes!"

Leif: "You have Jesus's in you that are leaving?"

Me: "No, bejesus."

Leif: "What is that?"

Me: "Ummm... ummm... ummm..."

Leif: "Is it like your taste buds?"

Me: "Ok sure, like your taste buds."

Leif: "I am going to scare your taste buds out of you!!"

The perils of a child's increased awareness of his surroundings...

The setting: Leif and I in some skuzzy male/female gas station bathroom on the way back from the coast. Normally I let him go in by himself, but I hesitated here and went in with him.

Leif: “Look mom, you can buy stuff in here!” (Pointing to the questionable dispenser on the wall.)

Me: “Yep.”

Leif: “It costs 50 cents mom.”

Me: “Yep.”

Leif: “It looks like it is a fun game mom, see it says ‘Fun’ on it!”

Me: “Oh yeah, I bet it is a lot of fun.”

Leif: “Do you have 50 cents mom? I want one of those games.”

Me: “No.”

Leif: “But it says it is fun mom.”

Me: “Those are just for adults.”

Leif: “Why would they put fun games to buy in the bathrooms that are just for adults mom? That just doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “Nope, it doesn’t make any sense at all, you are right. Let’s hurry and go.”

Are all boys like this?

Me: "Leif get off the computer and come talk to me."

Leif: "What?"

Me: "What did you do today?"

Leif: "Nothing."

Me: "Did you go to the library?"

Leif: "Yes."

Me: "What did you do there?"

Leif: "Like nothing."

Me: "Did you look at books?"

Leif: "No."

Me: "Did you walk around?"

Leif: "No."

Me: "What did you do then?"

Leif: "I told you, nothing!"

Me: "Did you do the Pacific Science Center Rock and Roll thing after?"

Leif: "No."

Me: "I thought that was what you were doing today. What did they have?"

Leif: "It was a park."

Me: "So what did you do at the park?"

Leif: "Talked on the phone?"

Me: "To who?"

Leif: "Everyone."

Me: "All your group?"

Leif: "Yes. I talked into it and it was loud."

Me: "Was there singing at the ROck and Roll thing?"

Leif: "No."

Me: "So all there was, was a big phone."

Leif: "Yes, at the park."

Me: "Ok, so where did you eat lunch?"

Leif: "At the park."

Me: "Did you see anyone there you knew?"

Leif: "No."

Me: "No one there you knew at all? Not a girl?"

Leif: "No."

Me: "A girl with long black hair?"

Leif: "No."

Me: "Did she hug you?"

Leif: "Nobody hugged me mom."

Me: "Well Sophia's mom said that they saw you at the park."

Leif: "They saw C, not me."

Me: "Ok, did you swim today?"

Leif: "Yes."

Me: "Did you have fun?"

Leif: "I taught C a new move on protecting herself from flying water."

Me: "Oh, ok! What else."

Leif: "Just swimming mom."

Me: "Wow, sounds like not a very fun day. Did you have a good time or should we go back to your old school?"

Leif: "NO MOM! I had a great time!"

Me: "I wouldn't know that."

Leif: "May I be excused from this now?"

Me: "Yes."

It's good my kids make me laugh...

Me putting Skadi to bed:

Skadi: "Mom, I need a song."

Me: "Never smile at a croco-"

Skadi: "No mom, I need a song-"

Me: "Twinkle twinkle little-"

Skadi: "No MOM! I need a song from daddy, go get him please."

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Me: "Skadi, why does the wind blow?"

Skadi: "Because it is rude that way."

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Me: "Where does snow come from?"

Skadi: "From the clouds."

Leif: "No Skadi it comes from little drops of water in the sky that dry out and turn to snow."

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Skadi: "Mommy, can we give me to Niranjana since she doesn't have a sister?"

Me: "Well if you were Niranjana's sister that means you wouldn't be my little girl anymore, you would be Auntie Melissa's little girl."

Skadi: "That's ok, I like Auntie Melissa."

Me: (Sob.)

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Me: "Skadi why is the sky blue?"

Skadi: "Because it is supposed to be."

Me: "Leif, why is the grass green?"

Leif: "Because that means it is healthy."

Me: "Well why is it brown now?"

Leif: "Because it hasn't rained in a long time."

Me: "Does that mean it isn't healthy."

Leif: (Sighing) "Mom, it means it is dormant."

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Leif: "Mom, I want to read 'The Lion, The Witch and the Warthog'."

Me: "I think you mean 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe'."

Leif: "No, I mean warthog, why would it be wardrobe?"

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Leif: "I have to have my snow gear today!"

Me: "Well it didn't really snow much, there's barely any out there."

Leif: "Well Ms. M said that if we brought our snow gear we could have a snowball fight!"

Me: "But there isn't enough snow for a snowball fight?"

Leif: "Well then why would she say we could have a snowball fight?"

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Me: "Skadi where were you before you were in my tummy?"

Skadi: "North America."

Me: "What were you doing?"

Skadi: "Just playing dolls and stuff."

Leif: "Mom, babies come from EITHER places or tummies."

Me: "No, all babies come from tummies."

Leif: "No mom, you are wrong, some come from places."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Leif: "Well we came from your tummy, but Niranjana came from India and that is a place."

Me: (Still haven't continued this conversation.)

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Me: "Skadi how are clouds made?"

Skadi: "By God."

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Me: "Skadi how do bushes grow?"

Skadi: "Up."

Leif: "From the ground Skadi, say from the ground, they grow from the ground, it is a trick question."

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Me: "Skadi why is the grass green?"

Skadi: "Because it is supposed to be."

Me: "Leif, why do the trees have leaves?"

Leif: "Because the tree sucks up water and water makes the leaves and the leaves catch more water and make more leaves and more leaves."

Me: "Sounds like you have a pretty firm grasp of science."

Leif: "Yeah, but I want to be a computer engineer spy who works for the CIA mom, I don't want to work with you anymore."

Kid-isms

Skadi-ism #1

“Ok parents,” she says.

We are “parents”.

We aren’t “mom and dad” or “mommy and daddy”.

Nope.

“Parents.”

“Parents, I want to know if you would like your children to sing you a song?”

“Parents, you should go in the other room and not look over here.”

“Parents, can I have a snack?”

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At a restaurant waiting for food. The kids have their complimentary crayons and placemat. Skadi is coloring away. Leif is writing words. He prints “fo” on his placemat.

AB: “That’s not a word.”

(I know where this is going. Leif is always writing fo as opposed to “of”.)

Leif: “Yes it is daddy.”

AB: “No it isn’t, it says fo. Fo isn’t a word.”

Leif (becoming insistent): “Yes daddy, it is a word!”

AB: “Ok, use it in a sentence.”

Leif: “Someone who isn’t a SuperHero friend is a foe!”

AB: (Silence.)

Me: “Take that daddy!”

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Skadi has a knack for spinning yarns. She gets on a roll and it just doesn't stop.

Leif asked me what my name was before I got married and I told him my maiden name.

Skadi: "My name before I was in mommy's tummy was Vanya and I was a person who helped other people and made sure they were ok and I did good at my job. Then something happened and I don't know what it was and I was in my mommy's tummy."

Me: "Okaaaaaayyyyy..."

Leif: "Before I was in mommy's tummy, she was in her mommy's tummy and I was still in her tummy and all people are in tummys now."

Me: "Wow, this is deep." (Change subject fast.)

Conversations with my kids

Skadi: "Mommy, what is on your two head?"

Me: "My what?"

Skadi: "Your two head, what is on your two head?"

Me: "What is my two head?"

Skadi: (Reaches up and touches my forehead.)

AB: "She must think you have a small forehead."

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Sunday, 7am I walk out of the bedroom and Leif is sitting there. It appears that he has been up for awhile, but he has been getting scolded for waking us up at 6am on the weekends. He is to play quietly until we get up and only come in and jump on the bed if he really needs us.

Leif: "Oh good you are up!"

Me: "Yep, I am up."

Leif: "Can we make a pumpkin pie now?"

Me: "Umm, a pumpkin pie?"

Leif: "Yes, I was thinking about pumpkin pie and I would like some."

Me: "Ok, let's go make a pumpkin pie."

And so we did.

Walked right into that one

In the car on the way home Leif said something funny.

Me: "I sure am lucky that God gave me you instead of some other kid who isn't nearly so funny!"

Leif: (Silent for a little while.) "God gave me to you?"

Me: "Yes, I believe you were picked just for daddy and me."

Leif: "God put me in your belly? How did God put me in your belly?"

Me: "Umm, well" (Stammering and deciding to ignore the later question.) "Yes and no."

Leif: "Then you lied?"

Me: "No, I didn't lie. I believe that God picked you to be in my belly and to be my little boy."

Leif: "Oh ok. I don't remember being with God. How long was I with God?"

Me: "I don't know." (Wow, this is tough.)

Leif: "Where was I hanging out with God? In the sky?"

Me: "In God's kingdom."

Leif: "So I went from God's kingdom, then he decides I move from his kingdom to your belly and then I come out at the hospital?"

Me: "Umm, yep, I think so."

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Me: "I had the weirdest conversation with Leif today."

AB: "What was it?"

Me: (Repeat the above first two lines.)

AB: "You walked right into that one and I cannot help you at all!!"

Q & A with L & S

I dated a guy once whose parents asked he and his brother questions when they were kids and then wrote down what they said. I always thought this was a cool thing and the insight gained from how my kids respond is both hilarious and at times very enlightening!

Me: "Leif why is the sky blue?"

Leif: "Because that's the color it's supposed to be."

Me: "Skadi why is the sky blue?"

Skadi: "It's NOT BLUE, it's YELLOW!" (See what I mean... this says so much.)

Leif: "Did I get it right?"

Me: "Yes, I guess you got it right."

Skadi: "GUYS! I said it's not blue, it's YELLOW!"

Me: "Okay Skadi. Leif, why does it rain?"

Leif: "Well see first the clouds get full of water and so full they are about to burst and then they explode! And when they explode, the water comes out as rain called evaporation."

Me: "You mean condensation, right?"

Leif: (Breaking into song.) "The water travels in a cycle yes it does... the water travels in a cycle yes it does, it goes up in evaporation and comes down in condensation - yes mommy! You are right, condensation!"

Skadi: (Not to be outdone in the singing department...)"Old MacDonald had a farm EIEIO..."

Me: "Leif where are you going to live when you are a grown up?"

Leif: "Is elephant meat a protein? I think it's a protein. Is it a protein mommy?"

Me: "Yes, elephant would be a protein, but I imagine it would be really tough."

Leif: "Well I want to hunt elephants this afternoon and if I catch one you can cook elephant meat for dinner, okay?"

Me: "I think you would have to go a long ways from home to hunt elephants."

Leif: "Nope, just to Antarctica for snow elephants."

Me: "Skadi what is your favorite animal?"

Skadi: "SNOW elephants!"

Me: "Leif, what is your favorite animal?"

Leif: "Bears cause I saw one remember last summer in Alaska."

Me: "Yep, we saw bears."

Leif: "A bear would eat a snow elephant."

Skadi: (Screams.) "NO YOU CAN'T EAT MY FAVORITE ANIMAL!"

Me: "Ok, no one is going to eat a snow elephant."

(Silence.)

Skadi: "I have a baby in my tummy."

Me: "Nope, only mommies get babies in their tummies."

Skadi: "YES! I HAVE A BABY IN MY TUMMY!"

Me: "What's the baby's name?"

Skadi: "Little baby."

Me: "You could name her Skadi Jeanne."

Skadi: "I the ONLY Skadi Jeanne."

Me: "You are right about that."

Leif: "When Niranjana and Cate have my babies, they will have twins like Ms. Amanda and we will all live at our house with our babies."

Me: "Yikes. I guess you finally did answer my question though."