Groomers

Leif has a friend named Izabella. Cute little girl – I see her at gymnastics. They enjoy each other’s company but Leif is at that stage where most girls aren’t really worth his time or energy and he gets horribly embarrassed at anything involving kissing or boyfriend/girlfriend. Hans has taken to harassing him by saying “smoochie smoochie” at random times just to see the flood of red up our son’s face.

 

Last night’s dinner conversation:

 

Me: “So who did you play with at recess today.”

 

Leif: “Cody had to stay in and do his work so I just rolled down the hill until N came and chased me.”

 

Me: “Sounds good. How is Izabella?”

 

Leif: “Good, she wanted me to play with her at recess, but I didn’t.”

 

Me: “Why? I know she is your friend, is everything ok?”

 

Leif: “Yes, but she and Adriana wanted me to be the groomer.”

 

Me: “Groomer, what do you mean?”

 

Leif: “You know, groomer.”

 

Me: “Well I am not sure, like a dog groomer.”

 

Leif: “No mom. You know. Dad was one once.”

 

Me: “I don’t think dad was ever a groomer. He cut Winny’s hair once recently since we don’t want to stress her out at the groomers.”

 

Leif: “No, that’s not it. He was a groomer in your wedding.”

 

Me: “Oh a GROOM! They wanted you to be the groom!”

 

Leif: “Yes. They said it was just pretend, but I don’t trust Adriana, she might make it for reals or something bad like that.”

 

And at this point the conversation just dissolves because I couldn’t stop laughing.

 

I just can't even start to explain...

It must be terrible fun to be a 2nd grade teacher and get to read the wacky stuff kids write. This is what came home today.

One sheet of paper with the question at the top, Leif's responses below:

"What do you notice about nonfiction?"

1. You can't have that much underwear.
2. You can't go in public naked.
3. You can not fly.
4. You can't shoot underwear in public.
5. You can't surprise a robot.

I just do not even know what to say.

Little boys are such funny creatures

The other day Leif was crying at breakfast.

Leif: “And Mia is so mean and now Allison is too!”

Me: “What exactly are they doing?”

Leif: “They are telling me what to do and they want to talk to me ALL the time and so then if you are talking, you get in trouble, they want to get me in trouble.”

(Still tears.)

Me: “Leif, I still think it might be what daddy said the other day and that Mia and Allison actually like you, as in like you how you like Shelly.”

Leif: (Still upset) “No, it isn’t like that, I told them last week that my dad said the reason they were talking to me all the time was because they like me and it IS NOT that.”

Me: “Oh really, you asked them! What exactly did they say?”

Leif: “Well they said, ‘uhhh’ and started giggling and ran off.” (Tears still.)

Me: “So kind of the way you would act if Shelly walked up to you and asked if you liked her?”

Leif: (Stops crying. Face turns red.) “Uhhhh…”

Me: “SEE!! They are talking to you and bugging you because they LIKE you!”

Leif: “NOO MOM! That is awful!!”

Me: “Is it worse that they like you or worse to think that they are just bugging you to be mean.”

Leif: “It’s worse if they are mean.” (Tears are now giggles and cheeks are blushing.)

Me: “See! I was a little girl once, I know these things.”

Leif: “You were a little girl once?”

Me: “Well I wasn’t a little boy.”

Leif: “I didn’t think about that!”

Me: “I know all the scoops on girls, you need to just talk to me about girls!”

(Planting the seed for later…)

Well shack.

Leif is picking up "new" words this summer at summer camps. Skadi's new favorite movie is "Ramona and Beezus" and "guts" has been about the speed of Leif's naughty words to this point.

A few weeks ago this happened:

Leif: "Skadi get in the water and don't be a chicken shack."

Me: "What did you call her?"

Leif: "A chicken shack, you know."

Me: "We do not call each other chicken shacks!!"

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Then there was this week.

Leif: "He said the 'a' word."

Me: "What is the 'a' word? You can tell me, you won't get in trouble." (I am thinking ass, but wanted to see if he knew.)

Leif: "Shit."

Me: "Shit does not have an 'a' in it. And you are right, that is a bad word. Do you know what it means?"

Leif: "Dumb Donkey."

Me: "Uhhh..."

Ok, so maybe he did mean the "a" word?

The perils of a child's increased awareness of his surroundings...

The setting: Leif and I in some skuzzy male/female gas station bathroom on the way back from the coast. Normally I let him go in by himself, but I hesitated here and went in with him.

Leif: “Look mom, you can buy stuff in here!” (Pointing to the questionable dispenser on the wall.)

Me: “Yep.”

Leif: “It costs 50 cents mom.”

Me: “Yep.”

Leif: “It looks like it is a fun game mom, see it says ‘Fun’ on it!”

Me: “Oh yeah, I bet it is a lot of fun.”

Leif: “Do you have 50 cents mom? I want one of those games.”

Me: “No.”

Leif: “But it says it is fun mom.”

Me: “Those are just for adults.”

Leif: “Why would they put fun games to buy in the bathrooms that are just for adults mom? That just doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “Nope, it doesn’t make any sense at all, you are right. Let’s hurry and go.”

Putting One Foot In Front Of The Other

I haven’t done a decent update in awhile. I have a huge list of blog topics, but a lack of time to actually write them. And for me it is kind of like a snowball effect. It starts out little, and then as time goes on the snowball gets bigger and bigger as it threatens to run me over. Maybe I have been run over. In some effort to start new after being run over, I will try and get caught up, let's see how I do.

Major Purchase:

We bought a travel trailer in early May. AB and I love camping, we both grew up camping, we want our kids to enjoy camping. But I have reached a point where a dome tent with two kids and two dogs on an air mattress just takes all pleasure out of it. Over the last few years we have identified what exactly we want in a trailer and this spring we surprised ourselves and pulled the trigger. We had been looking for used 4-season bunkhouses and knew what was reasonable to pay for them. Last fall we negotiated on a used unit, but gave up when they failed to negotiate more than $500 lower off the sticker price. This spring we bought a new one for that same price.

We have taken the trailer out twice, and the kids love it. We are still learning it, but after our first longer trip (3 nights this past Memorial Day weekend) we have it pretty well figured out. And I am even getting good with my handsigns. AB is even better at interpreting my handsigns.

We weren’t actually quite where we wanted to be financially before buying it. But in the last year I have given a lot of thought to what living means. I look at my mom’s life and while she had a good life, I look at the things left undone. The things she hoped to accomplish. No one knows our fate. But I have embraced living more in the last year. Taking off and doing the things we want to do instead of just talk about them. I want my kids to love the outdoors and to tramp around the forests like my sister and I did as kids as well as AB and his family did, and have those experiences that we both remember so fondly. I have to make that happen. Purchasing the trailer is making that happen for us.

And my 16 year old self is so laughing at me for “RV’ing”.

Leif:

Leif is wrapping up his last year at the Montessori school he has been at since he was one year old. 6 years here, the end of a legacy of sorts. Wah. My baby Is growing up.

Leif is so very excited to move on to bigger and better things, though he is so very tentative. He really isn't sure about this whole riding the bus without me thing. He will be in public first grade this coming fall. This summer he is looking forward to some science camps at the local branch university and Adventure camp through our health club.

Leif is such a sweet, loving, tender hearted little boy. Poor kid doesn’t understand girls at all and is constantly confounded by them. He surprises me daily with the things he knows and remembers.

The other day Leif and one of his friends was playing at the park as Skadi practiced TBall. I looked over and saw him crawling up the outside of the slide tube. When I went over to him I asked him if that was very safe. He thought for a bit and then replied, “No, but it was impressive.”

We opened a 529 account for the kids awhile back and because I am a geek I maintain a spreadsheet that forecasts the funds growth on a quarterly basis. I set it up and forecasted out and then calculated the year that Leif will go to college. When I realized that I didn’t have to scroll down 3 pages to get to that year it made me a bit ill. My baby is growing up. College is only one Excel page view of quarters away! GAH!

Skadi:

Oh Skadi Skadi Skadi. My sweet little girl… sometimes. The other time she is something else.

We are struggling with Skadi in preschool, out of preschool, through the night… What can I say? It’s darn good that she is as cute as she is! I contemplated last week pulling her out of the Montessori preschool she has been at for three years now. I was *this* close to pulling the trigger. Then AB went in and talked with the teachers a bit and we decided to sit in the holding pattern for a bit. See how things go through the summer.

I talk and talk to that child.

“You had fun on your McDonalds field trip, right?” (She agrees.) “If you don’t behave you will continue to lose field trips and won’t be able to go do these fun things.” (She agrees to be good.)

She is a smart girl. She is pretty mouthy – the other day threats looming that she was bordering upon losing the “Beach Party Day” at school she dared to tell her teachers they could go ahead and take away the privilege from her, she didn’t care, because she planned to tell her mommy to keep her home and we would have our own party and not invite them, so there.

Sigh.

And no, that is so not happening.

She is quick on her feet with her words, but reminds me a lot of my grandmother when she talks, “betend” is “pretend”. “Yesternight” is last night. “Two-head” is still forehead.

This weekend while camping I went over and started poking (or in AB’s words, “fiddling”) with the campfire. My husband is a bit particular about his campfires and with the wet weather this weekend, he had his work cut out for him. Skadi sees me and said, “"Mom, hurry up fiddling with the fire before daddy gets back and sees you!"

The other day Skadi came out of the bathroom and announced, “Mom, I think I am finally old enough to learn how to pee like a boy.”

And then there are days unlike the start of this section where I so agree with her and know she is my daughter, “Leif: "I want to listen to Les Miserables, the Battle Scene in Act 2."
Skadi: "I want to listen to Dancing Queen."

AB:

AB recently had the joy of jury duty. I have always wanted to serve on a jury panel. Yes, seriously. My friends and coworkers look at me like I am nuts when I say this. But for some reason I would like to see first hand our legal system in action. After AB was on a jury panel for a week he can unequivocally say that there is little "action" and that he hopes to never have to rely on our judicial system.

Anyways, I was still jealous. He actually got picked after offering up every reason why he shouldn’t… “I know the prosecutor”, “I work at the same place as the defendant and he looks familiar to me”, “I don’t want to serve, but I know it is my civil duty” (among a group of people who said they did want to serve nonetheless)… but alas he was picked and got to hear abuse stories that still make him cringe. Yeah, maybe I don't want to serve on a jury... I have a friend that served on one about a farmer stealing another one's goats - and a friend's wife who served on a jury about poaching of eagles... nope, AB got a real nasty one.


Work:

My work. Blah.

It’s hard to get very enthused about it when people around me are struggling to find enough work to prevent themselves from being laid off. I am normally in a position to help people out a bit, but this FY, not so. I don’t have much buffer myself. I have even set up an Excel sheet to plan out my upcoming work to make sure I can cover myself. I may be embracing 3-day weekends this summer more than I have in the past.

One of my topics on my list to blog about is the whole “best friend” at work thing. We do these polls that estimate our happiness as a group with our place of employment. Historically my group scores high, which is pretty cool. One of the questions on the poll asks if you have a best friend at work. For years I have been in a position to answer yes to that simply because one of my best friends works here, though I have never had the occasion to work with her. The fact still remains that I have a best friend at work.

In the last few months I have actually had occasion to fully embrace the notion of having a best friend at work in the context of the question. What they want to know is do you have someone you work with that you can go and talk to about what is going on. Sure my good friend down in the other building, who I can’t actually talk to about what I do on a daily basis qualifies to a certain degree. As do the couple of women in my hallway who I can go and talk about daycare or restaurants or hotels, but once again have never really actually worked with them. In the last year I have found my best friends at work… two unassuming guys I work with regularly that I don’t think anyone would really peg them as my “best friends”. But the last 6 months or so they have heard me whine, bitch, cry and complain – and I have heard it from them too. Ok, so they don’t cry. And I only almost cried once.

It’s a big step for me actually. I work on a lot of varied projects with lots of different people and rarely a single core group as so many people do. I get good reviews from people and word of mouth (I believe) is why I am not short on work right now when so many people I know are. I have gotten to know a lot of different people and get called up to do lots of varied projects. I have talked with the two about teaming more regularly and we have a few concepts in the pipeline. I enjoy working with them, appreciate their strong work ethics and we work well as a team. What more could you ask for?

There is a lot of tension here as work is becoming more scarce. Project work has become competitive when jobs are suddenly at stake. While I am funded right now, it is the end of the fiscal year that scares the daylights out of me. Most of my “little” projects wrap up between now and then due to either lack of funding or meeting our completion date. I have a big proposal that was sent out to my least favorite client this morning. One of the guys I wrote the proposal with told me last week that the program manager was already telling him congratulations on it. So I am crossing my fingers that project comes through, though I fully expect another CR and thus actual money won’t arrive until well into FY12 I am sure.

Work… eh, it’s ok. But AB and I have started talking… wonder what else is out there? Where in the world could we wander to? Do we want to live here forever and ever?

Goals:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Yes typically speaking about this time of year my goals start going by the wayside. Summer is just hard to maintain that “do the work around the house” attitude when we have so much we are doing outside and the days are long.

As of today though the quilt is very nearly ready to haul down to the long arm to be quilted. That will be my big checkmark.

AB cleaned the garage pretty well… I intended to help. And I intended to get down and dirty by digging out every last little remnant and adorning the garage with plastic bins and random storage notions.

Well the garage is clean and that is that. My motivation to go out there and work at it more is nill. Not when I have my MIL coming for a visit, a trailer that needs to be cleaned and mopped for the next Father’s Day trip and laundry stacked up to the ceiling upstairs.

June optional goals… if I have time I plan to:

June goal #1 – Think about the outdoor patio kitchen and get some drawings with ideas down on paper.

June goal #2 – detangle my jewelry and figure out something for actual storage of bling that I use on a regular basis.

Yep, I am one of those moms

You know the ones - the ones that share everything hilarious their child says and expects that everyone else will find it every bit as humorous.

Since I have admitted this as a problem, I can embrace it.

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Skadi: “Do you know how I got to you?”

Me: “I have an idea...”

Skadi: “God was holding me in his hands like this,” (cups her hands) “and then he said ‘whoops!’ and dropped me into a field of tall grass. You were wandering by and picked me up and said, ‘hmm, I think I will keep this little girl baby’.”

Me: “I remember you being in my tummy.”

Skadi: “I wasn’t finished mom. THEN you cut your tummy open and tucked me in, pulled your tummy back together and taped it up really good until I got too big to be in there, then you RIPPED the tape off and out I came!”

Hmm...

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Leif with a pained tone to his voice:

"Mom, I am having trouble. It feels like granvity isn't working on my boxer shorts!"

Catching Up

I have a list of blog topics from the past few weeks. I just have had no time to sit down and blog. Let's see how many I can knock out here before the kids need something...

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Starbuck's April Fools

Way back on April Fools Day we went to Starbucks. I am not a fan of April Fool's Day at all. What with being named April, I heard one too many times growing up, "It's April's Day, April is a fool!" Honestly I have never been a fan of the month in general starting way back in kindergarten when I would bring home stacks upon stacks of papers from school that weren't mine. We were required to put the date on papers and the kids always just gave me all the ones that said April. My mom would sort them out and send the majority back to school with me.

Anyways, we don't do April Fool's Day in this house. I suck at jokes and just can never get pranks right.

We got up like any normal day and I needed coffee that morning. At the window the girl offered us some samples of breads. I saw that they had chocolate chips in them and grabbed two, one for each kid. I handed them back and not surprisingly, Skadi took a bite and declared it icky. She declares most everything icky. Not surprising.

Then Leif pipes up:

"Hey, Starbucks played an April Fool's Joke on us. This bread is icky!" he declared.

"What? What is wrong with it?" I knew if Leif was declaring anything with chocolate chips icky, then there was a problem.

"It's banana with chocolate chips," he started.

"You like that?" I asked perplexed.

"But these chocolate chips are MINT!" he cried.

I tasted it. He was right. Nasty. Banana chocolate chips would have flown, but yeah, there was a reason they were giving away hunks of that bread. Ick.

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Every once in awhile when I am running behind on a Wednesday night getting things picked up for the housecleaner, I admit it, I will pay Leif to do some extra things. Believe me, $1 to pick up Skadi's bedroom, is seriously a bargain for me. He does a decent job, Skadi doesn't end up in tears and time out for not helping, and Leif earns a dollar to put in his bank.

The other day though I went up and found Skadi's piggy bank open on the floor. Raided.

Skadi kind of doesn't care about money, so I was confused. Not like her brother who is ALL about the money.

"Skadi, what is your piggy bank doing on the floor?" I asked.

"Leif wanted some money," she told me.

"What did he want money for?" I asked her getting a bit confused.

"I wanted him to play with me and he didn't want to, so I offered him money," she said.

"LEIF!"

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One day Skadi was in the bath singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes". I could tell that was the song only from the tune. She was getting all the words wrong.

"No Skadi," I corrected her, "HEAD, SHOULDERS, KNEES, TOES."

She looks at me like I am an idiot and goes on singing her mumbo jumbo.

Then I found out the next day at school she was singing it in Japanese.

Stupid American move #2? We went out for Japanese food and the kids decided they wanted to sing to the waitress.

They sang the song in Japanese to the waitress.

"Oh neat," she said carefully in her thick accent, "the only thing I know in Japanese is how to say hi since I am Chinese."

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And there it is, the whining for mom! Three topics off my list.

How to catch a leprechaun!

Ranking right up there with Santa, is...

Larry the Leprechaun!

Leif's teachers have this tradition that has captivated my son something fierce for the last few years. The kids all get to build a trap to catch a leprechaun. And not just any leprechaun. LARRY the leprechaun. Leif has been talking for months about his plans for his trap.

And now the day is just around the corner. Leif's plans to catch Larry are nearly all we hear about.

"You should see my trap," Leif carries on, "and Parker and I are connecting are traps together to make one massive trap and we are putting it on Mrs. S's desk because last year the leprechaun tipped over her chair!! And he left his shoe behind on the window ledge!"

Seriously the fact that her chair was tipped over was HUGE.

See Larry breaks into the classroom during one of the outside times and wreaks havoc tipping over chairs and disturbing things. Every year Larry leaves some small memento behind that the kids find in the room. Evidence that Larry WAS there!

And just maybe, one of the traps will catch him! Though none actually have caught him in the three years that Leif has been in the room.

"And you get to keep all his gold!" Leif tells us, "but I heard one time that if two people catch it they get to share the gold." Apparently he and Parker have decided they will deal with having half the gold by teaming up and putting their traps conjoined in the most obvious place to catch a leprechaun - his teacher's desk. "Because doesn't every leprechaun want to dance on the teacher's desk?"

This is the first year I am fearing massive disappointment because Leif knows he will not be there in the class next year. It's his last chance to catch Larry. And he is SO determined. SO SO SO determined.

"Mom, what if they don't try to catch Larry at [public school]?" he asked me today.

"Well they probably don't, you might need to ask C how they celebrate St. Patrick's Day," I told him.

I told him we could set a trap at home, but so far no leprechauns have made an appearance at our house, no havoc has been wreaked. (I might have to rectify this...)

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Yay me! This is post # 1400!

It's good my kids make me laugh...

Me putting Skadi to bed:

Skadi: "Mom, I need a song."

Me: "Never smile at a croco-"

Skadi: "No mom, I need a song-"

Me: "Twinkle twinkle little-"

Skadi: "No MOM! I need a song from daddy, go get him please."

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Me: "Skadi, why does the wind blow?"

Skadi: "Because it is rude that way."

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Me: "Where does snow come from?"

Skadi: "From the clouds."

Leif: "No Skadi it comes from little drops of water in the sky that dry out and turn to snow."

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Skadi: "Mommy, can we give me to Niranjana since she doesn't have a sister?"

Me: "Well if you were Niranjana's sister that means you wouldn't be my little girl anymore, you would be Auntie Melissa's little girl."

Skadi: "That's ok, I like Auntie Melissa."

Me: (Sob.)

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Me: "Skadi why is the sky blue?"

Skadi: "Because it is supposed to be."

Me: "Leif, why is the grass green?"

Leif: "Because that means it is healthy."

Me: "Well why is it brown now?"

Leif: "Because it hasn't rained in a long time."

Me: "Does that mean it isn't healthy."

Leif: (Sighing) "Mom, it means it is dormant."

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Leif: "Mom, I want to read 'The Lion, The Witch and the Warthog'."

Me: "I think you mean 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe'."

Leif: "No, I mean warthog, why would it be wardrobe?"

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Leif: "I have to have my snow gear today!"

Me: "Well it didn't really snow much, there's barely any out there."

Leif: "Well Ms. M said that if we brought our snow gear we could have a snowball fight!"

Me: "But there isn't enough snow for a snowball fight?"

Leif: "Well then why would she say we could have a snowball fight?"

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Me: "Skadi where were you before you were in my tummy?"

Skadi: "North America."

Me: "What were you doing?"

Skadi: "Just playing dolls and stuff."

Leif: "Mom, babies come from EITHER places or tummies."

Me: "No, all babies come from tummies."

Leif: "No mom, you are wrong, some come from places."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Leif: "Well we came from your tummy, but Niranjana came from India and that is a place."

Me: (Still haven't continued this conversation.)

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Me: "Skadi how are clouds made?"

Skadi: "By God."

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Me: "Skadi how do bushes grow?"

Skadi: "Up."

Leif: "From the ground Skadi, say from the ground, they grow from the ground, it is a trick question."

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Me: "Skadi why is the grass green?"

Skadi: "Because it is supposed to be."

Me: "Leif, why do the trees have leaves?"

Leif: "Because the tree sucks up water and water makes the leaves and the leaves catch more water and make more leaves and more leaves."

Me: "Sounds like you have a pretty firm grasp of science."

Leif: "Yeah, but I want to be a computer engineer spy who works for the CIA mom, I don't want to work with you anymore."

Kid-isms

Skadi-ism #1

“Ok parents,” she says.

We are “parents”.

We aren’t “mom and dad” or “mommy and daddy”.

Nope.

“Parents.”

“Parents, I want to know if you would like your children to sing you a song?”

“Parents, you should go in the other room and not look over here.”

“Parents, can I have a snack?”

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At a restaurant waiting for food. The kids have their complimentary crayons and placemat. Skadi is coloring away. Leif is writing words. He prints “fo” on his placemat.

AB: “That’s not a word.”

(I know where this is going. Leif is always writing fo as opposed to “of”.)

Leif: “Yes it is daddy.”

AB: “No it isn’t, it says fo. Fo isn’t a word.”

Leif (becoming insistent): “Yes daddy, it is a word!”

AB: “Ok, use it in a sentence.”

Leif: “Someone who isn’t a SuperHero friend is a foe!”

AB: (Silence.)

Me: “Take that daddy!”

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Skadi has a knack for spinning yarns. She gets on a roll and it just doesn't stop.

Leif asked me what my name was before I got married and I told him my maiden name.

Skadi: "My name before I was in mommy's tummy was Vanya and I was a person who helped other people and made sure they were ok and I did good at my job. Then something happened and I don't know what it was and I was in my mommy's tummy."

Me: "Okaaaaaayyyyy..."

Leif: "Before I was in mommy's tummy, she was in her mommy's tummy and I was still in her tummy and all people are in tummys now."

Me: "Wow, this is deep." (Change subject fast.)

My husband, the beggar

We were in Costco on Saturday and AB had gone to fetch food for the kids to eat in the cart on the run. We shop, they eat. Works out great.

We are nearly halfway through the store - the VERY packed store, mind you - and I say to the kids, "I wonder where your dad is?"

Leif: "He is probably up at the front of the store begging for money," he replies matter of factly.

Me: "What?" I am positive I didn't hear him right.

Leif: "I bet he is begging for money again."

Me: "What are you talking about?" (Stifling the laughter and confusion.)

Leif: "He begged for money a few weeks ago. He is probably doing this again."

Mind you, we are in a very busy store and it isn't like Leif is whispering this. Nope, he is announcing it to the entire store. And it was no use convincing him he was mistaken, so I dropped it.

Later that evening I told AB about the comments and he (in between laughter and confusion) called Leif in to explain.

Leif: "You remember daddy, it was a few weeks ago, but you said, 'give me some money' and the lady gave you some money and there were chickens squaking too."

AB: "WHAT? What in the THE WORLD are you talking about?"

Leif: "Dad, you were being a beggar. You told the woman to give you money and she did and there were chickens."

AB: "Was this a dream? This had to be a dream."

Leif: (Getting annoyed.) "No dad, you remember! It was not a dream, you begged for money the other day!"

AB: "Wait a second... was this when we went to the store and I bought a candybar and asked for money back?"

AB does this. He doesn't like to drive all the way to the BofA ATM and doesn't want to pay $2 to use a nonbank ATM. So he goes into the grocery store, buys something in the checkstand and gets his cash.

Leif: "You asked the woman for money and she gave it to you! You were begging for money dad."

AB: (Huge sigh.) "No, that isn't really what happened."

No telling what daycare thinks of us.

(Oh and we haven't figured out the squeaky chicken aspect yet.)

The funny and the not so funny

Leif gets a kick out of making up lines of words to go along songs or nursery rhymes he hears. The other night for example, “Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb and she fell down on her nose!”

Hilarious, right?

Skadi has picked up this tendency. I kind of feel for Leif because I remember way back when my sister would say something funny and EVERYONE would laugh and think it was so funny. And I sat there with my jokes that drew rolled eyes.

(My favorite joke when I was 5 years old: “Why did the little girl monster eat bullets?” Answer: “Because she wanted to grow bangs!”)

Leif has modified his joke that we forbade him from saying anymore the other day. Now instead of asking “what’s your name?”, he asks, “what’s your first name?” When you look at him like ‘I told you we aren’t doing this’, he insists it is different. Now he asks for your first name, second name and last name, then goes on to “what color is the sky” and “what direction am I pointing?” Then he again insists it is different. And we scowl or roll our eyes.

(Brian, I told Leif your joke and he looked at me blankly… sorry!)

Then it just comes so naturally with Skadi.

Skadi: “Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had an atomic wedgie!”

Yes… sad to say, we all laughed. I know I probably shouldn't have encouraged it, it was just... just... so Skadi. Not sure where she picked up “atomic wedgie”…

And poor Leif is left wondering how to be funny like her.

Sorry Leif. Really sorry to have saddled you with a lack of joke telling ability.

Funny things my kids said

In the Seattle airport, Skadi and I go into the crowded restroom where she promptly screams at the very top of her little lungs:

"WALK THE PLANK SCURVY DOGS!"

Scared two little old ladies to pieces. Sigh.

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Putting Leif to bed last night:

Leif: "But mommy, I want you to sleep with me!"

Me: "I love you honey, but I sleep in my bed and you sleep in yours."

Leif: "Well I don't understand your choice. I like painted rooms and I would only want to sleep in a painted room if I were you."

(If pleading doesn't work, change up the tactic I guess.)

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Skadi on the way home, last leg from Seattle to Pasco, headed down the stairs to the plane she turns around and looks at the woman behind us:

"I am going to Hawaii!"

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While in Colorado, Rick asked me to make a sign for the door downstairs so that the kids would stay out of the basement, where the kitties would be. Leif and I came up with a skull and cross bones that said, "Stay Out Scurvy Dogs". Leif was quite thrilled with it.

He came back up to me and told me that we needed a sign on the inside now that said, "Stay in Scurvy Cats!" Oh and he showed nearly every visitor all the while giggling.

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Leif inherited my talent for telling jokes. You should know that I have no talent for telling jokes and am somewhat notorious for getting to the end of the joke and blanking, which drove my husband up the wall. Now I don't tell jokes.

Leif has a joke he tells.

Leif: "What's your name?"

You: "[Insert name]"

Leif: "What color is the sky?"

You: "Blue."

Leif: "Which way am I pointing?" (He points up.)

You: "Up."

Leif: "Mommy (or whatever the name is) blew up! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

He has been telling us this joke for nearly a year. The kid is in sore need of a new joke because we actually forbade him from telling it anymore while in Colorado. It is that desperate.

Please help him.

Soon.

------------

Putting Skadi to bed last night.

Me: "Skadi stop it, you kicked my glasses!"

Skadi: "No mommy, your glasses kicked my foot and it hurt very much."

I didn't laugh. Instead I held her bedtime books hostage until she apologized for kicking my glasses. It took awhile, but she eventually came around to see things my way.

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Not a kid funny... but the sad truth. I am switching my comments over to moderated because I can no longer stand the spam my blog is receiving. I really believe that a blog should have open comments and it has always bugged me to have moderated comments, but desperate times in fighting spam call for desperate measures. My apologies to everyone and I will work to get legit comments turned around as quickly as possible.

Funnies

Leif,

Ken Yokum to birt.

Love, Cate

Poo



Translation:

Leif,

Can you come to my birthday?

Very sincerely, Cate

9:00am



-----------------------



Ponies



AB has a habit of saying, "well I want a pony" whenever the kids ask for something unreasonable, which is most of the time.



And for the record, he does not want a pony. Neither of us really cares for horses and most definitely has no desire to own a horse.



Skadi: "I want that toy!"



AB: "Yeah, well I want a pony."



Skadi: "Daddy, you do NOT have long hair."



----------------------------



In the car on the way home.



Leif: "Mommy, I have been waking up at night and I am SURE that Mina is checking in on me and tickling my feet!"

(Mina is the Elf that checks up on the kids every Christmas and reports their behavior to Santa.)

Skadi: "Me too! Mina has been coming to my room too and tickling my feet!"

Noted that it is nearly 6 months till Christmas... I am thinking Mina may pop in for a visit!

Crazy kids!

Leif is testing new ways to deal with Skadi. As an older sibling myself, I feel for him. Really I do!

Leif: "Skadi, you are really displeasing me tonight."

Leif: "Skadi, I am going to make a new rule and you have to listen to it."

And when those don't work, he pulled out the big guns:

Leif: "Skadi, Santa is watching you."

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Leif: "Mom, when you are buying something and you don't have the right money, can you still get it?"

Me: "Well that depends Leif. If something you want is $5 and you only have a $10 bill, then yes, you can get it and the cashier will give you $5 back."

Leif: "No mom, that's not what I mean. If you have some money and you are at a store, like the green bean store, and you want something, and that something costs money and you have money, but not the right money, and you want the green beans, and the green beans cost money and you want them to give you the green beans, what would you do?"

Me: "Buy them?"

Leif: "NO MOM! You are at the green bean store like I told you. What do you do?"

Me: "I don't know Leif, better ask your dad."

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Skadi: "I want a waterfall in my room mommy. A waterfall with a beautiful rainbow! Mommy, are you a mermaid? Do you want to be a mermaid? I want to be a mermaid!"

Let's see if you can figure it out...

Me: "What's your favorite thing for breakfast?"

Leif: "You know, it's round and has fruit inside."

Me: (Perplexed) "Sweedies?"

Leif: "No."

Me: "Blueberry pancakes?"

Leif: "No."

Me: "Muffins?"

Leif: (Increasingly more annoyed.) "NO!"

Me: "Round and has fruit inside, like pie?"

Leif: "NO!"

Me: "Ok, help me out, do I cook it?"

Leif: "Well umm, yeah, you make it."

Me: (Totally perplexed.) "Can you tell me more about it?"

Leif: "It is round, has fruit inside, it has salt on top and seeds inside."

Me: (Totally totally perplexed.) "Round, has fruit inside, salt on top and seeds inside... a bagel?"

Leif: "NO! You know this mom."

Me: "I am sorry honey, I don't. What kind of fruit?"

Leif: "Triangle fruit. The fruit is in triangles."

Me: "Leif I have no idea whatsoever. We eat this thing for breakfast?"

Leif: "Yes, all the time!"

(Thankfully the phone rang about this time... it is AB.)

Me: "What do we eat for breakfast that is round, has triangle shaped fruit inside, salt on top and seeds inside."

AB: "What? Round and triangle fruit for breakfast?"

Me: "Yes, round, triangle fruit, salt on top, seeds inside."

AB: "I have absolutely no idea."

----

I know what it is now that Leif showed me, but can you figure it out?

My kids crack me up

Me: "... so once you finish your sticker chart you can pick something special to do or buy, what would you like?"

Leif: "Skadi wants earplugs. Skadi say you want earplugs."

Me: "Why would she want earplugs?"

Leif: "Because when you swim, then you wouldn't get water in your ears."

Me: "I didn't realize you had problems with water in your ears."

Leif: "Well you could."

Me: "Yes, you could, but so far you haven't."

Leif: "Skadi, say you want earplugs when you finish your sticker chart!"

Skadi: "No, I want a princess thing."

Me: "Leif what do you want?"

Leif: "Well not earplugs, that's for sure."

?!?!?

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Skadi: "Oh look at this picture, she is SO beautiful. But mommy, it isn't me."

Me: "That's Cousin Celeste."

Skadi: "Oh, Cousin Lest is SO beautiful. Isn't she beautiful mommy?"

Me: "Yes, she is."

Skadi: "Cousin Lest was so wonderful too. Wasn't she wonderful mommy?"

Me: "Yes, beautiful and wonderful!"

Skadi: "Yep, just like me. She gets it from me."

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Skadi: "Mommy, I going to read this book to you." (Holding up the CPR manual from before Leif was born.)

Me: "Well, let's go get a fun book to read, not that book."

Skadi: "NO! I read DIS book NOW! You sit down."

Me: "Fine."

Skadi: (Opens book to page one.) "Once upon a time there was a princess born!"

Skadi: (Flips book to pages 3-4.) "Once upon a time there was a princess born!"

Skadi: (Flips book to pages 5-6.) "Once upon a time there was a princess born!"

Skadi: (Flips book to pages 7-8.) "Once upon a time there was a princess born!"

Skadi: (Flips book to pages 9-10.) "Once upon a time there was a princess born!"

Skadi: "All done! Wasn't that the MOST wonderful book ever!"

Mina is back!

That’s right, Mina the elf made his/her return right after Thanksgiving.

I was quite impressed with Leif that he remembered the elf, remembered the routine AND the rules. I purposely hadn’t filled it in his/her name on the line in the book because I wondered if the same elf would return each year, or if the kids would latch onto a new elf being assigned.

When I suggested that it might not be our old elf, Leif latched onto this in a not so great way.

“It’s BOOK!” he cried. “Cate’s elf came to our house instead, I know it! I am going to tell her that her elf came to our house!!”

This had disaster written all over it and AB and I both sensed it simultaneously as we both jumped on the “you know, it looks like the same elf” and AB was busy saying, “I think it is Mina again!” (Thank you AB for remembering the dang elf’s name.)

We then all settled on agreeing that it was in fact Mina visiting us again and reviewed the rules (for the less rules inclined member of the house…) and Mina went about her way observing the kids’ every move and then flying all the way back to the North Pole every night to report to Santa.

There was the one day when Mina played a HUGE trick on the kids and went back to the EXACT SAME SPOT as she had been the morning prior.

And then there was the morning where Mina hid in a really, really hard spot for a 5 year old and he was certain that Mina was spending a little extra time up with Santa reporting how wonderful they had been the day before.

Mina has been helpful to me in more ways than just keeping the kids behaving slightly on the better than bad side. Leif normally comes and complains about every.single.thing that Skadi does that isn’t to his liking. Well lately he just goes and tells Mina so that she can pass it on to Santa. Wheee!

Skadi isn’t so good with the rules yet. One morning Mina was hiding in a particularly hard spot for Leif – like umm, right in front of his face as he went into the bathroom. He had given up finding her and here Skadi came running carrying Mina and squealing, “I FIND MONA! I FIND MONA!”

Yes, she calls her Mona.

Mina (or Mona) is a funny elf and hides in hilarious spots. Like hanging from Daddy’s dinner table chair. There was much concern all through dinner last night that Daddy might accidentally bump Mina and not get any Christmas presents. The kids both determined that there is no way that they want Mina to sit on their chairs as that is too big of a risk.

And then there are the crazy concerns:

Skadi: “What if Mona knocks the chair over? And it makes a loud noise? And she hurts herself? And she no come back?”
Leif: “OR she can’t fly back to tell Santa we were good!”

And the things I hadn’t really thought about:

Leif: “Mina is going to be so lonely when we go to Colorado! She won’t see us and what if she tells Santa we just went away!?”
Me: “Well maybe Mina will come to Colorado.”
Leif: “How will you pack her, you can’t touch her?”
Me: “Well maybe she will leave and fly there the same night.”
Leif: “But what if she can’t find us?”
Me: “We can make sure to tell her exactly where we will be.”
Leif: “How will she know where grandma and Bompa live?”
Me: “I will tell her the address.”

And then there is the just plain cute:

Skadi: “I want Mona hug me.”
Me: “We can’t touch Mina.”
Skadi: “I want a hug her.”
Me: “Well let me talk to her and see if she will accept a hug as nice.”
Skadi: “I love Mona.”

Truly this has become one of the funnest things to do around the holidays. I recommend the Elf on the Shelf – or even just buying a little elf and doing it yourself without the guidance (and commercialism) of the book.

Walked right into that one

In the car on the way home Leif said something funny.

Me: "I sure am lucky that God gave me you instead of some other kid who isn't nearly so funny!"

Leif: (Silent for a little while.) "God gave me to you?"

Me: "Yes, I believe you were picked just for daddy and me."

Leif: "God put me in your belly? How did God put me in your belly?"

Me: "Umm, well" (Stammering and deciding to ignore the later question.) "Yes and no."

Leif: "Then you lied?"

Me: "No, I didn't lie. I believe that God picked you to be in my belly and to be my little boy."

Leif: "Oh ok. I don't remember being with God. How long was I with God?"

Me: "I don't know." (Wow, this is tough.)

Leif: "Where was I hanging out with God? In the sky?"

Me: "In God's kingdom."

Leif: "So I went from God's kingdom, then he decides I move from his kingdom to your belly and then I come out at the hospital?"

Me: "Umm, yep, I think so."

--------

Me: "I had the weirdest conversation with Leif today."

AB: "What was it?"

Me: (Repeat the above first two lines.)

AB: "You walked right into that one and I cannot help you at all!!"