One area my two kids are so completely opposite is their treatment/need for money.
Since Leif was very young he has seen value in money. The kid gets a dime and holds tight to it. We used to tell him to save his money for something he would like to buy. He just saves his money. The only thing he wants to buy is more money, so when a game my Dad bought for him (Fortune Street) introduced the concept of buying stocks and he learned that it is really something you can do - make your money grow by investing it - he was all over it.
He has his own Sharebuilder account and keeps track of it.
Skadi is the complete opposite. Can't hold on to a dime to save her life. Part of this I blame on Leif at an early age. She would offer him money and he would take it. We finally had to institute a rule, "your sister does NOT need to pay you off!"
But still, money? In one hand, out her other.
She came home one day with a "Pennies for Patients" box from school and an intense obligation in her heart to fill the thing to the brim.
I tried to stop her, "honey, you don't need to fill the ENTIRE box, maybe you should keep some of your change?" And she looked at me completely perplexed. And I thought about it. What does she do with her money? Nothing. Lose it?
"Nevermind," I said, "if you want to empty your piggy bank into the box, that is fine."
And she did. Then she went to my change jar and filled up the remainder with change from my jar because she couldn't possibly take the box in 2/3 full when there are sick kids who need the money.
Leif came home and threw his box to the side. I thought about pushing him to donate some change, but then I hefted the box that Skadi had filled and didn't pursue it further.
Sunday school has started introducing the notion of the tithe with the kids. AB and I give to our church and feel this is an important aspect of our attendance and following. We are supportive of this with the kids. Most Sundays Skadi is scrambling for change to take for her offering. While Leif looks at us and rolls his eyes, "give money? Why?" Then he rolls them at his sister for even bringing the topic up.
The other day Leif announced that he thought he would like to use some of his money to buy Skylanders for the Wii. Again my first impulse was, "really, you want to spend $50 on that?"
Then AB looked at me. This was a first. We are thinking this is about the first time leif has willingly taken his own money and spent it on anything for himself. Yes, seriously. The kid is patient and will wait until his birthday or Christmas and then ask for the coveted item. And if he doesn't get it, he moves on.
Skadi on the other hand... one of her grandpas sent her $10 for her birthday. That $10 is burning a big huge and ugly hole in her pocket. My recent willingness to go stroll around Target has been about nill since reaching 38-39 weeks pregnant since the $10 bill came in the mail. And this is REALLY cramping her style. She has $10!!! There are TOYS to buy!
I keep reminding her not to lose it as when it is gone, that is it.
"Mommy, if you have to go to the hospital tonight to have the baby, will you take my $10 and keep it safe?" she asked me.
Showing posts with label Kid differences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kid differences. Show all posts
Monday, April 01, 2013
Friday, March 14, 2008
My kids can do that and do it better
Not really. I just wanted to see how it felt to say that.
Ever look a parent in the eye and you are sure this is what she is saying to herself? Or maybe she is saying, "yeah my kid got past that MONTHS ago and is NOW onto (insert bigger and better thing here)". And some parents actually do say this. I know some.
One of my good friends posted in her blog about keeping up. Trying to keep her competitive and perfectionist nature at bay in regards to her daughter, particularly in comparison to other kids.
I get this. I so get this.
How can you not look around at other children your child's age and wonder, "should my kid be doing that too? How old is that kid, he has to be at least 2 years older right?"
What it really comes down to is, "what am I doing wrong as a parent that my kid can't do that?" While we all know that kids excel at different things and isn't going to be the best at everything (though some parents I know claim their kids are indeed...), it is still a source of anxiety.
There are some things that Leif excels at and enjoys doing - riding his trike is one. Though now we are transitioning to the bike and that is proving to be a touch more difficult and frustrating for him. We are lucky in that we have a bike path behind our house that has no motorized traffic and we aim to walk on it everyday. This has afforded him lots of opportunity for trike riding and his tricycle shows it. It was crumbling underneath him. Our intentions were to get him a bike in May or so, but the state of the trike dictated moving that up on the timeline. He is still a touch small for the big boy bike, so a steep learning curve is ahead of him.
He is a good swimmer for his age, but has been in swimming consistently for a couple years now. If he wasn't decent for his age I would think I was throwing money out the window. Leif excels at numbers, but to me, he comes by this honestly with parents who enjoy and studied mathematical applications into graduate school. He says "thank you", "please", "no thank you", "sorry". The fact that he has to remind us of our manners regularly is an indication that he did not learn this at home. I pay good money for his Montessori education thank you very much.
Then there are the ones we don't have locked up - he still struggles with poop training at 3.5 years old. He can't be bothered to do anything artistic for more than three minutes and only then it is upon request by me (this has GOT to be AB coming out in him). He doesn't sit quietly anytime even for chocolate (which says a lot) - what are other parents doing - drugging their children? While we are good with numbers, letter recognition is very hit or miss. He has lucked out that his name is short and essentially four lines with various squiggles... this was not intentional when we looked towards the day he might be trying to actually write his name.
The past few months we have also encountered a new aspect to parental competitiveness. Our daughter.
Those same feelings still exist with regards to other babies in her room and who we know. (That little girl in her class who was walking at 8 months? Show off.) But now we have a new one.
"Remember when Leif was one year old," I said to AB the other night, "wasn't he doing a lot more at that point?"
Inevitably we have started comparing our own children's abilities. Our conclusion has been that Skadi is a much "younger" one year old than Leif was. Her teachers agree she is on the young side, but right now that doesn't bother me as it ensures her a little more time in the infant room with her doting teacher who we all love.
I am pretty sure we have done this to her. She hasn't had our undivided attention whereby we could focus on her skills one on one. Take for example the other night when she was "walking" between AB and I.
We would do this for 30 minutes at a time with Leif until HE didn't want to do it anymore. The other night we had 10 minutes before Leif needed to get in the bathtub and so we held her hands and walked her back and forth. Twice. Before Leif NEEDED to stand between us and be a part of the game. Only his version meant dancing with Skadi in the middle or making her crawl over the mountain named Leif. (And she should have roared like a lion when on top... but she didn't.)
The fact that she isn't walking yet and probably won't be anytime really soon I put somewhat on myself. Who knows how much of it is me or just who she is. And she isn't her brother.
So while I bemoan the fact that she is a second child who never, ever will get as much attention as her brother had. I also have to remind myself of what she has. Something that as an oldest child, I always wanted. A big brother. A brother who thinks she is the coolest thing around and offers her a substantial amount of attention - some wanted, some not. She does something my son never had the opportunity to do, light up just by seeing him smile at her. Which sends me nearly to puddle stage as a mom.
Sure, I try not to compare her to Leif. She is her own person. Just like I tell myself not to compare my kids to their peers. But I maintain that if I was really good at not paying attention to what other kids were doing, it would mean I wasn't being a good observant parent. I believe that by expecting a lot of my children, they will live up to that. It's what my and AB's parents did with us - and I think we turned out pretty good!
Ever look a parent in the eye and you are sure this is what she is saying to herself? Or maybe she is saying, "yeah my kid got past that MONTHS ago and is NOW onto (insert bigger and better thing here)". And some parents actually do say this. I know some.
One of my good friends posted in her blog about keeping up. Trying to keep her competitive and perfectionist nature at bay in regards to her daughter, particularly in comparison to other kids.
I get this. I so get this.
How can you not look around at other children your child's age and wonder, "should my kid be doing that too? How old is that kid, he has to be at least 2 years older right?"
What it really comes down to is, "what am I doing wrong as a parent that my kid can't do that?" While we all know that kids excel at different things and isn't going to be the best at everything (though some parents I know claim their kids are indeed...), it is still a source of anxiety.
There are some things that Leif excels at and enjoys doing - riding his trike is one. Though now we are transitioning to the bike and that is proving to be a touch more difficult and frustrating for him. We are lucky in that we have a bike path behind our house that has no motorized traffic and we aim to walk on it everyday. This has afforded him lots of opportunity for trike riding and his tricycle shows it. It was crumbling underneath him. Our intentions were to get him a bike in May or so, but the state of the trike dictated moving that up on the timeline. He is still a touch small for the big boy bike, so a steep learning curve is ahead of him.
He is a good swimmer for his age, but has been in swimming consistently for a couple years now. If he wasn't decent for his age I would think I was throwing money out the window. Leif excels at numbers, but to me, he comes by this honestly with parents who enjoy and studied mathematical applications into graduate school. He says "thank you", "please", "no thank you", "sorry". The fact that he has to remind us of our manners regularly is an indication that he did not learn this at home. I pay good money for his Montessori education thank you very much.
Then there are the ones we don't have locked up - he still struggles with poop training at 3.5 years old. He can't be bothered to do anything artistic for more than three minutes and only then it is upon request by me (this has GOT to be AB coming out in him). He doesn't sit quietly anytime even for chocolate (which says a lot) - what are other parents doing - drugging their children? While we are good with numbers, letter recognition is very hit or miss. He has lucked out that his name is short and essentially four lines with various squiggles... this was not intentional when we looked towards the day he might be trying to actually write his name.
The past few months we have also encountered a new aspect to parental competitiveness. Our daughter.
Those same feelings still exist with regards to other babies in her room and who we know. (That little girl in her class who was walking at 8 months? Show off.) But now we have a new one.
"Remember when Leif was one year old," I said to AB the other night, "wasn't he doing a lot more at that point?"
Inevitably we have started comparing our own children's abilities. Our conclusion has been that Skadi is a much "younger" one year old than Leif was. Her teachers agree she is on the young side, but right now that doesn't bother me as it ensures her a little more time in the infant room with her doting teacher who we all love.
I am pretty sure we have done this to her. She hasn't had our undivided attention whereby we could focus on her skills one on one. Take for example the other night when she was "walking" between AB and I.
We would do this for 30 minutes at a time with Leif until HE didn't want to do it anymore. The other night we had 10 minutes before Leif needed to get in the bathtub and so we held her hands and walked her back and forth. Twice. Before Leif NEEDED to stand between us and be a part of the game. Only his version meant dancing with Skadi in the middle or making her crawl over the mountain named Leif. (And she should have roared like a lion when on top... but she didn't.)
The fact that she isn't walking yet and probably won't be anytime really soon I put somewhat on myself. Who knows how much of it is me or just who she is. And she isn't her brother.
So while I bemoan the fact that she is a second child who never, ever will get as much attention as her brother had. I also have to remind myself of what she has. Something that as an oldest child, I always wanted. A big brother. A brother who thinks she is the coolest thing around and offers her a substantial amount of attention - some wanted, some not. She does something my son never had the opportunity to do, light up just by seeing him smile at her. Which sends me nearly to puddle stage as a mom.
Sure, I try not to compare her to Leif. She is her own person. Just like I tell myself not to compare my kids to their peers. But I maintain that if I was really good at not paying attention to what other kids were doing, it would mean I wasn't being a good observant parent. I believe that by expecting a lot of my children, they will live up to that. It's what my and AB's parents did with us - and I think we turned out pretty good!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Viva la difference!
Growing up I didn't think my sister and I were that different. She was more outgoing then I was. Cuter than I was. And more popular than I was. Things that as the oldest child made me proud of her. I hoped that she had somehow learned from me. Because from the time she was born I wanted to mother her. I wanted to help with everything and teach her everything. If it were up to me she would have been learning long division at age 4. (And we all wonder why she rebelled against math so much...)
Truth be told we were actually very different. And now? We are worlds apart. This isn't bad at all. But since having Skadi, I have been examining more of the dynamics of my own relationship with my sister as I watch Leif and Skadi. Drawing comparisons is nearly impossible though. Leif and Skadi are 2 years 8 months apart (my sister and I, 3 years 7 months). I had been home with my mom since birth up until kindergarten. Leif is well socialized at daycare. The differences between Leif and I are vast.
But even at Skadi's young age the differences between she and Leif are amazing too. Intellectually, you know that they are different people, even though she occasionally catches me out of the corner of my eye with a smile that I would swear was worn by her brother. Oh and I never call her Leif... ever... ;-)
One of the biggest differences I have noted about Leif and Skadi are what the engage in. Leif would sit in a high chair when we went out to eat smiling at everyone around us. He engaged people. He drew so much attention AB and I used to talk about not eating out because of all the attention he garnered - on his own accord. At Skadi's age he could care less about toys. Giving him a toy usually resulted in it being chucked... and he didn't want it back. He never held toys in the car, and he still doesn't. No toys kept his attention and AB and I began to question buying more toys. I pegged him as a people person and that has stuck. He still is.
Skadi on the other hand is a toy fiend. I almost felt bad a few months ago when I handed her a toy and her eyes lit up and she rolled it back and forth, mouthed it and examined the details for 20 minutes. Then onto the next toy. According to her daycare teachers, she likes specific colored toys too - yellow toys are good. The child plays with toys in her carseat and becomes very upset should she accidentally drop one - which she actually doesn't do often.
Other differences? Leif wasn't a sleeper and Skadi is. Leif was a napper (WAS) and Skadi isn't.
Leif was more of a smiler than Skadi is. She is also a touch fussier, particularly with daycare, than Leif was. She has two teeth that were through at 6 months. Leif didn't get teeth until 9 months. Skadi has hair, Leif none until 18 months.
Leif of course, lately is very fond of pointing out exactly the difference between he and Skadi. Which would be why he is called a "boy" and she is called a "girl".
Truth be told we were actually very different. And now? We are worlds apart. This isn't bad at all. But since having Skadi, I have been examining more of the dynamics of my own relationship with my sister as I watch Leif and Skadi. Drawing comparisons is nearly impossible though. Leif and Skadi are 2 years 8 months apart (my sister and I, 3 years 7 months). I had been home with my mom since birth up until kindergarten. Leif is well socialized at daycare. The differences between Leif and I are vast.
But even at Skadi's young age the differences between she and Leif are amazing too. Intellectually, you know that they are different people, even though she occasionally catches me out of the corner of my eye with a smile that I would swear was worn by her brother. Oh and I never call her Leif... ever... ;-)
One of the biggest differences I have noted about Leif and Skadi are what the engage in. Leif would sit in a high chair when we went out to eat smiling at everyone around us. He engaged people. He drew so much attention AB and I used to talk about not eating out because of all the attention he garnered - on his own accord. At Skadi's age he could care less about toys. Giving him a toy usually resulted in it being chucked... and he didn't want it back. He never held toys in the car, and he still doesn't. No toys kept his attention and AB and I began to question buying more toys. I pegged him as a people person and that has stuck. He still is.
Skadi on the other hand is a toy fiend. I almost felt bad a few months ago when I handed her a toy and her eyes lit up and she rolled it back and forth, mouthed it and examined the details for 20 minutes. Then onto the next toy. According to her daycare teachers, she likes specific colored toys too - yellow toys are good. The child plays with toys in her carseat and becomes very upset should she accidentally drop one - which she actually doesn't do often.
Other differences? Leif wasn't a sleeper and Skadi is. Leif was a napper (WAS) and Skadi isn't.
Leif was more of a smiler than Skadi is. She is also a touch fussier, particularly with daycare, than Leif was. She has two teeth that were through at 6 months. Leif didn't get teeth until 9 months. Skadi has hair, Leif none until 18 months.
Leif of course, lately is very fond of pointing out exactly the difference between he and Skadi. Which would be why he is called a "boy" and she is called a "girl".
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