Littlecity-itis

Or maybe it is winter-itis in a place that has no real winter other than grey, cold and fog. Or maybe it is just plain old cabin fever. Whatever it is, it has taken up residence in my body.

This morning started out gorgeous as I walked in my building with my coat unzipped. I quickly was reciting "stupid, stupid, stupid" as I headed out the door sans coat to the neighboring building to find that the lovely spring like weather had been only a short visitor. The sky was grey, the wind was blowing and it was cold... again. If it would just give it up and snow here my mood would improve vastly.

Or maybe it is just this littlecity-itis. If that is the case I am hoping that our foray with Leif to Seattle for a 3-day weekend in 2 weeks will resolve that. I am really looking forward to getting out of town, staying in a nice hotel, swimming in the pool, maybe sitting in the hot tub and going out and about.

I like where we live. But it stops there. Like. I adore our friends we have here. Never before have we lived in a place with such a great group of people. I really like living in wine country, I love having orchards all around where I can buy fresh fruit. There is NOTHING, and I mean nothing like a fresh Rainier cherry or a fresh nectarine warmed by the sun off your own tree. The fresh Bings and Vans come in a close second. The farmer's market is the most authentic I have ever attended. Boulder had a fabulous farmer's market full of organic vegies that I had never heard of and had no idea how to cook. Reno's farmer's market was 90% California farmers who drove "over the hill" to sell their produce (the same as in our stores most likely) at a 10% mark up. But it was fun. The farmer's market here is stand out and we attend at least every other Saturday in the summer and fall.

The river is nice. But we don't have a boat. AB wants one, but my desire (and henceforth money) isn't there yet. It scares me with a toddler. And many people find the desert beautiful, I don't happen to be one of them, but that's fine. I love the mountains. I miss the mountains. I love the smell of pine trees and spruce. I love the big, huge pinecones that are over a foot long that you can collect in the Sierras.

Is it important to love the place you live?

I *never* thought I would leave Colorado. I loved Colorado. My sister was the one who was going to be outta there as SOON as she graduated. She was outta there, straight down the highway 45 miles to college and then another 20 or so to Denver where she lives now. And loves it. And I am so happy she loves it. It suits her, really. I, otoh, was going to be the one to go to college locally and then move back to Fort Collins (or maybe stay in Boulder) and work and raise a family close to my mom. That didn't happen.

I remember the day my dad, AB and I packed up my apartment in Boulder and headed down the road to move us to Reno. I sobbed. I fully expected I was going to fail out of grad school and wind up back in Colorado the next year. And that was going to be fine with me, at least I had tried.

Once in Reno I was bound and determined I was going to hate it. I found everything miserable about it and talked about it, built it up in my own head. 101 reasons why this place sucks. But then a funny thing happened after about 1.5-2 years. I started loving it. I liked grad school, we had some friends, not many. Most were in nearby San Francisco, which made for great long weekend trips. I fell in love with living at the foot of the Sierras, AB skied all the time, he had a super job he loved. The restaurants were good, the town size was nice and the proximity to everything cool was just what we needed. We married in Tahoe. We spent summer weekends at the Shakespeare Festival at Lake Tahoe with our picnic basket on the lawn watching plays.

Then I graduated. We packed up and drove north. And I sobbed again.

I have often said that I could live anywhere if AB was with me. I truly believe that still. But part of me thinks it would be just an eensy bit better if we loved it so much here we didn't want to leave. Here we are nearly 4 years into our stay here. Life is wonderful. Life has never been so fun and good. We own our own house, we have most everything we could ask for. Except for a love of this region. I wonder if it will ever come. If I would sob upon leaving. Or if it is just "a place". The place where we bought our first home. The place my son was born.