Monday, March 21, 2005

It finally happened!

That proposal that I thought was scooped... I was given the go ahead last Friday! Stoked!

So now I have to file scope, complete the EPR, write the lifecycle plan and then do a presentation and defend my ideas. Oh wow! I don't know if the review will be here or in DC. I am asking for a half million dollars to do my research.

Oh and the guy who schooped my idea saw I got the go ahead, e-mailed me congratulating me and suggested we all get together and talk about it. Umm yeah, I will get right on that.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Klutz with a capital K

So last night I headed out the door with Winny to go get the mail. I got about 5 steps out before I tripped over the garden hose and went chin first into the sidewalk. I suppose my hands must have gotten in there somewhere because they are scratched all the pieces on the palms. But I can't remember. I whacked my chin pretty good, sent my glasses flying and just discovered this morning I chipped one of my bridges.

I crawled back in crying. It hurt so bad. Leif sat and smiled and did his best to console mama. It started swelling, but didn't seem that bad, albeit, was extremely sore.

We went on with the night and I kept Advil in me. This morning Hans said, "maybe you should go to the doctor". My chin is black and purple and blue for about a 2" diameter. And it still hurts like hell.

Today is our 5th anniversary. Hans said that when we go out to eat tonight that they will probably think he is taking me to a nice restaurant to buy me off for having beaten me, not that we are actually celebrating our anniversary. LOL. I look horrible.

When we rolled my car in 1996 I had a major black eye then. I had more people come up to me and give me information about domestic abuse, and hotline information, safehouse information etc. And poor Hans endured so many dirty looks, lol. Here we go again...

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Happy St. Patrick's Day

5 years ago today I was at my wedding rehearsal in Lake Tahoe. Afterwards we went and ate at The Christmas Tree (wonderful restaurant on the NV side). I went home and slept while apparently everyone else in the wedding party went out drinking up at Lake Tahoe. So when I called my soon to be spouse the morning of the 18th to scream about his so-not-responsible buddy who wasn't at home when I went to drop off the dog, I am not sure he even knew who I was. Oh he was in trouble.

So we painted Leif green for St. Patrick's day. Well most of the way, and even have pictures to prove it. We were of course doing footprints and handprints with green paint, they were a little out of control because as soon as Hans sat down to rest I was yelling for reinforcements. I was covered in green paint, Leif was covered in green paint (and in his mouth), the table was covered in green paint. Even the floor of the bathroom where I set him while I ran the bath was covered in green paint.

I have corned beef and potatoes in the crock pot for dinner tonight. Which I am ready for now. I am having a crappola of a day and am ready to just go home.

But tomorrow is our 5th anniversary! We are going out to Anthony's Homeport for dinner, which should be spectacular if past experience is any indication. I can't wait!

This doesn't bode well

So I checked the office property map. Supposidly the TGMs were dividing up property. Awhile back my TGM contacted me and asked if I really needed to be out in the area I am in. Well since this is where all my work is, I would say "yes". Ok, end of that conversation.

Out of curiosity, I keep checking the property map to see what the latest is. If anything has been updated. Lo and behold, today, the answer is yes. Everyone in my new group who has an office, most all of them, now are listed as having an office under my new manager. Everyone of course, except me. My office still belongs to my former TGM. Great.

So where are they going to move me and when is that word coming down. This division seems to like to put stuff out there on the internet before actually talking to the individuals involved first. I am feeling sick to my stomach over it all. I went through every single other person in this area, looking for another inconsistency. There had to be someone listed in the same situation as me, space that belongs to my TGM, but occupied by someone in my former TGM's group. Somewhere... somehow... anyone... Buehler... ??

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

And yes, mama IS the first word

Leif is fussy... "mama mama mama" with arms outstretched to me.

Leif is hungry... "mama mama mama" with arms outstretched to me.

Leif wants attention while I am cooking dinner... "mama mama mama mama mama mama..." (Repeat ad infinium until I am finished cooking dinner).

Now that the point is made that "mama" IS indeed his first specific word, he can now add in another just for variety! ;-)

Leif update

I finally got Leif in to see his doctor. I called yesterday morning, bright and early at 8am. His cough is back and he sounds awful. We started nebulizer treatments. At 11am, the secretary calls me back to get more info. (Rolling my eyes.)

Why can't I just schedule an appointment, preferably the next available one? Sheesh. But no, everyone is prescreened for an appointment to determine priority. Wow, glad to hear my doctor and her nurse have the rare ability to diagnose over the phone. Why do they even bother to have an office?

So after the secretary calls, I wait. At almost 4pm, the nurse calls. Glad it wasn't much of an emergency, huh? She wants to know all the details I just (ok, hours ago) gave the secretary. I end by telling her that this is the second time in a month that he has had an "asthma" episode and that I REALLY want him to be seen this time, JUST to have her listen to him since she couldn't last time.

Ok, we are in. Appointment tomorrow at 10:30am. I have two, yes two, conflicting appointments. One meeting from 9-11am and one meeting from 10-11am. Since I have perfected cloning that means that one project always gets the shaft on Wednesday mornings. Guess what one that is? Hmmm?

Ok, I take the appointment and fast forward to "tomorrow". Tomorrow is now today. We get there at precisely 10:25am, 5 minutes early. Leif hasn't had a nap and only had 2.5 oz of EBM at daycare. I *knew* he was going to be hungry. And yes, he is sick and coughing. Sounds like a beast, but despite that makes an effort to smile and play peek a boo with EVERYONE in the waiting room. The one sourpuss old lady sitting next to us just glared at me... I mean how dare I sit down next to her with a sick baby??!!

So we sit and sit and sit. Yes, I know I was fit in, but 45 minutes wait with a 7.5 month old. Not fun for me, him or the rest of the patients.

Finally we are taken back. Leif is 20lbs 12oz with most of his clothes still on. So he hasn't gained much if at all in 6 weeks since his 6 month appointment. What's up with that? She listens to his lungs, yes they sound like crap. Ears, however, look good. Yay! So back on the albuterol, but this time add in prednisone, oh wait, prednisolone... the same medication Calley took. We got back Monday for another listen and most likely a prescription for Pulmicort, a longer acting, maintenance medication.

My poor guy!

Friday, March 11, 2005

Why torment myself?

I mean why, in the neighboring tab, would I even open the salary schedule? I have looked at it over and over. Nothing about that changes what I make or that I was not promoted.

Speaking of torment... exactly how much caffeine should I have in a day? Not as much as I had today. Combine that with adrenaline of a fast paced meeting analyzing statistical data and I have been zipping around in my head at 500 mph. I am headed for a big crash in about 30 minutes I have a feeling.

So a 2 hour meeting this morning about how to statistically analyze a serious amount of data. I have pounded it through, so did R and C. C and I not only came to about the same conclusions, but our data mirrored each others. That made me feel good. R had taken a different approach. So while C, R and I compared and tried to compare and decipher our results. T and D, who hadn't looked at the data previously, contemplated it at a higher level by simply absorbing the data through the oils in their fingers and transforming it into matrices and vectors and unknowns variables.

5 years ago I felt smart. I was on top of my game. I questioned what was written in my textbooks when I got a different answer. And you know, I was frequently right! I wasn't afraid to speak up and challenge or offer differing ideas. Because I was very smart, one of the brightest in my class - or so I thought at least.

Fast forward to now and things have changed. I work with some of the smartest people in the world. I have to work hard to keep up with them intellectually. It is very humbling. I love it, but it sure keeps me grounded.

Speaking of keeping myself grounded... I went and saw Leif at lunch. I was hoping I could relax spending some time with him. Slow my mind down a little since it was still flying from my meeting earlier. Nope... I wore off on him or something. He was a spazo baby! He nursed, then played, then nursed, then stood, then nursed, then laughed. I could relate. Stress does that to me, I can't stay focused and become an amazing multi-tasker.

Sometimes I think it would be super awesome to be a stay at home mom. Then I realize how much I would miss interactions and data analysis, especially on days like today when we are making actual big steps with outstanding results. What kills it for me and makes me think I would be better as a SAHM is when I have to work on my other project where I am treated as the intellectual equal to the administrators in my group.

Remember that crash I was talking about... it is hitting.

Thursday, March 10, 2005


After staring at numbers for the last 5 hours I think I deserve a break. My eyes are feeling all googley and I am sure I have made at least 50 mistakes in my statistical analyses. Oh well, I am sure they will all be picked out and scrutinized by others tomorrow morning, bright and early at 9am!

Anyone else watching the Mt. St. Helens VolcanoCam? It is quite addicting. I really wish the pictures would update faster than every 5 minutes. Do you know how long 5 minutes can be? Especially as the plume emanating from the volcano is growing larger and larger...

I forced Hans into the other bedroom last night, which I don't think he was thrilled about. He has a cold or allergies or something. Whatever it is it has him snoring like a freight train and he is up and down blowing his nose all night. I really was hoping for another repeat performance with Leif sleeping well and maybe I would not wake up every hour to check to see if he is breathing since he hadn't made a peep. So out of fear of having one more unpredictable variable in there I pushed Hans into the guest room. I also hoped that maybe if Leif had a bad night, that Hans being in there, at least he would still get some sleep. I will quit being mean tonight and let him into our bed again. ;-)

Well I suppose I should get ready for my meeting tomorrow. Which means putting 296MB of data onto a thumb drive or cd... ok, that would be a cd since my thumb drive has a measly capacity of 128MB...

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

GOOD morning!

Wow, what a night! Leif slept for longer than an hour at a time!

Went to bed at 8pm, I woke him up to nurse at 10pm. He ate and went back to sleep until 3am!! Can you believe it? Now if I can just quit waking up every hour to make sure he is still breathing. He konked out again until 5am, nursed and was up for goot at 6:30am. Yippee!

We will be repeating EXACTLY the routine we had last night tonight.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Is "mama" really the first word?

Leif went to bed about 6:30pm last night. He had quite the busy day. We went on a walk with friends and went to ice cream, thereby missing completely his afternoon naptime. Bad idea.

At about 1am Leif was up, and therefore, the rest of the house should be too. No screaming, just soft babbling and singing. I was laying there listening to him softly and then woah! What was that, my nose was just grabbed, then ouch, my eyebrow and oh I do have lips too! Leif was there on all fours, rocking back and forth saying "mama! mama! mama!" Hans conceded immediatly that it was a "specific mama" as opposed to "nonspecific" where he calls whoever "mama". This also meant that Leif wanted ME and not Hans... how convenient! Of course this morning Hans said that Leif has to repeat performance saying mama in order for it to be his first word. I am crying foul.

I fear my days of listening to my little baby coo and breathe next to me are numbered. Had he been able to he would have just crawled in the bed with us and performed "fishhooks" with our lips and lifted our sleepy eyelids.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Spring already?

Today the thermometer in my car dashboard said it was 80 degrees. Ok, I know enough to know that it is not correct. I have actually seen the thing read 122 degrees in the summer. And no it doesn't get *that* hot here. So after driving it cooled down to 68 degrees. Wow! Spring has sprung. It better be here to stay. My fruit trees are budding, bulbs are coming up and I am just plain ready for spring.

I was never a spring type person before, surprise considering my name is April. But I really like it here. Probably because winter just sucks, grey, dreary, foggy, drizzley. Blah. Ick. But spring comes early here and is therefore fairly long. I am planning my vegetable garden and can't wait. There will be no Preen allowed within a 10 foot radius. That stuff is death to vegetable gardens. I am looking forward to getting my seeds and planning it out. I cleaned out the front flower bed last weekend. Hans and Kenton are moving the weeping cypress tree this weekend (or next). I am ready!

This also means that Leif needs new clothes. Today he is wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and heavy cords. Yesterday he wore his fleece lined overalls and a turtleneck. Oy vay. These ultra-cute clothes will be packed up soon, while they still fit. Sacrilige.

Update on Leif... he is still the cutest, smartest thing you will ever meet. Red hair is coming through, poor boy. Sure everyone says it is cute, it really is. But I don't want him to be the subject of ridicule and stupid jokes as a child. Maybe he will get Hans' strong personality and then it won't be a problem! He is trying oh so hard to stand up, forget crawling. He can pull himself up to stand if he has something within reach that is the right size. He can see that it is far more efficient to move on two feet than on all fours, so why crawl? LOL!

He is getting over a bad spell with his "asthma" and ear infections. We will all be happy when this is over. Poor guy!

Just curious... does anyone read my blog? We have been having a discussion about blogs on my women's board. No one ever responds or comments. Which is fine. I am not going to quit writing it, just curious who is out there lurking...

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Husbands are so funny!

Hans just cracks me up... he will probably kill me for telling this story, lol. No he won't, it's about clothes, he can laugh.

He called me and asked me if he would wear "wine colored shoes". Umm, I don't know, will you? He didn't know. Well if you don't know if you will wear them, you probably won't. I really do value his frugalness, but after looking for shoes for 3 months, it really is time to just give it up and buy some!!

I, of course, have never had trouble buying shoes. If there is a chance I will like them, they are in my closet. As can be seen by the fact that my closet has no floor. Hans OTOH, has 3 pairs of shoes. His hiking boots, his daily shoes that need to match everything (wine colored matches very little), and a pair of sandals (that really are NOT supposed to be worn with socks).

Hump day

So 1 month after being in my new group my manager called me! The topic of the conversation was space. Where do I work mostly and where is my office. Well she said, you will probably need to stay out in that area. Well umm, yeah, if you want me to work on the same projects, that would be most convenient. She told me that after dealing with the space issues she will schedule meetings to come meet all of us she doesn't already know. Typical manager, space issues are far more important than staff. Moving on...

Leif wants SO bad to be crawling or walking. He watches the other babies at daycare and really does think that he can do the same thing. He is trying! He is such a joy. I can't believe how connected I am to him. He is so cool.