My big fat whiny post

Ever have one of those days when your frustrations just build up? Nothing, in itself, that's huge. Just little things. Things that bog you down and get inside your brain? I have a series of them. Let's see how far I get and if it is at all cathartic.

#1
I had a friend. She was a decent enough friend and works where I work. Then one day somewhat recently I noted that it was always on me. We were having lunch on a somewhat regular basis and I enjoyed it. Then it dawned on me that I was always the only one that set up lunch. And I started getting paranoid.

"Maybe she doesn't actually like me."
"Maybe she doesn't really want to have lunch with me?"
"Maybe she only does this because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings?"

So I quit initiating lunch. That was over a year ago. I haven't had lunch with her since.

Lunch is just an example. It extended beyond lunch. Occasional dinners with my family. Never at their house. Occasional glasses of wine . Not at their house and never initiated by anyone other than me.

I'll admit it. My feelings are hurt. And I kind of feel like I have been an idiot all this time assuming I had a friend. Yes, sometimes I am the most insecure person around. But I have stopped initiating get togethers with her and the friendship is gone. Not valuable to her is my take away. And frankly, at this point it would take a lot to rescue the friendship probably because I have let it sit for so long waiting to see if she ever reciprocates.

#2
This leads me to #2. Reciprocity. Based off of #1 I have started questioning several of my friendships and trying to understand where they go off course. I have my areas where I am sucky - I haven't been to my best friend's house in ages. And I feel guilty about this. But with three little kids and a professional career that is requiring me to travel right now, and a husband with a job with suck ass hours, escaping for girl fun is just really, really hard. I promise promise promise I will make it up. I have faith that you will be there at the end of this phase!

But here locally I have noticed that AB and I initiate and invite new couples over for dinner and never get invited back. At first it is easy to say, "they are too busy" or "someday it will work out". But then it becomes "what did we do wrong?" And AB and I wrack our brains. Was it this? Or that? And we finally come down to, "well I love you and you are perfect to me, so screw it".

The fact that people come to our Halloween party every year and seem to have a great time is indicative that some people enjoy hanging out with us. But of the people who come, there is one. occasionally two couples, who host us back. Every year I threaten to not host the Halloween party. But our kids love it and it creates fun memories for them. So I suck it up. And we all have a great time.

I wish I knew what it was. Maybe it's my kids - and if it is - well go suck an egg. Maybe it's the raucous dogs. And if it is, I am sorry, but I wouldn't bring them over or out to dinner. Maybe it is just me. Or AB. And well, if it is, I guess that's just what we have to live with.

But still... I wish I knew.

#3
This kind of leads to #3. RSVP people. I invite you somewhere, I suggest we go do something and ask when a good day is, let me know if it will work for you. Let me know you aren't interested in going. Common courtesy. Three times within the last month I have invited a few people to do things with me or my kids.

::crickets::

WTF? Seriously you can't bring yourself to respond to me?

Then let's take it to the small set. What's wrong with my kids? I mean, I know they have flaws. But if I invite a child to a birthday party, tell me if they are going to be there. And if they are, and then your plans change, let me know. My daughter's birthday party still bugs me. We invited several little girls along with all our good friends and their kids. All our good friends and their kids came. And all but one out of about 8 of the other kids bailed. Skadi had a great birthday party. But she still on occasion will mention "but I had invited her to my party and she didn't come". I was shocked at the number of people who RSVP'd and then didn't show up. Further shocked at the number of people who were invited and couldn't bring themselves to even RSVP.

Then there was the other one that pisses me off even more. The lying family. The daughter tells Skadi the truth at school as they play a lot. But the mom texts me lines of crap so deep I wish I hadn't left my hip waders in Alaska. I don't want to punish the girls, but freaking be honest. The next time a text comes across on why the girl can't come over after school that contradicts so vastly what the girl told my daughter and is obviously the truth, I think I am going to call her on it.

"We are going out of town this weekend, I am sorry my daughter can't come to the party."

"No problem, I understand that you don't like this other girl who will be around, she is a sweet kid, really. But no problem! I'll see you in your front yard when I drop off your neighbor on carpool tomorrow."

Along the lines of the common courtesy of the RSVP is the "thank you". I sent you a gift, at least tell me you received it. Easy one.

I am kind of feeling done right now.

#4
Feeling done right now. Feelings have been hurt. Friends I am now calling lost. Done.

AB and I are hanging on here in this region by a thin thread right now. That thin thread is my job. And how well it is going and future exciting positions that are all but promised to me. Hell, I have exciting current positions in hand. I love my work. Largely. Most days. Two good paying jobs and mine with extreme flexibility? Bird in hand.

We have talked about going overseas for a few years to an available position. What keeps us here right now is not knowing what we would do with the dogs. Ok, and the house and the cars. But largely, the dogs. I have made a commitment to them and they wouldn't be easily rehomed. But at the same time taking our kids and packing up and going overseas sounds like a dang good idea.

So there it is. Blah blah blah.

Now I can move on and be my normal happy self!

The fuzzy line - social engineering

When I was a kid, our neighbor on one side was a grandmother whose granddaughter would visit every summer for a few weeks. I loved when Dani would come to town. We had a special kinship. As I got a bit older, my school friends would come over and we would have a group play. But my mom saw that friendship with Dani waning as the other girls would talk about school happenings, other friends, things that Dani didn't know about. So not all the time, but occasionally, and more towards the end of Dani's stay at her grandmother's each year, my mom would tell my other friends that they couldn't play with us. At first I told my mom it was rude. She told me that they were being rude persisting in talking about things that Dani didn't know about. It took me awhile to get that.

But gasp - she would turn them away! It was about intent though, she wasn't trying to exclude the other girls, she was trying to protect and foster inclusiveness with Dani. But I can see how a mom on the sidelines would have seen this as my mom trying to social engineer my friendships or not be inclusive to their girls.

This morning I read a nice blog post about the social engineering of girl's friendships at that vulnerable time in their lives (mostly tween). The author gave pretty extreme examples - or maybe it is just because my daughter isn't to that point yet that made them seem extreme! (Like a mom sneaking onto a bus and securing seats so one posse of girls could sit together and telling other girls they couldn't sit with them.)

I thought the author made a number of excellent points, but I did quibble a bit when reading. In order to combat the social engineering and to foster an everyone is welcome concept, the author decided to start having large parties, where everyone is invited. Wonderful! Super! I got an inkling that she was aiming at "can't always do that all the time", but she didn't really say it. My impression was that it would go too far against her main point.

I would love to invite everyone over all the time. But it is not feasible for my house, my family, nor my wallet. There are times I want to have one family over. Or two families over. Or 5. I have made the decisions to limit the number of people invited over for any occasion based upon what I can mentally handle as an introvert, or who we may have things we want to chat about with, or it's our turn to host, or the food I have for dinner will only feed one (or two) more families.

We are planning our annual Halloween party and we are being forced to make cuts. I just don't have the space or the ability to be a good host with an unlimited invite list. And in order to have organized kids games, I can't include everyone my kids want to invite. It sucks. But I have to say, "I am sorry we can't invite her". I wish I had another option, but I am not renting a warehouse.

I wish I was in the mood to open my house all the time. But I am not. And I don't expect my kids to be either. The line has to be drawn and people, including other kids, will at times feel excluded and I am sorry for that. But it is life. My kids have felt excluded at times as well - we have a variety of friends and they by all means should get together without us. It used to bother my kids to hear about it - which they did because kids talk, but we taught them over the years that they don't need to be involved in everything. Just because you weren't included doesn't mean they don't like you, it means there are limits in life, which frankly, is reality. And at their ages, it doesn't seem to bother them so much anymore.

So anyways. I don't think the author's point was that we should include everyone all the time. But I think it bears mentioning that we also shouldn't feel bad about extending invitations to what is only within our reach for whatever reason. I was one of the kids on the outside, I know how it feels, it isn't my intention to do that to another child. I think it is important to distinguish our intents. Are we being hurtful in excluding, if so, we must step back.

So flipping the coin - we have a neighbor two doors up with a daughter Skadi's age. They were in kindergarten together. We speak to them on occasion when out and about, they have set foot in our house. But the girls can't play.

We have new neighbors on one side with a second grade daughter and she and her kindergarten cousin come over regularly and play. On the other side are grandparents with a kindergarten grandson and second grade granddaughter who are also over regularly. Add in another kindergartener two doors down. It is a great afternoon when there are seven kids out running between the four houses. My extrovert daughter thrives.

But down one more house is that family with a 2nd grader who isn't allowed to play. I feel bad for her. She has to see the six kids out running amuck and laughing and squealing. But her mom won't let her out the door to play.

Despite this, I did keep sending my daughter up, "why don't you see if Sarah wants to join in too?" And Skadi goes and knocks on the door and returns solo. I used to send her up once a week. It is more like once a month now.

But recently my daughter came back and said, "Sarah's mom is mean."

I am thinking she is a bit odd (aren't we all) and overprotective and might have some mental issues, but I ask why she is mean?

"Well she just opens the door and yells 'NO!' at me before I can even ask if Sarah can play with us," Skadi tells me.

That pisses me off. Don't yell at my child for trying to be inclusive of all the second grade girls on our street!

So we have quit asking Sarah to play as of this week because I will not force my daughter to interact with an adult who doesn't respect her enough to even be kind. And heaven help me if I ever hear that Sarah "isn't included".

Arranged marriages?

When I was about Leif’s age I was playing in my backyard with two of the neighbor girls, Dani and Jennifer, and the neighbor boy, Brandon. Brandon declared a rule:

“Whoever says me first, gets to marry me.”

I have never been terribly quick with my tongue and suffice to say I came in last. I stormed in crying and went to my dad explaining the situation. His reply was, “well why would you want to marry Brandon, he’s just a goofy kid from down the street?”

Brandon moved away or didn’t come around much after that, not sure which. I don’t remember what happened to him he just quit coming around shortly after that.

And I survived.

Leif seems to have a bit of a crush.

He is bound and determined that he is going to marry Niranjana, our good friends’ daughter. Trouble is that Niranjana has other plans.

“I am going to marry Ken,” she announces routinely.

At 6 years old I never thought I would see my son aiming to “break up” other kids!

“What does it mean to ‘break them up’?” I asked. He couldn’t possibly understand dating and boyfriend and girlfriend, could he?

“It means I don’t want them to get married, I want to break them up so they don’t get married,” he replied.

I have listed off all the reasons in the world why we just don’t need to worry about this right now.

… “but Niranjana’s mom says she can’t get married until she goes to college and I think that is a good idea too”…

… “there are so many other people out there, you will meet other people, other girls you might want to marry”…

… “it is a long time till you need to worry about who you will marry”…

(Leif replied the other day that this past year has gone by faster than the others he remembers, so he is going to need to worry about it sooner than we all thought… he has no idea how right he is.)

Nothing helps.

I went and picked Leif up the other day and the kids were all in the same room. Niranjana and Ken were coloring and Niranjana was leading the conversation.

“See Ken is from China and I am from India and so that makes us a perfect match!” (Chuckled to myself at this line of reasoning.)

Leif asked me the other day if he colored his hair black if I thought Niranjana might want to marry him.

Maybe I was getting a bit tired of this obsession. I broke loose and started on the long conversation about why would you want to marry a person who doesn’t want to marry you? Everyone deserves to marry someone who thinks that they are their perfect match regardless of hair color or anything else. Then I added – because I know that what a mom thinks bears heavily on her son’s mind (ha ha ha) – “Leif, I love your strawberry blonde hair and if you ever color it black it would make me so sad.”

He gave up the obsession for a day.

Finally yesterday a line of reasoning that might make sense to Leif entered. And it came from Niranjana.

“Niranjana says that we CAN’T marry each other because we are cousins!” he announced.

I could try and clarify… then I thought wiser of this and decided I would just take this for now.

Venturing back

In a way, it is hard to get back to blogging. I have this huge list of blogs to write about, but I haven't really felt like blogging, I have been overly busy and well, I just haven't been in that frame of mind. I blogged, in large part this last year, for my mom. She loved the safe haven of my blogs and hearing the stories about the kids. I purposely kept the majority of the cancer details out of my blog.

I enjoy blogging. It's cathartic to me. So the best thing to do is dive straight in I suppose. This is going to be an unusual post from me. It's lengthy (that's not unusual, I tend to be wordy, but you can deal or click away). There is love. There is anger. There aren't too many laughs. And not a dang thing funny that my kid's have said. But it is what it is.

My mom passed away after a 14 month battle with a rare type of liver cancer called cholangiocarcinoma. She was the picture of health so recently, nearly vegetarian, a marathon runner, a hard worker. And young. She was only 56. She had done everything right. She was not one of the risk categories for liver cancer. This took us by storm.

She battled hard until she could battle no more. The problem with rare cancers is that the drug companies don't invest resources into making drugs targeted at a disease that only 4000 people in the US get a year. All the chemos she tried were being used "off label". She battled and battled. When she wasn't on chemo, she suffered heartache. She needed to fight.

When I visited her in March her oncologist took her off chemo and very kindly and tenderheartedly suggested Hospice. Only 6 weeks later, on May 10th, the day after Mother's Day, she lost the hard fought battle.

She entered the Hospice ward at a hospital a few days before as they were unable to care for her at home. At that point she was lost in her body. She did not speak, nearly comatose from what I understand, but eventually did start responding a little in her own way and finally saying a few words on Sunday.

On Mother's Day she mustered an "I love you" into the phone. I didn't hear it, though I think I had the phone up to Skadi's ear at the time. My baby heard her grandma tell us she loved us.

My mom passed away quietly that Monday. Her breathing had changed that morning and while holding Rick's hand, she just quit breathing.

It has been a very surreal experience. I flew to Colorado that Tuesday morning, afraid to look at anyone for fear that they might expect me to speak to them. I buried myself in "Breaking Dawn" - the least likely book to remind me of my heartache while I travelled. On Tuesday when Rick picked me up, my guard came down. We cried and talked for three days.

The after.

I have learned through this experience how atypical my mom was. Also how I have apparently inherited this atypical-ness. And why this is atypical and not typical, because I didn't realize beforehand that there is certain expectations that those left surviving are "supposed" to uphold. It appears I have faltered in many of them.

My mom did not want a funeral or burial service. This did not surprise me at all, I remember when I was 13 years old and my grandfather died and how my mom complained and was creeped out by the whole process. Instead, we will give us all a bit of time to mourn and then hold her Life Celebration in Colorado on July 17th.

I have felt through the last year or so a lot of judgement placed on me, my mom and my family by others. There are times where I wish that I wouldn't have even shared what is going on so that *I* don't have to live up to what other people expect in situations like this. So that *I* have not had to explain to others my mom's wishes.

I have often wanted to yell at people. (And I don't normally yell... but anyways.) I have wanted to YELL, "What do YOU believe I should be feeling? Why isn't my path appropriate? Why can't you accept the way MY family is without forcing YOUR expectations on me?" I found that much of the perceived judgement came only from those people who in no way had persevered this magnitude of loss, could in no way have any idea what was going on.

Those friends of mine who had or are going through similar issues, were the softest, the gentlest and the kindest.

Everyone is different. My mom was a different person. An intensely private person. My mom took huge pride in my sister and me. In me, she was proud of my degree, proud of my work, proud of my kids, proud of where AB and I have positioned ourselves in our lives.

And I will never forget one of the last things she told me in person as I hugged her small frame goodbye for the last time.

"You are where you are supposed to be. You have your family. You need to stay there and take care of my grandbabies. A lifetime is not defined by a moment in time, a moment of passing." She didn't want an audience. My mom never wanted an audience in her entire life. She wanted to go quietly, softly and rest in knowing she had passed her being on in at least five people in the world - myself, my sister, and our kids.

It felt right for me to return to work shortly after my mom's passing. Truly, if her passing had been less expected, not something we prayed to God about to take her softly and to remove her suffering, then I would have needed a lot more time. But my grieving, my getting used to losing her, was something that was spread over a year. I grieved with every setback in her diagnosis, every scan that showed the cancer advancing, every doctor who regretably, could not help her. I grieved. I hoped, but I was also a realist and therefore I grieved.

I embarked upon two weeks of business travel a week after my mom passed. For months I had talked to my mom about this travel. She knew how I loved going to DC and she knew how I looked forward to riding the train to Philadelphia and then spending a few days gawking at big-ass boats like a tourist. She was excited for me to go to one of her favorite places, New Mexico, and to experience the desert Southwest. In those last few months of her life, she raved about sopaipillas and art galleries and her love of New Mexico. Not going on my travel served little purpose. I knew that my mom would have wanted me to go.

During these past three weeks one thing that happened that shocked me, was that "friends" were defined. I bonded with Jen from high school who was losing her sister in law in a similar fashion through cancer, her sister in law died days after my mom did. I bonded with Erin from high school who lost her father and was a tremendous resource. I met my mom's closest friend, Noreen, who was a tremendous sounding board for me during those last few weeks and the person who kept me talking and sharing experiences with me when she lost her sister to cancer.

I hung with one of my coworkers in DC who knew exactly what had happened, had prayed for us, and then didn't let me out of his sight. I had to convince him I could walk across the street to Starbucks by myself (and to the shop next to that to get Advil for that raging headache). He didn't say a word, but the way he looked at me out of the corner of his eye asked me if I was ok every hour or so.

My very close friend Melissa kept it real by e-mailing regularly, asking only occasionally how things were, but all the time realizing that life still goes on and sharing all those little details that friends share about their days.

I cried with Rachel whose father has recently been diagnosed with a rare cancer.

I sobbed under Heather's hand in the bathroom at work when I got that phonecall.

My Philly client took me off to the side after our review and wanted to know how my kids were doing with my mom passing, and when I started talking and kept talking and finally had to tell myself to shut up, she asked me more questions to keep me talking.

I drank beer with my lead engineer and talked NBA finals, never mentioning my mom. His kind e-mail to me days before said it all.

There are others. I can't list the compassion of everyone during these last three weeks. But actions resonated.

Life goes on. I am grieving. I will be grieving for a long time.

But I am not fragile. I will not break. I have two children who, for the most part, haven't felt the impact of the loss and who still need to go to school daily, finish up baseball, still behave like the biggest goofballs alive, and strive to make me smile. I love life. I am dealing with my loss my way and when I am able.

Skadi's hero

The other day we were driving along on our way to work/daycare/preschool when Skadi announces, “LOOK! There’s Uncle Andy next to us!”

It actually wasn’t. It was a guy who works with me, but I can see the resemblance in a way.

This was the start with Skadi’s concern/fretting/adoration over Uncle Andy – one of our good friends and the father of one of Leif’s best friends.

Skadi decided last week that she was going to change her name and “Uncle Andy” was one of the two options she had picked. The other option was simply adding her favorite baby’s name into her full name to become - Skadi Jeanne Annika C------. It actually flowed pretty well given the whole four names thing.

Nearly every morning in the car Skadi squeals either, “look it’s Uncle Andy!” as she points to some random car or she asks, “where is Uncle Andy?” as she looks in cars when we drive by. And it is a good morning when she sees him dropping Niranjana off. She walks down the hallway holding her head higher and with a smile after giving him five.

Uncle Andy is also serving as “Assistant Coach” on the older kids’ soccer team. We needed to drop off an order form the other night for a t-shirt for him. Skadi was very concerned with not taking the normal route home and I told her we were going to go get a t-shirt for Uncle Andy ordered. (She missed the “ordered” part.)

Skadi: “YAY! Get a shirt for Uncle Andy!”

NM: “Well we are ordering it.”

Skadi: “Get him a soccer shirt!”

(We order it and leave the YMCA.)

Skadi: “Where is the shirt?”

NM: “I ordered it. We will get it later.”

Skadi: “Ok. But he might want it right now. He might want us to take it to him tonight!”

(The next night on the drive home.)

Skadi: “We have to go get Uncle Andy’s shirt!”

NM: “It’s not ready yet honey.”

Skadi: “Oh. When it is ready can we wrap it in a package and put a bow on it for Uncle Andy?”

I think there may be a bit of a crush on there… but Auntie Melissa is standing firm and Skadi has to go through her first.

Best friends 4-year-old style

I asked Leif in the car on the way home who his best friends are.

"N and C," he replies without missing a step.

I knew this. But I have been probing trying to figure out the friendship dynamics going on when he had a bad day the other day and was in tears regarding friends. Seems that he told on his closest friend, B, in class the other day. B got in trouble and told Leif he was not his friend anymore and was never going to play with him ever again. This broke Leif's heart.

Leif is a stickler for rules and making sure everyone follows them. He doesn't understand that this type of thing also won't make him the most popular kid in the class... We have been working on explaining this to him and asking him to be patient with B and give him space and he will probably come around.

Maybe someday.

But not today.

"So who is your best friend in your class?" I asked him.

"Well Zoe is," he says.

I was surprised. "Zoe, really?" I asked.

"Yes, she told me that if I let her cut in line she would be my best friend," he announced.

Immediately I was ticked off at that little chicky. Who does she think she is? And is my boy really going to follow for such female trickery?

I probed Leif for a minute about this. "You didn't let her, did you?" I asked. Leif wouldn't fall for that trick.

"Yes, I let her cut," he said.

"And are you her best friend now? Is she treating you nicely and playing with you on the playground???" I am insisting.

"Well but I am only kinda her best friend now she told me," he says.

I am huffing to myself. That little...

Then Leif goes on, "but that's ok because she is only kinda my best friend too," he assures me.

Gluttons for punishment?

One thing I am trying to convey with Leif is that he does not need to play with kids who aren't nice to him.

There are two little boys in his former classroom who he clashes with big time. Big time. I get to hear about all the bad stuff they do to him at recess on the drive home and when I pick him up and he is on the playground, they come running to me to tell me every transgression of Leif's. I am blowing it off right now because I know that his new teachers ARE dealing with it.

What is killing me though is conveying to Leif that he does not have to be friends with these boys.

I fear he has a little of me in him here. A resistance to let go of someone despite being practically pushed out the door.

When I ask him who he wants to invite to his birthday party - and despite the fact that neither boy invited him to their parties - their names are on the top of the list. He is still only turning four and I have ultimate say on the guest list. Therefore they will not be invited. AB balked a little saying if Leif wanted them there, they should be invited. I reminded him that his party should be fun and not full of interactions that are going to hurt his feelings and he quickly saw the light.

Though they clash - I can still hear the admiration in his voice for them. I can see him looking up to them, longing to play with them.

Are we just gluttons for punishment? We know that we are being pushed away but we still reach out, grasping, despite the pain that rejection brings?

AB is much more matter of fact about it all. "Well if someone doesn't want to include us then do we really want to be included?" It was a refrain his parents said to him many times and one we will say to Leif many times. I am trying to tell myself the answer is a no brainer.

And I see it in Leif's eyes too. The pain of wanting to be included with those boys - the pain of wanting to hear "you are my friend" (which is a major deal to a four year old in declaring that level of commitment) from them. And I stand here thinking to myself that he isn't going to hear it and frankly - I don't want him to hear it from them.

Friendships - even for a four year old they are complicated!

Adding to my blogs list

I am so thrilled that my best friend from high school has joined the Blogger-sphere! As a long time MySpacer, she blogged there. Now she is here. Yay, something else to occupy myself with when I need a break at work.

We met each other in junior high shortly after I moved to Colorado and were decent enough friends for a few years. I think it was about our junior year when we really started doing a lot together. We dated best friends (both were mistakes we can laugh about now) that year.

After graduation we drifted apart, both doing our own thing. Then one day in grad school about 1998 I looked on the internet for her. Found her just a few weeks before her planned exodus to a new city. We did some traveling together, she came to visit us in Reno lots, we went to see her in Colorado far less (sorry about that). We went to San Francisco and Napa. (Met up with Rockergirrl for the first time in San Fran). We ran Bay to Breakers. She was my bridesmaid.

We have maintained our friendship over the past 5 years since I graduated and AB and I moved to a much smaller, more slow paced town and then joined the not so secret society of parents. As with all friendships, they ebb and flow. And though we haven't kept in contact as good as we did in our 20's and early 30's, it's all still good.

I love when my friends have blogs. I don't feel quite so exposed I guess - or at least they are as exposed as I am and we can all just stand there and gawk at each other. Now the rest of my friends need to go write blogs! Now!

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Speaking of blogs - I am going to be updating my list when I get time. Tonight I don't have time as I have other blogging to do. But just a heads up that I am going to pull some of the never updated blogs. Love the people, I really do, but I need fresh reading material!

I also have a few to add that I have been reading pretty regularly. (And as always, don't worry I won't be adding the real personal ones particularly of close friends with real names for privacy reasons unless you give me the go ahead. In fact, I won't even ask.) So anyways, keep an eye on the sidebars this weekend.

I need to go back to work tomorrow...

In order to recover from my crazy busy weekend. Hate boring "this is what I did" posts? Feel free to skip this.

I am not sure when we got so busy. Don't get me wrong, it's all with good things, but my head starts spinning keeping our weekend plans straight.

The weekend even started a few hours early for me when Skadi was sent home with a full body rash, a low grade fever and crankiness. (She had immunizations on Tuesday, I am sure it was her system responding.) Thankfully for me, we got home and she slept the entire afternoon enabling me to knock out a few hundred mints for our friend's shower.

I remember now why my mom used to have "mint making parties" when I grew up. They are tastey, but it is a lengthy undertaking. I really enjoyed doing it actually as I sat there and watched bad afternoon TV knowing I really had nowhere else I needed (or should) go. We ordered Mexican in and had a good evening after kids went to bed watching Burn Notice. AB told me, though I proclaim his statement sacreligious, that Burn Notice is his new favorite and might even trump Big Love. I warned him that was grounds for divorce.

Saturday we got up and went to swimming where Leif and C splashed us and amazed us with their newfound abilities. Ok, truth be told, C amazed us with her new found abilities from her trip to see grandma and grandpa where she spent countless hours perfecting the butterfly. We ran to Target and some other errands then home for naptimes. And I am just going to note here that life is so nice with the kids currently napping at the same time in the afternoon.

After nap Leif had a playdate with one of his friend's from school. We stand at a new precipice... J was dropped off for his playdate with Leif. We have had a few playdates with him to the point, and I had told his mom that since she was packing and trying to get ready for their trip to Germany, that J was welcome to come over and give her a break. He did and I was shocked. Shocked at how well Leif and J played together. I never heard fighting over toys. Just two silly boys that started playing outside, moved inside and put sunglasses on their bellies and hunted for monsters in the house, and then cooked palotino and cinnabeannies with Leif's pots and pans. (Got me... here I was expecting to find out at pick up it was some German specialty that I needed a recipe for. Nope, his Dad was as perplexed as I was.)

So the play date without the other parent? Refreshing. I didn't need to clean my house... well just a little so that J's dad didn't think he was leaving his child in a death trap. (I was a touch worried when Leif came walking by with AB's lighter from the BBQ... no he can't light it, but I did shoot a glare at AB along the lines of "we have talked about putting those things up!") But while J was there, Leif was occupied playing and I fixed dinner while AB worked in the yard. I didn't have to hear once, "I want to watch a movie, no Curious George, no Clifford, no Baby Einsteins, no Curious George..."

AB and I fixed steaks for dinner and then settled down to watch Miss Potter (that AB picked out!) afterwards. I made it through about 1/3 before I was exhausted and snoozing.

Sunday we had a quiet morning. We headed out for a walk, a long one and Leif rode his tricycle quite vigorously. AB, who balked a few months ago that a 3yo on a tricycle needed a helmet has now changed his mind. Leif is a madman on his trike. Oh and that steer bar for the parents? So not coming off anytime soon... we need to maintain some control. I didn't know little legs could move so fast!

Much to Leif's excitement naptime came and went. All weekend he had been looking forward to going to C's house. We told him that he was going after nap on Sunday, so all Sunday morning he kept asking if he could go take a nap now? While it was tempting to call his bluff and take him up on it, I really wanted to maintain the schedule. He woke up a happy boy and was ready straight away to head out to the Open House Shower for our friends hosted by V.

I told V this on Friday... I don't know how she does it. If it is energy level, I want some. If it is not needing sleep, teach me how. The spread she put together was thoroughly amazing. It was a dessert and champagne (or other sparkley drinks) co-ed shower. It was gorgeous. And V really topped herself in putting so many fabulous desserts on the table that ALL exceeded any normal expectations for dessert. The shower was for our friends who are adopting a 3.5 year old from India and will soon be venturing over to get her. I can't wait to meet her.

We headed out from the shower and straight over to another couple's house for dinner. We talk to them a lot at the kid's school, and I have e-mailed with them both on occasion, but we have never gotten together. Once again, Leif and A played fabulously. (Three playdates, one weekend.) And they went all out in a totally unnecessary manner. They had a gift for Leif and a cake with candles for the boys to blow out. We had been working on getting over the whole "it's my birthday" thing... oh well! They cooked some fabulous salmon with a mushroom salsa, corn and a salad.

And once they found out that we enjoy wine? Well they opened two really stellar bottles (Owen Roe Merlot and a syrah I didn't see on the website). We found out we have friends in common, we share the same really wonderful ob/gyn. AB always comments that he could see us being good friends with my ob/gyn and I always tell him I am not sure I want to be good friends with the guy who checks me out down there. Well apparently that isn't a problem for J! They are really good friends with them, in fact, good enough that the good doc is willing to go to the other hospital to deliver their children since it is closer to their house.

As we left, the boys hugged AND kissed - which was WAY too cute seeing the little boys lip kiss. We left dinner as though we had left a first date. Did they have as good of a time as we did? Was it weird when I said this? I wonder if they had fun? And trying to figure out when we can have them over so that we can foster the friendship, and not be "those" people who never reciprocate.

Now? It is quiet in my house as everyone else sleeps. No wonder, it is late. And I am still looking forward to work tomorrow so I can relax a little. (And finish those last four proposals that need to be reviewed...)