Friday, May 18, 2007

Preparing to leave my lair

I have been a huge recluse the last 8 weeks, but it is about to come to an end. On Monday I return to work. I am really trying not to dwell on the inevitable, but that is nearly impossible. I have really enjoyed the last eight weeks at home with my little girl. Sitting on the couch for an hour every afternoon with her asleep on me, taking pictures at every opportunity, and sitting around in my pajamas until noon if I want.

I got a sign early this week that it was time. I was working on cleaning out my closet - one of the goals I had for during my leave - it is about 1/4 done. I discovered that I have exactly five pairs of dress pants that fit me. And three pairs of jeans - unfortunately one pair (my favorite) are way too holey to wear to work and another pair of jeans that are just bad (Goodwill pile). So really only one pair of jeans that fit. None fit really well mind you, but all are acceptable. I guess that means I need to go back now?

There are a few things I am looking forward to at work, fostering some new contacts that I made in the last few weeks, the ability to write a complete e-mail in one sitting, and seeing my friends again. But more things I am not looking forward to, like trying to fill my time without running my project bone dry before the end of the fiscal year.

I don't have many issues with leaving Skadi at daycare. It is close to me, I get to go see her at lunch, and she has Leif's teacher who is absolutely fabulous. Plus she sleeps every minute that I am not there... she will... I know she will. We dropped her things off yesterday and the new director told me that with as excited as the teachers are about her, she must be the baby of the year. She gets the "Number one baby" crib.

This maternity leave has also been further special to me because AB has been home the entire time, not necessarily by his choice as he looks for work. He told me the other day that as disturbing as it is to be out of work, the timing was really fortuitous that he was able to be home with me as I recovered and during those early weeks with Skadi. We are trying to be optimistic that he will have a new job in a few weeks at the most.

What are our plans today? AB suggested we head out after lunch and do a little wine tasting at some new tasting rooms we haven't been to yet. Then we plan to pick up Leif and take him to feed the geese at the park (shhh, I know, you really shouldn't feed the wildlife...).

I am, by nature, a quiet person who is just fine to stay holed up at home, a recluse. But those days are over. Time to put on a little make up (I think I remember how)... time to put my feet back in my good shoes and out of my Birks (I did surrender the socks with Birks though and move out of the grunge era - reluctantly)... time to put a big smile on my face and walk into my building where people will come up with a sad face and say "oh, how are you doing coming back" and I will lie and say "I am just fine! Glad to be back!", lest they see the weak side of me.

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