Goals Update

I have been thinking a lot about my goals lately. First, that I need to wrap the ones up that are hanging out there flapping in the wind, but then also what I want to do going forward – i.e., the fall. There will be no real goals started in the summer. AB has dreams of taking the trailer out camping every possible weekend – and I usually push that back to every other or every third weekend. (Laundry has to get done sometime… yes, I know, big stick in the mud.)

 

So I still have the shelves and such to finish my little sewing/cross stitch nook thing in the playroom. They are painted and awaiting being hung. Once those are done I can do the fun part of sorting my sewing stuff and having a nice organized space for everything. 

 

And I did sort some stuff on the computer. Got rid of all those folders from old computers and consolidated folders. I have worked a little ways through the whole picture sorting thing, but haven’t gotten as far as I would like. The main driver right now is in space on the computer. We aren’t completely out of space anymore, so this has been idle. And I keep thinking we may need a new computer on the horizon and when we do then I will have space galore and won’t need to worry about trashing the crappy photos. I would love, love, love to do photo books for each year. But I just don’t have the time. Maybe when my kids (toddler) doesn’t suck up all my free time.

 

Then there was the back yard. AB did raised beds last year and I loved them so much I asked for three more for Mother’s Day. Then I decided I wanted the grass out from around them and pea gravel between and around them. So last weekend (instead of installing my sewing shelves), AB layed weed fabric and started dumping grass clippings on the weed fabric to kill back the grass. Eventually, maybe later this summer, we will pull back the grass clippings and fill the weed fabric area with pea gravel and have a raised bed area worthy of a Sunset cover. 

 

A girl can dream, can’t she?

 

So along with this I have an area that I want to put raspberries, blackberries, blueberry bushes and other things like that. For that area we are working on covering the grass with cardboard and then compost a few inches deep. It won’t be ready until next year, but then we can till it all in and plant the next phase of our edible yard.

 

This is the biggest thing I miss from our previous house. AB and I put in our yard and nearly every aspect of it provided food – a huge garden, fruit trees (which are a pain in the rear, I don’t want any fruit trees except maybe a nectarine tree), raspberries, blueberries, rhubarb. We want that in our current house and are moving towards having it. Now I need to just figure out how to get rid of all the ornamental bushes crap…

 

I am eyeing the fall for work on the Master Bedroom. I keep putting it off mostly because I am just not sure what I want or what the solutions are for the room’s issues. I want new paint. I would love new carpet (now that I have the taste for new carpet in the other areas of my house, but this probably won’t happen!), I need storage solutions and décor is completely lacking. It is the room in the house with the MOST potential for change. I want a refuge, a comfortable place without the toys, laundry baskets (full and not), clutter, crappy dressers, etc. This could be an easy, clean out the room and paint it thing… or it could be so so so much more. I mentioned our bedroom as the next target for my monthly goals and AB may have muttered something and rolled his eyes. Telling him it was for the fall didn’t change anything. 

 

"What's dis mama?"

Silas: "What's dis mama?"

(Pokes me in the boob.)

Me: "It's a boobie Silas."

Silas: (Giggle) "I yike boobies mama."

Skadi age 8

So as promised – Skadi “Bean’s” 8th birthday. Skadi has assumed a nickname courtesy of Silas and we think it will stick, maybe even surmount “Bean”. It’s “K.K.” Silas has called her K.K. now for months – since he started talking K.K. was one of his first “words”. 

 

Back story – for those of you who don’t know the origin of “Bean” or had forgotten… Skadi was born Skadi Jeanne. Same middle name as me, my mom, my grandmother, great grandmother… When she was born my mom called my grandmother and told her that she was born and we named her Skadi Jeanne. My grandmother was quiet and very nonchalant acting. Almost annoyed, I recall my mom telling me. It wasn’t until a few weeks later when she apparently worked up the nerve to ask my mom if “Bean” was a family name in the Carman family? Huh? We all got a lot of laughs out of it, particularly since there was a similar incident when I was born that involved my grandmother writing a letter to her family in California informing them of the birth of her granddaughter. My grandmother had notoriously bad handwriting and in a few weeks I started receiving gifts for Axel. My great grandmother and great great uncles called me Axel for years.

 

So anyways, Skadi seems anxious to lose the Bean and embrace K.K. and occasionally I even falter and call her K.K. myself.

 

Skadi had a hard time deciding what she wanted to do for her birthday. She had wanted a big party, but since her main birthday gift was actually a plane ticket to come to Colorado with me for work, I said no. Only a house party with a few invites. She labored over her invite list and I crossed a lot of kids off. SMALL party, I emphasized. A sleepover, she countered? Ok, 6 girls from your class, I told her. Then I gave on one thing.

 

“But mom, Aidan is one of my best friends ever. He is so nice to me and we play together as much as I play with the girls!” she cried. (Yes, actually cried.)

 

So I sent an invitation in for Aidan with a note explaining that Skadi is having a sleepover party for a few girls and we wondered if Aidan might like to join us for the evening between 6-9pm for dinner, cake and fun? Then I got the text, “Actually he would like to come for the sleepover, thanks for inviting him!”

 

WTF? 

 

I gave the phone to Hans to read and his response was “I should have read what you wrote in the invite!” I was clear, I swear, that the girls were spending the night and that Skadi wanted Aidan to attend and I had recalled debating on the times to put in his invite!

 

I counseled with a few friends on what to do. They are 8 years old. Littles. If the mom is ok with it… Skadi has brothers. Her older brother has friends sleep over and they all play together. What’s the difference if one of the boys happened to be 8? We decided to roll with it and let the boy stay over and sleep in Leif’s room.

 

Leif’s response was key – “the difference is that *I* don’t know him and *I* don’t want some unknown boy sleeping in my room!” And he had a point. But we DID know an 8 year old boy that he is friends with. And one even that HAD been on the invite list and then pulled off when I started repeating my mantra “SMALL party”.

 

So I contacted his mom, a good friend of mine, and explained the situation. After laughing she said that yes, her son would come over and spend the night and the plan was done.

 

When I was in first grade my parents let me have a slumber birthday party and invite ALL the girls in my class. I could never figure out why they said, “never again” after that party and not even my sister got a comparable party. But it was all about No after that wonderful party. 

 

I get it now. And now I will say NO! Never again! 1-2 kids sleeping over? No problem. Party? Nope.

 

A little bit of it was the strange boy attendee, but more was just all the different personalities and children I didn’t know and trying to figure out what was best for them. Most of the kids didn’t eat dinner. Or breakfast. They whined. They tattled. They didn’t sleep. They whined even more. 

 

I am under no delusions that my daughter doesn’t behave the same way at someone else’s house and that she doesn’t annoy the crap out of other parents who don’t know her. But goodness gracious! We were all tired the next day.

 

 

The following weekend after the slumber party Skadi and I got on a plane and flew by ourselves to Denver! No boys allowed. Girls only trip.

 

I had to go for work. One of my students wanted to give a presentation at a conference. Then my client decided to host a session at a conference in Denver and it was a natural fit. We were shoe ins for talks, it was convenient, and my colleagues would be there creating a safe environment for my student's first talk at a big conference.  The only problem was that it was over Skadi’s birthday. AB agreed to my fabulous idea to take her with me and rely on family to field her as needed over those few days.

 

It was excellent bonding time for us and my family. Not living in Colorado, my kids just really don't know my family well. We went to the museum, she hung out with my sister, my brother in law and niece and nephew. Grandpa came down and took her to the zoo. She went to a work dinner with me. We went to Casa Bonita with my best friend and her cousin. We went shopping. We went to the American Doll store.

 

SHE GOT HER EARS PIERCED! 

 

I would do it all over in an instant. We had such a good time together.

 

 

 

 

Catching up

I keep having thoughts of “I should blog about this” and then the time just slips away. It is slipping away badly. Can you believe it is already mid-May?

 

I thought I would just do a recap/catch up post as a jumping off point.

 

The kids:

 

Silas – I did an update for his birthday a few weeks ago while I was in Hawaii. So his update will be shorter, lowest hanging fruit – he goes first.

 

·         Well child visit: 

o   Height – 36” and 80^thpercentile

o   Weight – 27 lbs 11 oz and 30^th percentile

-Concern about the weight loss. He was up to just about 30 lbs, but has suddenly dropped off. Some of this is probably due to his increased activity level – he runs everywhere. But we would have expected him to hold instead of lose weight. He was terribly sick while we were in Hawaii and I suspect it was being sick and the lack of nutrition going in that caused weight loss. I also think that his refusal to sit down and eat dinner is part of it too. Apparently he eats well and a variety of food at daycare. But he is playing mom and dad for something and refuses most dinner, will sit for about 5 minutes. Eat a little, then scream bloody murder to get out of his seat and “go play”. In the interest of a semi-peaceful dinner, we eventually give in to the little terrorist and release him from his confines. 

- Out of hopes that he will gain weight we have loosened our dietary reigns on him. Normally there would be no dessert when no dinner was eaten. But for the time being… “ice cream? Of course you can have ice cream.”

·         Vocabulary: He still is powering ahead. Counting, speaking, expressing himself. This past weekend we bought a few containers of ladybugs and released them into our yard. The ladybugs would crawl on him and his response? “What the heck?” It was seriously the funniest thing. 

 

Skadi – My girl is 8 years old! Poor middle child. I didn’t blog about her birthday… and I really, really should. It was wonderful with a few weird things (not associated with her!). Ok, Skadi birthday blog post will come next. So this will be short about her. 

·         Well Child Visit: 

o   Height – 49.25" and 28^thpercentile. Probably still not tall enough to ride the water slide. She has gone up a bit and I am truly wondering if it is the stomach aches that have eased. About a year ago we started trying to pinpoint the cause of her constant tummy aches. Meeting with specialists in Seattle did little, we were given real pills, placebo pills, nothing worked. We finally (on our own) pulled her off gluten and dairy and eggs (mild egg allergy noted on her allergy panel) and then slowly let things back into her diet. We were trying to pinpoint something that was causing her distress – we became certain that it was lactose intolerance for a while. Nothing has really jumped out for us, but she is better. She is back to eating things with gluten, small amounts of dairy (cheese mostly, she used to drink a ton of milk and doesn’t anymore, she is a water kid now) and eggs don’t seem to bother her. It remains a mystery, but she isn’t writhing in pain anymore.

 

Leif – Finishing fourth grade. I remember 4^th grade well. Leif is definitely the brainy kid in class and chums around with the other brainy kids. He has a good friend who is overboard with technology. I always felt as though we were quite permissible with Leif given that he has his own Kindle and uses the computer regularly. Then I met his new best friend who carries an iPhone 6 that acts as his mobile hot spot. He informed me last weekend on his visit that he didn’t need my wifi code like other kids probably do. Yeah… most other 10 year old request my wifi password… NOT!

 

Leif’s big concern wherever we go (and it drives AB and I INSANE) has become “is there wifi there?” I suspect this will soon become a requirement for when we book something, “what, you have no wifi? GREAT!” We are constantly pulling a device (his, ours) out of his hands and working to get him to interact with the real world. He prides himself on his abilities too – he told us he “hacked” the typing test at school recently. Though the teacher became suspicious when he had a perfect result and made him redo it. It’s hard to admonish his actions when you are giggling (and the teacher caught on and took control…). Go ahead - call us bad parents. 

 

Leif was totally thrilled to be accepted as a part of the Safety Patrol Team at his new school next year. He will demand respect from the rest of the student body as he dons his safety vest and wields his flag.

 

AB – For the first time EVER, we left kids at home with AB’s sister and mom and he took off with me on travel. I had to go to Kona, Hawaii for 8 days. Yes, it was rough. We were running a short course on Sunday and then my presentation wasn’t until Friday, requiring me to spend a solid week hanging out in paradise. AB headed that way Tuesday and we stayed through Sunday, arriving home late Sunday night. It was nice to get away, but I was seriously missing the kids by Sunday. It was just a very long time to be away. I was talking with a colleague the other day who said she was so happy her family came and met her – she completely understood my feelings of missing the kids. In three years when we go back? We will take the kids then.

 

We had a super time though. I worked my tail end off the first few days that AB wasn’t there so that I could take a bit of time off with him. I let him sleep in Wednesday morning and I attended some conference. Then mid-morning we packed up and drove towards Kilauea. It was a must do for me. Nearly 25 years ago to the date I had stood and watched lava flow over the road in front of me, and into the ocean. Something I will never, ever forget. We took a leisurely trip towards Volcanoes National Park. Stopped at a black sand beach (it was a windy, stormy day, no snorkeling or swimming) and saw some nesting sea turtles! Once at Volcanoes we saw the crater rim before the weather moved in, hiked some lava tubes, drove to the coast to see the vast lava fields (and trip down memory lane for me). Then back up to the rim for nighttime crater viewing. Loved it all. Then the long trek back to the hotel that night.

 

Thursday and Friday we hung pretty close to the hotel, ate good food. Then Saturday we went out on a snorkel trip at the Captain Cook Memorial. I had a super time snorkeling and hanging out on the boat. AB had done a few snorkeling outings the days prior, so he wasn’t quite as impressed, but I was thrilled!

 

AB’s work is going fine. His contract will end eventually (maybe soon, maybe not) and he is trying to figure out what he wants to do. Work in a similar area to what he is doing now (he should be a shoe in), find a job in town with a private industry with more reasonable hours and actual vacation and sick time, or make a play (again) to try and get on at my lab. We may have some leverage, but not going to count those chickens before they hatch.

 

Me (aka Nuclear Mom) – Things have been going gang busters at work. I can’t even describe it. A few years ago I took on a technical project again and that work has blossomed. I could fund myself fully on that project, but I try to keep it to 30% time because I have so many other things I want to do. The project has led to solicitations for me to speak at conferences and next week, at a University. I am thrilled about the resurgence of technical work in my daily portfolio over management duties. I enjoy that little boost I get when I get those cold e-mails that say, “I read your article…”, or recently “I cited your team’s publication in my proposal and the funding agent has asked us to see if we can work with you, interested?”

 

So the remaining 70% of my time I am trying to figure out how to split it. Right now I have about 150% work I am fitting into that 70% of time. I am trying not to drop things. I had the privilege of running two proposal calls this past quarter. One from behind the scenes and the other very much in front. I have been approached about taking a new position at the lab and yet another new office in a different building and I have accepted. It has yet to come to fruition, but the scuttle I hear is that it will once things settle down with the client reorganization and another key high level role has been filled internally, then we will transition me. I had hesitations with it – mainly the personalities I will be working with and the fact that I love my job currently, I was not clamoring for change. So frankly if they find some other poor sap or decide it isn’t the right job for me, I am totally fine with that. I have been encouraged by some colleagues recently to take it and run with it and very nice things said about my work, so I am willing to give it a shot. 

 

The main PI I have worked with over the past 4 years was just notified of his promotion to fellow yesterday. I am so happy for him. We have worked really, really hard over the last several years and he very much deserves this honor.

 

My travel schedule has been ridiculous over the past few months. Enough so that I am looking at achieving status on TWO airlines by the end of the year. Of course that says that if I would have focused all my efforts on utilizing just one airline that I could have a higher status… but I am a sucker for convenience and going with whoever can get me home fastest to see my family.

 

I like travel. I don’t like flying pretty much at all, but it is the means to the end. I like my work. But what I don’t like is missing the kids and being away from my family. I am not to that point where I feel as though I am missing major aspects of my kids’ lives, but I can see how that could happen – I have no less than 5 trips that have been proposed to me for the next couple months. (None that I have accepted.) I have one more trip next week and then I have committed to avoiding travel at least through the end of the school year (end of school year is a bugger for kids having stuff to do) and if possible, through the summer. My next non-negotiable trip on the books is scheduled for September 1-3. And so when I saw that is the first day of school (Sept 1), I started trying to weasel. I may have gained a reprieve for one day. My new position is going to require travel, so I need to figure out how to balance this all. (And part of the reason that AB is thinking about seeking a position where he might have more flexibility.)

 

Home life… after the month of April concluded I was able to come back to reality, escape the crashing waves of other people’s proposals and being gone more than I was actually home. I insisted we spend Mother’s Day at home – we normally take the trailer out. That was a good decision not only for my mental health, but physical health since I fell to some horrible cold/cough sickness that I am wondering if I am ever going to lose.

 

Goals status – 

·         January was carpet  and I am happy to report that after 4 months, the living room carpet has been installed. And it is gorgeous and soft and the entire family is in love. I am doubly thrilled to have that process behind us.

·         February was the sewing room. Shelves were cut and painted, then life happened. They still sit there ready to be hung and filled. It’s fine. I have had other things I wanted done that were on a more pressing timeline (garden).

·         March I had wanted to organize my photos on the computer. I would put that at about 40%. They have been organized, but I have just started on purging duplicates, bad photos, etc. I need to do it when the kids aren’t around and hovering since they want to know why I am deleting THAT picture. Typical response is “because we have three others that are better”. But it goes so much faster if *I* just do it.

·         I didn’t even attempt April, and I didn’t blog about May – but May was the garden. At minimum I wanted to get my three raised bed planted. But AB raised me one and built three more raised beds that I wanted and filled them with raised bed dirt. I have the first three planted, but planting the last three is on the docket for this weekend. Eventually I want the grass surrounding the raised beds to be gone and pea gravel to occupy that space. Maybe it will be my June goal…

 

Then comes Memorial Day. I travel Monday through Wednesday of next week. I am happily taking the Thursday off to hang with my kids since their teachers are walking out (I am very supportive of their positions, they need to be paid more, the administrator’s pay raises are ridiculous and I want my schools to comply with the new WA state law that says there shouldn’t be more than 26 kids per classroom… my district gets nearly every bond voted in that they ask for, come on!). I am going to get us ready to go camping on Thursday and then Friday we are out of here for some much needed forest/mountain time. I need that outdoors time, kick off the summer, snuggle with the kids in the trailer time in a bad, bad way.

 

Silas is TWO!

I say this all the time. But it's real. How is it possible?

How is it possible that my kids are growing up so quickly? TWO! Silas is TWO! My little blonde haired, blue eyed boy.

Silas' birthday landed on the Thursday after Easter - so it has been a big week for him. We practiced all week saying "I am two!" and singing "Happy birthday". But until the party Friday where everyone sang to him, focused on him and put a giant cake (WITH FROSTING!!!) in front of him, he didn't really grasp it. And well, he maybe didn't really grasp it then either.

Silas is my rough and tumble one. He has to be to keep up with his brother and sister. As has been par for the course with my kids, he is a talker and advanced there. He speaks in 3-4 word sentences and uses a huge variety of words and is really moving along with conveying his needs and frustrations. He calls Skadi "KK", Leif is "Lay" and Odin is Odin. Lucky is "Ki-Cat". He has transitioned from mama and dada to mommy and daddy.

Silas has coveted every balance bike he has seen in the past few months, so we got him one. We have heard, for the last 4 days since he opened it, "I got a bike!" Poor beep beep (the farm ride on toy) has been cast aside in favor of a BIKE!

Silas' favorite things to do (aside from ride a bike) is to feed the animals. Odin's food dish is always overflowing, the Goldfish has plenty of food to cloud up his tank and Lucky gets fed twice a day - which hasn't happened in ages. But Silas is diligent in doling out the food - though heaven forbid one of them (Odin) decides to swipe something from him. That will definitely ruin his day.

His other favorite thing to do is "go outside". This is actually a very particular request though. He doesn't really want to go out into the backyard to play. He wants to go into the driveway and ride whatever convenient riding toy he has up and down the slight slope.

We are pretty convinced he is the smartest toddler around too. He counts to 10. No joke. I have no delusions that it is anything more than reciting what he has heard just like he does "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" or "Head Shoulders Knees and Toes". And probably the fact that we squeal with joy when he does it means he has learned that "I do this and it makes them happy" thing.

Silas is an excellent sleeper, sleeping through the night 90% of the time -  8:15-7am. He naps like the dead - 3-3.5 hrs usually. Eating... the child has an amazing sweet tooth. And kind of like me - once hungry, the attitude (normally happy go lucky) changes. Hangry.

Silas is kind of a solitary kid. He is wary of other kids invading his space and they better not touch the item he is interested in. He reminds me a lot of Skadi in mannerisms. He will bowl you over and isn't one to be bowled over.

He still loves his thumb and we love it too. Love not having to keep track of a pacifier. I am sure the day will come when we like it a bit less. But already he is to the point that he only sucks it when he needs to calm himself down, or at nap/bed time.

KK is his bestest friend in the whole world and she is amazing with him. She plays with him and engages with him and appeals to his dangerous side as she flies him around on beep beep or his scooter. Leif is an incredible help with Silas, gets him out of his crib, fixes breakfast for him, brushes his teeth, helps get him dressed, but isn't the one who is going to entertain him like Skadi does. All in all, both kids make for the best team with Silas.

Silas truly made our family complete. We are so blessed to have him. He is an amazing boy. I love his little kisses, his hugs, his learning and seeing the world through his eyes! I love you Silas!

Woohoo!

So back when I penned the last post, I wrote "woohoo" at the bottom to remind me to write about "woohoo". But I spaced it. And then apparently I don't proofread my posts very well before posting and so it looks like my last post ended with an unenthusiastic "woohoo". It wasn't intended that way. So now I will explain the big "woohoo".

One evening we were eating dinner and I complimented my (extremely picky) daughter on eating well.

Silas perks up and says to her, "Yay Skadi, woohoo!"

And, of course, we all laughed.

Thus started the "woohoo phase".

Whenever anyone is praised for anything in the house Silas chimes in with a "woohoo".

"Yay Lay [Leif], woohoo!"

And there are days when the woohoos are less enthusiastic. It sounds like a very blah, "woohoo."

AB and I both get woohoos as well.

Me: "Yay, we aren't late today." (I mumble when we drop off at daycare.)

Silas: "Woohoo mama, woohoo!"

We have been laughing at the woohoos now for awhile and of course, you start wondering where they pick it up. And then we realize that neither AB or I *ever* say "woohoo".

I asked at daycare and sure enough - his lead teacher gives a woohoo whenever they do something good. Finish a book? Woohoo! Everyone sits down for group? Woohoo!

So woohoo everyone!

Progress - but it's slow!

So January was carpet for the living room. I thought we were progressing hugely when I spontaneously painted the living room.

Carpet though, has stalled. It is crawling forward at a snails pace and it isn't really my fault! Nope, I can't take the blame on the January goal.

First off Home Depot took forever to get here for our quote. Then AB signed us up for a Costco quote - and then they showed up at the wrong time and begrudgingly rescheduled us. Unfairly begrudgingly so, IMO, because I would have not scheduled the appointment during one of my recurring weekly meetings at 11am. In fact, I specifically recall talking to the scheduler and saying "oh how nice it will be to be home at 2pm, a full hour and a half before my kids get home!"

So then Home Depot gave us our quote and AB balked. Ok, so I balked too. Way higher than we thought - and when you look at the quote we kind of wonder exactly how much waste they were planning on having? Our room is 18.5 x 19.5. And they wanted to order 49 linear feet of 12' wide carpet. WTF? Why do they need 13 feet extra? To make up for the free install deal? Shadey much?

So yesterday AB decided to sign us up for quote #3 that came in about $800 cheaper than the Home Depot for the highest end "can't possibly ever stain this carpet". So anyways, getting the last two measures and final quotes this coming week and then the carpet is special order. We will be lucky to have it done by the end of February, early March more likely. I guess that's ok. Gives us a few more weeks to trash the current carpet.

My current February goal is my sewing "nook". Shelves just need to be cut (AB...) and installed (AB...) and then I can put all my sewing stuff in. Looking at a ribbon rod (where did I get all that ribbon?) and a thread rack. AND AB is talking about adding onto one of the shelves a custom flip up sewing table. Really!!

Unless I want my February goals to suffer a similar delay fate as January I need to figure out how to dangle the carrot. I was thinking if I moved all the fabric into our bedroom - and put it on AB's side of the bed... I keep telling him it's no big deal, just show me how to use the multitude of saws in our garage. I can do it!

So I am already thinking about March. And I have a March must do that came to me today as I plugged my phone in and tried to back it up to the computer.

I succeeded about 5 hrs later after deleting random programs and crap my son has put on the computer. But truly, the vast majority of the space on the computer is from photos. My photos file is out of control.

I am not sure how to tackle it, but I need to sit down and organize the computer. Remove photos that suck. Create a file to save my favorites. (For eventual insertion into a photo book... when the kids are grown, I expect.)

So there, March goal is on deck. Organize and reduce the memory of the computer that I really, really do not want to replace right now.

Toddler Speak

Silas loves to wake everyone up. It is his duty in the house to open a door and yell at the TOP of his little voice:

"WAKE UP LEIF!" and "WAKE UP SKADI!"

Or his version:

"WAY UP LAY!" and "WAY UP KAY KAY!"

(Yes, we have all latched onto Kay Kay and she is never escaping this nickname. That's ok, it still sits with her fine.)

Leif has a bunk. This morning Silas and I were standing in Leif's room talking to him from below when Silas went over to the bunk's stairs.

He eyes me and takes two steps up.

"MAMA SAY NO FALL SI SI!"

So I said it, "Silas, don't fall!" (I say this a lot.)

"NO FALL MAMA!" And he proceeds up the stairs.

woohoo!

The ongoing laundry saga...

So I discussed the other day my oldest son's phobia of having to do laundry. 

It greatly affected his life when I made him sort socks. And yes, I made him tackle the whole basket of socks, everyone's socks. Not just his own. 

Yes, I am mean. But really. I do everyone else's laundry, he doesn't need to limit himself to only matching up and folding his socks. 

It was such a painful experience that he decided that he would resort to only wearing one pair of socks each week. 

This way, it is 6 fewer pairs of socks to sort and fold! A tremendous and innovative time saver!

Except EWWW! 

It didn't blow past me for long. It becomes pretty obvious when the stacks of socks are drastically underrepresented for one person.

And it's the middle of January. It isn't like it is sandal city here. 

How long will the laundry phobia go on and how can I ride this horse?

Mid-Month Progress

So my January goal was to deal with the flooring in the living room. Hideous. Awful. Bad. Nasty. Icky. We have carpet, it is just old and falling apart. You can hardly vacuum in there without pulling out long threads of loops. That conveniently wind themselves around the roller of the vacuum and then require you to sit and pick them out. So much fun.

We have honed in on carpet. Low hanging fruit. Truly "we" (AB) would probably (really) rather have hardwood. But we lack time, money and the desire to install it. And honestly I favor, for that room, carpet. It's the room where we roll around with the kids.

We have decided on style and composition and now just need to make a decision between the Home Depot "free install" (but carpet costs more) and the Cost Less Carpet, less expensive carpet but pay per square foot to a third party installer. I am leaning towards the Home Depot install only because when we were selling our other house and replaced the linoleum we went with one of Cost Less Carpet's recommended installers and he did a crap job, then refused to come back and fix it. Just not something I want to deal with.

So now we are doing the waiting and measuring and scheduling.

One of the Home Depot guys asked about paint on the wall. Yes, there is paint on the wall. No, he asked, fresh paint? Because it needs to cure a week before we install.

No, the paint isn't fresh, we told him and went about our business.

Then it dawned on me. HALF the room was painted a year ago or so. HALF the room hasn't been painted since we moved in.

And it doesn't look bad half painted. And in fact, I had only kind of given thought to someday it would be nice to paint that other half of the room and even knew what color it would be - the same neutral we used throughout the rest of the first floor.

Then I had a revelation! (AB loves my revelations.)

WE HAVE TO PAINT THE REST OF THE LIVING ROOM BEFORE THEY INSTALL THE CARPET!

We are going to spend a small fortune on super high end carpet, I am NOT going to want to paint that room for the next several years and risk (even with drop clothes - I am messy) a drop of paint on our beautiful carpet!

So January has become carpet and really quick finish painting the living room.

Today (and yesterday) I am hope with the kids as they have days off from school. Today, I tape and prep. Friday, we buy the paint. Saturday, I paint while AB takes Leif to his chess tournament. And hopefully the toddler naps better that day then he is today.

I really did get a lot of stuff done around the house today though. I picked up the play room. A small feat in itself. Days is how long I expect it to stay picked up. But while I was doing that I had another REVELATION!

My February goal. It's a revelation because AB is involved.

They always tell you at work that your goals shouldn't involve other people because that is out of your control. Yeah, yeah. I get it.

So here it is. My sewing stuff is in a bunch of bins and plastic drawers and stuff like that. I need a place to put it all and I have identified the perfect place! I just need a bunch of shelves installed. See that little inset area? It is a perfect nook for some "built ins". And I could even have a shelf dedicated to my sewing machine. And oh oh oh - imagine a table that folds down to CREATE a sewing table!

Ok, I know. Crazy talk. I just need the shelves. Then I can use that folding table over yonder...

Back in the saddle

So I would like to get back to blogging more in 2015. The past few years of shock with dealing with three kids has taken a toll on my writing. I don't blog for others. I blog for myself and try to keep it at a level that isn't private, but accessible to others who care. I don't respond to comments from Anonymous (plenty of those lately), but I try to screen comments of spam and always appreciate comments. So... hopefully you will be seeing more of me back here. I love the wealth of stories and data that I have accumulated over the last 10 years, I want that to continue.

I love looking back and reading funny stories of my kids. Things I never think I will forget, but I do. Here's a few:

On the following conversation with Leif you have to understand that a few weeks ago I told him I wouldn't always be there to do his laundry. Someday he will go to college and have to do his laundry so he should start learning now. This has caused GREAT concern for him. 

Leif: "We had to say in library what we wanted to be when we grow up and I said chef."

Me: "What? I know you like to cook, but I thought you wanted to be a computer programmer."

Leif: "Well I was thinking that it would be good if I was a chef so that when I went to college I could trade with people. Hey, you do my laundry and I will cook you dinner!"

Me: "Well that isn't a half bad idea, but you better be a dang good cook!"

Leif: (looking at me rolling his eyes) "My father is AB." 

----------

Silas is all about instructing me lately. And he gets pretty forceful with what I should be doing. 

"No mama, no." (To just about everything.)

"Go mama, go." (Usually when he is playing with Skadi and doesn't think I should interrupt.)

"Help mama, help." (When his scooter gets stuck, or he can't force his way through whatever.)

"Cheese mama, cheese." (Get me cheese... and the little weirdo is often asking for gorgonzola lately.) 

"Kick it mama, kick it." (Play soccer with me.) 

I love the cadence of his requests and that they all have "mama" in them and repeat the request at the end. 

Almost like the child listens to me...

"No Silas, no." 

Naw... can't be. None of the kids ever listen to me. 

Happy New Year!

So I kind of laugh when I look at my Goals list for December. Then I hang my head when I remember it was carryover from November.

1. Get rid of the purged stuff.

2. Master Closet

3. Leif’s closet

4. Skadi’s bedroom, closet and bathroom

5. Trailer.

In the past few years I have done a lot over breaks. But this break I have this toddler who is into everything, wants attention and can't really be left alone while I get my tasks done. Oh and he has NO interest whatsoever in cleaning my closet with me. Skadi likes to help. Leif is a tween now and would rather sit on the computer.

I spent the evenings that first week of break (that AB and the older kids were in the Living Nativity) wrapping presents - and wrapping presents - and boxing stuff up to ship - and baking. All that Christmas prep. During the day when the kids were home with me we would sleep in, get up slowly and go swimming or do a few errands. Then we would go home and put the toddler down for nap. Then I couldn't bring myself to start on my chores. Nope. We pulled out a few games and had games afternoons while Silas slept. One day we did Family Pictionary (Skadi rocks at this game), another the new Family Trivial Pursuit, and another day we played Wii together. And I kept reminding myself that the chores in the back of my head would get done when my kids aren't home or don't want to hang with me anymore.

Point by point -

1. About 30% success here. I dumped a bunch of baby stuff with friends and acquaintances in December. Sold a little. Gave some away. Didn't do bad. Where I didn't succeed was in putting the bags and bags of stuff to go to Goodwill IN the car and dropping them at the station that is a whole 4 blocks from my house. As of Saturday though, I am not terribly concerned about that since I just got the notice from our other donation company they will be in our area next week. And they will be picking it all up (plus more I accumulated this last weekend)! This also makes AB happy because he isn't a big fan of Goodwill as a corporation. But I keep going back to the "it's easy and I need easy, but you are welcome to do otherwise" excuse. (He doesn't do otherwise.)

2. Master Closet - well all the Christmas presents are out! (I hope. Hope not to find some hidden.) And actually yesterday, yes, Jan 4th, I went in and sorted my shoes and got everything off the traffic portion of my side. It actually did a ton for the closet and may let me put off the actual complete disassembly and reassembly for a few more months. Because at this point it just isn't happening.

3. Nope.

4. Yay! Closet and bathroom done. Bedroom floor is still covered in Legos. And because she is so obsessed about her Legos and spent a huge portion of the break doing Legos, I left it.

5. Trailer. Yes, it got vacuumed and cleaned. And when it is back from being repaired from our most difficult trip yet, it will need to be done all over. Yay me.

We did get back from our trip to Canada with a weekend left of break and I tackled a good portion of my list of things I wanted to do over the 2 weeks off. Because in the first 14 days, not much had gotten done. The closet (see above), the boys' linen closet (conveniently while Silas bathed yesterday), Christmas down and packed up. Leif made jerky. I swapped around some blinds (housecleaners had broken one that I used regularly) and I didn't want to buy a new (non-matchy-matchy) one, so I swapped it out with another from a similar window I nearly never open.

(Which brings me to a burning question of late - how to deal with housecleaners breaking items... I have had 3-4 items broken recently. I have spoken with the owner about a few of them mostly when I called to question if someone was actually INJURED, but haven't made claims to have them replaced. Maybe I should? What irritates me most isn't the breakage, it is not knowing it happened until later - and no, they aren't things my kids have broken. Ok, off my aside.)

We were going to do lefse, but AB and I decided that focusing on losing weight and getting healthier was of higher priority than potato, sugar, butter, gooeyness. Still working on accepting this...

Then I got to thinking about my January goals. I asked AB the burning question on my mind. What should I do for January??

I was thinking about prepping the Master Bedroom for painting and deciding on a color. He sighed.

Then he said the magic words, "how about the living room floor".

You see we have this hideous and seen-far-better-days carpet in the living room. For a few years we have debated on going with hardwood that we put in our office and dining room to unify a few rooms downstairs. But it is expensive (the room is huge) and back breaking work for AB. But it would look the best and be the best for resale. But we just couldn't trip that trigger on the actual purchase.

So then we thought about replacing the carpet with carpet. But where do we stop with carpet? Do we just do that room or do we replace the carpet on both staircases and in the hallway upstairs? (My dream.) And when? Kind of hated for awhile to get new carpet when we have a toddler. But then it is getting to the point where we kind of hate not getting new carpet while we have a toddler. And then there is the whole "it is embarrassing to have people over this carpet is so hideous".

We are biting the bullet this month. Carpet for the living room. And probably just there and not the stairs and hallway upstairs. But it will be an easy neutral, always in stock pattern that we can do the staircases and hall at another point.

The most dreaded day of the year

No, not the holidays. I am right up there with Buddy the Elf – spreading good cheer and joy this time of year. My most dreaded day of the year has, over the last decade or so, been my SDR (staff development review) that conveniently occurs every late fall. Even when I was promoted a few years ago, I walked into my SDR with dread. It is hard to explain how even in that one year where I jumped a level, that I still had a lingering amount of dread and frustration when leaving the meeting. And it was warranted. I had no idea I was actually being promoted because my written performance review (provided to me 24 hrs in advance) gave me nothing but dread and 24 hrs of mental preparation for going in and ripping someone. Because, you know, I am so prone to ripping people a new one. (Not.)

 

This year I had a lot of anxiety building up to the day of my review. I switched groups almost exactly a year ago after my SDR (http://acarman72.blogspot.com/2013/12/changes-afoot.html) and had no idea how this year was being perceived by management . I thought that things have gone swimmingly the last year. My work load has increased substantially, my acceptance by others has skyrocketed (from my perspective at least), and my happiness. I have been the happiest I have been in my job this past year, maybe ever. I feel as though I am a valued part of a strong team and not the lone wolf looking for scraps. I have received praise and recognition from my coworkers.

 

But all that can go out the window in a heartbeat when you read that sheet of paper telling you your manager’s interpretation of your year. I know that far too well.

 

Last year I sat stonefaced, accused my managers of bringing up legacy crap and asked for an example of how, in the prior year, the issues they cited were still an issue. They flailed a little and landed on that I was trying to usurp the leadership of the current PI of this one project in my role as PM. Neat. Except that I was not the PM of that project and I was instead the Co-PI. Try again. Because if they were at all engaged with my work or even just read my input for the year, they would have known this. Instead I just shook my head and the meeting ended with an agreement that I should probably leave the group and head over to the one where I had been doing most of my work and that they would be very supportive of this.

 

I did it. It was hard to leap out of my nice cozy (most of the time) shell with a large-ish office overlooking the river over to a small-lish office with a door that opens to a window. But I did it and this SDR was to be my mental calibration. Was the entire year a big delusion of my self-worth at work? Was it time to jump ship and think about that move to Alaska that AB and I keep dreaming about?

 

Ah well. Sorry to AB, this year was not to be the year that I came home and started packing it in and sending off resumes.

 

I am at a happy level right now at work. I told my team lead a year ago I wasn’t looking for a promotion, I have enough stuff on my plate with work and in my home life that I just can’t see pushing it this year (or next for that matter). I will push to excel at the tasks I have and will examine opportunities as they come up, as I have every year. But as far as examining the criteria for advancement and striving to hit all those buttons. Not in the cards. 

 

But it is amazing how a well written, well thought out review of one’s performance can make you walk on clouds for days after. He noted actual metrics. I was told how happy they were to have me in the group. My review stated that I had made a difference to these people. That I was a valued part of the group and the management of the group.

I have friends who are or have been group managers and have heard horror stories of how much time writing SDRs takes and how they rip themselves to pieces internally over what is to be delivered - often only to be yelled at (I never yelled. I countered points diplomatically with my lips pursed.). I know it is no walk in the park this time of year for them either. (And this is part of the reason when I was approached about a TGM position for another group this year, I ran the other way.) But for those managers who take the time to be thoughtful and not start the majority of sentences with "You need to...". Yay you. You rock. It matters.  

 

I didn’t score the highest tier. But it didn’t matter to me what that rating on the last page was because there was genuine gratitude and appreciation for my work.

Moving on, nothing to see here...

I did a pretty half ass job at my Decluttering November goals. It just became a November that wouldn’t let up. I ended up home a few days with a sick kid, but even then, just couldn’t get it all done. I think my list was ambitious:

• Master Closet (didn’t organize)
• My clothes – purge (DONE – and ongoing, I threw another sweater in the Goodwill stack this morning)
• Skadi’s bedroom, closet and bathroom (ignored completely)
• My bathroom and the boys’ bathroom (didn’t really tackle with veracity, more like picked at it
• Purge Silas’ clothes (DONE)
• Get rid of the stuff I have purged (FAIL, nothing has sold that I listed, so it needs to go to Goodwill or get given away. But it is ready to get out of the house – if Odin would leave.it.alone.)
• Bonus – Leif’s bedroom. Because Grandpa came and stayed in Leif’s room, his room did get a good once over. But not the closet.

So for December I am going to continue on the organize path and hit the below items I failed at in November.

• Get rid of the purged stuff.
• Master Closet
• Leif’s closet (it isn’t abysmal yet, so if we get on top of it now, it won’t be a huge job.
• Skadi’s bedroom, closet and bathroom (Gag.)

Then the last one is the trailer. It isn’t something that I really WANT to do, but on our Thanksgiving tree cutting two night trip I made a huge restock list, I found loads of stuff that just needs to come inside or be thrown away. And there are some modifications I want – I want shelves in my “closet”. Stupidest thing ever, a closet that is useless (typical RV closet...) and I don’t need things hung up on that stupid hard to use rack. I want shelves in there. Of course I will need AB for that. I would love shelves in the cupboard where I keep plates and bowls and cups. And the trailer needs a good cleaning. Especially if we plan to be in it for nearly a week in December.

In the genes?

I have been thinking a lot lately about my mom. She passed away 4.5 years ago after battling a rare form of cancer. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her - but some days - like lately - more often than not the thoughts of her go by. I have been examining this in my head as I am routinely transported back to when I was about 8 years old in my recent thoughts of her.


8 years old. I turned 8 on January 8th in 1980. Eight was a pivotal time for me. I recall turning 8 and having a sudden increase in awareness of situations around me. Of relationships. And that they weren't always equal. Some were great and some were bad. I had a very good childhood, but my relationship with my mom from childhood until I graduated from college I would only classify as mediocre and was often difficult and painful. It was very good in the later half of my life, but that was due to work on both our parts.


For the most part since AB and I have had children we haven't worried a whole lot about screwing our kids up irreparably. Mistakes have been made, but for the most part I think we are in check. We have a laid back philosophy and it has worked for us.




Skadi is 7 going on 8 and this strikes fear in my heart as I recall 8 as being that time when I realized that my relationship with my mom was different then my sister's. My mom and sister had that special bond and I coveted it. I also remember seeing the disdain between my mom and my grandma.


I had a great relationship with my grandmother - and she lived a mile or so from us. She was heavily involved in our lives and my parents relied on my grandparents significantly as they were very young. I spent A LOT of time at my grandmother's as a kid. My mother had a great relationship with her grandmother. But I recall hearing about the generations of "mother daughter issues" going back to my great grandmother and my grandmother (and probably before that) in my family. And it wasn't just perceived, there were real issues between my mom and my grandmother and then myself and my mom. I almost felt as though it was just expected that there would be problems.




I have made a conscious decision recently that it's going to stop with me. This is why I keep mentally going back to me when I was 8. What went wrong? What can I change about the inherent way that I interact with my kids, specifically, my daughter?




My daughter has never heard about the hard relationship my mom that I had when I was a kid. How my grandmother was my savior (and how my mom's grandmother was her savior). How I used to see the eyerolls between my mom and her mom. And how my mom never recovered from her lack of relationship with her mom. My daughter will never hear these stories until she is an adult and capable of understanding that there is no need to live up to them. My daughter won't witness the difficulties - but that is not by my choice. Of course if I had my choice, my mom would be here and we would talk about and work through the issues together and my daughter would have that fabulous relationship with her grandmother as I had with mine and my mom had with hers. I suppose then, the fact that my mom is not here, I am sort of copping out by skipping in talking about it?  And will this harm my daughter in the long run not hearing about the difficulties? And then what if I fail and she, unlike me, never had access to the information to work through in her own head?



When I was in my early 20's my mother stepped out on the limb and apologized to me. Admitted that I was actually a pretty good kid, but that she couldn't (for some reason I never knew) see that. I knew she couldn't. Despite the fact that I got good grades, was quiet and didn't cause a lot of problems, I didn't tend to do a lot right in her view. I wasn't a great athlete, like she wanted. I didn't choose the activities she liked. I didn't have the right friends. But my mom apologized when I was in my early 20's and that saved us and made us friends from then on. We didn't often act in a mother-daughter manner, more as friends. It worked better that way.




I am combatting the inner demons that say I can't avoid a difficult mother daughter relationship. That it is in my blood. That it is every generation. We share the middle name and with that name brings a difficult mother-daughter relationship. But it is a battle I am willing to take with confidence that I will win.



My prescription:




Every single day I hug my kids. And for a long time I hold them to me. They know that they can just be held. Not the quick, polite hugs. We do long hugs. My family wasn't a family of huggers - this is something I learned when I dated a guy in college who had a big Italian family. They all hugged and it was just a given that you were hugged and held close by people that you didn't necessarily even know.




I tell my daughter she is beautiful. I hear a lot of messages about not commenting on a girl's appearance. I grew up with that. I wasn't told I was beautiful (or pretty, or cute). (My sister was the pretty one!) I was told I was smart. I freaking knew I was smart, I wanted to be beautiful. Everyday, every single day my daughter hears that she is smart and beautiful and fun to be around.




One on one mother daughter time. Or mother son time. I think it is important - particularly with three children, that each kid has that one on one time with us. Skadi and I have our things. Pedicures on occasion. A trip to Target or to the grocery store. I can count on that girl to shop with me. Leif and I do sushi lunches and piano lessons. So far, Silas and I do sick days. One day we will have our things.


In March we are planning our first mother daughter trip. I have an opportunity to go to a conference in Denver, where coincidentally, much of my family lives and can pick up the entertaining my daughter when I need to be in the conference.


And no, I don't think this is going to solve everything, but it's where I am starting with my 8 year old.