Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Putting One Foot In Front Of The Other
I haven’t done a decent update in awhile. I have a huge list of blog topics, but a lack of time to actually write them. And for me it is kind of like a snowball effect. It starts out little, and then as time goes on the snowball gets bigger and bigger as it threatens to run me over. Maybe I have been run over. In some effort to start new after being run over, I will try and get caught up, let's see how I do.
Major Purchase:
We bought a travel trailer in early May. AB and I love camping, we both grew up camping, we want our kids to enjoy camping. But I have reached a point where a dome tent with two kids and two dogs on an air mattress just takes all pleasure out of it. Over the last few years we have identified what exactly we want in a trailer and this spring we surprised ourselves and pulled the trigger. We had been looking for used 4-season bunkhouses and knew what was reasonable to pay for them. Last fall we negotiated on a used unit, but gave up when they failed to negotiate more than $500 lower off the sticker price. This spring we bought a new one for that same price.
We have taken the trailer out twice, and the kids love it. We are still learning it, but after our first longer trip (3 nights this past Memorial Day weekend) we have it pretty well figured out. And I am even getting good with my handsigns. AB is even better at interpreting my handsigns.
We weren’t actually quite where we wanted to be financially before buying it. But in the last year I have given a lot of thought to what living means. I look at my mom’s life and while she had a good life, I look at the things left undone. The things she hoped to accomplish. No one knows our fate. But I have embraced living more in the last year. Taking off and doing the things we want to do instead of just talk about them. I want my kids to love the outdoors and to tramp around the forests like my sister and I did as kids as well as AB and his family did, and have those experiences that we both remember so fondly. I have to make that happen. Purchasing the trailer is making that happen for us.
And my 16 year old self is so laughing at me for “RV’ing”.
Leif:
Leif is wrapping up his last year at the Montessori school he has been at since he was one year old. 6 years here, the end of a legacy of sorts. Wah. My baby Is growing up.
Leif is so very excited to move on to bigger and better things, though he is so very tentative. He really isn't sure about this whole riding the bus without me thing. He will be in public first grade this coming fall. This summer he is looking forward to some science camps at the local branch university and Adventure camp through our health club.
Leif is such a sweet, loving, tender hearted little boy. Poor kid doesn’t understand girls at all and is constantly confounded by them. He surprises me daily with the things he knows and remembers.
The other day Leif and one of his friends was playing at the park as Skadi practiced TBall. I looked over and saw him crawling up the outside of the slide tube. When I went over to him I asked him if that was very safe. He thought for a bit and then replied, “No, but it was impressive.”
We opened a 529 account for the kids awhile back and because I am a geek I maintain a spreadsheet that forecasts the funds growth on a quarterly basis. I set it up and forecasted out and then calculated the year that Leif will go to college. When I realized that I didn’t have to scroll down 3 pages to get to that year it made me a bit ill. My baby is growing up. College is only one Excel page view of quarters away! GAH!
Skadi:
Oh Skadi Skadi Skadi. My sweet little girl… sometimes. The other time she is something else.
We are struggling with Skadi in preschool, out of preschool, through the night… What can I say? It’s darn good that she is as cute as she is! I contemplated last week pulling her out of the Montessori preschool she has been at for three years now. I was *this* close to pulling the trigger. Then AB went in and talked with the teachers a bit and we decided to sit in the holding pattern for a bit. See how things go through the summer.
I talk and talk to that child.
“You had fun on your McDonalds field trip, right?” (She agrees.) “If you don’t behave you will continue to lose field trips and won’t be able to go do these fun things.” (She agrees to be good.)
She is a smart girl. She is pretty mouthy – the other day threats looming that she was bordering upon losing the “Beach Party Day” at school she dared to tell her teachers they could go ahead and take away the privilege from her, she didn’t care, because she planned to tell her mommy to keep her home and we would have our own party and not invite them, so there.
Sigh.
And no, that is so not happening.
She is quick on her feet with her words, but reminds me a lot of my grandmother when she talks, “betend” is “pretend”. “Yesternight” is last night. “Two-head” is still forehead.
This weekend while camping I went over and started poking (or in AB’s words, “fiddling”) with the campfire. My husband is a bit particular about his campfires and with the wet weather this weekend, he had his work cut out for him. Skadi sees me and said, “"Mom, hurry up fiddling with the fire before daddy gets back and sees you!"
The other day Skadi came out of the bathroom and announced, “Mom, I think I am finally old enough to learn how to pee like a boy.”
And then there are days unlike the start of this section where I so agree with her and know she is my daughter, “Leif: "I want to listen to Les Miserables, the Battle Scene in Act 2."
Skadi: "I want to listen to Dancing Queen."
AB:
AB recently had the joy of jury duty. I have always wanted to serve on a jury panel. Yes, seriously. My friends and coworkers look at me like I am nuts when I say this. But for some reason I would like to see first hand our legal system in action. After AB was on a jury panel for a week he can unequivocally say that there is little "action" and that he hopes to never have to rely on our judicial system.
Anyways, I was still jealous. He actually got picked after offering up every reason why he shouldn’t… “I know the prosecutor”, “I work at the same place as the defendant and he looks familiar to me”, “I don’t want to serve, but I know it is my civil duty” (among a group of people who said they did want to serve nonetheless)… but alas he was picked and got to hear abuse stories that still make him cringe. Yeah, maybe I don't want to serve on a jury... I have a friend that served on one about a farmer stealing another one's goats - and a friend's wife who served on a jury about poaching of eagles... nope, AB got a real nasty one.
Work:
My work. Blah.
It’s hard to get very enthused about it when people around me are struggling to find enough work to prevent themselves from being laid off. I am normally in a position to help people out a bit, but this FY, not so. I don’t have much buffer myself. I have even set up an Excel sheet to plan out my upcoming work to make sure I can cover myself. I may be embracing 3-day weekends this summer more than I have in the past.
One of my topics on my list to blog about is the whole “best friend” at work thing. We do these polls that estimate our happiness as a group with our place of employment. Historically my group scores high, which is pretty cool. One of the questions on the poll asks if you have a best friend at work. For years I have been in a position to answer yes to that simply because one of my best friends works here, though I have never had the occasion to work with her. The fact still remains that I have a best friend at work.
In the last few months I have actually had occasion to fully embrace the notion of having a best friend at work in the context of the question. What they want to know is do you have someone you work with that you can go and talk to about what is going on. Sure my good friend down in the other building, who I can’t actually talk to about what I do on a daily basis qualifies to a certain degree. As do the couple of women in my hallway who I can go and talk about daycare or restaurants or hotels, but once again have never really actually worked with them. In the last year I have found my best friends at work… two unassuming guys I work with regularly that I don’t think anyone would really peg them as my “best friends”. But the last 6 months or so they have heard me whine, bitch, cry and complain – and I have heard it from them too. Ok, so they don’t cry. And I only almost cried once.
It’s a big step for me actually. I work on a lot of varied projects with lots of different people and rarely a single core group as so many people do. I get good reviews from people and word of mouth (I believe) is why I am not short on work right now when so many people I know are. I have gotten to know a lot of different people and get called up to do lots of varied projects. I have talked with the two about teaming more regularly and we have a few concepts in the pipeline. I enjoy working with them, appreciate their strong work ethics and we work well as a team. What more could you ask for?
There is a lot of tension here as work is becoming more scarce. Project work has become competitive when jobs are suddenly at stake. While I am funded right now, it is the end of the fiscal year that scares the daylights out of me. Most of my “little” projects wrap up between now and then due to either lack of funding or meeting our completion date. I have a big proposal that was sent out to my least favorite client this morning. One of the guys I wrote the proposal with told me last week that the program manager was already telling him congratulations on it. So I am crossing my fingers that project comes through, though I fully expect another CR and thus actual money won’t arrive until well into FY12 I am sure.
Work… eh, it’s ok. But AB and I have started talking… wonder what else is out there? Where in the world could we wander to? Do we want to live here forever and ever?
Goals:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Yes typically speaking about this time of year my goals start going by the wayside. Summer is just hard to maintain that “do the work around the house” attitude when we have so much we are doing outside and the days are long.
As of today though the quilt is very nearly ready to haul down to the long arm to be quilted. That will be my big checkmark.
AB cleaned the garage pretty well… I intended to help. And I intended to get down and dirty by digging out every last little remnant and adorning the garage with plastic bins and random storage notions.
Well the garage is clean and that is that. My motivation to go out there and work at it more is nill. Not when I have my MIL coming for a visit, a trailer that needs to be cleaned and mopped for the next Father’s Day trip and laundry stacked up to the ceiling upstairs.
June optional goals… if I have time I plan to:
June goal #1 – Think about the outdoor patio kitchen and get some drawings with ideas down on paper.
June goal #2 – detangle my jewelry and figure out something for actual storage of bling that I use on a regular basis.
Major Purchase:
We bought a travel trailer in early May. AB and I love camping, we both grew up camping, we want our kids to enjoy camping. But I have reached a point where a dome tent with two kids and two dogs on an air mattress just takes all pleasure out of it. Over the last few years we have identified what exactly we want in a trailer and this spring we surprised ourselves and pulled the trigger. We had been looking for used 4-season bunkhouses and knew what was reasonable to pay for them. Last fall we negotiated on a used unit, but gave up when they failed to negotiate more than $500 lower off the sticker price. This spring we bought a new one for that same price.
We have taken the trailer out twice, and the kids love it. We are still learning it, but after our first longer trip (3 nights this past Memorial Day weekend) we have it pretty well figured out. And I am even getting good with my handsigns. AB is even better at interpreting my handsigns.
We weren’t actually quite where we wanted to be financially before buying it. But in the last year I have given a lot of thought to what living means. I look at my mom’s life and while she had a good life, I look at the things left undone. The things she hoped to accomplish. No one knows our fate. But I have embraced living more in the last year. Taking off and doing the things we want to do instead of just talk about them. I want my kids to love the outdoors and to tramp around the forests like my sister and I did as kids as well as AB and his family did, and have those experiences that we both remember so fondly. I have to make that happen. Purchasing the trailer is making that happen for us.
And my 16 year old self is so laughing at me for “RV’ing”.
Leif:
Leif is wrapping up his last year at the Montessori school he has been at since he was one year old. 6 years here, the end of a legacy of sorts. Wah. My baby Is growing up.
Leif is so very excited to move on to bigger and better things, though he is so very tentative. He really isn't sure about this whole riding the bus without me thing. He will be in public first grade this coming fall. This summer he is looking forward to some science camps at the local branch university and Adventure camp through our health club.
Leif is such a sweet, loving, tender hearted little boy. Poor kid doesn’t understand girls at all and is constantly confounded by them. He surprises me daily with the things he knows and remembers.
The other day Leif and one of his friends was playing at the park as Skadi practiced TBall. I looked over and saw him crawling up the outside of the slide tube. When I went over to him I asked him if that was very safe. He thought for a bit and then replied, “No, but it was impressive.”
We opened a 529 account for the kids awhile back and because I am a geek I maintain a spreadsheet that forecasts the funds growth on a quarterly basis. I set it up and forecasted out and then calculated the year that Leif will go to college. When I realized that I didn’t have to scroll down 3 pages to get to that year it made me a bit ill. My baby is growing up. College is only one Excel page view of quarters away! GAH!
Skadi:
Oh Skadi Skadi Skadi. My sweet little girl… sometimes. The other time she is something else.
We are struggling with Skadi in preschool, out of preschool, through the night… What can I say? It’s darn good that she is as cute as she is! I contemplated last week pulling her out of the Montessori preschool she has been at for three years now. I was *this* close to pulling the trigger. Then AB went in and talked with the teachers a bit and we decided to sit in the holding pattern for a bit. See how things go through the summer.
I talk and talk to that child.
“You had fun on your McDonalds field trip, right?” (She agrees.) “If you don’t behave you will continue to lose field trips and won’t be able to go do these fun things.” (She agrees to be good.)
She is a smart girl. She is pretty mouthy – the other day threats looming that she was bordering upon losing the “Beach Party Day” at school she dared to tell her teachers they could go ahead and take away the privilege from her, she didn’t care, because she planned to tell her mommy to keep her home and we would have our own party and not invite them, so there.
Sigh.
And no, that is so not happening.
She is quick on her feet with her words, but reminds me a lot of my grandmother when she talks, “betend” is “pretend”. “Yesternight” is last night. “Two-head” is still forehead.
This weekend while camping I went over and started poking (or in AB’s words, “fiddling”) with the campfire. My husband is a bit particular about his campfires and with the wet weather this weekend, he had his work cut out for him. Skadi sees me and said, “"Mom, hurry up fiddling with the fire before daddy gets back and sees you!"
The other day Skadi came out of the bathroom and announced, “Mom, I think I am finally old enough to learn how to pee like a boy.”
And then there are days unlike the start of this section where I so agree with her and know she is my daughter, “Leif: "I want to listen to Les Miserables, the Battle Scene in Act 2."
Skadi: "I want to listen to Dancing Queen."
AB:
AB recently had the joy of jury duty. I have always wanted to serve on a jury panel. Yes, seriously. My friends and coworkers look at me like I am nuts when I say this. But for some reason I would like to see first hand our legal system in action. After AB was on a jury panel for a week he can unequivocally say that there is little "action" and that he hopes to never have to rely on our judicial system.
Anyways, I was still jealous. He actually got picked after offering up every reason why he shouldn’t… “I know the prosecutor”, “I work at the same place as the defendant and he looks familiar to me”, “I don’t want to serve, but I know it is my civil duty” (among a group of people who said they did want to serve nonetheless)… but alas he was picked and got to hear abuse stories that still make him cringe. Yeah, maybe I don't want to serve on a jury... I have a friend that served on one about a farmer stealing another one's goats - and a friend's wife who served on a jury about poaching of eagles... nope, AB got a real nasty one.
Work:
My work. Blah.
It’s hard to get very enthused about it when people around me are struggling to find enough work to prevent themselves from being laid off. I am normally in a position to help people out a bit, but this FY, not so. I don’t have much buffer myself. I have even set up an Excel sheet to plan out my upcoming work to make sure I can cover myself. I may be embracing 3-day weekends this summer more than I have in the past.
One of my topics on my list to blog about is the whole “best friend” at work thing. We do these polls that estimate our happiness as a group with our place of employment. Historically my group scores high, which is pretty cool. One of the questions on the poll asks if you have a best friend at work. For years I have been in a position to answer yes to that simply because one of my best friends works here, though I have never had the occasion to work with her. The fact still remains that I have a best friend at work.
In the last few months I have actually had occasion to fully embrace the notion of having a best friend at work in the context of the question. What they want to know is do you have someone you work with that you can go and talk to about what is going on. Sure my good friend down in the other building, who I can’t actually talk to about what I do on a daily basis qualifies to a certain degree. As do the couple of women in my hallway who I can go and talk about daycare or restaurants or hotels, but once again have never really actually worked with them. In the last year I have found my best friends at work… two unassuming guys I work with regularly that I don’t think anyone would really peg them as my “best friends”. But the last 6 months or so they have heard me whine, bitch, cry and complain – and I have heard it from them too. Ok, so they don’t cry. And I only almost cried once.
It’s a big step for me actually. I work on a lot of varied projects with lots of different people and rarely a single core group as so many people do. I get good reviews from people and word of mouth (I believe) is why I am not short on work right now when so many people I know are. I have gotten to know a lot of different people and get called up to do lots of varied projects. I have talked with the two about teaming more regularly and we have a few concepts in the pipeline. I enjoy working with them, appreciate their strong work ethics and we work well as a team. What more could you ask for?
There is a lot of tension here as work is becoming more scarce. Project work has become competitive when jobs are suddenly at stake. While I am funded right now, it is the end of the fiscal year that scares the daylights out of me. Most of my “little” projects wrap up between now and then due to either lack of funding or meeting our completion date. I have a big proposal that was sent out to my least favorite client this morning. One of the guys I wrote the proposal with told me last week that the program manager was already telling him congratulations on it. So I am crossing my fingers that project comes through, though I fully expect another CR and thus actual money won’t arrive until well into FY12 I am sure.
Work… eh, it’s ok. But AB and I have started talking… wonder what else is out there? Where in the world could we wander to? Do we want to live here forever and ever?
Goals:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Yes typically speaking about this time of year my goals start going by the wayside. Summer is just hard to maintain that “do the work around the house” attitude when we have so much we are doing outside and the days are long.
As of today though the quilt is very nearly ready to haul down to the long arm to be quilted. That will be my big checkmark.
AB cleaned the garage pretty well… I intended to help. And I intended to get down and dirty by digging out every last little remnant and adorning the garage with plastic bins and random storage notions.
Well the garage is clean and that is that. My motivation to go out there and work at it more is nill. Not when I have my MIL coming for a visit, a trailer that needs to be cleaned and mopped for the next Father’s Day trip and laundry stacked up to the ceiling upstairs.
June optional goals… if I have time I plan to:
June goal #1 – Think about the outdoor patio kitchen and get some drawings with ideas down on paper.
June goal #2 – detangle my jewelry and figure out something for actual storage of bling that I use on a regular basis.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Yep, I am one of those moms
You know the ones - the ones that share everything hilarious their child says and expects that everyone else will find it every bit as humorous.
Since I have admitted this as a problem, I can embrace it.
--------
Skadi: “Do you know how I got to you?”
Me: “I have an idea...”
Skadi: “God was holding me in his hands like this,” (cups her hands) “and then he said ‘whoops!’ and dropped me into a field of tall grass. You were wandering by and picked me up and said, ‘hmm, I think I will keep this little girl baby’.”
Me: “I remember you being in my tummy.”
Skadi: “I wasn’t finished mom. THEN you cut your tummy open and tucked me in, pulled your tummy back together and taped it up really good until I got too big to be in there, then you RIPPED the tape off and out I came!”
Hmm...
----------
Leif with a pained tone to his voice:
"Mom, I am having trouble. It feels like granvity isn't working on my boxer shorts!"
Since I have admitted this as a problem, I can embrace it.
--------
Skadi: “Do you know how I got to you?”
Me: “I have an idea...”
Skadi: “God was holding me in his hands like this,” (cups her hands) “and then he said ‘whoops!’ and dropped me into a field of tall grass. You were wandering by and picked me up and said, ‘hmm, I think I will keep this little girl baby’.”
Me: “I remember you being in my tummy.”
Skadi: “I wasn’t finished mom. THEN you cut your tummy open and tucked me in, pulled your tummy back together and taped it up really good until I got too big to be in there, then you RIPPED the tape off and out I came!”
Hmm...
----------
Leif with a pained tone to his voice:
"Mom, I am having trouble. It feels like granvity isn't working on my boxer shorts!"
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
One of "those" parents?
T-ball game. My daughter in her dress, pink leggings and green t-ball shirt is out in the field. Daddy is behind her – about half the parents are out there.
The ball comes straight to Skadi, she has it! Then that other little brat rips it out of her hand! Then my husband pries the ball out of the little brats hand and hands it back to Skadi.
Parents gasp.
Sigh.
We are a proud YMCA sports family. We appreciate their lack of competitiveness among the younger set. We have participated since Leif was Skadi’s age – that would be for going on three years now – and have taken our turns at coaching.
Every team we have participated on before has had a great coach. Caring, fair, kids adore them. When AB has coached we have for the most part had good experiences. As a coach you are volunteering your time for the sake of the kids. It isn’t just a two hour a week obligation (one hour practice and one hour game). Nope, there is organizing the snacks. Calling parents when games are cancelled (this spring there was a lot of that for these coaches). Thinking up drills. Engaging the kids and generally keeping them corralled with help from the parents (you always hope). Organizing the end of the year party. Ordering trophies.
As coaches, we have had a few parents get mad at us. There was the Indoor Soccer team that we cancelled the picture day (team agreed) and decided to do pictures on our own as the picture day was horribly inconvenient. Of course, there was one parent who missed the e-mails and showed up with her son at the appointed place and time. And she was ticked. And gave us an earful. And we took it all the while mumbling, “but we sent 3 e-mails and talked about it at the prior practice and game?!?”
Then we got chewed out this spring because one of the boys last fall was “never contacted”. Umm he was. We e-mailed the e-mail address we were given for every single update, we phoned twice and the number was disconnected. But apparently we didn’t try hard enough… we finally got a not so happy e-mail back this spring.
But we move on.
2/3’s of the t-ball season has been me. AB and Leif had soccer and other obligations pretty consistently. So AB just got to hear my whining about the coaches and kept reminding me “they are volunteers”.
Skadi is on a team with one other very demure little girl and 8 very rough and tumble boys. Leif is not so rough and tumble. He loves sports and gets in there, but he isn’t and never has been aggressive like I see many of these little boys behaving. The first two practices I thought Skadi was going to hold her own. She got into the dog piles and often came out on top. My friend commented that t-ball really meant tackle ball.
Two practices was about her limit. Then she quit getting into the mix.
And here is the cycle:
Skadi standing waiting for the ball.
Skadi runs to the ball.
Skadi doesn’t get the ball.
Skadi gets frustrated.
“Nobody EVER lets me get the ball!”
Skadi doesn’t get the ball.
Skadi gets bored and wanders off and wants to play on the playground equipment.
Skadi doesn’t want to go back out into the field.
The female coach has been a touch sympathetic towards her, “come on Skadi, let’s you and me get the ball from these boys!”
And she buys it for a few hits.
And if she is lucky she gets a ball and it sustains her for the inning.
And if not the cycle repeats.
I know my daughter is difficult. I know she is a whole bunch of drama wrapped up inside one little girl. I know she is one child in a team of 10. But come on.
The male coach ignores her and gets visibly annoyed with her when she starts screwing around. (But the boys can roll all over the ground and battle each other.)
For the later third of the season AB started showing up since soccer finished – and going into the field with Skadi – and running the bases with Skadi – in an effort to keep his thumb on her and to help her out a bit. Still Skadi never gets to play first base (the coveted position since the players all throw the balls to first base) and is consistently one of the last batters.
And I bite my tongue, because the coaches are doing their best and they are volunteering their time. I didn’t step up (this time).
Then there was last night. Skadi is in the field next to one of the bratty boys. I saw him step on her hand to release the ball. Skadi cried. I saw him pry the ball out of her hand three times. AB talked to both coaches, who shrugged their shoulders.
See we don’t tolerate bullies on our teams when we coach. They sit out. And parents are usually – or at least they act that way towards us – very supportive.
So when I saw AB pry the ball out of the brats hands and give it to Skadi. I sighed. I looked around at the parents scowling. And my friend I was standing with proclaimed, “go daddy! Stand up for your girl!”
The brat started bawling. Dad picked him up, glaring at AB.
AB came off the field saying, “I don’t think I made any friends.”
Yeah probably not. But my daughter finally got her hand on the ball and with that experience she can maybe finish out the season.
T-Ball – not Skadi’s sport. Swimming is still looking like the winner.
The ball comes straight to Skadi, she has it! Then that other little brat rips it out of her hand! Then my husband pries the ball out of the little brats hand and hands it back to Skadi.
Parents gasp.
Sigh.
We are a proud YMCA sports family. We appreciate their lack of competitiveness among the younger set. We have participated since Leif was Skadi’s age – that would be for going on three years now – and have taken our turns at coaching.
Every team we have participated on before has had a great coach. Caring, fair, kids adore them. When AB has coached we have for the most part had good experiences. As a coach you are volunteering your time for the sake of the kids. It isn’t just a two hour a week obligation (one hour practice and one hour game). Nope, there is organizing the snacks. Calling parents when games are cancelled (this spring there was a lot of that for these coaches). Thinking up drills. Engaging the kids and generally keeping them corralled with help from the parents (you always hope). Organizing the end of the year party. Ordering trophies.
As coaches, we have had a few parents get mad at us. There was the Indoor Soccer team that we cancelled the picture day (team agreed) and decided to do pictures on our own as the picture day was horribly inconvenient. Of course, there was one parent who missed the e-mails and showed up with her son at the appointed place and time. And she was ticked. And gave us an earful. And we took it all the while mumbling, “but we sent 3 e-mails and talked about it at the prior practice and game?!?”
Then we got chewed out this spring because one of the boys last fall was “never contacted”. Umm he was. We e-mailed the e-mail address we were given for every single update, we phoned twice and the number was disconnected. But apparently we didn’t try hard enough… we finally got a not so happy e-mail back this spring.
But we move on.
2/3’s of the t-ball season has been me. AB and Leif had soccer and other obligations pretty consistently. So AB just got to hear my whining about the coaches and kept reminding me “they are volunteers”.
Skadi is on a team with one other very demure little girl and 8 very rough and tumble boys. Leif is not so rough and tumble. He loves sports and gets in there, but he isn’t and never has been aggressive like I see many of these little boys behaving. The first two practices I thought Skadi was going to hold her own. She got into the dog piles and often came out on top. My friend commented that t-ball really meant tackle ball.
Two practices was about her limit. Then she quit getting into the mix.
And here is the cycle:
Skadi standing waiting for the ball.
Skadi runs to the ball.
Skadi doesn’t get the ball.
Skadi gets frustrated.
“Nobody EVER lets me get the ball!”
Skadi doesn’t get the ball.
Skadi gets bored and wanders off and wants to play on the playground equipment.
Skadi doesn’t want to go back out into the field.
The female coach has been a touch sympathetic towards her, “come on Skadi, let’s you and me get the ball from these boys!”
And she buys it for a few hits.
And if she is lucky she gets a ball and it sustains her for the inning.
And if not the cycle repeats.
I know my daughter is difficult. I know she is a whole bunch of drama wrapped up inside one little girl. I know she is one child in a team of 10. But come on.
The male coach ignores her and gets visibly annoyed with her when she starts screwing around. (But the boys can roll all over the ground and battle each other.)
For the later third of the season AB started showing up since soccer finished – and going into the field with Skadi – and running the bases with Skadi – in an effort to keep his thumb on her and to help her out a bit. Still Skadi never gets to play first base (the coveted position since the players all throw the balls to first base) and is consistently one of the last batters.
And I bite my tongue, because the coaches are doing their best and they are volunteering their time. I didn’t step up (this time).
Then there was last night. Skadi is in the field next to one of the bratty boys. I saw him step on her hand to release the ball. Skadi cried. I saw him pry the ball out of her hand three times. AB talked to both coaches, who shrugged their shoulders.
See we don’t tolerate bullies on our teams when we coach. They sit out. And parents are usually – or at least they act that way towards us – very supportive.
So when I saw AB pry the ball out of the brats hands and give it to Skadi. I sighed. I looked around at the parents scowling. And my friend I was standing with proclaimed, “go daddy! Stand up for your girl!”
The brat started bawling. Dad picked him up, glaring at AB.
AB came off the field saying, “I don’t think I made any friends.”
Yeah probably not. But my daughter finally got her hand on the ball and with that experience she can maybe finish out the season.
T-Ball – not Skadi’s sport. Swimming is still looking like the winner.
Monday, May 09, 2011
More stories from the castle
Skadi: "Mom what colors of flowers do you like?"
Me: "Purple, white, all colors."
Skadi: "Do you like green flowers?"
Me: "Yes, I haven't seen many green flowers."
Skadi: "That's what color of flowers I have at my castle."
--------------
Skadi: "Mom, don't you wish you had a car with a bathroom inside?"
Me: "Not really."
Skadi: "Why?"
Me: "Because it would be stinky."
Skadi: "At my castle I have a car with a bathroom inside and we drive it all over the place and we don't even have to stop to go to the bathroom!"
--------------
At dinner tonight:
Leif: "Mrs. T got thrown from a horse one day a long time ago and she broke her arm and the bone came through the skin."
Me: "Eww!" (Feeling a bit nauseated at the thought.)
Skadi: "That happened to me too."
Me: "Thankfully, you have never broken a bone."
Skadi: "Yes, I did at my castle, and the bone came out, but the skin healed up just fine. See?" (Shows me her arm.)
Me: "Purple, white, all colors."
Skadi: "Do you like green flowers?"
Me: "Yes, I haven't seen many green flowers."
Skadi: "That's what color of flowers I have at my castle."
--------------
Skadi: "Mom, don't you wish you had a car with a bathroom inside?"
Me: "Not really."
Skadi: "Why?"
Me: "Because it would be stinky."
Skadi: "At my castle I have a car with a bathroom inside and we drive it all over the place and we don't even have to stop to go to the bathroom!"
--------------
At dinner tonight:
Leif: "Mrs. T got thrown from a horse one day a long time ago and she broke her arm and the bone came through the skin."
Me: "Eww!" (Feeling a bit nauseated at the thought.)
Skadi: "That happened to me too."
Me: "Thankfully, you have never broken a bone."
Skadi: "Yes, I did at my castle, and the bone came out, but the skin healed up just fine. See?" (Shows me her arm.)
Monday, April 25, 2011
All I wanted...
You know I don't ask for much... 
Really, I don't.
You would think I was a horribly insistent mom.
Abusive? Am I abusive?
Just one...
Please, pretty please?
Thank goodness this is a digital camera and not film.
Both of you, look this way...
I am serious now.
Look at me! Both of you. Smile. Hold still.
What is it going to take?
Seriously, I am not going to get a single picture of you guys with your eggs?
I am serious now.
Look at me! Both of you. Smile. Hold still.
What is it going to take?
Seriously, I am not going to get a single picture of you guys with your eggs?
Guess not.
April Goals
When I lived in Colorado I was fond of saying that “April is one of the snowiest months”. And I loved that it was true.
Normally here, April is a beautiful month as the cherry trees bloom and the sun shines without baking us. But so far? April has been a horrid month weather-wise. I am beyond sick of the wind. I lived in Casper, Wyoming until I was 13, I get rights to complain about the wind. It has been like February here. Dreary, grey and windy. Blah. I can’t even seem to wrap my head around the fact that it is April and not February yet.
I suppose the advantage to it being April with crummy weather is that we have been inside more and my spring cleaning/organization goals have yielded great results.
For the month of April my goals were to organize the hall/entry closet. Done. Check. Finished. I bought fabric bins, one for each of us, and put them in the top of the closet and sorted the laundry basket that used to hold outdoor gear into the four baskets. I bought more hangers, cleaned out the bottom of the closet and hung coats up. It looks fabulous – if a coat closet has fabulous-ness to it.
My second goal was to clean out and organize the laundry room. Given the size of the house, I have a teeny, tiny laundry room. The washer and dryer fit in and I can stand in there holding a basket. I squish over to one side and wedge myself in between the utility sink and the washer to open the dryer and pull stuff out of the washer and into the dryer. Oh yeah, the cat fits too. He likes to help with laundry. Given the lack of floor space I somehow have a ton of storage space in there. The prior owners did a good job of utilizing the wall space for racks of shelves and cupboards above the washer and dryer.
Before tackling the laundry room I looked online for ideas for organization. Martha Stewart was timely in posting a laundry room redo that made me drool. But my biggest problem with all the neat things that they showed in the inspiration gallery was that I don’t use my laundry room, except for, well laundry. Ok, so I feed the cat there.
Anyways, the laundry room has been cleaned out, cleaning and laundry supplies separated. My fabric bins cleaned out (I ditched all the cables I was saving… coax cables, gone, phone cords, gond, power cords, gone, old cell phone chargers, gone. Yes, for some reason I save all that crap. I even do at work, I have a drawer of cords in my office AND in my lab. You just never know when you are going to need a random cord. Ok, well at home at least, I got over it. I don’t need random cords at home. Like ever.
After cleaning out and organizing I discovered a fair amount of storage space. Empty shelves and half empty cupboards. I have batteries, light bulbs, cleaning supplies, laundry supplies, cat food, a bin of extra odds and ends (rubber gloves, trash bags, etc) in there now. I have this need to fill the space… but I am trying to convince myself to simply embrace empty shelves for now.
The last thing on my April goal list is the quilt. I have everything I need to finish it, now I just need a good block of time to get everything laid out. It seems like lately I have had 1-2 hour blocks of time and I can’t justify laying everything out to just have to pick it all up. My coming weekend is blissfully empty and I am hoping to hit that third check mark with finishing off the quilt.
Next month… I really want something fun. A cool goal. A pretty painting goal… or something like that.
But no.
Alas, the garage really needs a thorough clean and organize. I love my husband, but cleaning and organizing is not his thing. He has started on the garage a few times this spring. But what really needs to happen is that we both get out there and clean. And then I go nuts with the organization.
And yes, this WILL take an entire month it is that bad.
Normally here, April is a beautiful month as the cherry trees bloom and the sun shines without baking us. But so far? April has been a horrid month weather-wise. I am beyond sick of the wind. I lived in Casper, Wyoming until I was 13, I get rights to complain about the wind. It has been like February here. Dreary, grey and windy. Blah. I can’t even seem to wrap my head around the fact that it is April and not February yet.
I suppose the advantage to it being April with crummy weather is that we have been inside more and my spring cleaning/organization goals have yielded great results.
For the month of April my goals were to organize the hall/entry closet. Done. Check. Finished. I bought fabric bins, one for each of us, and put them in the top of the closet and sorted the laundry basket that used to hold outdoor gear into the four baskets. I bought more hangers, cleaned out the bottom of the closet and hung coats up. It looks fabulous – if a coat closet has fabulous-ness to it.
My second goal was to clean out and organize the laundry room. Given the size of the house, I have a teeny, tiny laundry room. The washer and dryer fit in and I can stand in there holding a basket. I squish over to one side and wedge myself in between the utility sink and the washer to open the dryer and pull stuff out of the washer and into the dryer. Oh yeah, the cat fits too. He likes to help with laundry. Given the lack of floor space I somehow have a ton of storage space in there. The prior owners did a good job of utilizing the wall space for racks of shelves and cupboards above the washer and dryer.
Before tackling the laundry room I looked online for ideas for organization. Martha Stewart was timely in posting a laundry room redo that made me drool. But my biggest problem with all the neat things that they showed in the inspiration gallery was that I don’t use my laundry room, except for, well laundry. Ok, so I feed the cat there.
Anyways, the laundry room has been cleaned out, cleaning and laundry supplies separated. My fabric bins cleaned out (I ditched all the cables I was saving… coax cables, gone, phone cords, gond, power cords, gone, old cell phone chargers, gone. Yes, for some reason I save all that crap. I even do at work, I have a drawer of cords in my office AND in my lab. You just never know when you are going to need a random cord. Ok, well at home at least, I got over it. I don’t need random cords at home. Like ever.
After cleaning out and organizing I discovered a fair amount of storage space. Empty shelves and half empty cupboards. I have batteries, light bulbs, cleaning supplies, laundry supplies, cat food, a bin of extra odds and ends (rubber gloves, trash bags, etc) in there now. I have this need to fill the space… but I am trying to convince myself to simply embrace empty shelves for now.
The last thing on my April goal list is the quilt. I have everything I need to finish it, now I just need a good block of time to get everything laid out. It seems like lately I have had 1-2 hour blocks of time and I can’t justify laying everything out to just have to pick it all up. My coming weekend is blissfully empty and I am hoping to hit that third check mark with finishing off the quilt.
Next month… I really want something fun. A cool goal. A pretty painting goal… or something like that.
But no.
Alas, the garage really needs a thorough clean and organize. I love my husband, but cleaning and organizing is not his thing. He has started on the garage a few times this spring. But what really needs to happen is that we both get out there and clean. And then I go nuts with the organization.
And yes, this WILL take an entire month it is that bad.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Catching Up
I have a list of blog topics from the past few weeks. I just have had no time to sit down and blog. Let's see how many I can knock out here before the kids need something...
----
Starbuck's April Fools
Way back on April Fools Day we went to Starbucks. I am not a fan of April Fool's Day at all. What with being named April, I heard one too many times growing up, "It's April's Day, April is a fool!" Honestly I have never been a fan of the month in general starting way back in kindergarten when I would bring home stacks upon stacks of papers from school that weren't mine. We were required to put the date on papers and the kids always just gave me all the ones that said April. My mom would sort them out and send the majority back to school with me.
Anyways, we don't do April Fool's Day in this house. I suck at jokes and just can never get pranks right.
We got up like any normal day and I needed coffee that morning. At the window the girl offered us some samples of breads. I saw that they had chocolate chips in them and grabbed two, one for each kid. I handed them back and not surprisingly, Skadi took a bite and declared it icky. She declares most everything icky. Not surprising.
Then Leif pipes up:
"Hey, Starbucks played an April Fool's Joke on us. This bread is icky!" he declared.
"What? What is wrong with it?" I knew if Leif was declaring anything with chocolate chips icky, then there was a problem.
"It's banana with chocolate chips," he started.
"You like that?" I asked perplexed.
"But these chocolate chips are MINT!" he cried.
I tasted it. He was right. Nasty. Banana chocolate chips would have flown, but yeah, there was a reason they were giving away hunks of that bread. Ick.
------
Every once in awhile when I am running behind on a Wednesday night getting things picked up for the housecleaner, I admit it, I will pay Leif to do some extra things. Believe me, $1 to pick up Skadi's bedroom, is seriously a bargain for me. He does a decent job, Skadi doesn't end up in tears and time out for not helping, and Leif earns a dollar to put in his bank.
The other day though I went up and found Skadi's piggy bank open on the floor. Raided.
Skadi kind of doesn't care about money, so I was confused. Not like her brother who is ALL about the money.
"Skadi, what is your piggy bank doing on the floor?" I asked.
"Leif wanted some money," she told me.
"What did he want money for?" I asked her getting a bit confused.
"I wanted him to play with me and he didn't want to, so I offered him money," she said.
"LEIF!"
-----
One day Skadi was in the bath singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes". I could tell that was the song only from the tune. She was getting all the words wrong.
"No Skadi," I corrected her, "HEAD, SHOULDERS, KNEES, TOES."
She looks at me like I am an idiot and goes on singing her mumbo jumbo.
Then I found out the next day at school she was singing it in Japanese.
Stupid American move #2? We went out for Japanese food and the kids decided they wanted to sing to the waitress.
They sang the song in Japanese to the waitress.
"Oh neat," she said carefully in her thick accent, "the only thing I know in Japanese is how to say hi since I am Chinese."
-----
And there it is, the whining for mom! Three topics off my list.
----
Starbuck's April Fools
Way back on April Fools Day we went to Starbucks. I am not a fan of April Fool's Day at all. What with being named April, I heard one too many times growing up, "It's April's Day, April is a fool!" Honestly I have never been a fan of the month in general starting way back in kindergarten when I would bring home stacks upon stacks of papers from school that weren't mine. We were required to put the date on papers and the kids always just gave me all the ones that said April. My mom would sort them out and send the majority back to school with me.
Anyways, we don't do April Fool's Day in this house. I suck at jokes and just can never get pranks right.
We got up like any normal day and I needed coffee that morning. At the window the girl offered us some samples of breads. I saw that they had chocolate chips in them and grabbed two, one for each kid. I handed them back and not surprisingly, Skadi took a bite and declared it icky. She declares most everything icky. Not surprising.
Then Leif pipes up:
"Hey, Starbucks played an April Fool's Joke on us. This bread is icky!" he declared.
"What? What is wrong with it?" I knew if Leif was declaring anything with chocolate chips icky, then there was a problem.
"It's banana with chocolate chips," he started.
"You like that?" I asked perplexed.
"But these chocolate chips are MINT!" he cried.
I tasted it. He was right. Nasty. Banana chocolate chips would have flown, but yeah, there was a reason they were giving away hunks of that bread. Ick.
------
Every once in awhile when I am running behind on a Wednesday night getting things picked up for the housecleaner, I admit it, I will pay Leif to do some extra things. Believe me, $1 to pick up Skadi's bedroom, is seriously a bargain for me. He does a decent job, Skadi doesn't end up in tears and time out for not helping, and Leif earns a dollar to put in his bank.
The other day though I went up and found Skadi's piggy bank open on the floor. Raided.
Skadi kind of doesn't care about money, so I was confused. Not like her brother who is ALL about the money.
"Skadi, what is your piggy bank doing on the floor?" I asked.
"Leif wanted some money," she told me.
"What did he want money for?" I asked her getting a bit confused.
"I wanted him to play with me and he didn't want to, so I offered him money," she said.
"LEIF!"
-----
One day Skadi was in the bath singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes". I could tell that was the song only from the tune. She was getting all the words wrong.
"No Skadi," I corrected her, "HEAD, SHOULDERS, KNEES, TOES."
She looks at me like I am an idiot and goes on singing her mumbo jumbo.
Then I found out the next day at school she was singing it in Japanese.
Stupid American move #2? We went out for Japanese food and the kids decided they wanted to sing to the waitress.
They sang the song in Japanese to the waitress.
"Oh neat," she said carefully in her thick accent, "the only thing I know in Japanese is how to say hi since I am Chinese."
-----
And there it is, the whining for mom! Three topics off my list.
Skadi's Castle on a Cloud
Or somewhere... not quite sure where... last I heard it was at "the North Pole and 12 miles west".
About 6 months ago Skadi first told us about her castle. (Coincidentally this was about the same time she was requesting "Castle on a Cloud" from AB each night as her bedtime song.)
"I want to take you there sometime mommy," she told me.
Some kids have imaginary friends, Skadi has her imaginary place. Her stories of her castle haven't ceased, they continue and they sometime become quite elaborate.
"At my castle the princesses were dancing inside yesterday and the princes waited outside in the yard till they quit dancing so they could go inside and then have chicken nuggets with the princesses," she told us.
The other day we had Chinese food and Skadi declared, "I have chicken with Chinese ketchup at my castle all the time." (Chinese ketchup = sweet and sour sauce)
"At my castle I have pictures on the wall of Spring, Summer and Fall, but not Winter," she declared the other day.
AB built the kids an elevated playhouse hoping that would satisfy Skadi's need for a castle and that it could be in our backyard. Naw, it's just the tree house now, it isn't a castle, or so Skadi tells us.
"We are going to plant flowers at my castle this weekend," she explained when I asked what we should do this weekend.
We used to giggle and marvel about her imagination when the castle first came up. Now the castle is just a multiple times a day conversation pieces. I wish I could see in her brain what her castle looks like!
About 6 months ago Skadi first told us about her castle. (Coincidentally this was about the same time she was requesting "Castle on a Cloud" from AB each night as her bedtime song.)
"I want to take you there sometime mommy," she told me.
Some kids have imaginary friends, Skadi has her imaginary place. Her stories of her castle haven't ceased, they continue and they sometime become quite elaborate.
"At my castle the princesses were dancing inside yesterday and the princes waited outside in the yard till they quit dancing so they could go inside and then have chicken nuggets with the princesses," she told us.
The other day we had Chinese food and Skadi declared, "I have chicken with Chinese ketchup at my castle all the time." (Chinese ketchup = sweet and sour sauce)
"At my castle I have pictures on the wall of Spring, Summer and Fall, but not Winter," she declared the other day.
AB built the kids an elevated playhouse hoping that would satisfy Skadi's need for a castle and that it could be in our backyard. Naw, it's just the tree house now, it isn't a castle, or so Skadi tells us.
"We are going to plant flowers at my castle this weekend," she explained when I asked what we should do this weekend.
We used to giggle and marvel about her imagination when the castle first came up. Now the castle is just a multiple times a day conversation pieces. I wish I could see in her brain what her castle looks like!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Two Heads
Kids say the funniest stuff. Then they hit a certain age and things change. It isn't so much that they say the funny stuff, it's that their reasoning becomes funny.
Skadi since she learned what her forehead was called has called it her "twohead".
WHACK!
She is walking along and whacks her head on the granite edge of the countertop.
"OUCH!" She wails, "MY TWOHEAD, I hit my twohead."
And while I want to just hug her and give her loves I have to chocke back the giggles... twohead...
Skadi since she learned what her forehead was called has called it her "twohead".
WHACK!
She is walking along and whacks her head on the granite edge of the countertop.
"OUCH!" She wails, "MY TWOHEAD, I hit my twohead."
And while I want to just hug her and give her loves I have to chocke back the giggles... twohead...
It's all about what's up at work
I think I tend to get quiet on my blog when things are bothering me. Specifically, work stuff. I have gone in phases over the past 6.5 years with blogging about work. From venting about all the crazy stuff early on, to overflowing with love for what I do, to not saying anything out of a paranoid fear of "who's reading?" Still I try to give glimpses on occasion of what is going on there, what life is like as a Ph.D. mid-career chemist and as a working mom.
Work can be challenging at times and I am presently trying to negotiate a difficult path. Walking the line between management and science without fully committing to or rejecting either. Each has its own challenges.
Things were going along swimmingly as a scientist until this funding cycle when I appear to be left out standing on the porch with one of the clients. As I have stated before, when one door closes another creeps open and surprisingly one of the other clients gave us the go ahead to write a lifecycle plan, which in this funding climate was a surprise.
On the last project, things have been flying around doing wonderfully, except interactions with one person. I have been all over the map with my feelings about this. From questioning every single move I make out of fear of stepping on toes, to being ticked off, to trying to be nice, to being ticked off. Back and forth, forth and back.
It has expended so much of my energy these last few months and has been incredibly frustrating. What should be a fabulous project is causing me heartache.
I have known this person since I was a post-doc. We have worked together on a few other projects. And now our friendship has been reduced to shreds. There will be no saving this friendship when all is said and done I fear.
And it breaks my heart.
But at the same time it ticks me off to be stepped on, walked all over and disrespected. I know for a fact, in my heart, that this person would not treat a male coworker in this manner. But this is not what I have documentation for. No gender card here.
I worried that I was blowing things out of proportion and just PMS'y... it has happened before... but I brought a few close confidents into the fold who have hit the ceiling.
I have lost sleep, I have wallowed, I have been self absorbed and not terribly attentive to what else is going on, thanks to all this. And wet drops inexplicable came out of my eyes at work... not sure what happened there or how my rhino work skin was penetrated, but it happened. Thankfully I have those couple of people to pick me up and stand behind me. Thank you guys.
But there it is in obscure, vague terms. The certain end of a friendship, the potential end of a work relationship in so much as I will never ever ever work another project with this person again. Ever. I am sure the feeling is mutual there.
And I don't take that lightly.
Work can be challenging at times and I am presently trying to negotiate a difficult path. Walking the line between management and science without fully committing to or rejecting either. Each has its own challenges.
Things were going along swimmingly as a scientist until this funding cycle when I appear to be left out standing on the porch with one of the clients. As I have stated before, when one door closes another creeps open and surprisingly one of the other clients gave us the go ahead to write a lifecycle plan, which in this funding climate was a surprise.
On the last project, things have been flying around doing wonderfully, except interactions with one person. I have been all over the map with my feelings about this. From questioning every single move I make out of fear of stepping on toes, to being ticked off, to trying to be nice, to being ticked off. Back and forth, forth and back.
It has expended so much of my energy these last few months and has been incredibly frustrating. What should be a fabulous project is causing me heartache.
I have known this person since I was a post-doc. We have worked together on a few other projects. And now our friendship has been reduced to shreds. There will be no saving this friendship when all is said and done I fear.
And it breaks my heart.
But at the same time it ticks me off to be stepped on, walked all over and disrespected. I know for a fact, in my heart, that this person would not treat a male coworker in this manner. But this is not what I have documentation for. No gender card here.
I worried that I was blowing things out of proportion and just PMS'y... it has happened before... but I brought a few close confidents into the fold who have hit the ceiling.
I have lost sleep, I have wallowed, I have been self absorbed and not terribly attentive to what else is going on, thanks to all this. And wet drops inexplicable came out of my eyes at work... not sure what happened there or how my rhino work skin was penetrated, but it happened. Thankfully I have those couple of people to pick me up and stand behind me. Thank you guys.
But there it is in obscure, vague terms. The certain end of a friendship, the potential end of a work relationship in so much as I will never ever ever work another project with this person again. Ever. I am sure the feeling is mutual there.
And I don't take that lightly.
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Being a woman in science
I love reading stories about women in science and the unique hurdles they had to overcome to get to where they are today. The American Chemical Society posted a link to these articles from a Fairbanks, Alaska newspaper for Women in Science month.
I am now – amazingly – in that “mid-career” category. Not a newbie by any amount. I have been around the block once or twice. I am still young enough that I went into science in college thinking equality was in. Men had grown up or moved on. I was a professional product of the 90’s. YES, the 90’s. But still my stories aren’t too far off from the women who shared in these articles who have more experience than me.
Do I think things are changing? YES. I hosted a student last year who was a chemical engineer from Yale and one of my most memorable conversations with her was after one of our big team meetings for the Navy project. We left and I can’t remember how she put it, but she was surprised. “They are all guys,” she exclaimed. And went on to tell me that all her classes were at least 50-50.
My hallway at work is estrogen lane. There are 13 offices in my hallway and all but two are occupied by women.
My team lead? A woman. My manager? A woman. I love it!
Because in my daily activities? The projects I work on daily and the people I work with?
All men.
And that is how it has been since I started here. No joke. Now I am a physical scientist with a little more engineering and physics to my chemistry life, but that shouldn’t be an excuse. Where are the women?
I liked the questions posed to these women scientists in Alaska and figured I would take it upon myself to answer them. If you are a woman in science, answer them in the comments, e-mail your answers to me and I will post them here in my blog or post the answers on your blog and provide me the link, okay?
“Were there more hurdles for you to clear in science because you were a woman?” (Ok, poorly written question, “are” they ARE women, they aren’t men now…)
I don’t believe there were more hurdles to clear education-wise because I am a woman. I believe that I had every opportunity presented to me as an undergrad and grad student in the 90’s based on the path I chose. Now I did reject one school after I had a very disheartening visit. I visited on the same day as another male potential graduate student at Colorado State and professors took him out to lunch – at the same place that the female graduate student assigned to take me out, took me. Later when I asked the department head if I would have an opportunity to teach upper division chemistry, he told me that female TA’s were not well received by the student body. I ran the other way. Once I was settled in a great program I experienced little gender disconnect. In my first year, I was teaching an upper division lab class. I should note that I went to a school with a very young faculty and with (gasp) three female faculty members.
I believe that I had a few more hurdles in the workplace than I had in education as a women. When I signed on as a post-doc, my mentor made sure to get me a p-card immediately, so I could place the teams' orders and I worked editing their reports and pulling their presentations together. I was a glorified admin. When I was in the lab and the guys walked in they would say, “hi honey, I am home” and the like. The team I was hired into was very unfriendly to women and when I started asking around the other women nodded and one even said that the whole group was shocked when this team brought a woman post-doc on. In order to advance I had to pick myself up, meet others, prove myself to others and make a name for myself. The guys who came in the same time as me were being paraded around like princes while I was struggling to get someone to give me the time of day.
“Has public perception changed about women scientists?”
Yes, I had the student last summer who as a senior had never encountered anything less than 50% female student body. I never had anything close to 50% women in my classes at a very liberal college. But this is college, in the workplace I think there is a ways to go.
Today, I am working in project management and I recently had an incident with a coworker that was not happy with me. Some of the things he said, and the analogies he made to our managers lead me to sit and wonder if he would have said these things of a man sitting across the table from him. I am quite positive not. I think (large stereotype here) "older" men are not afraid to challenge a woman in the workplace more on her knowledge or leadership abilities. There seems to be a perception that you have to be a ball breaker to move up, act like a man, don’t bring your femininity, but these are the same things that are frowned upon when we look up to women who have made it. I work quite well with men in the same general age group as myself. My Gen-X counterparts get it. They are the ones pulling double duty with their wives in child rearing and who have heard their wives come home with tales like mine. I tend to think that they would never treat a woman in a way they wouldn’t want their wives treated. Older generations (complete generalization here) their wives didn’t work in technical fields and many never worked at all. They don't have that same thought process or female professors or mentors to draw upon that the Gen X'ers did.
“Have there been hurdles you have faced that a man would not have faced?”
Getting exposure. When I first started as a post-doc so often it was assumed I was an admin assistant. I will claim that it is all about who you know. There are men here that are afraid to know a woman. Many deals are brokered over lunch, but many men are afraid to go have lunch with a female colleague – at least outside of a group. It presents a Catch-22. I work with a woman who told me about asking a manager to have dinner with her one night. She was married, he was married. She had some technical questions she wanted to pose and suggested they grab a bite to eat. He was so taken aback that he actually mentioned to her “sexual harassment”. Would this happen with two guys? No, they would go grab a beer at the local sports bar.
Another aspect, I went through a spell there working for a manager whose wife had never worked out of the home. The realities I faced with being a working mom with a newborn were foreign to him and he pretty much chalked me up as a whiner and told me there was no reason I couldn’t pump in the bathroom. When I pointed out there were no outlets he told me to get a battery pack. While I was out on my first maternity leave I had my first proposal funded. He handed it off to a man in my group citing he, “didn’t know what I wanted to do when I came back from leave”. He also never asked.
“What would you tell a girl who is contemplating a career in science?”
To find a good mentor at every stage. And by mentor I don’t mean manager – they have their own interests at heart in what they want you to do. Find someone you can talk freely to about what you want to do with your career. I wish I would have had more mentors in my career. Bachelors and then Masters or PhD so often is the given in science, but a mentor will be able to make suggestions based off experience, what do you really need to get where you want? What is the reality of academic positions? What if you love science, but wonder if there are other opportunities than standing in the lab? I have learned in the last few years that I have a propensity for management and business development. There are times when, despite the fact that this is what I want to be doing, I wonder if I am wasting my Ph.D. as I interact with managers sporting MBAs? The closest thing I have to a mentor right now (I am getting a new one in May) has told me no way, that in his product line he values highly technical managers. But just maybe, had I had someone early on in deciding what my career was going to be like and what life I wanted, maybe someone would have pointed me another way?
I am now – amazingly – in that “mid-career” category. Not a newbie by any amount. I have been around the block once or twice. I am still young enough that I went into science in college thinking equality was in. Men had grown up or moved on. I was a professional product of the 90’s. YES, the 90’s. But still my stories aren’t too far off from the women who shared in these articles who have more experience than me.
Do I think things are changing? YES. I hosted a student last year who was a chemical engineer from Yale and one of my most memorable conversations with her was after one of our big team meetings for the Navy project. We left and I can’t remember how she put it, but she was surprised. “They are all guys,” she exclaimed. And went on to tell me that all her classes were at least 50-50.
My hallway at work is estrogen lane. There are 13 offices in my hallway and all but two are occupied by women.
My team lead? A woman. My manager? A woman. I love it!
Because in my daily activities? The projects I work on daily and the people I work with?
All men.
And that is how it has been since I started here. No joke. Now I am a physical scientist with a little more engineering and physics to my chemistry life, but that shouldn’t be an excuse. Where are the women?
I liked the questions posed to these women scientists in Alaska and figured I would take it upon myself to answer them. If you are a woman in science, answer them in the comments, e-mail your answers to me and I will post them here in my blog or post the answers on your blog and provide me the link, okay?
“Were there more hurdles for you to clear in science because you were a woman?” (Ok, poorly written question, “are” they ARE women, they aren’t men now…)
I don’t believe there were more hurdles to clear education-wise because I am a woman. I believe that I had every opportunity presented to me as an undergrad and grad student in the 90’s based on the path I chose. Now I did reject one school after I had a very disheartening visit. I visited on the same day as another male potential graduate student at Colorado State and professors took him out to lunch – at the same place that the female graduate student assigned to take me out, took me. Later when I asked the department head if I would have an opportunity to teach upper division chemistry, he told me that female TA’s were not well received by the student body. I ran the other way. Once I was settled in a great program I experienced little gender disconnect. In my first year, I was teaching an upper division lab class. I should note that I went to a school with a very young faculty and with (gasp) three female faculty members.
I believe that I had a few more hurdles in the workplace than I had in education as a women. When I signed on as a post-doc, my mentor made sure to get me a p-card immediately, so I could place the teams' orders and I worked editing their reports and pulling their presentations together. I was a glorified admin. When I was in the lab and the guys walked in they would say, “hi honey, I am home” and the like. The team I was hired into was very unfriendly to women and when I started asking around the other women nodded and one even said that the whole group was shocked when this team brought a woman post-doc on. In order to advance I had to pick myself up, meet others, prove myself to others and make a name for myself. The guys who came in the same time as me were being paraded around like princes while I was struggling to get someone to give me the time of day.
“Has public perception changed about women scientists?”
Yes, I had the student last summer who as a senior had never encountered anything less than 50% female student body. I never had anything close to 50% women in my classes at a very liberal college. But this is college, in the workplace I think there is a ways to go.
Today, I am working in project management and I recently had an incident with a coworker that was not happy with me. Some of the things he said, and the analogies he made to our managers lead me to sit and wonder if he would have said these things of a man sitting across the table from him. I am quite positive not. I think (large stereotype here) "older" men are not afraid to challenge a woman in the workplace more on her knowledge or leadership abilities. There seems to be a perception that you have to be a ball breaker to move up, act like a man, don’t bring your femininity, but these are the same things that are frowned upon when we look up to women who have made it. I work quite well with men in the same general age group as myself. My Gen-X counterparts get it. They are the ones pulling double duty with their wives in child rearing and who have heard their wives come home with tales like mine. I tend to think that they would never treat a woman in a way they wouldn’t want their wives treated. Older generations (complete generalization here) their wives didn’t work in technical fields and many never worked at all. They don't have that same thought process or female professors or mentors to draw upon that the Gen X'ers did.
“Have there been hurdles you have faced that a man would not have faced?”
Getting exposure. When I first started as a post-doc so often it was assumed I was an admin assistant. I will claim that it is all about who you know. There are men here that are afraid to know a woman. Many deals are brokered over lunch, but many men are afraid to go have lunch with a female colleague – at least outside of a group. It presents a Catch-22. I work with a woman who told me about asking a manager to have dinner with her one night. She was married, he was married. She had some technical questions she wanted to pose and suggested they grab a bite to eat. He was so taken aback that he actually mentioned to her “sexual harassment”. Would this happen with two guys? No, they would go grab a beer at the local sports bar.
Another aspect, I went through a spell there working for a manager whose wife had never worked out of the home. The realities I faced with being a working mom with a newborn were foreign to him and he pretty much chalked me up as a whiner and told me there was no reason I couldn’t pump in the bathroom. When I pointed out there were no outlets he told me to get a battery pack. While I was out on my first maternity leave I had my first proposal funded. He handed it off to a man in my group citing he, “didn’t know what I wanted to do when I came back from leave”. He also never asked.
“What would you tell a girl who is contemplating a career in science?”
To find a good mentor at every stage. And by mentor I don’t mean manager – they have their own interests at heart in what they want you to do. Find someone you can talk freely to about what you want to do with your career. I wish I would have had more mentors in my career. Bachelors and then Masters or PhD so often is the given in science, but a mentor will be able to make suggestions based off experience, what do you really need to get where you want? What is the reality of academic positions? What if you love science, but wonder if there are other opportunities than standing in the lab? I have learned in the last few years that I have a propensity for management and business development. There are times when, despite the fact that this is what I want to be doing, I wonder if I am wasting my Ph.D. as I interact with managers sporting MBAs? The closest thing I have to a mentor right now (I am getting a new one in May) has told me no way, that in his product line he values highly technical managers. But just maybe, had I had someone early on in deciding what my career was going to be like and what life I wanted, maybe someone would have pointed me another way?
Sunday, April 03, 2011
April Goals Update
When I declared way back when what my goals were for the month of April, I had blinders on. I admit it. They are really, really big blinders and when I held my head exactly straight, they worked. They worked so that I could totally ignore my daughter's bedroom.
She has serious, serious bedroom issues. Mostly in that she has too much stuff. Then she has less organizational storage and third she is a little tornado. By the time pick up night comes on Wednesday, all her stuff tends to get stuffed in big plastic bins and shoved off to the side.
Then AB vigorously and ruthlessly whipped my blinders off when I happily announced I was going to orgnize the coat closet and laundry room.
"What really needs to be done is Skadi's room," he mumbled.
"But I was going to wait until an Ikea trip so that I could organize at the same time!" I argued truthfully. I had actually been browsing the Ikea website to get ahead of the game for the yet to be planned trip to an Ikea.
He then pointed out that a ton of stuff in her room could be thrown away, pulled out and donated or whatever. She doesn't need it, he said while referring mostly to the stacks upon stacks of books.
"But she likes the board books," I argued.
"She likes EVERY book. If the board books aren't there she will happily choose some of the others here that actually tell a story," he argued.
I sighed. Apparent that an Ikea trip was not in my immediate future and that my blinders were now broken. AB knows me well, once he breaks my blinders, I can no longer tell myself there is no problem.
So this weekend AFTER I took care of the coat closet, I started in one corner of Skadi's bedroom and worked through her room systematically through it and even tackled portions of her closet. We moved the big soft rocker out of her room, that we use to rock her to sleep in (before Skadi, it was Leif's, sigh... ). Well then it just served as the time out chair. Then it housed a mountain of stuffed animals. Not that the time outs went by the wayside of course...
We did it. I pulled out a huge stack of board books. I hauled off a full garbage bag full of c.r.a.p. We now have a plastic bucket overflowing with stuffed animals, a new small toybox from Target that will double as a bench and a treasure chest of dress up clothes.
Phew! Two for one weekend. My house is well on its way to an organized bliss!
She has serious, serious bedroom issues. Mostly in that she has too much stuff. Then she has less organizational storage and third she is a little tornado. By the time pick up night comes on Wednesday, all her stuff tends to get stuffed in big plastic bins and shoved off to the side.
Then AB vigorously and ruthlessly whipped my blinders off when I happily announced I was going to orgnize the coat closet and laundry room.
"What really needs to be done is Skadi's room," he mumbled.
"But I was going to wait until an Ikea trip so that I could organize at the same time!" I argued truthfully. I had actually been browsing the Ikea website to get ahead of the game for the yet to be planned trip to an Ikea.
He then pointed out that a ton of stuff in her room could be thrown away, pulled out and donated or whatever. She doesn't need it, he said while referring mostly to the stacks upon stacks of books.
"But she likes the board books," I argued.
"She likes EVERY book. If the board books aren't there she will happily choose some of the others here that actually tell a story," he argued.
I sighed. Apparent that an Ikea trip was not in my immediate future and that my blinders were now broken. AB knows me well, once he breaks my blinders, I can no longer tell myself there is no problem.
So this weekend AFTER I took care of the coat closet, I started in one corner of Skadi's bedroom and worked through her room systematically through it and even tackled portions of her closet. We moved the big soft rocker out of her room, that we use to rock her to sleep in (before Skadi, it was Leif's, sigh... ). Well then it just served as the time out chair. Then it housed a mountain of stuffed animals. Not that the time outs went by the wayside of course...
We did it. I pulled out a huge stack of board books. I hauled off a full garbage bag full of c.r.a.p. We now have a plastic bucket overflowing with stuffed animals, a new small toybox from Target that will double as a bench and a treasure chest of dress up clothes.
Phew! Two for one weekend. My house is well on its way to an organized bliss!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Cool iPhone uses
For a long time there Skadi would only go to sleep if I put her to bed. AB would walk into her room and much to the horror of us all, she would start screaming. It broke AB’s heart, it wasn’t fair to Leif who then never got me for bedtime, and it was hard on me too being the only one who could put her to bed.
This shifted when a few years back I had to start traveling again for work. Suddenly her choices were daddy or nobody. She picked daddy and he wormed his way into the preferred bedtime person by singing her songs at bedtime. Somehow my husband’s soft soothing voice singing “The Rainbow Connection” or “Castle on a Cloud” became her Ambien. And more recently he has become her preferred “putter to bedder”.
This doesn’t bother me. I am making up for lost time with Leif and since Skadi goes to bed before Leif, AB gets to bed earlier. Works out for everyone.
Out of fear of simply swapping roles and getting into a situation where I *can’t* put her to bed, we do switch this up. Skadi is fine with this, but this was the usual result.
Finished reading books.
Skadi: “Mommy, I need a song.”
Me: “Ok, ‘twinkle twinkle…”
Skadi: “No mommy, I need a song from daddy.”
My dad used to always ask my sister and I, “what did you do with the money? The money I gave you for singing lessons?”
Yes, my singing isn’t a pretty thing.
Usually I get up and go drag AB out of Leif’s room to sing her a song and thus finalize the deal.
I figured out something new though the other night that may just give AB a run for his money in the singing department.
YouTube on my iPhone.
Not only does she get to hear “The Rainbow Connection” but she gets to see Kermit sitting on a log singing it!
NM scores one!
I fear though that we are on a slippery slope.
Skadi: “Mommy, play the crocodile song!”
Skadi: “Now mommy, play the pink dancing girls song!”
Skadi: “Wouldn’t it be funny if the crocodile came and ate the girls like he did the frogs?”
Me: “You should be sleeping.” (Stifling laughter.)
Skadi: “I am going to have daddy sing ‘Mahna Mahna’ to me tomorrow night.”
And she drifts off the sleep.
(Another cool use for my iPhone – videocamera! I plan to have my phone there to record this.)
This shifted when a few years back I had to start traveling again for work. Suddenly her choices were daddy or nobody. She picked daddy and he wormed his way into the preferred bedtime person by singing her songs at bedtime. Somehow my husband’s soft soothing voice singing “The Rainbow Connection” or “Castle on a Cloud” became her Ambien. And more recently he has become her preferred “putter to bedder”.
This doesn’t bother me. I am making up for lost time with Leif and since Skadi goes to bed before Leif, AB gets to bed earlier. Works out for everyone.
Out of fear of simply swapping roles and getting into a situation where I *can’t* put her to bed, we do switch this up. Skadi is fine with this, but this was the usual result.
Finished reading books.
Skadi: “Mommy, I need a song.”
Me: “Ok, ‘twinkle twinkle…”
Skadi: “No mommy, I need a song from daddy.”
My dad used to always ask my sister and I, “what did you do with the money? The money I gave you for singing lessons?”
Yes, my singing isn’t a pretty thing.
Usually I get up and go drag AB out of Leif’s room to sing her a song and thus finalize the deal.
I figured out something new though the other night that may just give AB a run for his money in the singing department.
YouTube on my iPhone.
Not only does she get to hear “The Rainbow Connection” but she gets to see Kermit sitting on a log singing it!
NM scores one!
I fear though that we are on a slippery slope.
Skadi: “Mommy, play the crocodile song!”
Skadi: “Now mommy, play the pink dancing girls song!”
Skadi: “Wouldn’t it be funny if the crocodile came and ate the girls like he did the frogs?”
Me: “You should be sleeping.” (Stifling laughter.)
Skadi: “I am going to have daddy sing ‘Mahna Mahna’ to me tomorrow night.”
And she drifts off the sleep.
(Another cool use for my iPhone – videocamera! I plan to have my phone there to record this.)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
March Goals Wrap-Up
My goals for the month of March included cleaning out our closet and with that, organizing the closet and donating a bunch of stuff. I always have better intentions than actual follow through when it comes to clothes. I wish I could stick to that rule that "if I haven't worn it in 6 months to get rid of it".
I don't know what happens but I start flipping through hangers and one or two things actually fall into the pile. This time around I pulled out jeans I will never wear again for a variety of reasons - mostly style issues - and dumped them in the stack. Then I sacraficed one or two shirts and called it good. I did hit the closet hard with organization though. My closet rocks now.
The quilt was number two. And while I never actually did any sewing, thanks to a very, very busy month of March and my sewing machine being held hostage by a little red-haired girl requesting pretty dresse, I did make some decisions about the path forward on my quilt. I need to put the border on it and then haul it down to the Quiltworks store with the backing material I bought on sale at JoAnn's and the batting I bought also on sale. Then I will part, momentarily with the quilt, permanently with $200 and come back to retrieve a beautifully quilted quilt for our bed.
We have done surprisingly well at clearing out our freezer as I discovered today when I went to the freezer to scrounge for a protein for dinner. I moved a few things, but only a few, to reach to the bottom of the freezer to retrieve a flank steak. Much of what is left is pot pies and spaghetti sauce and a few random chili containers. Note to self, when freezing chili, be specific. I need to indicate if I or AB made it (we have very different chili styles) and particularly if AB made it I need to know the cuts of meat, whether there are beans and the color (because once frozen, green and red are remarkably similar in appearance).
Next weekend starts the month of April. My quilt tops the goals for April. Though also on the list is my laundry room and my coat closet. Low hanging fruit really - in hopes that it will push me to devote the time to the quilt.
Our laundry room appears to have been an afterthought in the house. Our washer and dryer barely fit. And as the theme for the house extends to the laundry room, there are shelves and cabinets all over. Untapped storage space. I need to clean out and label the fabric storage boxes I do have on the shelves and just organize the rest of the area.
Then my first floor coat closet is a few hours job at most. I need hangers. Must buy hangers. And I need four storage boxes to split up the gazillions of gloves and hats and ski goggles and snow boots and scarves and earbands out of the one big laundry basket they are currently occupying.
I have the spring cleaning bug, this shouldn't be an issue to do these two things here very soon.
I don't know what happens but I start flipping through hangers and one or two things actually fall into the pile. This time around I pulled out jeans I will never wear again for a variety of reasons - mostly style issues - and dumped them in the stack. Then I sacraficed one or two shirts and called it good. I did hit the closet hard with organization though. My closet rocks now.
The quilt was number two. And while I never actually did any sewing, thanks to a very, very busy month of March and my sewing machine being held hostage by a little red-haired girl requesting pretty dresse, I did make some decisions about the path forward on my quilt. I need to put the border on it and then haul it down to the Quiltworks store with the backing material I bought on sale at JoAnn's and the batting I bought also on sale. Then I will part, momentarily with the quilt, permanently with $200 and come back to retrieve a beautifully quilted quilt for our bed.
We have done surprisingly well at clearing out our freezer as I discovered today when I went to the freezer to scrounge for a protein for dinner. I moved a few things, but only a few, to reach to the bottom of the freezer to retrieve a flank steak. Much of what is left is pot pies and spaghetti sauce and a few random chili containers. Note to self, when freezing chili, be specific. I need to indicate if I or AB made it (we have very different chili styles) and particularly if AB made it I need to know the cuts of meat, whether there are beans and the color (because once frozen, green and red are remarkably similar in appearance).
Next weekend starts the month of April. My quilt tops the goals for April. Though also on the list is my laundry room and my coat closet. Low hanging fruit really - in hopes that it will push me to devote the time to the quilt.
Our laundry room appears to have been an afterthought in the house. Our washer and dryer barely fit. And as the theme for the house extends to the laundry room, there are shelves and cabinets all over. Untapped storage space. I need to clean out and label the fabric storage boxes I do have on the shelves and just organize the rest of the area.
Then my first floor coat closet is a few hours job at most. I need hangers. Must buy hangers. And I need four storage boxes to split up the gazillions of gloves and hats and ski goggles and snow boots and scarves and earbands out of the one big laundry basket they are currently occupying.
I have the spring cleaning bug, this shouldn't be an issue to do these two things here very soon.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Four Year Old Celebration
Skadi opted to have her 4th birthday party at "Coach Brett's". The only hairy thing here is that "Coach Brett" had to be there. Otherwise she wanted a swimming party.
So I picked up the phone and called "Coach Brett's".
Me: "Yes, I want to schedule my daughter's birthday party, but here is the catch, Coach Brett has to be there... yes, I understand his schedule is busy... yes, we will come whenever he is available... yes, just tell him that it is for Skadi and that we are EXTREMELY flexible... yes, call me back after you talk to him..."
Success. Coach Brett would be there as long as I could plan the party for this time on this date.
I agreed and sent in our deposit.
So I picked up the phone and called "Coach Brett's".
Me: "Yes, I want to schedule my daughter's birthday party, but here is the catch, Coach Brett has to be there... yes, I understand his schedule is busy... yes, we will come whenever he is available... yes, just tell him that it is for Skadi and that we are EXTREMELY flexible... yes, call me back after you talk to him..."
Success. Coach Brett would be there as long as I could plan the party for this time on this date.
I agreed and sent in our deposit.
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