A week off

Because I needed it, bad. Leif is sleeping and my turkey stock for gravy is cooking away on the stove. So here is my opportunity to vent. I was not denied a promotion, I was not even put UP for promotion by my manager. I feel incredibly jipped, abused, neglected, angry and frustrated.

I am a Ph.D. scientist working as a nuclear physicist/chemist in a well known national lab. I am what is called a Research Scientist, or a Scientist II. Historically speaking, people of my degree and experience are hired in as Scientist III. Well my manager made the decision to start hiring people in as II's when I was hired. So me and everyone since has been hired as a II.

I now have 2.5 years of experience. I have networked throughout the lab, I manage tasks that comprise teams of Scientists 3 and 4's. I received 2 Outstanding Performance Awards last year. I wrote 12 proposals and got one funded. I submitted one patent application.

My old manager stated that in order to remain a 2, all you had to do was sit in your desk and breathe. Why then was I not even considered for a promotion. Especially when a man who was hired after me was promoted from 2 to 3 and doesn't have half the fact sheet I do? WHY?

Is it because I took maternity leave this year? Or is it even bigger than that... is it because I am a woman? Do I not make enough noise?

I have done exactly the things I was told I needed to do and more in order to be promoted this year. It makes absolutely no sense why I was passed over. This needs to be rectified. I e-mailed my manager this morning (after having sat around on vacation days letting it all mellow in my mind) and asked to talk to him early next week about this. I just don't get it.

In all honesty, one emotion I am really struggling with in all of this is embarrassment. A good friend of mine was hired in as a 3 in another area of the lab. She can't understand why I was hired in as a 2, even though I have explained it 500 times. Oh well, she says, you will be promoted this year. Now how do I tell her, and it will come up, I wasn't promoted. She is going to think I am the biggest loser nincompoop.

Well maybe I am. Why did I work so hard last year? Why did I work all that overtime, and bend over backwards to make things happen? Why did I deal with all the stress while pregnant when evidently I could have remained a 2 and never written a proposal, nor taken responsibility for anything? There are people who are part time 2's who come in and basically fill out a time card. Am I really no more than they are to my group?

How do I even start to understand this? And how do I talk to my manager on Monday? What can I even say to him? I am truly disappointed, should it be in myself, or in my managers?