Tuesday, January 16, 2007

To the big movie producers and screenwriters

Could we please get some big screen movies that don’t have sad or scary aspects? Let’s make a rule, no orphaned children, no deaths of loved ones, no cruelty towards animals, no movies with scenes that might be interpreted as scary. Happy is the name of the game.

Leif got “Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron” for Christmas this year from one of his aunts. I had put it on his Amazon.com wishlist probably a year ago. He and I sat down on Saturday morning and put this on while AB slept in. Immediately I was kicking myself for not buying this movie a long time ago. It opens with a bald eagle (one of Leif’s favorite animals) soaring over scenes of the western US, the Grand Canyon, Arches National Park, etc. Then horses (Leif’s other favorite animal) running across the landscape. Kicking myself for not getting this earlier. This is EXACTLY his type of movie. He is mesmerized.

The movie rolls on and I keep kicking myself as Spirit is born in a field to his very pregnant and laboring mother. Leif sees this now (after talking about it) and says, “baby horse born out of mommy’s tummy” and he likes to pat my tummy and feel my tummy when this part is on. (Tears!) We see Spirit growing and he eventually (within 5 minutes) is now the leader of the Cimarron herd.

Give it another five minutes and my tears of happiness (thank you hormones) turn to irritation. Sure Spirit ventured into the cowboys camp, but right here I am no longer kicking myself. Do they really have to chase him and rope him down 20 minutes into the movie? Leif and I watched the entire movie Saturday morning and par for the course with him, when they show too many people (he doesn’t like movies with people in them) he asks for “more horses now?” The entire remainder of the movie has little redeeming value. There are a few nice scenes where Spirit interacts and falls in love with a Pinto (Leif calls her “cow-horse, that’s silly”… thank you Leap Frog) that belongs to a Lakota Indian. But the vast majority of the movie is Spirit’s life in captivity and his longing to run free.

I know, it is reality. Horses were domesticated, I get it. We are talking the history of the west here. But can we just have a few movies out there that portray (an albeit very romantic) story of animals with mommies and daddies growing up in the wild and living happy long lives independent of your typical stupid humans?

Leif continues to love the movie. He gets up in the mornings and instead of asking for Little Einsteins or Tubbies, he asks for “horse movie”. We have continued to put it on, but when the part comes where the cowboys capture Spirit, Leif tells us it’s scary. My tactic is to hit the rewind button and start it back at the beginning with the bald eagle and repeat ad nauseaum every 20 minutes. AB takes a different tactic, he sits down with him and reassures him that Spirit is going to be just fine, it will be over in a minute and lets him watch the rest of the movie – or as much as he is interested in until he gets up and goes and finds something else to do.

AB and I were discussing the movie, specifically my rant of “can they at least have the animals enjoying the wild for longer than 20 minutes”. Then there is my other source of annoyance. The music. Goodness gracious there is a reason Brian Adams isn’t popular anymore, he sucks! And he does the entire freaking soundtrack. Not only does he “do” the entire soundtrack but he SINGS the entire soundtrack. Even Leif tires of him, “horsies stop singing now mommy” after a few songs.

AB says to me, “So which is worse, the Phil Collins soundtrack for Tarzan or this one?”

“That’s a toss up,” I tell him, and then just to poke a button, “the Tarzan one with Phil Collins.”

Still cannot believe I married a guy who liked Phil Collins in junior high and high school. My high school wannabe punk rocker self is so laughing.

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