Last night after a few weeks absence from names discussions AB and I delved back into it pretty hardcore. I mentioned previously that we have trouble with names. This has lead to some interesting discussions, like one from last night (no offense meant, of course):
AB: How about X?
NM: That is so white trash.
AB: Now why would you say that?
NM: It’s a name on Days of our Lives!
AB: And you know this because?
NM: Oh yeah. Point taken, I did live in a trailer house until I was four!
or this one:
AB: How about Abigail Beatrix?
NM: Now where in the world did that come from?
AB: The initials would be A.B.C.!
NM: (rolling my eyes)
And when they aren’t so funny, they can be downright frustrating. Who knew that two people who love each other so much would have such a hard time agreeing.
Leif’s name fits him so well I can’t even imagine his name being the other options we talked about. Among them Lars, Nathaniel and Joshua. So maybe Nathaniel and Joshua would work for him, but he isn’t a Lars to me. Of course, conventional wisdom says well if you liked those names the first time around, why not toss them in for round two? I still like the name Lars, so does AB, but he has a set of second cousins named Leif and Lars. It is one thing to have a same name in a family, quite another to name two sets of brothers in the same family the same names. We just can’t do it. Nathaniel and Joshua have been ruled out because now that we have started down the road with Scandinavian sounding names, it is hard to jump over to a traditional name. It just doesn’t fit with Leif.
Each gender has a different set of issues with us. Let’s start with boy’s names since I mentioned the above. We just plain don’t agree. This was the case with Leif too, we did finally come up with those four boys names and then I think I was the one who pushed for Leif. I am not sure we were even 100% sold on Leif when he was born, but then I called him Leif after he was born. AB has always said he was happy with that decision and I believe him. I have a list of wonderful Scandinavian boy’s names that I love, most have been ruled out by AB. (I am delving into my sacred list now… per our conversation last night, these names are no longer in the running.)
Zapped from my list are Sven, Tayte, Ari and Stefan. On AB’s sacred list we have ruled out Rolf. (See who is giving more??) I know AB loved Rolf, but as someone who spent 5 years in speech therapy struggling with “R’s” and specifically “ro” sounds, this name just doesn’t fly. I have to think too much when I say it. I can already hear myself being mad and yelling, “Walf!” and my child looking at me, pointing and laughing. Then everytime someone didn’t understand it I would worry that my speech impediments were coming back.
As of last night we have one name that we both like (from my list) and then two more, one that AB really likes and one that I really like. Both of those names are acceptable options to the other person. This means we are very nearly sold on a boy’s name unless something else pops up.
Enter the next biggest complication with boy’s names. Middle names. AB and I both like the idea of using family names for middle names. Since they are family names I don’t have a problem sharing them because my family that reads my blog will immediately know what the names are, so I will post our choices here. Leif’s middle name is John after my FIL. My FIL’s name was going to be used in some fashion in Leif’s name per AB’s request, and I had no problem with this. I suppose it is only fair then that my family be honored this time around. I want this, AB is offering it. But I cannot come up with a family name that I really, really like. No offense meant to anyone!
My first choice is my grandfather’s middle name, Lemuel, which very nearly makes AB vomit. He tells me it reminds him of a small rodent. (Eye roll.) My father’s middle name, Warren, is an obvious choice if it weren’t one of those names with too many r’s in it that causes me angst when I have to speak it. I have a coworker named Warren and I avoid speaking his first name at all costs. My maiden name is an option, but it does NOT go with our leading first name. Right now the leader of the pack is my great grandfather’s first name Albert (also my great great uncle’s first name). I like that name. He died when I was very young and so I never knew him, but I did know my Uncle Bud (Albert).
I don’t have a huge family to select from, and when you start ruling out names of those people who fall under the category of “there is no way in hell I am naming my child after you”, well the list becomes even smaller. I am considering, if this child is a boy and Albert doesn’t go well with the first name, kicking the middle name back over to AB’s side of the family or departing from the family name tradition. Help?
Girls… The set of issues with girls is far different then boys. With girls there are too many names we really, really like. We agree on nearly everything. Well most everything. I have three names that were always among my favorites which AB ruled out the first time around had Leif been a girl, Anna, Alice and Astrid. I suppose I am drawn to “A” names. I may have to pull these back out if we have #3 and AB is really deadset on A.B.C. initials. (Dork.)
Elin and Astrid (who made my list again) were removed from my sacred list last night. Abigail from AB’s list. I have three left on my sacred list. One that we both really love, but AB’s hesitation on it is that a number of women in his extended family (two or three) are named this. It is his great grandmother’s name. I get this concern, but I still love the name. The other name is an L name. We love it but it poses a problem that with our chosen middle name, our daughter would have the same initials as our son, L.J.C. Is this hokey?
Given that we agree on names, our decision is not a whole lot easier. See AB has this name that he loves. I mean, really, really feels strongly about naming our daughter this name. I like the name. It isn’t on my sacred list, but I really like it. In fact, I had given in on this particular name when I was pregnant with Leif had he been a girl. The name holds a lot of meaning for AB and I in our relationship. Here is what kills me, it fails the Supreme Court test. You know, can you see someone on the Supreme Court with this name? I cannot. AB likes to remind me that there are CEO’s named Bunny (NOT the name)… or maybe it was there was ONE CEO named Bunny at some point, he can’t remember.
I worry that my daughter won’t be taken seriously with this name. As a woman in a male dominated field, being taken seriously is very important to me. AB thinks I am being ridiculous. The name is one that I would put with a sports star, or an actress, or singer. The name is different, it isn’t one that I have ever seen in a name book or on a name website, it isn’t on the social security website, it isn’t anywhere one typically looks for names. It isn’t made up, in fact, it goes back to ancient mythological times. I want this name for my daughter, but I worry. I worry that some white haired old man will look at her resume someday and scoff at her name and toss it away.
Is my worry unfounded? Are there enough different names nowadays that this one that is a touch “out there” won’t raise an eyebrow?
I am very close to once again, giving in. The thought of denying my husband something that he really, really wants when I (for the most part) picked our son’s name and will give her middle name to her, just kills me. Oh yeah, if a girl, her middle name will be Jeanne (pronounced Jean), the same as mine, my mom’s, my grandmother’s, my great grandmother’s… If she hates her name she can always do as my grandmother (Shirley Jeanne) has done and go by Jeanne. Any words of wisdom on this?
(I know it would be far easier if I divulged the name. But I am a big meany like that and not going to.)
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