The endless, endless clutter

I took the plunge earlier this week.

I let our housecleaner go. (Ok, really, AB let her go as I am a wuss... but it was my telling him to do so.) She was "fine" and cleaned our house every other week for the last three years. She routinely needed reminders to do things like move the kitchen appliances and clean under them, wipe the window sills, things like that. My biggest problem with her was her hit or miss nature. One week was great, the next notsomuch. And she had plenty of personal issues that she liked to talk about (A LOT) and that I suspect made her distracted with her work regularly. Yes, if I had a 20 year old son who was schizophrenic I would probably have a hard time focusing too. But I was paying her to do a job... it was a business transaction after all and my satisfaction was hit or miss.

I didn't just let her go and decide I was going to do it myself. I am not crazy! Instead I climbed aboard a service that my closest female friends in the area have glommed onto. For only $30 more a month, I am signed up to start getting weekly cleaning service.

I am so thrilled about this because what I REALLY need done all.the.time is my floors. My floors are always a mess. Around my table is a disaster since Skadi has started eating solids and Leif can't always locate his mouth.

And how much stuff can a family of four track into the living room? I can give you a good approximate since I am constantly prying the stuff out of Skadi's mouth. Incredible oral child, she is.

So I am thrilled about this new path to a clean house.

Here is the issue though... picking up the house for the cleaner.

We could deal with the every other week scramble the night before to get the clutter picked up. But now, the scramble is going to be a weekly occurence.

I am not the only one worrying about it, AB has voiced concerns about it many times. I keep telling him that if we do it weekly, it won't get nearly so bad as it does after two weeks. In theory, we should spend far less time each week.

Right?

Ok, so I might just be expelling steam. I don't know this.

How do you deal in your house with the clutter? The things left behind day in and day out by your kids, the things that get dropped when everyone walks in the door, the toys the cat has sent sailing into neighboring rooms?

It is the common area (kitchen, dining room and living room) that get bad. Leif's room is never that bad and he helps pick up in there. We are considering introducing chores and have started this informally with the introduction of a Dust Buster... it is Leif's job to clean around the cat box with the Dust Buster... a job he does with gusto, precision and pride.

In some attempt to try something new, this weekend I am buying four new laundry baskets. One for each of the main areas of the house aimed to collect things. Not laundry, things. Then the baskets can be carried around and stuff returned to where it goes. Or in a pinch, stuff stuck in there and then set up off the floor (on the couch?) so the cleaner can get what she needs done, done.

Believe it or not, this is mostly AB's idea and one he swears he brought up months ago. Of course then I took it as, "yes we need more laundry baskets for the dirty laundry!" And I bought baskets, for laundry.

Anyone have any wonderful solutions?

Creating a monster, not mitigating them

AB tells me I always have the best intentions, but I tend to not think through how Leif will actually respond to certain things in the long run.

Take last night for example:

Leif: "Mommy there's a ghost over there." He whispers pointing to his blue towel hanging on the hook.

NM: "Nope, it's just your towel. Do you want me to move it?"

Leif: "Ok."

NM: "There done, the towel is now in your hamper."

Leif: "Mommy, there's a ghost in my hamper."

NM: "Ok, how about I just remove the towel all together?" (I get up and toss the towel out of the bedroom. Return and sit down.)

Leif: "Mommy there's monsters." (He has a seriously horrified look on his face. I felt so bad for him.)

NM: "Honey there is no such thing as monsters."

Leif: "Yes there are."

NM: (Surrender. Thinking...) "Leif if I gave you some monster poison would you be really careful with it and only use it if the monsters come near you?"

Leif: (Nods.)

I go into the kitchen and scrounge under the sink for that tiny squirt bottle I saw a few weeks ago. Find it and fill it with about an inch or two of water.

NM: "Leif this is monster poison, it makes the monsters go away if you spray them. Here, spray it once and make sure it works."

AB and I giggled as he fell asleep with a completely serious look on his face holding the squirt bottle in front of him with both hands.

Night falls. I go to bed. I get up. I hear Leif in his bedroom playing while I am dealing with fussy girl.

Leif: "Mommy! I need more monster poison!"

Quilt top on bed? Drenched.

Floor around the bed? Drenched.

Walls near bed? Drenched.

Lion hamper? Drenched.

It is truly amazing how far 2" of water in a spray bottle can go.

Tonight...

AB: "Leif time for bed."

Leif: "I NEED MONSTER POISON!"

Then heard over monitor...

AB: "Leif if you spray that again I am going to take it away."

AB: "Leif if you spray that anymore you won't have any monster poison when you need it."

AB: "Stop spraying that now."

AB: "Stop, just stop now."

AB: "No monster poison, there is no such thing as monsters! Let me have it."

AB: "Give it to me now."

AB: "I said stop spraying, do you want a time out?"

The great mom debate

This last week I had occasion to have three episodes of why women who work are cheating their kids and are the downfall of society thrown up in front of me. By the time I came across the third, which albeit wasn't directed at me, I had enough and let a little steam rise. (You know who you are - sorry!) So here I am to offer my response to a couple of those comments this week.

One of the most heated, divisive debates is among moms. Whether it is best to stay at home, work inside the home (referring to holding down a job while staying at home, not to imply in any way that stay at home mom's aren't working) or work outside the home. It's a debate that I despise because, simple fact, we aren't all the same. What the women of my mom's generation and before did with the women's liberation movement was to enable future generations of women to have the choice on whether or not they would work outside the home.

Of course these days it isn't so much about having the choice to stay at home. There are many women out there who would choose to stay at home, but making ends meet on a single income is just impossible. But... social issues aside and so I don't delve into politics and turn this post into a boring pile of drivel, let's sidestep that issue (for now).

I am most of the time able to blow off the debates even though accusations that I am not raising my own children and use of the phrase "part time mom" sting. Some of my closest friends are stay at home moms. Never once have I thought of them as "lazy" or "uneducated". In fact, the opposite. They work their butts off harder than most people and many are very educated women who worry about (among other things) reentering the workforce someday.

The buzz words are obviously intended to hurt. I believe we are all moms who would balk at our children purposely hurting another child's feelings, yet for some reason it is ok for us to do it to each other? We teach our kids to get along, to resolve their issues, to stand in another's shoes, and not to live on assumptions. About time we practice what we preach.

I am going to offer somewhat of a solution because if I see another post of "this is the problem but I don't know what to do about it, just thought I would share" I might puke. First off, support each other. Realize that not everyone has the same choices and options available to them. Simply realize that we are all women who have to make choices and support the women you know in their roles.

Second, mentor young women and don't be afraid to talk about reality. Along my long academic road I had a few female professors, but never once did one broach the issue of the logistics of balancing family with a professional career. Not to mention the sheer fact that by the time you get an undergrad degree, an advanced degree, do any post-degree training and then start a job you will likely be in your early 30's minimum, with a ticking uterus and a boss that expects you to perform like a young professional eager to put everything you have learned into play during those last few years of "worryfree childbearing".

Communicate with young women so that when they enter the career world they know that it can be very hard finding balance, but also very rewarding. Communicate with young women so that maybe those who see themselves being stay at home moms don't feel as though getting all the letters behind their names is a prerequisite or that anyone thinks less of them for their choice not to or for their choice to take a break from their career paths. Communicate with young women so that they don't grow up disillusioned that being a superwoman is easy and that she is the only one out there struggling to do it all...

You know... bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let him forget that he is a man... hmmm... maybe it's that last part that maybe the crux that breaks the camels back. (KIDDING!)