Boys = Fighting and Farting

When AB and I talked (well before we had kids) about how we would raise a boy we agreed (or at least I insisted) that my sons wouldn't have guns or shooting implements or have anything to do with fighting.

Then reality hit. For some reason "fighting" seems to be built into boys' psyche. We channeled Leif towards sword play and lightsabers, but even I have been loosening up on the toys that shoot things.

Like nearly all parents I know out there, we read to the kids regularly. When I am not sure whichever child I am reading to is paying attention, or to test their wakefulness at bedtime storytime I start changing the story. Inserting other names into the stories.

"Young Yolanda Skadi is yelling on a yellow yak."

"Now there are two Leif's on your head!"

Skadi is less receptive to this and usually tells me to "read it right mommy or don't read it at all".

Leif laughs.

Transformers are NOT my favorite toys in the world. Far from it. And when Leif starts asking for Transformer stories I try to keep my eyes from floating to the top of my head.

I have a new solution... there isn't much that ranks up there with stories about fighting... but farting gets dang close.

About a month or so ago, I started substituting some words here and adding in an occasional sentence about how stinky Earth is becoming due to all this flatulance.

And now I have to admit, those Transformer stories can be danged funny!

The only downside is that giggling little boys are usually not as prone to falling asleep during storytime.

Just my way of combating violence with "hilarious" bodily functions.

Things I Like Part One: Books

The first book I ever learned to read was called “Cat and Dog”. It isn’t terribly pc anymore, the dog threatened to do all sorts of things to the cat, including making a “catcoat”. But I loved that book and read – I mean memorized it and would “read” it to my parents over and over. My love for reading, like many people I know, has thrived over the decades.

I know I have blogged many times about books and reading. I thought I would start a post series on things I like. Here is post number one – books.

The last few months my need to read has accelerated. I believe it to be pure escapism. When I am laying in bed in the evening, it is easier to escape into a book than lie there thinking about “stuff”. I think about work, which isn’t a bad thing. But it isn’t like I need to think about work at that time of night. I think about my kids. Are they sleeping well? What are they dreaming about? Will Skadi wake up tonight? How many times will I have to put her back to bed? Are the kids breathing? Did they get wrapped up in their blankets too tightly? I better go check on them.

Then my main reason for escapism lately, I miss my mom. Please God be taking care of her. Is she watching over us? Were there things left unsaid? How is Rick doing? What is the life celebration going to be like? Am I going to be able to hold it together in church this week? Why? Why her?

And then the inevitable… Will I get the same cancer? What can I do to make sure I don’t? Do I need to go to the doctor? What if it is genetic? Can they do genetic testing? What if my kids get cancer? What is up with that funny two toned mole on Leif’s finger?

The thought process above? That is why I have been inhaling books lately. Check out my GoodReads.com list if you don’t believe me.

In September 2009 I finished “The Good Earth” by Pearl S. Buck after 3 months of reading. Loved it. I moved on easily to “Shanghai Girls”, similar genre and era, but told from the opposite perspective of Buck’s book. Loved it as well.

After I finished “Shanghai Girls” in January, I hit a stride that is still going strong.

“Look Me in the Eye: My Life With Asperger’s” (blogged about previously.)
“Embroideries” by Satrapi
“Twilight”
“New Moon”
“Stones into Schools”
“Eclipse”
“Breaking Dawn”
“The Help”
“Garlic and Sapphires”

I read them all between February and now. This is a lot for me. I know people who are fast readers. I am not ashamed to admit that I am a slow reader. Very slow.

I have three books started right now:

“American Pie: Slices of Life (and Pie) from America’s Back Roads” – I picked it up off my mom’s bookshelf while I was in Colorado shortly after her passing.

“The Travels of Jaimie McPheeters” – a book recommended to me by an online friend and it fit straight in with my favorite genre, historical fiction, particularly of the North American west.

Then my sister sent me my mom’s Kindle. Before I register it in my own name (and lose her downloads) I decided to read the books on there that I am interested in. My mom raved repeatedly about “Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet” shortly after she read it. It was on my Amazon wish list. I am 14% complete with that (Kindle fulfills my analytical analytical nature for quantitation) and certain that it must be spectacular for my mom to rave about it since it opens up talking about a widower who lost his wife to cancer at a young age. Bitter, not seeing the sweet yet, though I know if my mom did, I will too.

I am loving the Kindle so far. I have the Kindle ap on my iPhone, but I rarely use it. Only when I am stuck somewhere, by myself (i.e., no kids in tow begging for games on the phone), and bored of Fruit Ninja or Skeeball or Cribbage. Kindle for the iPhone is fine, but I am not wow’d.

I am wow’d by the real Kindle.

AB and I have opposite bedtime rituals. He showers and crawls into bed in complete darkness, with no distractions (yes, I like to talk, but I curb this) and falls asleep (hopefully). He struggles with falling asleep. I get into bed and read. I grew up reading myself to sleep. We have gone around about this a few times, I don’t like to get up and sit downstairs and read. I like to read in bed. And the reading lights are all too bright for him to sleep.

So like my preteen self, I hide under the blankets with my book and reading light until AB starts to snore. Kindle is a serious enabler here. At 8 ounces and with no pages to flip against the sheets I can read and read and read. Once AB is snoring I can carefully come out of hiding and resume being 38 and not 10.

I have a stack of books in waiting – my next book club book: “The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven” which I am really looking forward to. I am envisioning a book something like Leslie Marmon Silko’s “Ceremony”, which I read in college and loved. I also have “The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner” sitting on my bedside table.

On the floor, waiting to move on deck is “My Life in France” by Julia Child followed by a good 10 other books I have picked up in the last few years, but not yet cracked.

Things I like? Books are up around number one.

Aunt Annie's Alligator

I have lucked out - both my kids went through a "Dr Seuss's ABC's" phase. This was one of my favorite books as a child. I can recite it by heart.

But what I really love about this book is hearing Skadi's running commentary on every page.

Me: "Barber, Baby, Bubbles and a Bumble Bee"

Skadi: "Yeah, but bees sting."

Me: "Camel on the ceiling"

Skadi: "I want a camel on MY ceiling!"

Me: "Goat, girl, goo goo goggles"

Skadi: "I am a girl!"

Me: "Jerry Jordan's jelly jar - "

Skadi: "He made a big mess, look it's on the floor!"

Me: "Many mumbling mice - "

Skadi: "I don't like mice, turn the page." (This used to be one of my favorite pages!)

Me: "Nine new neckties, a nightshirt and a nose!"

Skadi: "I have a big nose!" (At this point I argue with her about the size of her nose. It is small.)

Me: "Painting pink pajamas, policeman in a pail, Peter Pepper's puppy, now papa's in the pail"

Skadi: "That's so silly, why are they in pails?!"

Me: "Rosy's going riding -"

Skadi: "NO! Say Skadi's going riding!"

Same thing with Young Yolanda... but by then I have remembered...

Me: "A yawning yellow yak, young Skadi is riding on his back!"

Skadi: (giggles)

Me: "A Zizzer Zazzer Zuzz as you can plainly see."

(This is where there are problems...)

Skadi: "What is a Zizzer? Does he bite? Why does she have long hair? Is she going to eat those childrens next to her? Why is she bigger? Does he bite? Why does he have teeth?"

It's a miracle I made it out of there!

Dismal I tell you!

Most of the kids' books are pretty good. Love the Boynton books. Skadi loves them too. She is particularly fond of the Dora books, Goodnight Moon (which has to be read every night before bed) and also Yertle the Turtle. She LOVES Yertle.

Leif is now into having chapter books read to him. I started off with Little House on the Prairie - which he loved. And then we moved and apparently I packed the rest of the set. Must find them. We got a few Cynthia Rylant books, a Patrick Carman book about a park in Walla Walla and then AB started reading Harry Potter. I wasn't terribly thrilled about this, but let him go with it. At first Leif kind of balked. Hearing about Harry and his cousin and the room under the staircase, wasn't terribly interesting.

So AB skipped that section and jumped straight to Hagrid and his world has since been changed. They are nearly finished with book one.

So these are the good books.

There are other really, really bad books out there.

Let's start with "A Party in the Jungle". This one is so bad that whoever wrote it left their name off. It has no author. It's just a "glitter book" and available for a penny from many sellers on Amazon. Not only does the story drive me insane - an elephant named Toby is shy, but he is invited to a party and asked to dance and miraculously overcomes his shyness. This is not how shyness is overcome, I can tell you firsthand.

Add to that neither of my kids are showing signs of shyness. I think the book should hit the trash. Don't waste your penny.

The main reason for this is one sentence in this book. I can get past the simple concept of the book. But the sentence "Everyone came including a mouse to eat, sing and dance." What exactly is the mouse's purpose? To be eaten? So so very bad.

And Skadi loves this book. Of course.

It's the glitter.

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Moving on...

Tonight Leif picked out a book handed down to him from our prior neighbor boy. The Little Tin Soldier by Hans Christian Anderson. I was thrilled he picked this out. It was aimed at his age group with lots of pop up action and this is a classic author! My son was reading a classic with me!

Ok, has anyone read this story? Classics should probably just go away. I tried reading Robinson Crusoe to Leif a few months ago after remembering how much *I* loved that book. I was appalled. I put it away. Far away.

Back to the Little Tin Soldier. Great concept. A tin soldier made for a boy, gets lost, eaten by a fish, mom buys a fish at the market and cuts it open to find the lost tin soldier.

If it ended there I would have been fine. I would have remained a touch grossed out by the fact that they bought fish with guts inside, but fine.

But no, the story doesn't end there. It ends with the soldier being thrust into the fire because it was defective and the little balerina that fell in love with him jumping in after him and all that remains in the fire the next day is his head and her heart.

GULP!!

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Enter Captain Underpants. Another book passed on by the boy down the street.

Need I say more?

Actually even Leif isn't terribly interested anymore. He thought the concept was hilarious to start, but Underpants is currently lying under a huge stack of books awaiting the repair of the cheap book shelf in Leif's room.

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There is one last book of Skadi's that slays me. It is another one of those grammar violation books. Stay tuned...

(Because I am tired now and need to go to bed.)