Coach Nuclear Mom?

I am always pushing my poor husband to coach sports teams. He actually does pretty well at it and despite his complaining I am SURE that he enjoys it.

Now that we have two children that are team sports ages it is hard to balance the obligations that team sports bring. It is easier when only one child wants to play a sport, but when they both want to... just scary.

With the YMCA sports, I like that the practices and games during the summer are actually during the week leaving weekends open. However, there is a huge demand for teams and always wait lists for the sports. You often end up taking what you can get as a parent. Two kids and you are potentially looking at 4 nights of sports a week!

Now if you are a volunteer coach... things loosen up substantially!

This was my thought. AB coaches Leif's soccer team, I coach Skadi's and between us we coordinate the practices and games. This has actually worked out quite successfully and we ended up with a number of other siblings on our teams as well as parents who have suddenly clung to us with frequent statements and e-mails of "let's do this again, let us know when you are coaching other teams!"

But can I just say that I am just not a natural coach?

Nope. Really not.

Of course my age group (3-4 year olds) makes my role feel substantially more like "preschool teacher" or "cat herder" or "zoo keeper" than "coach".

My husband gets to maintain the coach title. Not me.

Luckily I went into this with an enthusiastic co-coach who has not only picked up my slack but run with it and has had incredible commitment to the team and quite possibly more natural preschool teacher/cat herder/zoo keeper in him than I do.

I have complained a few times about parents on sports teams and I am quite sure that at least on one occasion, my husband was viewed as "one of those parents".

One more week left and really it was fun. Do it again? Unlikely. I am happy to think that my son is getting to the age and ability that his next coach needs to be someone with more than recreational commitment, which means that AB is already talking about coaching Skadi's team. Which means I should be off the hook, right??

Here are my issues...

First off I suck at Arts and Crafts and cutey things. What does this have to do with soccer? In baseball the coach (also a kindergarten teacher...) had cute little foam seat pads for the kids to sit on and every time she brought snacks it had pencils and ribbons and fancy name writing. Little pails for the kids all decorated at the end of the season.

Me? I have intentions... but I secretly comfort myself knowing that the baseball pail is lying at the bottom of he toy box stripped of its decorations...

The parents. Seriously parents. I am not your babysitter. When your child quits running off the field for the play area? That's when you get to sit in your comfy chair in the shade sipping whatever beverage of choice you might have in your Sigg. Yes, I know, my daughter is as bad as everyone else at kicking and chasing the ball 100 yards off the field... but I am out there to chase her! When I invite the parents out on the field to help steer their kids, I am serious. As in "get out here now".

Commitments. Just my feelings I suppose, but when you commit to bringing snack, being at a game, or any other plans for the team, I expect there to be some carry through. Because really, a game without snacks at the end just really, really sucks for the kids. I gave you my cell and e-mail for a reason.

I had one parent this time around with children on each my husband's and my team. She couldn't get her children out on the field. After trying for 5 minutes each night, two nights in a row, she stated to her kids, "ok, you can either go out on the field or we can go get ice cream instead, your choice".

Umm gee, what would you choose? Any surprise that neither of the kids attended more than those two nights? But of course she signed up for snacks... for both teams... which now I get to cover... while she enjoys her ice cream...

Anyways... no it wasn't all bad. I met some terrific and fun kids. I practiced my preschool teacher skills just in case this whole Ph.D. scientist thing doesn't work out. I got out and ran with the kids. I held lots of hands on the field and was the recipient of many "flowers" from the field from my kids. I got lots of hugs. I got to play the role of "monkey bars" for the kids. My kids got to win (frequently thanks to one little Beckham on my team).

Naw, it wasn't all bad. Afterall, its making it an experience for the kids.

(Maybe my tags should be a hint... when I type "Coach" in I get "purse"...)

Soccer

This year we signed Leif up for the semi-competitive soccer league. It's semi-competitive at this age - competitive in another year or so.

Leif missed the age cutoff by one day. In order to play U6 (since he is 6 years old) he would have had to have been born after July 30th. His birthday is July 29th, so he is the youngest on the team. I debated filing a petition to have him "play down" so he would be with the kids in his year, but I didn't. He is a soccer kid and is used to playing with older kids at school.

Then his team didn't have a coach.

And AB - being the good sport that he is - finally raised his hand and volunteered.

It's been a learning experience. AB's patience is running a bit thin at this point.

There is one boy on the team who is good, and quite serious. The others... including my son... have decided that being competitive isn't all its cracked up to be, listening is optional and making Coach put his hand over his eyes and shake his head is funny.

Here the kids are warming up. Look at AB's stride. This is where he is walking over to say something like "come on guys..." See the boys are very concerned about which ball they kick during warm up. They were sorting out the balls here "wasting time".

We have 7 kids on our team. They play three on three with no goalie, which is actually a step back from the summer YMCA team. So this means that there is plenty of time on the sidelines.

Here Leif is getting ready to do a goal kick. He likes to take his time setting up his goal kicks. (AB is looking a bit frustrated here.)

"Kick the ball Leif!"

Half time is always fun too... AB is trying to talk to the boys about listening. They just want to blow his whistle.

Oh well. As long as the kids are having fun!

On kids and sports

I remember pontificating one time, okay, maybe more times than once, that I thought kids were overscheduled and that *my* kids would only participate in one activity at a time outside of school (Spanish lessons, music lessons and Tumblebus aside since those are extracurricular through school, during their time). If there was more than one activity they wanted to do, then they had to make a decision.

This week my son has two tennis lessons, one soccer practice and swimming lessons.

In my own defense, tennis is ending this week and soccer is just starting. So there is really only one week where this craziness of three sports has taken hold.

Swimming lessons are every Saturday morning. Leif could kind of care less about swimming, but his sister is a fish. It would be easy to let swimming fall off Leif’s schedule, but both AB and I feel that swimming is an ultra-important skill that our children must possess. Our family cabin is on Puget Sound, about 100 feet from the water. There are boats and watercraft of all sorts during the summer. Not to mention that AB grew up swimming and it was his sport of choice. Oh and did I mention that we are hoping for a trip to Hawaii this coming year and want the kids to be able to swim... like in the ocean.

Then you toss in there the sibling factor… Skadi lives every day of her life looking forward to Saturday swimming lessons – this IS her one activity. She knows all the swim teachers and they know her... well. Since she was in parent-tot she was a little swimming star. The teachers love teaching Skadi because she does anything they ask. (This is the one time every week that Skadi does as she is told.) Check out the picture from the one session where her teacher decided to pass her up - way up. She did quite well, but it looked pretty funny in the picture her standing there with a 6, 7 and 9 year old and she was 2.5 and in a swim diaper.

We opted to put her back with kids her own age and the teachers promised not to let her stagnate - so far they haven't!


We did the divide and conquer thing one session where I took Skadi to swimming and Leif stayed home with daddy. And it isn’t that it didn’t work… it just wasn’t ideal. We like being together as a family, even if it is just for an hour of swimming lessons with mom and dad on the sides watching the kids perform.

This was really that turning point when we realized that one activity a week wasn't going to work for long.

Tennis. When I was five years old my mom put me in tennis lessons and I wore the cutest little white skort and went to Mike Cedar Park for my lessons. One of the older boys in my lesson made a snide comment to me – he made fun of me for having Kool-Aid in my water bottle. I responded in the manner that most girls that age would – I stuck my tongue out of him. My mom saw too. I thought I was going to be in so much trouble, but she thought it was hilarious. I played racquet sports off and off through my life. Mostly racquetball, like my mom and stepdad, but I also dabbled with tennis. Leif became strangely intrigued with tennis after playing it on the Wii. A few months ago he started asking for tennis lessons and I scrambled looking for options.

See as a working mom, you are terribly limited in summer sports activities. No one wants to teach summer sports on the weekends! I finally bit the bullet and signed Leif up for four lessons over a span of two weeks as an introduction to tennis.

I sort of expected he would take the class, realize he wasn’t Andre Agassi (not that he knows who Andre is), and move onto something else. Instead Leif has declared that he “loves” tennis and it is “even better than baseball”. And not terribly surprising since the kid loves sports, he isn’t half bad at it. He was sporting his wicked backhand today. Yes, he knows what a backhand is now.

This is where mommy guilt stings. Because I can’t justify to continue taking off at 9:30am Monday and Wednesdays to go grab Leif from school (where he misses ultra-important calendar work) to drive across town for a half hour lesson, then drive back, deposit him back at school and run back to work and get there by 11am in order to further his tennis interest. Can I? I keep telling myself he is only 5 and 11/12th. There are going to be plenty of summers when I am clamoring for camps and such to enroll the kids in. He will probably get his fill of tennis then.

Soccer. Oh soccer, the most beloved of Leif sports. We do soccer through the YMCA in the summers as well as indoor soccer in the winter. And this year, given Leif’s enthusiasm over soccer, we have registered him for the competitive league that starts this fall. I think this officially makes me a soccer mom putting Leif in this league. Leif is all about soccer and during every recess at school he can be found on the soccer field. Daily he begs me to allow him to wear his cleats to school. Today he wanted to "just bring them in case" his teachers decide he can wear cleats on the playground. The boys cheer when he arrives in the morning and direct him to which team “needs help”. Leif very willingly complies because like his father, he likes to help the underdog. Not doing soccer? Not really an option unless I want one unhappy little boy.

I know people who slam sports, who think it ridiculous that we spend time running our kids around for sports practices and events. To each their own. Both AB and I were raised in families that prided physical activity. AB and his brothers were diehard swimmers. I was lucky, my mom worked at the YMCA and so I was able to take every single class I wanted to (hello disco dancing!) and my mom was lucky that she didn't have to pay for childcare.

I played volleyball and basketball from 5th grade through 9th grade, competed in track and field and competed in gymnastics through 10th grade, until I got an afterschool job instead. I ski both downhill and cross country, played tennis and racquetball (2nd in State Juniors in Wyoming), softball (which I absolutely despised though), swam and most recently ran (which I really need to get back to).

My parents taught me I could do anything and enabled me to pursue my interests. I wasn’t great at every sport, but I enjoyed them (except for softball) and learned the value of physical activity.

So when I run home from work on Monday and race to fix a quick dinner to eat on the run to soccer practice that starts at 6:15pm… yeah, it’s not ideal. But it’s the best we can do right now as working parents who are striving to enable their kids’ dreams. Not every child dreams about sports.

Mine does.

Parents behaving badly

There seem to be some general types of parents on the sidelines at kids' sporting events. We have so far been on both sides as parents and AB was a coach this winter for Indoor Soccer. Leif's baseball team so far seems to have the most widely varying and very stereotypical parents we have seen so far.

Here are the types:

A: Yeah, I call them A for a reason. Type A parents are the ones whose kids are the best and most talented and they let everyone know it. (In their eyes.) "Have you noticed that little Johnny can hit that ball everytime? Look at him! See he hit it again. And on top of that he can throw a perfect curve ball. Hey Johnny, come show her your curve ball. Come on son. Show it!"

B: Then there are the opposite. "Look at Billy, how ridiculous. He can't do anything right. Son, what are you doing out there? What are you thinking? Can you at least try to hit the ball?"

C: The chatter moms. "And what did you think the teacher said then? Well of course you know. And those are really cute shoes! Where did you get those shoes? Did you hear we are getting a new restaurant in our part of town!?"

D: The haggered mom with four kids, one of whom is playing. "Tammy I told you not to bother her, no you can't go play on the playground, you guys need to sit right here and watch your sister. No, I don't have any more food, you ate it all. You have your sippy cups. Jamie, aren't you watching your sister? I told you to watch your sister! No, I don't know where the bathroom is. STAY RIGHT THERE."

E: The where did she go mom. "Ok Scotty, if you need anything yell, I will be over with your sister at the playground. I will be watching you if you need something."

F: The varsity dad. "Yeah, I know your coach said to do it this way, but in my experience the best way to hit the ball is like this. Just how we practiced 18 times this weekend. Yeah, I will come out and help you." (Then he never leaves the field and takes over for the coach.)

Seriously we have like all those on my son's team of 12 kids.

I am part C and E depending on the sport. C given the right friends to surround me - which in baseball there are none I am close with. So in baseball, I am mostly E. I refuse to confine my daughter to the sidelines, so we walk the 100 feet to the playground and watch while I keep glancing over my shoulder. When AB shows up we divide and conquer - one of us watches and encourages our son, while the other works hard to wear our daughter out on the playground.

I don't really mind most of the other parent types. Save for one.

Parent type B.

This woman drives me insane. She drags her folding lawn chair with tiny umbrella to her spot and she opens it and doesn't move a muscle but her mouth the entire time.

"Emily, didn't you see that ball? It went right past you!"

"Emily, step on the base. On the base. DID YOU HEAR ME, I SAID STEP ON THE BASE! Go back and step on the base. Yes, that one, third base. What you don't even know what third base is? Sheesh girl."

(Looking at all the other parents.) "I love her I guess, but wow she makes me nuts."

(Who says they "guess" they love their child?)

"Emily, get your tongue in your mouth. TONGUE in mouth! You are going to bite it off and then you won't be able to talk!"

"Hit the ball. You are supposed to actually HIT the ball."

"Get your TONGUE IN YOUR MOUTH!"

She makes me nuts. She makes us all nuts. She makes the coach nuts.

It's YMCA soccer. In the packet we get a list of 100 ways to praise your child.

Poor child has probably never heard a single one.

Seriously.

I just enrolled Leif in the local more competitive soccer league starting this fall. Yes, registration started March 1st for fall soccer. I am only guessing it is going to get 10x worse in that league.

(Ok, I am done now.)

On Becoming a Soccer Mom

That's me, a real, official, card carrying soccer mom!

Leif started soccer about a week ago through the YMCA for four and five year olds. We signed him up and he couldn't wait to start. It's important that he wear a particular soccer shirt for practice... the one that makes me feel like either a bad sport mom or white trash mom, not sure which.

Leif picked out the shirt from Target one day. It's a sleeveless t-shirt, which sorry, I just can't stand. T-shirts need sleeves. But then it has a soccer ball on it and says, "Winning is the Goal". Which if you are in YMCA soccer, winning is not the goal, playing a being a good sport is. Still I bought the shirt and feel a touch embarrassed by the fact that it is by far and away his favorite shirt.

Anyways, last week the team got together and sat in a circle on the ground. They said their names and their favorite food.

My son fibbed.

He said that his favorite food was "all food!" It would have been more accurate if he declared, "no food".

After the introductions they went around and suggested names for the team. The first kid started out with "Huskies", which in this part of Washington either gives you cheers or jeers. We swing both ways in this region. The next suggestion was for the "horsies" and they gravitated back towards food items which led Leif to suggesting the team be "the Macaroni and Cheeses".

They finally nixed the food names and the kids picked the Horses. Yay horses!

Tonight on the way home Leif admitted he didn't like "The Horses" and if it was alright, he was going to continue to call the team "The Macaroni and Cheeses". Yes, my kid marches to a different drummer.

Skadi then picked it up and said, "how about pepperoni heads!?"

That was my second episode of laughing hilariously tonight.

Of course this resulted in her squealing "pepperoni heads" the whole way home.

Leif loves soccer, he really does. He is set for gear with shin guards and a new soccer ball with his name on it. He looks forward to practice and can't wait for his first game on Thursday.

I wondered if they would scrimage a little today in preparation for the game so the kids had some idea of what they were doing as they stand opposite some other team. Sure enough they split up to 6 kids on each side and scrimmaged. Sans goalies (which kills Leif - that's his favorite position to play at school).

Leif took to soccer... well like a horse I guess! He gets right in the mix and has AB put it, he was more beat up by his own team dogpiling him than the other team.

I wish I would have had a video camera but at one point Leif had the ball and knew he needed to get it turned around and headed towards the other goal. But he was down at the goal his team was defending. So he dribbled the ball out behind the goal, through the parents on the sideline and down the field... all the while with 11 children on his heels following his every step and the coaches yelling, "out of bounds" and "LEIF stop!"

Then they just let him go. And go. And go. Until he tripped over his own feet, fell down and had 11 children land on top of him.

Leif was terribly happy he had made the group of parents watching laugh.

Andy commented something to the effect that we may have laughed when they said the goal was to keep the kids ON the soccer field, but apparently that IS a challenge. Boundaries mean nothing to 4-5 year olds.

Niranjana's grandma at one point commented that this was far more entertaining than watching older kids play soccer! She is right.

We need to work on the listening aspect. I don't know how many times I heard the coach yelling, "Leif, Leif, LEIF stop!"

No ball was left to sit idle in Leif's presence.

We will be working on the listening part.

Soccer Boy

He is ALL about the soccer...

I picked out his clothes and called him out to take pictures... He misunderstood - he thought I said, "get dressed and come play soccer". Easy mistake.

I remember when he would pose and smile and let me take pictures of him...

Now he is all about the action shot.

And the high kicks, "watch me do a high kick mom!"

He gets fancy too...

And if I request a "normal picture" from him - this is what I get...



Bribery does work though... these only cost me ten pennies.