The Biggest Little City

When AB and I left Reno, I was sad. I went there a bit reluctantly... sad to leave Colorado, but happy to get away too. Going somewhere new. A long ways from family. With someone special to me - AB. I didn't expect to fall in love with Reno, but I did.

I was invited back to Reno to the University this fall when I was notified that Congratulations, I had been awarded the "Young Alumni of the Year" award for UNR. I immediately questioned whether they had the right person... they did say "young". And well I am 12 years out of my Ph.D. But apparently you are young if you graduated less than 15 years ago. They asked me if I would attend and I couldn't resist even though all I could envision was swollen boobs and pumping around the clock and my husband dealing with a baby for a few nights.

But how often are you awarded this type of award really? I had to go.

I booked my flight, booked my room at Circus Circus ($49/night special - can always count on the Circus) and it was on.

I arrived and wandered around the Circus Circus, Silver Legacy and Eldorado complex. I rode the Circus Circus train over to the tower where my (actually very nice) corner room was. While on the train two girls sat across from me. I asked them where they got their Starbucks, making a mental note for tomorrow. Then one of them eyed me and said it... "where are you from?" I suppose it was the tone. It wasn't "oh, where are YOU from?" It was "where are you FROM?" Like I had probably never been there before. Hard to explain. Anyways, I told them and added the caveat - "but I lived here for about 6 years in the late 90's.

It was like walking into a 12 year time warp. The big dome with the rig is still there. Only a lonely ghost hanging out for Halloween - no laser light show that I saw. If you haven't seen this, it is huge. Like 4-5 stories tall I think. Humongous.

The Bistro Roxy is still there - first martini bar I ever entered. And outside is the fabulous Bacchus statue. Same same.

The next morning I was up nice and early courtesy of the melons attached to my chest. I got up, gazed at my old stomping grounds... and went for a drive before meeting my graduate advisor (now the chair).


UNR viewed from my Circus Circus Room.

The Vietnamese restaurant across from Circus Circus that we used to frequent.

I drove up to our last apartment while in Reno. This is what I remember - a great view of downtown Reno. Our beautiful dog, Winny. And the balloons from the balloon festival flying overhead. Ah the days.

 

And now. Built up enough that I doubt there is a view from FF103 anymore. Did you ever hear the story of FF103 and F103? AB loves to tell this story. A tale for another day. I guess what really surprised me though was the foliage up there. You can see in the one above that Winny sat in front of sagebrush. Not anymore.

 

But there were the bad times. The upstairs neighbors at that place that still make me bristle. The management of the complex that spontaneously lost every noise complaint filed. Resulting in the one and only time I have had to mentally restrain myself from knocking the living shit out of someone.

We had previously had a great apartment in South Reno with wonderful walking paths nearby. But we wanted a dog - and they wouldn't let us have a dog. Sad. The second floor apartment here is our first Reno apartment. Where I hosted my first Thanksgiving dinner. Where we were sleeping when a 5.2 magnitude earthquake hit.

I drove over to our old walking/running path and called my advisor to see if he was ready to meet.

Reno from the South

 

So some things never change? Yep. My advisor still looks like he is 22. But even scarier... the lab. I could have walked out of there 3 weeks ago or 12 years ago. I used to sit in that chair. I put that chamber together. Even the same computers - my advisor lamented. See those drawers? That is my handwriting on every single one of those labels. Labeled and organized THEM ALL. Even the signs were the same. "CASEY GROUP" on the front door (blocking the looky loos)? Mine.



 

 

 We walked around the new buildings on campus and it appears that the University is doing quite well with the new buildings. But I got to learn about the other side of things. The state funding side from my former advisor. I learned that they have a wonderful piece of equipment that they can't even set up because they have no money to pay for the argon to run it. Sad. I fear for the future of my department.

So I suppose it shouldn't have been a surprise how that evening went at the Alumni recognition event. I was whisked in - I was a bit late because Reno has changed A LOT. I saw faculty from my department and was anxious to get over and stand with people I knew. I am not good with small talk. Though I have to admit I think I am getting better.

Nope. I was ushered past the people I knew and whisked up to the Dean, who shook my hand and shook my hand. Told where I would sit - with a large donor family (whose son was also being honored) and then *I* became the dog and pony show.

I met donor after donor and was (embarrasingly) lauded as a huge chemistry department success. I chose Nevada for grad school because I wanted a small department where I would have a good chance at success because I had absolutely no confidence I would succeed otherwise. I loved my time at UNR. I had a great class I entered with (about 50% graduating success I think) and I felt I left with an excellent education that spanned chemistry and physics.

I am an introvert. I am a woman. As I learned from the Lean In book, the fact that I shun recognition is probably more of a quality of being a typical woman. I looked around the table that night at the man (and his family) who was also being honored and he beamed at pride at every recognition while his wife made certain to remind everyone how MANY awards from the University he had achieved in the past few years. Really a smart and entreprenuerial guy actually. I kind of envied him. Actually I envied his self assuredness. I tried to sit up straight and stick my chest out like he did. Then I became increasingly aware of my swollen melons and worried they might rupture... when last did I pump anyways?

When the Dean read my list to the audience I know my face was beet red. And those at "my" table looked at me with jaws dropped. I wanted to make excuses - it was my teams. They deserve all the success. Not me.

Then I canned it. I went through hell for a few years with an extremely difficult team situation and strong personalities who wouldn't be sidelined. Until he was.

I freaking deserved this.

 

 

Part 6... Happier times

AB and I were settled in Reno. He would go up and work on The Slope for about 4-6 weeks and then come home for 2 weeks. This actually worked out quite well for us at the time. He was making good money, I had my study time. I met fellow grad students and got to know them. I established myself in my program and much to my surprise, I excelled and enjoyed what I was doing.

AB came home from his stint on the Slope in November and decided that during the slow winter time (because who wants to work on the North Slope of Alaska in the winter?) he would seek a job in Reno and see what he found. We hosted Thanksgiving for our friends that year (my first turkey - I am always inclined to sing the song "Rawhide" thinking about that turkey...), we drove back to Colorado for Christmas and then shortly after the first of the year in 1997, AB had a job working as a chemist in an environmental lab. The pay got us by and we were officially now Nevada residents, living together full time.

Things went great for that year and we were quite happy, but after about 1.5 years I started to get restless. I wanted marriage in my future, it was important to me. I brought up the dreaded conversation with AB. He seemed perplexed and a little confused. He told me he thought things were just fine the way they were and that he had just figured we would get married when we were ready to have kids.

Kids! Kids? Kids were way off in my future. I was tired of splitting expenses 50-50 (funny how that happens when you are the low earner... and even though AB offered to merge everything, I refused), I wanted a real commitment. And I certainly didn't want to have kids while in grad school. That meant that on the optimistic side, we wouldn't be married for another four years? At least? I was dismayed.

I remember telling myself I had time. I was happy. But since this was something that was important to me, I had to not ignore it. (See, I finally had my head on straight!) I told myself that I would give it one year. If in one year, I did not have a marriage proposal or at least feel substantially different then I did right then, I needed to make a decision if this relationship was right for me.

That year of fun went by and I knew my date was approaching. I also saw a lot of good things happening for AB. He had a new and very good job offer working for the City in the Wastewater Treatment Plant. And he had just spent a good portion of his savings.

The savings went not to buy me a nice big rock for my finger. It went to buy a brand new Subaru Outback that Valentine's Day in 1999. Truth be told, he needed the car after just replacing the engine in the Nissan Pathfinder and it still didn't run overly well. I tried not to let myself be too disappointed, but I feared having to have that talk again about what I really wanted in life, despite our very happy state in the present.

We needed to break in the car and so picked up and drove to Napa Valley for Valentine's Day weekend. (For the record... probably the stupidest idea ever to think that "it's a holiday, no one will go to Napa for Valentine's day". HA HA HA!)

We ended up in Santa Rosa in a Super 8 motel and eating Mexican for dinner. A far cry from our usual Napa trips that included spas, hot springs and quaint little bistros. But it was still fun. We drove the coast to San Francisco to go see JB on our way back.

On this trip, there was talk. And *I* didn't even have to bring it up. AB told me he couldn't afford a ring right now, but he had been thinking about what I had said the year before. He said with his new good job, he felt he could swing a ring soon. He suggested we start pricing engagement rings in the next few months. He wanted my input so we got exactly what I would want.

I was chomping at the bit. I couldn't wait to start looking at rings and I think I allowed myself one weekend before dragging us to the mall and every jeweler in town.

At the first jeweler, I found what I wanted. A 14K gold and platinum band with a diamond solitaire. I tried to look at other rings, but "my" mind was set.

Would AB feel the same way?

We had decided that he would make the final decision and the proposal would be as much of a surprise as it possibly could be.

I knew it was coming, but when and where was indeterminate.