Love and marriage preschool style

So the little chicky who proposed to my son and is probably still waiting for his answer via phone call, latched onto me today. Ok, not latched. As a nursing mom, "latch" means something that I am not trying to convey here. I got a HUGE hug from her.

I hugged her back as icily as I could - in typical mother-in-law-in-practice fashion (though my MIL doesn't hug with ice, she is a good hugger). I wanted to whisper in little chicky's ear not to be expecting an answer from Leif anytime soon, he can't read and there is no democracy in our house, it is a dictatorship and I control what he reads. But I didn't. I just thanked her for the hug, but I see through her tactics...

Love and marriage is in the air at preschool though. One of the other moms who I am friends with told me her son was trying to decide which of two girls he was going to marry at recess tomorrow since she had told him he could not marry his sister.

And then the other day on the way home from school Leif blurted out that he was going to marry me. I was flattered, but told him I didn't think Daddy would like that too much since he is already married to me. He proposed a three-way marriage, but I reinforced the one man, one woman thing. (I accept homosexuality and I am pro gay marriage - but my three year old doesn't need to start thinking about that anytime in the near future.)

I told Leif that he was going to need to pick out someone else to marry, and he did. Our friend's daughter and not terribly surprising.

I want to think of Leif as being immune to the advances of girls everywhere - but I know him too well. Everyone gets a hug in our house, and kisses get doled out too and not just for the girls either.

He and one of his male friends always kiss as they depart from a playdate. Not surprising since on New Years Eve at their house I was kissed hello and goodbye by nearly everyone there and very few of them I had met previously. (A little weird... but whatever.) But at their house, Leif gloms onto this practice. Kisses all around!

Then there are the two girls we are closest friends with, it is hard to pull Leif off them... I have a Christmas eve picture I could post of a "Leif sandwich" with the two of them - it is apparent he was enjoying a little slice of heaven there... There are usually threats of dad's needing to become involved - though Leif doesn't pay them much heed. N has proved to be her own woman though as she puts up with his advances for about three seconds and then shoves him off saying, "no kissies Leif". C, on the other hand, eats it up and we have questions of "when do we force them to stop this" with regards to the present as well as future timeline with respect to age.

So while I want to think that my son is an innocent bystander not provoking any of this attention... I fear that he is an active participant in garnering this attention.

Insert title here

I have no words for a title. Because right now I am just mad. I am ticked and I am hurt.

I got an e-mail from my sister in law saying that they don't like materialism and being that it "isn't fair" that we all have to buy for each of their three kids, they don't want it to continue this way. They have set up a new gift exchange routine that is just plain complicated, but essentially says who we will buy for with a strict amount. No draw. Oh and we will all buy for AB's sister... the one who the last two of the three years of the exchanges hasn't actually participated for some unknown reason. (She had AB each time, so I know this for certain.) But since she has no kids we are to shower her with gifts instead. How nice for her.

I hate that my kids don't know their cousins. But this is just another way to drive a wedge between already very distant cousins. "Sorry Leif, we aren't buying for those cousins. Oh and the one we are buying for, you won't receive anything from." No, I wouldn't say that. But do the kids all understand the dynamics of the exchanges? I am not sure I understand them.

As usual, I am the big stick in the mud that sent a big stick in the mud e-mail. I am on the bottom rung of daughter in laws, there is no place further to fall. I may as well tick off my mother in laws "best friend" (my SIL, aka the perfect mother).

Part of my job as a parent is to counter materialism with real parenting. It is also to teach my child that Christmas is not just about receiving, but it is also about giving and choosing items for people that are what THEY would like, and not what my son would like. And when receiving is involved since that is an inevitability (a joyous unevitibility for all kids out there) how to be a gracious recipient and to politely acknowledge the gift and the generosity of the giver.

On Thursday on the way home Leif told me he wanted to get N a surprise. We talked about this since his first suggestion was that he wanted to buy her Colorado. (Wondering if it is really... color yellow?) We decided after we talked about the logistics of "giving" Colorado, that he would give N a book, "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus". It is his favorite book and we just so happened to have a spare copy put up on a shelf as a Christmas gift for someone else (oh maybe a cousin I am no longer supposed to buy for?) He very excitedly picked out a gift bag and a big green bow to put on it. He was proud to take it to her. She said thank you and Leif was happy. He talked about giving her the book a few times this evening.

Then tonight we went to sit down to read books before bed. I asked Leif if he wanted to read the Pigeon book. He told me, "but I gave my favorite book to N", in an almost matter of fact way.

"No Leif," I told him, "you gave her a copy of the same book. See you still have the book too! You didn't give her your book." I pulled out his copy to his complete astonishment.

"Oh!" he told me excitedly. "Then let's read that one and probably N's mommy is reading her the pigeon book too right now."

I had tears in my eyes. I was so proud of him. My son did that well all the time thinking he was giving the one and only copy of his favorite book away. Even when it was time to read it, he accepted he had gifted it to someone else very matter of fact.

I do believe *I* am doing the right thing with my son.