Disconnected

Slowly I am reconnecting. I expect by this weekend I should be completely plugged back in.

AB and I finished watching The Alaska Experiment that we had Tivo'd the other night. A Discovery channel series where four groups of people were dropped off in different locales with the "bare minimum" of supplies and had to survive for three months. (AB - being somewhat of a survival buff - is sure they would never take us, he keeps telling me this... though I think he is more telling himself this.) We finally finished the series and watched the reunion show the other night. Our favorite group of people, Jeff and Elizabeth, talked about how "disconnected" they felt upon returning to society and to their jobs after three months of interacting basically only with each other and the wild.

Disconnected.

The word resonated with me. Though I only spent about 9 days on vacation and it wasn't as secluded in Alaska and I most certainly had "cabin fever" brought on by too many people in a small place as opposed to traditional cabin fever, "disconnected" still struck me as the word I have been looking for to describe my return from our vacation. I got back from Alaska and felt a strange sense of loneliness, a touch despondent I think, as well as quiet and contemplative.

The day after we got back I couldn't even bring me to check my personal e-mail. I wanted to just hole up with my family and not go anywhere. Absorb myself in them and in our home. Relish OUR quiet home.

I immediately got back and absorbed myself in the details of my work. Often ignoring personal e-mails that didn't require immediate attention. I even reconnected with a friend of mine from high school, one of my closest friends during that time, and couldn't even bring myself to e-mail him back. I still haven't. All week I felt quiet, but couldn't really pinpoint it.

I am not a depressed person, never have been. And actually I tend to be quite even-keeled, if anything, not enough highs and lows to my personality according to my personality style.

It was probably one of my most productive weeks actually. I had little desire to interact with people and pretty much just plowed through work. A few times I felt as though I should apologize to people for being a huge grump. Because I did feel like a huge grump.

I am still feeling a touch disconnected, but I think I am starting to pinpoint the root cause.

I love Alaska. I really, really do. AB loves Alaska.

And sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to live there.

I am curious what will happen when we go to Colorado in November?

Are we really just being hit over the heads with a big sign?