Guilt and butterflies

I am lucky - I don't tend to have much mommy guilt. I have friends who do. Who feel very guilty about working or being away from their kids, etc. There are days I wish I was home with the kids. But for the most part I relish the fact that I have a job I really enjoy (for now), brings me a lot of satisfaction, pays me a nice wage and allows me loads of flexibility to be there for the kids when I want. I am truly lucky. Mommy guilt? Not much here.

But I do feel guilty about one thing.

This:

It might look innocuous enough. My son telling me that I make his heart flutter and saying he loves me. Sweet huh? And brings me loads of guilt.

See it is traumatic enough that I haven't talked about it since it happened. A few days before Mother's Day.

AB says I should have known what was in it! It's obvious right? "Flutter" and in a paper bag, must open it right now and not wait 2 days till Mother's Day. Oh and that they raised butterflies from caterpillars in class.

Duh, right?

Well I missed all the warning signs.

It isn't that I don't like butterflies. I do. They are beautiful. It isn't that I don't like gifts. I love gifts, particularly thoughtful ones from my son. It isn't that I don't like surprises. Well I don't really, but that isn't really the point.

Every year we raise butterflies from caterpillars at home. Then we release them.

Awww! My chunky baby girl with her flame red hair! Wow, how time flies. Anyways...

Note that is AB's hand. He reaches in and pulls the butterflies out. The kids play with them and when the butterflies get tired, they fly off.

 

Note that *I* am not in any of these pictures.

I stand safely behind the camera at a distance of about 5-6 feet away from the crazy fluttering that may ensue.

Oh and we love the Pacific Science Center's butterfly pavillion!

And I step gingerly inside with the fear that something like this may happen to me. And I might scream some. And please, please, please don't let me slap at it.

It's a location I probably shouldn't even visit. Because I have to supress that desire to squeal a little and flick something off me should it land on me. And I would probably hurt something like this:

Or this:

And then I would feel awful and they would probably kick me out.

So back to that paper bag that I should have known what was in it.

The freaking butterfly flew into my face and I screamed. And I panicked.

And Leif tried to calm me down - "it's ok mom, it's just my butterfly".

And he probably said something about having raised it from a baby caterpillar all himself.

And I shoo'd it out the door and off he flew.

There.

That's my mommy guilt.

Leif tells me it's ok now. He was maybe a bit sad about it at the time, he says. But he is fine now. The butterfly got released into the wild (neighborhood) and that is a good thing. Maybe it will have babies now?

But my guilt remains. It was his Mother's Day gift to me and I freaked. I should not have freaked. I must reign in this fear of fluttery flying things. Must do it before my daughter enters 2nd grade and brings her paper bag Mother's Day gift home. Or at least by then I will remember and it will be obvious when she brings home a bag of a butterfly.

For a little bit there I despised his teacher. How could she not warn us that a fluttery flying thing was coming into the house? But she is such a nice lady, I couldn't blame her for long.

Nope, this is the mommy guilt that *I* carry.

August 2013 Goals Wrap Up and Sept 2013 Goals

I hit it out of the park for August!

Of course I did set the bar pretty low - organize the school stuff drawer, the desk in the kitchen, and get the kids' school stuff together. Then organize a calendar that is easy to use and that I don't have to spend time rewriting each month.

And the chair bags. Sew two chair bags for my kids school stuff. I wanted bags to hang on the back of their chairs, in fabric they would each like (and therefore use). No more "mom, where did my homework go?" Nope, because when the table needs to be cleared, the unfinished homework could go in the chair bag. And there are pencils and scissors and erasers and crayons there ready access!

Ok, so it wasn't hit OUT of the park. But I hit a homerun at least.

Got the stuff organized, kids got their school supplies with 18 hours to spare, and I built an Excel color coded calendar that is super easy to update. (I love Excel.)

I thought I wasn't going to make it, then Silas had pink eye and needed to stay home. And then the internet went down preventing me from working from home during the afternoon nap. And that fabric stood there staring at me.

So I whipped them out.

I may have whipped too hard. I should have gone slower and actually measured, made a pattern or found one online.

They are done and functional. But don't look too closely at them!

What I would change? I would use some contrasting fabric. And I would measure. I didn't like the way they ended up hanging from the top of the chair, so I flipped the ties around to the side, even though they weren't really made for that. I used corduroy for Skadi's bag. Nice and durable and stiff. For Leif's I used regular cotton stuff. It's a bit flimsy.

But hey! They are done and functional and I didn't really make them as a style piece more than a functional piece. And functional they are!

August done!

I think maybe I wanted to embark on the Master Bedroom for September? Anyways, I can't remember. But I don't have it in me to do the Master Bedroom for September, both from a monetary perspective (stupid car and trailer repairs) and time.

Instead Skadi has been begging for her quilt. And she is tired of her Dora comforter. So my September goal is to at least start on her quilt. I am so pleased with the horribly expensive professional quilt job on our bed quilt, that I am even thinking about forking out the dough for long arm service on her quilt.

There, September goal set!

The one thing

I love being a mom. I actually even love being pregnant - the nausea IS temporary, I would go through 40 weeks of nausea for each of my kids. I love the birthing process. The newborn sleepies are awesome. The first smiles. 

The list goes on.

But the one thing that kills me... The one thing I cannot wait to be rid of?

Nursing bras! 

Gag. Beyond done with them. I swore with #2 that I would readily spend a small fortune on nursing bras that fit well. 

I have spent a small fortune. I have bought high end big names, low end cheapos, nearly every nursing bra I have come across I have tried.

 

I love nursing. I actually don't mind pumping so much. 

But I DESPISE nursing bras. 

Ok I am done. Back as you were.