The poop post

Ok, read at your own risk. You have been warned. Other notes to the post… if you don’t have kids and you want kids someday, also don’t read this post. If you don’t have kids and don’t want kids, don’t read because I don’t want to hear the sarcastic laughing.

AB was showering, I was in the bathroom getting ready and Leif was watching an Elmo video. Or so I thought. Evidently he had instead pooped his pants. Being the smart kid he is, he went to his bathroom to deal with it. Really, mommy and daddy would rather be the ones to deal with it, but Leif’s independence streak runs strong. (Wonder where he gets that?)

Of course I knew none of this and next thing I know, he is standing in the doorway of our bathroom with his pants around his ankles and poopy underwear around his knees. Can I just say that his BMs haven’t firmed up nearly enough since the bout of diarrhea last week? The kid is going to be eating cheese all weekend. I took his hand and lead him back to his bathroom with talks about “remember we talked about getting a new toy if you go poopy in the potty…” yadda yadda yadda.

Apparently I just am oblivious as I walked across the house. We turn the corner to go down the hallway to the bathroom and panic overcomes me. There is poop everywhere. There is a 2 foot long large drizzle of poop on the carpet down the hall, like someone took a bottle of Hershey’s syrup... There is poop on his favorite blanket. There is poop on the straps of the Kelty backpack carrier sitting innocently in the hall for goodness sake. There is poop all over the bathroom floor and toilet seat.

I look down and notice then that Leif’s legs are covered. I strip him over the linoleum and carry him, arms extended back to our bathroom yelling at AB not to get out of the shower yet!! (Noting along the way the streaks of poop through the dining room linoleum and living room carpet that I earlier walked right on past.) I whip the shower open and hand Leif to him. AB has a disgusting look on his face. “Don’t look at me that way,” I tell him, “you got the good end of this stick.”

A little later AB calls from the shower, “I take it you fed him corn yesterday?” At least this time he was in the shower with a huge drain.