You wouldn't believe what happened...

Seriously. I didn't believe it.

I was promoted this cycle!

And I hadn't even taken to whining about my job yet! That never happens. It is a well known fact that you don't get promoted without being just totally pissed off and overdue for a promotion that you don't even want to celebrate when it does happen.

I figured I had little to lose last fall when I told my team lead that I wanted to be considered for a promotion this coming year (nearly a year ago). I reminded him mid-year and then I made it pretty easy for him to make my case for me by arming him with tables and written materials stating my case.

I was actually a bit worried because my group manager (who I adored) left a few months ago to take a temporary assignment (betting she doesn't come back) and the guy who took over for her lacks that something. Oh and not to mention that I had even had one of those "come to Jesus" meetings with him as his program manager just a few months prior.

So when he was announced as our interim TGM I felt a bit sick to my stomach. I knew that recommending me for promotion had been put forward as he called two meetings with me within the last month to "just get things straight".

Last week he shook my hand, told me congratulations on the promotion and let me know that it was actually an easy sell. I was blown away. He read off glowing word for word reviews from people I work with that actually made me tear up. It has been a hard fought year with a lot of travel. But worth it.

I haven't told many people. Truth is, I have few people in my life who really care about my career or my getting a promotion. I don't mean that to sound bad, I know many people care about ME, which is what counts. And I DO have the people who I told. And really, I don't mind it, it is just a fact of life in what I do for a living that not everyone buys into it, sees value, many think I should do something different or have taken another path. And most, frankly, don't even know what I do on a day to day basis. I am in introvert, I am not the person to scream up and down and shout it from the mountains. I find satisfaction internally, not from other people patting me on my back.

I did need to change some cost estimates and I gasped a bit at what my new charge out rate is. I had to tell one colleague why I was presenting her with a new request that was 20% larger for the year than my previous estimate. So it was a bit of a sticker shock, but she was tremendously supportive.

So here it is, putting it out there. I have rocked this year. I helped bring in a new $12-18M/year program and have a lead position on that program, I co-managed an existing program and brought many changes to how things are done, I ran one proposal call, landed a few smaller proposals, continued serving on my graduate universities advisory council, was offered a research associate position at one of the nation's most prestigious nuclear engineering university programs (UT Austin), despite never having taken a nuclear OR engineering class, I mentored other staff, I was the hammer, I resolved staff conflicts, I endorsed others, I was compassionate with what my staff were experiencing, I made connections, I was invited to speak, I became one of the "good old boys" (or so I was told, I tell myself I have infiltrated their network), I have made my colleagues proud, and I have supported my country in our mission space. I am proud of what I have done.

Catching up

I keep having thoughts of “I should blog about this” and then the time just slips away. It is slipping away badly. Can you believe it is already mid-May?

 

I thought I would just do a recap/catch up post as a jumping off point.

 

The kids:

 

Silas – I did an update for his birthday a few weeks ago while I was in Hawaii. So his update will be shorter, lowest hanging fruit – he goes first.

 

·         Well child visit: 

o   Height – 36” and 80^thpercentile

o   Weight – 27 lbs 11 oz and 30^th percentile

-Concern about the weight loss. He was up to just about 30 lbs, but has suddenly dropped off. Some of this is probably due to his increased activity level – he runs everywhere. But we would have expected him to hold instead of lose weight. He was terribly sick while we were in Hawaii and I suspect it was being sick and the lack of nutrition going in that caused weight loss. I also think that his refusal to sit down and eat dinner is part of it too. Apparently he eats well and a variety of food at daycare. But he is playing mom and dad for something and refuses most dinner, will sit for about 5 minutes. Eat a little, then scream bloody murder to get out of his seat and “go play”. In the interest of a semi-peaceful dinner, we eventually give in to the little terrorist and release him from his confines. 

- Out of hopes that he will gain weight we have loosened our dietary reigns on him. Normally there would be no dessert when no dinner was eaten. But for the time being… “ice cream? Of course you can have ice cream.”

·         Vocabulary: He still is powering ahead. Counting, speaking, expressing himself. This past weekend we bought a few containers of ladybugs and released them into our yard. The ladybugs would crawl on him and his response? “What the heck?” It was seriously the funniest thing. 

 

Skadi – My girl is 8 years old! Poor middle child. I didn’t blog about her birthday… and I really, really should. It was wonderful with a few weird things (not associated with her!). Ok, Skadi birthday blog post will come next. So this will be short about her. 

·         Well Child Visit: 

o   Height – 49.25" and 28^thpercentile. Probably still not tall enough to ride the water slide. She has gone up a bit and I am truly wondering if it is the stomach aches that have eased. About a year ago we started trying to pinpoint the cause of her constant tummy aches. Meeting with specialists in Seattle did little, we were given real pills, placebo pills, nothing worked. We finally (on our own) pulled her off gluten and dairy and eggs (mild egg allergy noted on her allergy panel) and then slowly let things back into her diet. We were trying to pinpoint something that was causing her distress – we became certain that it was lactose intolerance for a while. Nothing has really jumped out for us, but she is better. She is back to eating things with gluten, small amounts of dairy (cheese mostly, she used to drink a ton of milk and doesn’t anymore, she is a water kid now) and eggs don’t seem to bother her. It remains a mystery, but she isn’t writhing in pain anymore.

 

Leif – Finishing fourth grade. I remember 4^th grade well. Leif is definitely the brainy kid in class and chums around with the other brainy kids. He has a good friend who is overboard with technology. I always felt as though we were quite permissible with Leif given that he has his own Kindle and uses the computer regularly. Then I met his new best friend who carries an iPhone 6 that acts as his mobile hot spot. He informed me last weekend on his visit that he didn’t need my wifi code like other kids probably do. Yeah… most other 10 year old request my wifi password… NOT!

 

Leif’s big concern wherever we go (and it drives AB and I INSANE) has become “is there wifi there?” I suspect this will soon become a requirement for when we book something, “what, you have no wifi? GREAT!” We are constantly pulling a device (his, ours) out of his hands and working to get him to interact with the real world. He prides himself on his abilities too – he told us he “hacked” the typing test at school recently. Though the teacher became suspicious when he had a perfect result and made him redo it. It’s hard to admonish his actions when you are giggling (and the teacher caught on and took control…). Go ahead - call us bad parents. 

 

Leif was totally thrilled to be accepted as a part of the Safety Patrol Team at his new school next year. He will demand respect from the rest of the student body as he dons his safety vest and wields his flag.

 

AB – For the first time EVER, we left kids at home with AB’s sister and mom and he took off with me on travel. I had to go to Kona, Hawaii for 8 days. Yes, it was rough. We were running a short course on Sunday and then my presentation wasn’t until Friday, requiring me to spend a solid week hanging out in paradise. AB headed that way Tuesday and we stayed through Sunday, arriving home late Sunday night. It was nice to get away, but I was seriously missing the kids by Sunday. It was just a very long time to be away. I was talking with a colleague the other day who said she was so happy her family came and met her – she completely understood my feelings of missing the kids. In three years when we go back? We will take the kids then.

 

We had a super time though. I worked my tail end off the first few days that AB wasn’t there so that I could take a bit of time off with him. I let him sleep in Wednesday morning and I attended some conference. Then mid-morning we packed up and drove towards Kilauea. It was a must do for me. Nearly 25 years ago to the date I had stood and watched lava flow over the road in front of me, and into the ocean. Something I will never, ever forget. We took a leisurely trip towards Volcanoes National Park. Stopped at a black sand beach (it was a windy, stormy day, no snorkeling or swimming) and saw some nesting sea turtles! Once at Volcanoes we saw the crater rim before the weather moved in, hiked some lava tubes, drove to the coast to see the vast lava fields (and trip down memory lane for me). Then back up to the rim for nighttime crater viewing. Loved it all. Then the long trek back to the hotel that night.

 

Thursday and Friday we hung pretty close to the hotel, ate good food. Then Saturday we went out on a snorkel trip at the Captain Cook Memorial. I had a super time snorkeling and hanging out on the boat. AB had done a few snorkeling outings the days prior, so he wasn’t quite as impressed, but I was thrilled!

 

AB’s work is going fine. His contract will end eventually (maybe soon, maybe not) and he is trying to figure out what he wants to do. Work in a similar area to what he is doing now (he should be a shoe in), find a job in town with a private industry with more reasonable hours and actual vacation and sick time, or make a play (again) to try and get on at my lab. We may have some leverage, but not going to count those chickens before they hatch.

 

Me (aka Nuclear Mom) – Things have been going gang busters at work. I can’t even describe it. A few years ago I took on a technical project again and that work has blossomed. I could fund myself fully on that project, but I try to keep it to 30% time because I have so many other things I want to do. The project has led to solicitations for me to speak at conferences and next week, at a University. I am thrilled about the resurgence of technical work in my daily portfolio over management duties. I enjoy that little boost I get when I get those cold e-mails that say, “I read your article…”, or recently “I cited your team’s publication in my proposal and the funding agent has asked us to see if we can work with you, interested?”

 

So the remaining 70% of my time I am trying to figure out how to split it. Right now I have about 150% work I am fitting into that 70% of time. I am trying not to drop things. I had the privilege of running two proposal calls this past quarter. One from behind the scenes and the other very much in front. I have been approached about taking a new position at the lab and yet another new office in a different building and I have accepted. It has yet to come to fruition, but the scuttle I hear is that it will once things settle down with the client reorganization and another key high level role has been filled internally, then we will transition me. I had hesitations with it – mainly the personalities I will be working with and the fact that I love my job currently, I was not clamoring for change. So frankly if they find some other poor sap or decide it isn’t the right job for me, I am totally fine with that. I have been encouraged by some colleagues recently to take it and run with it and very nice things said about my work, so I am willing to give it a shot. 

 

The main PI I have worked with over the past 4 years was just notified of his promotion to fellow yesterday. I am so happy for him. We have worked really, really hard over the last several years and he very much deserves this honor.

 

My travel schedule has been ridiculous over the past few months. Enough so that I am looking at achieving status on TWO airlines by the end of the year. Of course that says that if I would have focused all my efforts on utilizing just one airline that I could have a higher status… but I am a sucker for convenience and going with whoever can get me home fastest to see my family.

 

I like travel. I don’t like flying pretty much at all, but it is the means to the end. I like my work. But what I don’t like is missing the kids and being away from my family. I am not to that point where I feel as though I am missing major aspects of my kids’ lives, but I can see how that could happen – I have no less than 5 trips that have been proposed to me for the next couple months. (None that I have accepted.) I have one more trip next week and then I have committed to avoiding travel at least through the end of the school year (end of school year is a bugger for kids having stuff to do) and if possible, through the summer. My next non-negotiable trip on the books is scheduled for September 1-3. And so when I saw that is the first day of school (Sept 1), I started trying to weasel. I may have gained a reprieve for one day. My new position is going to require travel, so I need to figure out how to balance this all. (And part of the reason that AB is thinking about seeking a position where he might have more flexibility.)

 

Home life… after the month of April concluded I was able to come back to reality, escape the crashing waves of other people’s proposals and being gone more than I was actually home. I insisted we spend Mother’s Day at home – we normally take the trailer out. That was a good decision not only for my mental health, but physical health since I fell to some horrible cold/cough sickness that I am wondering if I am ever going to lose.

 

Goals status – 

·         January was carpet  and I am happy to report that after 4 months, the living room carpet has been installed. And it is gorgeous and soft and the entire family is in love. I am doubly thrilled to have that process behind us.

·         February was the sewing room. Shelves were cut and painted, then life happened. They still sit there ready to be hung and filled. It’s fine. I have had other things I wanted done that were on a more pressing timeline (garden).

·         March I had wanted to organize my photos on the computer. I would put that at about 40%. They have been organized, but I have just started on purging duplicates, bad photos, etc. I need to do it when the kids aren’t around and hovering since they want to know why I am deleting THAT picture. Typical response is “because we have three others that are better”. But it goes so much faster if *I* just do it.

·         I didn’t even attempt April, and I didn’t blog about May – but May was the garden. At minimum I wanted to get my three raised bed planted. But AB raised me one and built three more raised beds that I wanted and filled them with raised bed dirt. I have the first three planted, but planting the last three is on the docket for this weekend. Eventually I want the grass surrounding the raised beds to be gone and pea gravel to occupy that space. Maybe it will be my June goal…

 

Then comes Memorial Day. I travel Monday through Wednesday of next week. I am happily taking the Thursday off to hang with my kids since their teachers are walking out (I am very supportive of their positions, they need to be paid more, the administrator’s pay raises are ridiculous and I want my schools to comply with the new WA state law that says there shouldn’t be more than 26 kids per classroom… my district gets nearly every bond voted in that they ask for, come on!). I am going to get us ready to go camping on Thursday and then Friday we are out of here for some much needed forest/mountain time. I need that outdoors time, kick off the summer, snuggle with the kids in the trailer time in a bad, bad way.

 

The most dreaded day of the year

No, not the holidays. I am right up there with Buddy the Elf – spreading good cheer and joy this time of year. My most dreaded day of the year has, over the last decade or so, been my SDR (staff development review) that conveniently occurs every late fall. Even when I was promoted a few years ago, I walked into my SDR with dread. It is hard to explain how even in that one year where I jumped a level, that I still had a lingering amount of dread and frustration when leaving the meeting. And it was warranted. I had no idea I was actually being promoted because my written performance review (provided to me 24 hrs in advance) gave me nothing but dread and 24 hrs of mental preparation for going in and ripping someone. Because, you know, I am so prone to ripping people a new one. (Not.)

 

This year I had a lot of anxiety building up to the day of my review. I switched groups almost exactly a year ago after my SDR (http://acarman72.blogspot.com/2013/12/changes-afoot.html) and had no idea how this year was being perceived by management . I thought that things have gone swimmingly the last year. My work load has increased substantially, my acceptance by others has skyrocketed (from my perspective at least), and my happiness. I have been the happiest I have been in my job this past year, maybe ever. I feel as though I am a valued part of a strong team and not the lone wolf looking for scraps. I have received praise and recognition from my coworkers.

 

But all that can go out the window in a heartbeat when you read that sheet of paper telling you your manager’s interpretation of your year. I know that far too well.

 

Last year I sat stonefaced, accused my managers of bringing up legacy crap and asked for an example of how, in the prior year, the issues they cited were still an issue. They flailed a little and landed on that I was trying to usurp the leadership of the current PI of this one project in my role as PM. Neat. Except that I was not the PM of that project and I was instead the Co-PI. Try again. Because if they were at all engaged with my work or even just read my input for the year, they would have known this. Instead I just shook my head and the meeting ended with an agreement that I should probably leave the group and head over to the one where I had been doing most of my work and that they would be very supportive of this.

 

I did it. It was hard to leap out of my nice cozy (most of the time) shell with a large-ish office overlooking the river over to a small-lish office with a door that opens to a window. But I did it and this SDR was to be my mental calibration. Was the entire year a big delusion of my self-worth at work? Was it time to jump ship and think about that move to Alaska that AB and I keep dreaming about?

 

Ah well. Sorry to AB, this year was not to be the year that I came home and started packing it in and sending off resumes.

 

I am at a happy level right now at work. I told my team lead a year ago I wasn’t looking for a promotion, I have enough stuff on my plate with work and in my home life that I just can’t see pushing it this year (or next for that matter). I will push to excel at the tasks I have and will examine opportunities as they come up, as I have every year. But as far as examining the criteria for advancement and striving to hit all those buttons. Not in the cards. 

 

But it is amazing how a well written, well thought out review of one’s performance can make you walk on clouds for days after. He noted actual metrics. I was told how happy they were to have me in the group. My review stated that I had made a difference to these people. That I was a valued part of the group and the management of the group.

I have friends who are or have been group managers and have heard horror stories of how much time writing SDRs takes and how they rip themselves to pieces internally over what is to be delivered - often only to be yelled at (I never yelled. I countered points diplomatically with my lips pursed.). I know it is no walk in the park this time of year for them either. (And this is part of the reason when I was approached about a TGM position for another group this year, I ran the other way.) But for those managers who take the time to be thoughtful and not start the majority of sentences with "You need to...". Yay you. You rock. It matters.  

 

I didn’t score the highest tier. But it didn’t matter to me what that rating on the last page was because there was genuine gratitude and appreciation for my work.